How often do you have company over?

[butterfly 17]

Just curious, how often do people visit your home? (sorry Ellen, another DFire moment).

No one ever visits us, not even after we had the baby! When we have a party, yes, but otherwise, no one, not friends or family come over just to hang out.

I find we always have to go drive to everyone else''s home to see them. Whether it be my mom, my sister, my aunts, etc. And no one lives so far away that it would be so inconvenient either, within an hour of each other, but still in one of the five boroughs, so distance is not an excuse.

With friends, we usually just meet somewhere but not at anyone''s home. LIke I don''t have any friends who just regularly hang out at home with us once a week or once a month.

I always wondered if that meant my family doesn''t like me or something???

 

[neatfreak]

Might be a stupid question-but do you invite them?

 

[butterfly 17]

Date: 5/21/2009 10:21:02 AM
Author: neatfreak
Might be a stupid question-but do you invite them?

No, not necessarily, really only when I have a party actually, lol.

But, I always visit my mom/sis/aunt/SIL even if we are not invited. We just call and ask if they are doing anything that day and say we wanted to come and visit and hang out for a few hours. We usually bring take out food with us, so they don''t have to worry about cooking, etc.

Like when I had my daughter in Sept., or any of my four kids for that matter. No one came to visit us or call to see how we were doing or if we needed any help. IT was a rough time for me, I had her and three days later my other daughter started school( a day after I was discharged from the hospital), so I had to do bring everyone with me back and forth to drop her off and pick her up from school since my DH went back to work.

Not that I am trying to get sympathy, but that''s just the way it was. My parents don''t work and they are young, both of them drive as well and live nearby.

The sad thing is I found out my mom was going to Atlantic City the weekend I had my daughter, so she actually had to bypass my house in order to get there, but not once did they stop by.

My mom still has yet to come to my house since the baby was born. We have just been going every other Thursday to go see them instead or we go out to eat.

They weird thing is my aunt called me and told me my mom told her she misses me and I should go visit her more often. I was like, but we just ate out on Wed. in NYC (my aunt called me on Sunday).

Anyway, does this happen to anyone else?

 

[Bia]

We usually have FI''s family over once or twice a month for dinner. We typically go to his parent''s house because his mom cooks. I would go insane hosting dinner every week. I shudder at the thought, since I''m still acquiring my hostess skills.

My bro and his wife come over once a month, or we go there once a month (they live 1 1/2 hours away). Friends? Not that often, since it''s easier to meet in Manhattan (we''re also scattered throughout the boroughs) and go out to dinner.

If you want people to come over more often, let them know. Invite them and when they are there, enjoying themselves, tell them you want to do it more often. That you need adult interaction since you''ve had your baby

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Fairly often, and more so now that the house is done.

We have a fairly diverse group of friends--and every single one of them likes to eat--so it''s a nice way to blend our circle.

As far as OOT guests...not as often as before. The year we got married, we laughed often about how we were running a bed and breakfast--people were constantly over. But now that I''m estranged from my BF and my in laws aren''t coming as often--we don''t even have a guest room anymore...we have an empty room.

 

[sctsbride09]

We dont have a lot of company, maybe a few times a month? And this is usually one of our friends meeting one of us at our home, then leaving for an outing. When we actually have "real" company (extended visits) its because we are hosting a party or something. We only host maybe 2 xs per year maybe? Family or friends never stop by uninvited because they know we are deeply private people, (and it would irritate me if they did). Sounds harsh, but my dh works like a maniac and our alone time is very limited sometimes, so we like it that way. In your case it sounds like you want to spend more time hosting people at your house? If thats the case, I would just pick up the phone

. Maybe your family thinks youre overwhelmed with the baby? I think sometimes family tries so hard to not get in the way that they end up not calling enough KWIM? I suspect that might be what is going on with your mom perhaps? Maybe she feels like she''d be in the way at your house? Maybe you could call her and let her know how helpful it would be if she came by for lunch sometime or how much the grandkids would love to see her, sometimes I think people ,like to hear they are wanted/missed whatever. end massive runon.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

