How much info do you give to people who ask about

[iluvdiamonds2]

How much information are you comfortable giving out about your diamond ring to other
people? Such as co-workers, friends, family, and that includes girls who might be jealous, etc.

Believe it or not, the questions they'll ask are such as:
(because I've witnessed this in the past w/ other girls)

These questions are sometimes asked indirectly as well:
What size is that? (or that's a 2 carat, right?)
What color? (yours looks like mine and I have a G)
Where did you get it? (Did you get it at ....?)
How much did it cost? (That must have set you back a bit, huh?)

Sounds crazy but it happens. I don't feel comfortable giving away all of my private info that I researched and found out for myself.
If the person genuinely cares about me and is not jealous (like your mother or close aunt or someone) then I'd happily share my experience with them. But in the real world, like at work or in-laws, girls get envious. How do you combat that?

 

[yennyfire]

I simply say that DH purchased the ring and I really don't have the details on the size, price etc.

 

[shihtzulover]

I've had my engagement ring for about three weeks right now. My fiance and I picked it out together; the setting is a Tiffany-style platinum band. The diamond is princess cut, 1.53 carats, F color, and SI1 (totally eye-clean) clarity, with excellent polish and symmetry. Since it's GIA-graded, it doesn't have an official cut grade, but it is very sparkly and full of fire.

So far, I have only been asked about the carat weight of it. It is larger than most that I see around here (southeastern US), but I have seen a few that were the same size or a little bit bigger. One of my coworkers said "that looks like 2 carats", and I think that she wanted a response. Another coworker asked me about the carat size, even though we weren't even talking about rings at that time at all (we were actually discussing business). I just said that I didn't know, and that I didn't ask my fiance. She pulled hers off and told me all about hers -that it's 2 carats total, with the wedding band. I feel like she thinks that it's some sort of competition, and that only the carat weight matters.

No one has asked about the cut, color, or clarity. I think that it's pretty obvious that these factors make a huge difference, since some of our diamonds sparkle a lot, while others don't have much fire at all. Also, some have obvious tint, while others do not. I guess that people around where aren't really concerned with the other specifications.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I answer honestly unless I feel threatened. Once I said it wasn't real lol But really, their jealousy issues are not mine... I wouldn't make it to be more than it is, usually even jealousy about something like that is short lived and not intense anyway.

I do find it amusing that some give their total weight. Yeah my diamond just grew from 2.71 to over 3.5! Yay me! lol

 

[mrscushion]

If someone asked detailed questions about the ring, I would answer honestly. But very few people have done so. My mom and grandma wanted to know stats, but their knowledge of diamonds is limited to size and color. One of my best friends wanted to know the size, she cares little about jewelry and was genuinely curious. That's it.

(ETA: I think I don't invite nosy questions very much -- I'm usually told I come across as pretty serious, maybe even a little stand-offish .)

 

[Autumnovember]

I haven't had many people around my area ask me any specific questions about my ring. The only thing that I had a lot of people here say is "Thats HUGE"...even that kinda thing embarrasses me for some reason. I noticed that when I was visiting a friend in the south they were much much much more invasive with questions. I did have some people ask me how much it cost when I was out there and I just told them not to worry about it.

I think if ever run into that problem, I wouldn't mind giving the specs to someone who is genuinely curious but anything about the price tag is off limits to me.

 

[kenny]

I'm not a girl but I'd give no energy, thought or attention to others being jealous.
Not my problem, none of my business.
Besides unless you are psychic you don't really know what's going on in the mind of others, nor does it matter.

I'm man who wears a GIA 2.26 F VVS2 asscher in a tension setting; that's pretty unusual so it gets noticed.
If I'm with my SO, he wears an Octavia, which REALLY sparkles like the night sky on the 4th of July so people really notice them on our ring fingers.

When someone comments I'll hold it up to show there's no metal under the diamond.
They freak out, ohh and ahh the setting and that's usually it.

