I am not looking foreword to my crazy aunt tomorrow!!

[CUSO]

When I say crazy I mean nutzzzz. She has 2 kids 16 & 9. The 16 year old is introverted and pretty quiet. I like her. The 9 year old is the problem. 1st off, my grandmother is a paranoid skitsophrenic, in a mental hospital. My aunt is 46 and acts just like her. She got divorced 3 years ago in a very harsh way (her husband after 20 years of my crazy grandmother calling the police on him stating he was trying to kill her), was dropped off at my fathers house for a christmass party, and her hubby said you are staying here. Within 1 week she fell hard for the Nigerian love scam. She lost thousands and would not listen to any of us. 3 months later she fell for the same scam again. I kept trying to tell her but she would start screaming at me that I did not want her to be happy. Now back to the 9 yr old. She was "molested by a female babysitter when she was 6. Unknown to my aunt. But her behavior was so peculiar that after seeing her for 5 minutes my mom asked her in front of my aunt if anyone touched her and she freely told them what happened. My aunt just said she wanted to keep the past the past and not to bring it up anymore. Her hand is always in her pants, and she always tries to climb up on male relatives laps and creeps the hell out of us while the whole time my aunt smiles and says "she just loves people". F that. I am sorry this kid is totally screwed up, and has a crazy mother. I don't want them at my home, but my dad asked and I just had to. I am going to have to be eagle eyed tomorrow. It is sad that nobody cares about the 9 yr old, but she is to volatile for me to get involved. The parents are nuts. In the beginning I thought I would be the strong male role model to her and help straighten her out, but she kept getting to creepily close to me. She is destructive, mischievous, dishonest, smothering, knows no boundaries, and the mother will not do anything about it.
So tomorrow, I want them in and out quickly with no drama. I need this Christmas Miracle. Should I have put my foot down and not invited them? I think I chose poorly.

 

[ForteKitty]

Can't you report them to the child protection agency or something? Is the father still in the children's lives?

I feel sorry for the child. she needs help, and if her mother can't provide it, someone else should.

 

[Autumnovember]

Keep in mind, its just ONE day. You'll get through it.

Being schizophrenic is not a choice and I imagine it is difficult not only for the family but most importantly for the person suffering the disease.

I don't mean to sound like a jerk but I feel awfully sad for the little girl and for the lack of sympathy you have for her. I would do some more research on the kinds of problems individuals suffer/deal with after being molested and maybe you'll be able to better understand why she is the way that she is.

 

[movie zombie]

sorry but understanding the way she is and having "that" family in my home are two very different things. personally, its your home and your holiday not just theirs. i hope you have a sane day and do not invite them.

MoZo

eta: you have two very young children. if it were me i wouldn't want them exposed to this........for many reasons.

 

[Kaleigh]

Keep in mind, its just ONE day. You'll get through it.

Being schizophrenic is not a choice and I imagine it is difficult not only for the family but most importantly for the person suffering the disease.

I don't mean to sound like a jerk but I feel awfully sad for the little girl and for the lack of sympathy you have for her. I would do some more research on the kinds of problems individuals suffer/deal with after being molested and maybe you'll be able to better understand why she is the way that she is.

Big ditto. I am too tired to say anything more. But yeah, this 9 year old needs compassion, help and guidance. You see it, so get her the help she needs...

I like your posts. Not coming down on you...

You are a stay at home Dad. You are very caring, loving, etc...

So do the right thing, and help this little girl.

 

[Autumnovember]

Keep in mind, its just ONE day. You'll get through it.

Being schizophrenic is not a choice and I imagine it is difficult not only for the family but most importantly for the person suffering the disease.

I don't mean to sound like a jerk but I feel awfully sad for the little girl and for the lack of sympathy you have for her. I would do some more research on the kinds of problems individuals suffer/deal with after being molested and maybe you'll be able to better understand why she is the way that she is.

Big ditto. I am too tired to say anything more. But yeah, this 9 year old needs compassion, help and guidance. You see it, so get her the help she needs...

I like your posts. Not coming down on you...

You are a stay at home Dad. You are very caring, loving, etc...

So do the right thing, and help this little girl.

Yes--I just want to reiterate what Kaleigh said, I'm not trying to offend you or be demeaning to you. I think understanding a mental illness/the effects of an extremely traumatic event such as what this girl has gone through is really important.