We either have people over or we travel to see people at least one weekend a month. Sometimes more. My parents know they have an open invitation, but they still wait for an invitation or suggestion before making plans to see us. I think they have their own lives and don''t have time to come over all the time. They also respect that we have our own lives and have stuff going on. They want to give us our space as a young couple. When I have kids I will invite our mom''s/SILs to come see the baby and stay with us. Some people are weird about being seen in that state so I wouldn''t see it as them not caring so much as trying to respect your space. To be honest, I think it''s a bit rude to just show up at someone''s house uninvited or at least unannounced (calling in advance to give them a heads-up).

We work in a completely different state and I''m a transplant to RI, so we have few friends that live in our town. They all work nutso hours so we only see them on occasion.

S

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Not much--I prefer to go out and eat/entertain out. I don''t want to do all the cooking and clean up when someone else can do it for me!

cheers--Sharon

 

[JulieN]

often... usually once every two weeks.

my friend's house is the meet-up place, and I'm sure someone who does not live there walks through his door every day of the week.

I usually meet up at a friend's house 2-3x/week.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

My husband isn't into having company, but *I* have friends over usually one time per week to casually hang out (but keep in mind, all live close by). My kids have friends over 3+ times per week.

Our families hardly ever come over. Usually only on holidays or if another family member visits from out of town.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Butterfly - hopefully this makes you feel a bit better, but after my second son was born, nobody came by, either. You're not the only one and I doubt it's anything you've done. The only person that did offer to assist me was my grandmother and she doesn't drive, and she offered the day after I got home and was recovering from a c/s and would have had to drive out to HER house. I think she only offered because she knew it would be unrealistic for me to bring my two children out there especially since I was still on pain killers!

I'm sorry your family doesn't visit you. That just sucks.

 

[musey]

Date: 5/21/2009 12:33:44 PM
Author: JulieN
often... usually once every two weeks.

Funnily enough, I was going to say "not very often, once every two weeks or so" haha

Our place is not ideal for visitors. We have permit parking on the street and only two guest passes, our place is ridiculously small and can barely accommodate two guests for TV/movie-watching or 4 just at the table, and we have a cranky neighbor whose definition of sound nuisance is running the shower.

However, our location is otherwise great! We''re sort of at the crossroads of two very different nightlife centers, so it''s fun to have people come, park, stop inside, then walk to a restaurant/club/bar/music venue together. Most of our having people over is something like that, where the time spent inside maxes out at an hour or so hanging out after returning home from wherever we went

There just isn''t room to truly entertain a group. We didn''t even have a housewarming party!

 

[Bia]

Date: 5/21/2009 12:42:04 PM
Author: musey

Date: 5/21/2009 12:33:44 PM
Author: JulieN
often... usually once every two weeks.

Funnily enough, I was going to say 'not very often, once every two weeks or so' haha

Our place is not ideal for visitors. We have permit parking on the street and only two guest passes, our place is ridiculously small and can barely accommodate two guests for TV/movie-watching or 4 just at the table, and we have a cranky neighbor whose definition of sound nuisance is running the shower.

However, our location is otherwise great! We're sort of at the crossroads of two very different nightlife centers, so it's fun to have people come, park, stop inside, then walk to a restaurant/club/bar/music venue together. Most of our having people over is something like that, where the time spent inside maxes out at an hour or so hanging out after returning home from wherever we went

There just isn't room to truly entertain a group. We didn't even have a housewarming party!

Same here. Our co-op is small. We have a big living room but not a lot of comfy places to sit. Sometimes I can tell, when we have more than 4 people over, they get antsy LOL.

We want to get a sectional so that our living room can be a more comfy sitting room. The fireplace makes it cozy, but without a place to sit, who cares, you know?

 

[kama_s]

Not as often as I''d like. Friends for tea once a week, friends for drinks once every 2 weeks and friends/family for a full dinner around once every 1-2 months (we dont have family that live close-by).