Only a few times has someone wanted to know more.
I see no reason to not answer the questions.
It's not like they are asking what color my pubic hair is or my religion my social security number, or something personal or sensitive.
The diamond is just something I bought; it's not my soul.
I do not understand why people get sensitive or protective of their diamond's details.
I'm assuming we are not talking about some crackhead bum who ran up to you in a dark alley or something.

The people who ask about specs are usually people who have worked in the jewelry industry and recognize it as something not usually seen.
I cheerfully answer any and all questions.
It's a beautiful thing I am grateful to have and it is wonderful to share it with others.
I like feeling like an ambassador for one of nature's wonders.

 

[soocool]

If they don't ask then I don't tell, but if they do I just give them the bare minimum info. I do not believe they are well versed in diamond-speak so I am sure all they really want to know is how big and how much.

 

[zoebartlett]

Other than where we got it from, no one's asked any questions about my ring. If anyone asked how much it cost however, (although I can't imagine anyone really doing that), I'd say I'm not sure. Other than that, I'd answer any questions.

 

[iluvdiamonds2]

Thanks for your posts. I'd love to hear more opinions and advice like exact responses I can say.

I don't want to insult the person by coming off with an aloof answer, but I def don't want them to know my business/finances, etc!

If I say my fiance bought it for me and I don't know the specs, etc., then they'll think it's fake, or who knows what. I don't want rumors started or anything.

What are polite answers to say to someone you are friends with but not "best" friends with and these people I'm talking about
would be envious. (unfortunately) Please keep that in mind. That's why I don't want to share any info.

With this in mind, what are some polite and not aloof like I-don't-want-you-to-know- and you-re nosey answers??
Here they are:

What size is that?
Where did you get it?
How much did that cost?
What color is that?

Plus I don't want them to think that I had nothing to do with picking it out, making a large purchase on his own, because they know that wouldn't happen -

Thank you!!!!

 

[kenny]

My goodness.
Why all the neurotic concerns?
Sheesh!

Just do and say whatever you want.

 

[Autumnovember]

My goodness.
Why all the neurotic concerns?
Sheesh!

Just do and say whatever you want.

+1...I would just tell them the specs of the ring and thats it...let them figure out the rest (cost). I personally just feel uncomfortable telling anyone how much the ring is because peoples reactions make things awkward. "You paid WHAT?! HOW MUCH!? Thats worth more than my car!"

 

[JewelFreak]

Price is nobody's business, any more than what you paid for your house, your car, or what you make. I just ignore questions like that & say that I'm so lucky to have it & it's a lifelong thrill, or some drivel like that. Other specs don't bother me if anyone has the knowledge to ask. Hardly ever run into anyone who asks about cut, few about color -- more want to know ctwt.

I'm puzzled by people -- and I've run into quite a few -- who seem taken aback & defensive when I simply say, "What a BEautiful ring!" As if they expect me to yank it off their finger. I never ask details unless somebody responds w/enthusiasm. If I complimented their dress they would be flattered, I imagine -- why is a ring different?

Once I was helping a woman find her darn Siberian Husky who had taken off & not been home for 2 days; I'd never met her before but took the time to go to her house when asked by a rescue group I worked with. She had the MOST gorgeous diamond ring I ever saw, I would've asked that ring to marry me if I could! Excellent step cut, it would sparkle even in the dark; color had to be F, it was really gorgeous. I remarked that it was beautiful & mentioned I worked at Tiff's at the time & was nuts for gems, then said, is it about 4 cts? She looked like I'd slapped her in the face. I didn't speak in a pushy manner at all. Finally she said yeah, 4 cts, it was a family ring of her husband's. After that I dropped the subject like a hot coal, but it's always puzzled me. I'm always really pleased when someone comments on my jewelry.

--- Laurie

 

[Haven]

If someone asks me a question I don't want to answer, I respond with one of the following:

"Wow, you aren't shy, are you? I'm not going to answer that question." I say this when someone asks a very rude question, such as something about money or some other personal matter.

-or-

"I'm not going to answer that question." I vary my tone based on the situation, of course.

