Husband left, now what?

[orbaya]

My husband walked out on me and our 7 then (now 8 year old son one evening. I got the "we need to talk" conversation in August and next thing I knew he was walking out the door on us after 18 years of marriage, at 11PM. Thankfully I have a very supportive family who has helped my son and I. He and I are amicable - there is no hatred between us. We are co-parenting well and I hope it stays that way for our 8 year old - who is adapting to this in an unexpectedly positive way. His school is aware and has been very helpful and placed him in a group for children whose parents are going through divorce or have already done so. Every time our son goes with his daddy, I put on a smile and then crumble once they leave.

Never thought I'd be in this position in my life. I found Pricescope in 2004 and my now ex (so strange to say) has always been supportive of my love for jewelry and if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have have most of it, nor my visit to Whiteflash, or worked with Brian Gavin Diamonds or ID Jewelry. All which provided great service and produced beautiful jewelry.

A lot as changed here it seems from my regular days - old members gone, new ones arrived. I want to say to to everyone.

 

[DAF]

So sorry to hear this. I don't know what else to say other than PS can be a nice diversion at times.

 

[Roi]

Very sorry, Orbaya, to hear about this!
18 years of marriage!
Send you many many hags!!!

 

[PintoBean]

I'm so sorry Orbaya.

I've had 2 more dbty made since I got my original one and every time I create the purchase order, I always forget the spacing. I usually do a quick search which takes me back to a dbty thread we were both in and it always feels like I'm saying hi to you, an old friend, bc the years do go by fast!

If you don't have a therapist, I have personally found therapy to be very helpful.

Please feel free to reach out to me via Loupetroop. I believe pinto bean or pintobean in the search box should bring up an old post I created. We can chat about whatever you like.

Hugs...

 

[D2B]

I am so sorry to hear that - I can relate - after 20 years my marriage broke up last year. It was devastating - he was my best friend - it is hard. surround yourself with good people, talk to a counsellor, read lots of books, meditate, take time out for yourself, ..... these are just some of the things that have worked for me, Some days are harder than others, but then you have a good day and you feel like yourself again. wishing you all the best

 

[missy]

@orbaya I am so very sorry. Sending you hugs and wishing you the best. You are strong and you will be OK but right now it sucks and I cannot imagine what you are going through.
Here for you anyway I can be. Like Pintobean you can find me on loupe troop if you want to talk. (((Hugs))).

 

[OoohShiny]

I'm sorry to hear of your situation, orbaya. I can't speak for your husband and the reasons he felt compelled to make such a decision, but don't forget to try to focus on the positives in the situation when things are feeling difficult - you and he are still friendly and talking, there is no horrendous custody battle, your son is being brought up by two loving parents who aren't actively trying to poison his mind against the other person, and you have a strong support group to help you through the more difficult days. (And we're here for you too! ) I know 'think how much worse it could be!' is cold comfort when all we want is for our old lives to come back and for us to be comfortable again, though

It is hard when people change and decide that they want to make such a decision, and it must be difficult when (by the sounds of it) there was nothing especially 'wrong' in the relationship. Things will get better with time and you will have good things happen when you least expect it - I think all we can do in this sort of situation is 'be our best selves', as positive people attract positive things but do take the time to grieve for the loss of the relationship, as bottling things up does no good whatsoever!

I guess I kind of have the 'everything happens for a reason' mindset - when I look back at my life, it seems that things have worked out for the best, even if periods of difficulty had to be gone through, so keep the faith that everything will be alright in the end

PS is always here to distract you and give you support, so don't be a stranger!

(If you haven't already signed up for the PS GTG and can make it this weekend (and if there's space), consider going!
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/the-next-pricescope-gtg.239065/ )

 

[junebug17]

Orbaya, I'm really sorry about this. A very hard and traumatic thing to experience. You're going to be ok and as time passes things will get better but I know right now it's still very painful and difficult. Agree with others who say focus on yourself. It's great you have a lot of support. Sending love and hugs, please take care. Your PS friends are here for you if you need to share how you're feeling.

 

[sarahb]

orbaya, I too, have read over your past posts with interest as I began my PS journey, as some of the past decisions you made helped me make my own.

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. What a gut punch. Make sure you see a counselor, I can imagine one of the hardest things about it is trying to wrap your arms around it & understand it. Reach out to your friends, but most importantly, take care of yourself, emotional upheaval is such a burden, so try to sleep, eat well & exercise. I know it must sound so ridiculous, but its so important for you physically as you process this chapter. Remember, its only a chapter & your story is still in progress!! Hugs to you & your 8 year old!!

 

[Lorelei]

I just wanted to send you a hug. (((())))

 

[in-the-air]

Wow so sorry to hear this.

 

[Dandi]

I'm so sorry Orbaya, I cannot imagine what you are going through. Your little guy is lucky to be so loved and cared for so well. Hopefully PS can provide a little distraction and some time out for you when you need it x

 

[LJsapphire]

So sorry to hear this, for you and your son I split up with my ex husband but my son was only a baby so he didn't know any different. I eventually realised that he did me a favour.
Glad you have support and are co-parenting amicably. Hope that continues x

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I’m also divorced. Together for 10 years, no kids and a clean break. But it still took a year for it to seem “normal” again. Sometimes I wonder if there should be a “diamond loving divorcee” forum since there’s a “ladies in waiting” one. It’s nice we can support each other.

 

[orbaya]

I’m also divorced. Together for 10 years, no kids and a clean break. But it still took a year for it to seem “normal” again. Sometimes I wonder if there should be a “diamond loving divorcee” forum since there’s a “ladies in waiting” one. It’s nice we can support each other.

That would be a great idea. There are a lot of supportive subforums here - why not one that deals with some of life's difficult times. A support group of sorts for people who need to vent, etc.

It's been over a year since since he left - I can't believe it's been that long. My son and I are doing okay. I miss our little family.

 

[partgypsy]

Sorry to hear about this Orbaya. I hope you are your son are safe and secure and doing better. Two years ago my husband of 20 years left; 25 years of being together. Not that things were great the couple years before he left, but I didn't see that specifically coming. The worst part was when he let me know he didn't feel the same and that marriage didn't have any meaning to him, but continued to live in the house. After 3 months of limbo, I gave him an ultimatum to either re-commit and work on our marriage, or move out. It was still awful that he decided to move out, but things got better after that.

 

[Tekate]

@orbaya how are you doing today? when my ex and I broke up we had been married 10 yrs and together 15 yrs, it was very horrible for me, although it was a totally dysfuntional relationship, no kids. I remarried 2 years later and have had a wonderful and truly happy life (with ups and downs) with my 2nd husband.

How's your boy? good I hope.

There was a great book which one can buy on Amazon I think, it's out of print, but it helped me, it was called Crazy Times, Surviving Divorce, this book helped me so much, if you feel that you aren't moving the way you want, or your are stuck, this book can help you understand what type of breakup you had etc. helped me.

having a great, loving family always helps.

Hope to read your update if you feel you would like to.

You have your son, that is the best thing about your ex.

 

[Ella]

Folks this thread is a year old and was dredged up by a spammer. If the OP wants it reopened, feel free to contact us, otherwise I am closing it.