I''m still in that phase of moving away from my university friends (all of which, 4 years post-undergrad still live at home, still have the same social circle, and most have no jobs. SO WEIRD. And they make me feel like *I* am the weird one for completing grad school, moving in with Mr. Kama and getting married. Uh. Okay.) and making new "couple" friends. A majority of our friends dont live in the province either, so when we do have company it''s usually OOT staying over with us for the weekend.

As for your Q, maybe you can try inviting your family over often? Some people dont like to impose (as in, I''d never invite myself over to my friend''s house, while she''ll give me 5 min notice to tell me she''s coming over). That said, I do ind it strange your mum didn''t stop over after you delivered, but mums can be strange, so it''s best to speak up and be proactive about the inviting. also, if you want to change tradition (i.e., have your aunts over at YOUR place instead), you have to make the first move. Usually, it''s the young-ins going over to the older folks, so to break tradition you need to formally invite them a bunch of times.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

butterfly, I am sorry you don''t feel like you have your family''s support. That is tough! On the bright side it will make moving to NC so much easier in a few years!

 

[April20]

We have people over regularly and sometimes they just drop in. We''ve kind of had "that" house here lately- we''re centrally located and have enough room for people to hang out, so they do. We also have friends where we can just drop in on and hang out. And to be clear, those dropping in on us or vice versa are people that are good friends.

 

[Elmorton]

We don''t really have people over just to hang out, have dinner, etc as often as DH or I would like. Part of that is because we don''t really have a lot of local friends. DH works with a lot of single guys, so they will usually meet up at a bar rather than go to a house, and my coworkers are mostly older, and I''ll admit it, I haven''t been great about really trying to make friendships instead of working relationships. But, we do get friends and family to visit pretty frequently, since we still have quite a few friends who are 1-3 hrs away. I''d say we have friends out for the weekend about once a month or once every other month - we absolutely love having people stay with us.

 

[KristyDarling]

We entertain often, at least once a week. Usually it's just one family over at a time, though about once a month we have 2-3 families over for a bigger gathering. We love to have company, and we always keep it simple, i.e. barbecue, salad, dessert, and playtime for the kids.

Of our group of friends, we host the most often, probably because we have the most space. We do get invited to our friends' houses regularly but I do think we invite people over more frequently than the average family. If you want people to come over, ya gotta invite 'em!

Entertaining keeps me on my toes and I really believe the social interaction helps my super-shy kids.

As for family, we have none in town. And DH's side visits only for a few days each year (and I prefer to keep it that way!). Family members from my side visit only a few times a year.

 

[pinkstars]

Not often at all. I have one friend who comes and visits weekly when BF is doing something in the evening. BF used to hold gatherings here every other week and it was a nice way to keep us in check for cleaning, but we really don''t have the space to entertain. If we have more than two other people here it starts to get crowded and people have to sit on the floor. I prefer to avoid the awkwardness of not having anywhere for people to sit by just not having them over.

 

[JulieN]

Date: 5/21/2009 12:42:04 PM
Author: musey

Date: 5/21/2009 12:33:44 PM

Author: JulieN

often... usually once every two weeks.

Funnily enough, I was going to say ''not very often, once every two weeks or so'' haha

Entertaining at my place is a draining affair, both in terms of money and effort. Wish I could do it more often, but I''d go broke!

 

[pennquaker09]

Well, my SIL and I decided that we would have dinner every week. It''s one of the reasons why we bought a house in Jersey. So, her hubby and her kids come over at least once a week and we go to their house at least once a week. Nate has his colleagues over quite a bit and I have people over at least 4 times a month. We like entertaining.

 

[musey]

Date: 5/21/2009 3:32:31 PM
Author: JulieN

Date: 5/21/2009 12:42:04 PM
Author: musey

Date: 5/21/2009 12:33:44 PM
Author: JulieN
often... usually once every two weeks.

Funnily enough, I was going to say 'not very often, once every two weeks or so' haha

Entertaining at my place is a draining affair, both in terms of money and effort. Wish I could do it more often, but I'd go broke!