Honestly, it sounds like you encounter very rude people on a regular basis. I wouldn't worry at all about *them* and how they will respond to your answer, that seems silly. If you don't want to answer a question, don't. It's a very liberating thing to learn to say "no" in all its various applications.

 

[Autumnovember]

If I complimented their dress they would be flattered, I imagine -- why is a ring different?

+1 X 1000

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Price is nobody's business, any more than what you paid for your house, your car, or what you make. I just ignore questions like that & say that I'm so lucky to have it & it's a lifelong thrill, or some drivel like that. Other specs don't bother me if anyone has the knowledge to ask. Hardly ever run into anyone who asks about cut, few about color -- more want to know ctwt.

I'm puzzled by people -- and I've run into quite a few -- who seem taken aback & defensive when I simply say, "What a BEautiful ring!" As if they expect me to yank it off their finger. I never ask details unless somebody responds w/enthusiasm. If I complimented their dress they would be flattered, I imagine -- why is a ring different?

Once I was helping a woman find her darn Siberian Husky who had taken off & not been home for 2 days; I'd never met her before but took the time to go to her house when asked by a rescue group I worked with. She had the MOST gorgeous diamond ring I ever saw, I would've asked that ring to marry me if I could! Excellent step cut, it would sparkle even in the dark; color had to be F, it was really gorgeous. I remarked that it was beautiful & mentioned I worked at Tiff's at the time & was nuts for gems, then said, is it about 4 cts? She looked like I'd slapped her in the face. I didn't speak in a pushy manner at all. Finally she said yeah, 4 cts, it was a family ring of her husband's. After that I dropped the subject like a hot coal, but it's always puzzled me. I'm always really pleased when someone comments on my jewelry.

--- Laurie

People can be odd about their jewelry! I think it's better to be quiet and not ask questions because too many times have the responses not been as I've expected. I've posted before about talking to a friend about a diamond of hers - turned out to be a cz. lol What could I say to that? "Um, must be a well-cut one, then." hahaha

Only one person that I recall asked me point blank what color/clarity my earrings are (those were my previous ones - the ones before my current ACAs) and I told her and she just looked on and lost interested.

Nobody has ever asked me the price for any jewelry I've purchased. That's painfully tacky... In fact, rarely does anyone ask about anything I buy. Once a guy friend of mine complimented me on my shoes and then said they look "expensive," but we're talking SHOES, not fine jewelry.

 

[kittybean]

I don't see why you wouldn't answer questions from people who are your "friends," even if you think they're jealous. Do you not want people to have that information? Because if they're going to be "jealous," they'll be jealous whether they know the specs of your ring or they don't.

That aside, I wouldn't ever answer questions about price. I personally have never been asked how much my ring cost, but if I did get that question someday, I would say, "It was a gift," or "I'm not sure" in a somewhat cold tone so that the asker might realize I don't want any more questions in that vein.

Otherwise, I'd answer almost any other question. When people ask me what size my center stone is, I just say "two carats" and leave it at that. If they want to ask about color or clarity, I'm happy to answer those as well. If they ask where I got it, I tell them my husband ordered it from Blue Nile. If the person seems to be in the market for an e-ring, I usually try to tell them a little about buying diamonds online and how much they can save by going through a reputable online vendor. If I know they're looking for something in particular, I try to suggest vendors they might contact or places they might look to find a good deal on what they want.

Ultimately, it's your choice whether you answer any questions. If you decide you are uncomfortable answering people's inquiries about your ring, politely say, "I don't know," or "I'm not comfortable answering your question." I wouldn't waste too much concern on whether someone will be envious or want to compare what they have to what you have--you can't control that behavior. You need to do what makes you most comfortable and, of course, make sure you act in a polite and graceful manner while doing so.

 

[manderz]

I've never had anyone ask about anything other than size, and I try to keep it very brief, only for the fact that I don't want to rub it in anyone's face. The friends I have who are engaged or married all have much smaller rings than me, so I graciously accept compliments (maybe mentioning how much I love it and the man who gave it to me) and then change the subject. I don't want them to feel bad about what they have, because in reality we should all feel blessed to be able to afford anything, and have such a beautiful item from our loved ones.