Unfortunately, this little girl is lacking just that---compassion. Her own caregivers have no compassion for the trauma she has endured (I'm willing to bet she doesn't even fully understand just how bad it all really is yet) and I think thats a very big reason why she has not been getting the help she needs. She needs stability, someone to hear her out, and a family who is willing to provide the help she needs. You obviously don't have to do any of that but maybe seeing how truly helpless this little human is in this situation can give you a new perspective on the situation...

 

[Autumnovember]

sorry but understanding the way she is and having "that" family in my home are two very different things. personally, its your home and your holiday not just theirs. i hope you have a sane day and do not invite them.

MoZo

eta: you have two very young children. if it were me i wouldn't want them exposed to this........for many reasons.

Cuso already stated that, "that" ( ) family will be in attendance. So, since they are going to be there I think UNDERSTANDING why she is behaving the way she is, can hopefully give Cuso a different perspective and perhaps not make him feel so uncomfortable tomorrow.

 

[yssie]

I find it astounding that someone can pointlessly worry so much about the long-term effects of breaking a promise to a two year old, and yet be so entirely lacking in compassion regarding a very real trauma that his 9yo cousin was subjected to.

No, I think horrified is a better word than astounded.

 

[JewelFreak]

Sigh, the levels of righteous indignation expressed by strangers about strangers on the internet makes me tired! It sure also reminds me never to share anything personal. Cuso describes a complex situation in a few sentences & we get snippy about what he should do? We have not witnessed its history or the personal dynamics, so where do we get the right to be holier-than-thou from our own armchairs? Yes, the kid needs help, but not the kind Cuso is qualified to give, other than calling Child Services. If there's any hope for the 9-yr-old, she can only get it by being removed from that environment & given intensive therapy -- if she's motivated to accept it. By 9 people are fairly firmly formed -- it would take half a lifetime of hard work & pain to "fix" what's been done to this kid. Being "best uncle" isn't gonna cut it. He is concerned about his own family, rightly so. And has shown he cares by being persuaded to ask them for the holiday.

Cuso, maybe you should consider asking Child or Family Services to take a look at this -- you needn't tell anyone you did. Hope you manage to enjoy Christmas anyway -- your wife certainly will, when she sees those earrings! I'm not wise enough to give you other advice other than to hope for wisdom & perspective for you in handling a touchy situation.

--- Laurie

 

[movie zombie]

the call to child protective services should be made by someone: it might be the best holiday present this 9 year old ever receives.

MoZo

 

[CUSO]

The level of help me and my mother have offered throughout the last 2 yeas has been met with many door shuttings and hang ups and 1 actual fight between my mother and aunt. We are at our wits end. There was an alleged molestation that the parents won't talk about or prosecute that happened 2 years ago in a different state. Nothing can be done about that. Ant the parents ignoring her needs, well that is half of the parents in the US. And to be clear, the kid is not abused anymore, she jus always touches herself and acts sexually inappropriate. What will CPS do? Nothing.

 

[Imdanny]

Sigh, the levels of righteous indignation expressed by strangers about strangers on the internet makes me tired! It sure also reminds me never to share anything personal. Cuso describes a complex situation in a few sentences & we get snippy about what he should do? We have not witnessed its history or the personal dynamics, so where do we get the right to be holier-than-thou from our own armchairs? Yes, the kid needs help, but not the kind Cuso is qualified to give, other than calling Child Services. If there's any hope for the 9-yr-old, she can only get it by being removed from that environment & given intensive therapy -- if she's motivated to accept it. By 9 people are fairly firmly formed -- it would take half a lifetime of hard work & pain to "fix" what's been done to this kid. Being "best uncle" isn't gonna cut it. He is concerned about his own family, rightly so. And has shown he cares by being persuaded to ask them for the holiday.

Cuso, maybe you should consider asking Child or Family Services to take a look at this -- you needn't tell anyone you did. Hope you manage to enjoy Christmas anyway -- your wife certainly will, when she sees those earrings! I'm not wise enough to give you other advice other than to hope for wisdom & perspective for you in handling a touchy situation.

--- Laurie

Kind of along these lines, I don't know you or your family well enough to comment on your relatives or your holiday plans but I wish you well.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Hope your day goes better than you hope Cuso! Christmas blessings to you!