No, I just meant that it was funny to see the difference in definitions of "often"

"Entertaining" for us tends to be cheap usually... hardly much more than wine (which our guests usually bring) and a movie on the couch. Our friends are generally low-maintenance, thankfully! I'm not very good at full-on dinner parties. Maybe someday

 

[butterfly 17]

Thanks MC and Tacori.

It''s funny, but we were talking about whether or not to move and I said that if we move then we won''t be able to see anyone anymore and my DH said that it doesn''t matter, it''s not like they visit us now! lol

 

[tigian]

Not as often as I would like. I wish more of our friends lived close by. (closest is about 2 hours away by car) Maybe 3-4x per month. I usually cook dinner for family. Butterfly, I''m thinking that your family probably thinks you are too busy with 4 kids and don''t want to be a burden to you. I would just mention to them that they don''t need to be invited to come over.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 5/21/2009 4:00:53 PM
Author: butterfly 17
Thanks MC and Tacori.

It''s funny, but we were talking about whether or not to move and I said that if we move then we won''t be able to see anyone anymore and my DH said that it doesn''t matter, it''s not like they visit us now! lol

Yep, that''s the way it is.

When I was a child, up until the age of 12, my parents rented an apartment. All the relatives would ALWAYS critisize them for not buying a home. Well, my parents were saving for one and after doing so for a long time (that entire 12 years), not only bought a home, but it was a waterfront home. Well, what did everyone do? They refused to visit us. Made all kinds of excuses.

How is your house in comparison to everyone elses? Hopefully this is not the case, but possibly they are jealous?

 

[LaurenThePartier]

My sister''s family is over every weekend, sometimes twice a week. My parents come to visit us about twice a year, and my husband''s parents come up about the same amount.

Then, for birthday parties, Christmas, New Year''s, Thanksgiving . . . we have the house that everyone comes to, and we rarely hang out at other people''s places as they''d all rather come to us for a few reasons - the cooking, the media room, and the gaming consoles.

 

[zhuzhu]

Date: 5/21/2009 11:15:53 AM
Author: sctsbride09
We dont have a lot of company, maybe a few times a month? And this is usually one of our friends meeting one of us at our home, then leaving for an outing. When we actually have ''real'' company (extended visits) its because we are hosting a party or something. We only host maybe 2 xs per year maybe? Family or friends never stop by uninvited because they know we are deeply private people, (and it would irritate me if they did). Sounds harsh, but my dh works like a maniac and our alone time is very limited sometimes, so we like it that way.

Ditto! except one side of our family does not seem to get the "deeply private part".

 

[phoenixgirl]

We often entertain (average of having people over inside the house once a week . . . on the porch for an impromptu hang out is more often), but not often formally. We live in the city and have a lot of friends and neighbors with whom we socialize, and while some are mainly meeting out friends, others are stop by for a drink and not leave until after dinner friends. We've also made more of a concerted effort to invite people over for dinner to save money since meeting friends out is expensive.

Before you think I'm some kind of socializing diva, I'm not . . . it's DH. He's this extroverted vortex that sucks people into hanging out with him. If I lived alone I'd probably have friends over only once a month.

 

[KimberlyH]

We live in a rural place, relatively speaking. We have friends/family over for dinner once every month or two. My parents come once or twice a year. His family is all deceased.

I wish we had more of a social life, but I''m the social one and I''ve had a difficult time making friends since moving here 4 years ago.

I go out to lunch with friends once or twice a month and my husband does as well.

As I said, the husband isn''t the most social person, so he''s glad it is the way it is, but it would be different if we lived in a place where people could just drop by. Coming to our house is a bit more than a jaunt for most people we know.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 5/21/2009 4:00:53 PM
Author: butterfly 17
Thanks MC and Tacori.


It''s funny, but we were talking about whether or not to move and I said that if we move then we won''t be able to see anyone anymore and my DH said that it doesn''t matter, it''s not like they visit us now! lol

See, your DH is thinking. I''ll visit you all the time to make up for it