 

[soocool]

My DH's family is all crazy. So happy we don't have to deal with them anymore. Happy Holidays!

 

[Autumnovember]

Sigh, the levels of righteous indignation expressed by strangers about strangers on the internet makes me tired! It sure also reminds me never to share anything personal. Cuso describes a complex situation in a few sentences & we get snippy about what he should do? We have not witnessed its history or the personal dynamics, so where do we get the right to be holier-than-thou from our own armchairs? Yes, the kid needs help, but not the kind Cuso is qualified to give, other than calling Child Services. If there's any hope for the 9-yr-old, she can only get it by being removed from that environment & given intensive therapy -- if she's motivated to accept it. By 9 people are fairly firmly formed -- it would take half a lifetime of hard work & pain to "fix" what's been done to this kid. Being "best uncle" isn't gonna cut it. He is concerned about his own family, rightly so. And has shown he cares by being persuaded to ask them for the holiday.

Cuso, maybe you should consider asking Child or Family Services to take a look at this -- you needn't tell anyone you did. Hope you manage to enjoy Christmas anyway -- your wife certainly will, when she sees those earrings! I'm not wise enough to give you other advice other than to hope for wisdom & perspective for you in handling a touchy situation.

--- Laurie

Well, than don't come online to share the personal story or ask for advice on a PUBLIC forum since we all know how "righteous" some of us can become. Simple as that.

When certain comments have been made, I'll say whatever I feel necessary in the nicest way possible. This is what I'm referring to:

Her hand is always in her pants, and she always tries to climb up on male relatives laps and creeps the hell out of us while the whole time my aunt smiles and says "she just loves people". F that. I am sorry this kid is totally screwed up, and has a crazy mother.


Happy holidays

 

[Autumnovember]

And to be clear, the kid is not abused anymore, she jus always touches herself and acts sexually inappropriate. What will CPS do? Nothing.

You do understand that her behavior is more than likely a result of when she WAS abused, right?

 

[afreebird]

I have worked with several sexually abused children over the past three years. Your first and foremost concern needs to be protecting yourself and your children. DO NOT ever place yourself or your children in a position in which you are ever alone with this child, without witnesses. Just by allowing this child and her mother in your home, you are placing yourself and your family at risk. The most compassionate thing you can do without endangering your own family is to call Child Services and state FACTS and your concerns to them. I know this sounds harsh, but you are not equipped to handle it any other way.

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to not expose your children to this.

 

[afreebird]

The level of help me and my mother have offered throughout the last 2 yeas has been met with many door shuttings and hang ups and 1 actual fight between my mother and aunt. We are at our wits end. There was an alleged molestation that the parents won't talk about or prosecute that happened 2 years ago in a different state. Nothing can be done about that. Ant the parents ignoring her needs, well that is half of the parents in the US. And to be clear, the kid is not abused anymore, she jus always touches herself and acts sexually inappropriate. What will CPS do? Nothing.

Since her parents won't address the molestation, it is safe to assume she is not receiving the counseling that will be vital to her understanding the fact that she was abused. Without counseling, she will not understand that this inappropriate touching is actually sexual abuse. Without that understanding, she is highly likely to sexually abuse others without ever understanding that this is in fact, abuse. She should never be allowed to be alone with other children. At the school where I work, the kids who have experienced this kind of abuse are closely monitored and NEVER allowed to be with other children without an adult present during all interactions.

CPS WILL get involved if someone will notify them that this child has been abused and is not receiving counseling. It is the only way to stop the cycle of abuse.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

I have worked with several sexually abused children over the past three years. Your first and foremost concern needs to be protecting yourself and your children. DO NOT ever place yourself or your children in a position in which you are ever alone with this child, without witnesses. Just by allowing this child and her mother in your home, you are placing yourself and your family at risk. The most compassionate thing you can do without endangering your own family is to call Child Services and state FACTS and your concerns to them. I know this sounds harsh, but you are not equipped to handle it any other way.

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to not expose your children to this.

This needs to be repeated again and again. PLEASE, do something.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Poor child. My heart goes out to her and it sounds like there has been some serious trauma (which would be more than one incident) for her to develop her behavior. Who knows WHAT goes on in that house. If you are concerned REPORT IT. Keep reporting it. She *is* a child. She, as every child, deserves an advocate. She needs therapy. That being said, and as sad as it is, many victims of abuse become abusers themselves. I would NOT leave the child (or her parents) alone with your two children for one second. I remember a woman (who worked at a residential treatment center for female, minor, sexual abusers) told me my child could be abused, under a blanket, right next to me. It is frightening.

 

[kenny]

I have worked with several sexually abused children over the past three years. Your first and foremost concern needs to be protecting yourself and your children. DO NOT ever place yourself or your children in a position in which you are ever alone with this child, without witnesses. Just by allowing this child and her mother in your home, you are placing yourself and your family at risk. The most compassionate thing you can do without endangering your own family is to call Child Services and state FACTS and your concerns to them. I know this sounds harsh, but you are not equipped to handle it any other way.

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to not expose your children to this.

I agree.
Beyond a call to CPS, I would have nothing to do with these people.
Period!

Protect your immediate family.
That's your job.

It astonishes me what people tolerate, all because "it is family".
If Charles Manson was my uncle should we invite him over for Christmas?
I think NOT!

 

[CUSO]

Well, all went OK. I must say how surprised I am that so many of you suspect that I have not done everything possible to get them help. From being frustrated hearing fro Social Services "As long as the mother is not harming herself or the childern, nothing can be done", Or calling school counselors only to be told that "If nothing can be proved or if the parents dont want to report it, nothing can be dones." I assure you my mother and I have done more than most people, as I said before, my aunt phisically assaulted my mother when my mom confronted her last time, my mom then called the cops, but since she went to my auntes home and the confrontation happened there, my mom had to back off because she would have been charged.
Ultimately, some of you are correct. Keep distance, and keep my kids away from her.
I got a little weird on Christmas because she kept trying to sit on everyones lap, even strangers. My wife was on top of it and nipped it quickly. It was also weird that when my daughter opened a gift, she would ask, "can I have it?". My aunt said nothing... She then asked everyone, "did you get me a present?"
Now I did not invite them. My father, asked me (and he never asks anyone for anything) if he could bring his sister and her kids.

Bottom line, the day is over, and all is OK. But I was shocked that people immediately assume that my family had not done everything possible to get help.

 

[Imdanny]

I stayed neutral and didn't assume you hadn't. It's just the nature of the internet. People know very little form a post and they opine. I understand that too. The worst thing (I think) is when people misrepresent what you say and when you correct them they deliberately insist on telling you what you meant. That drives me up a wall if I let it.

 

[swingirl]

Wondering how it went?

 

[movie zombie]

wow, she attacked your mother!

lesson learned: do interventions in your own space so that the law is on your side.

i feel sorry for this girl. predators in high school will pick her out in a minute. i hope she doesn't end up on the street. there is a correlation between childhood sexual abuse and becoming a prostitute.

Cuso, if you've called, you've called. i'm surprised teachers haven't been more effective at getting this girl the help she needs. and i wonder if sexual abuse has continued........but that's conjecture.

i think its time for you to to tell your dad not to ask to bring them again....your first obligation is to your children.

good luck.

MoZo

 

[yssie]

Sorry CUSO. I certainly made some assumptions - the tone of your original post rubbed me the wrong way, but my assumptions were unfounded. I am glad to hear the visit was uneventful.


Please call again. And again. I agree with other posters - protecting your family should come first, and that means no-contact. But keep following up with her school, CPS, and hopefully eventually your efforts will succeed - that little girl deserves to have someone fighting for her interests.

 

[Autumnovember]

Bottom line, the day is over, and all is OK. But I was shocked that people immediately assume that my family had not done everything possible to get help.

Cuso, if I came off like I was assuming that you haven't done anything---I apologize. It was the way you described some of her behavior that hit a nerve and made it hard for me to keep quiet.


Glad it went OK. Hope she is able to get the help she deserves.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I'm just going to say it, because if it were my family, I would want someone to tell me...

This child is crying out for help. YOU may consider her a screw up or a lost cause...but she's still just an innocent child who was dealt a bum hand in life and your dislike for her because of her circumstances is stomach churning, TBH. I understand this posting was about Christmas and you not wanting to see them because your Aunt is a whack-a-doo, okay so fine. This child is your family, like it or not, and if the social services wont intervene on her behalf, then maybe her extended family could have an ounce of compassion. She's just a confused little kid.

Protect your family but do the right thing. Continue to make the calls, reach out to the police.