 

[Anastasia]

I am continually amazed that people get so offended if anyone asks questions about their ring. I can only assume that anyone on this forum is crazy about jewelry, and would therefore welcome the opportunity to talk about their jewelry. It always sounds to me like people want to spend all of this time and energy (and money) choosing a beautiful ring, but then they hope that noone will notice it.

I completely agree that asking how much it cost is extremely tacky, but why is it off limits to ask the carat weight? It weighs what it weighs, I don't think of it as a personal question. I know that I don't really know what different carat weights look like, so in most cases it is probably just curiosity. I feel the same way about the color.

And if they are jealous? Who cares? You can't do anything about that.

I wouldn't discuss it with a total stranger in a dark alley, but with someone you know, why would you feel uncomfortable discussing it.

I"m not trying to be nasty with my response, I truly just don't understand why it is a big deal, and am amazed that I have seen this topic discussed here several times. Personally, I am very flattered when anyone takes an interest in any of my jewelry.

 

[kenny]

I am continually amazed that people get so offended if anyone asks questions about their ring. I can only assume that anyone on this forum is crazy about jewelry, and would therefore welcome the opportunity to talk about their jewelry. It always sounds to me like people want to spend all of this time and energy (and money) choosing a beautiful ring, but then they hope that noone will notice it.

I completely agree that asking how much it cost is extremely tacky, but why is it off limits to ask the carat weight? It weighs what it weighs, I don't think of it as a personal question. I know that I don't really know what different carat weights look like, so in most cases it is probably just curiosity. I feel the same way about the color.

And if they are jealous? Who cares? You can't do anything about that.

I wouldn't discuss it with a total stranger in a dark alley, but with someone you know, why would you feel uncomfortable discussing it.

I"m not trying to be nasty with my response, I truly just don't understand why it is a big deal, and am amazed that I have seen this topic discussed here several times. Personally, I am very flattered when anyone takes an interest in any of my jewelry.

+1.

Apparently this subject strikes a nerve and goes really deep with some.
It must trigger something beneath the surface people are not aware of - perhaps deep gut things like fear, shame, pride, insecurity, greed or some of the things we all have but pretend we don't.
I don't know.
But I DO share your amazement over responses here.

It is almost like people feel it is their job to protect other people from themselves.
(OH if I tell her she'll be jealous, or envious.)
What a futile hassle!

It's just a diamond that you have.
It's not you.
If it costs ten or ten-million bucks it doesn't say anything about you.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Once I was helping a woman find her darn Siberian Husky who had taken off & not been home for 2 days; I'd never met her before but took the time to go to her house when asked by a rescue group I worked with. She had the MOST gorgeous diamond ring I ever saw, I would've asked that ring to marry me if I could! Excellent step cut, it would sparkle even in the dark; color had to be F, it was really gorgeous. I remarked that it was beautiful & mentioned I worked at Tiff's at the time & was nuts for gems, then said, is it about 4 cts? She looked like I'd slapped her in the face. I didn't speak in a pushy manner at all. Finally she said yeah, 4 cts, it was a family ring of her husband's. After that I dropped the subject like a hot coal, but it's always puzzled me. I'm always really pleased when someone comments on my jewelry.

--- Laurie

Maybe some act odd about ct. weight b/c they don't know. Possibly the woman with the family stone had never seen the paperwork and her spouse didn't tell her? lol Here on PS we know down to the .001 what size our diamonds are, but in the RL, most go by increments of 1/4 ... 1 1/4 ct...1 1/2 ct., etc.. and have NO idea the details.

If you really want to throw a person for a loop, ask what the diamond's crown angle is. hahaha!

 

[Imdanny]

I simply say that DH purchased the ring and I really don't have the details on the size, price etc.

Great answer.

 

[Imdanny]

If I say my fiance bought it for me and I don't know the specs, etc., then they'll think it's fake, or who knows what. I don't want rumors started or anything.

I don't understand why they would have any choice to accept that as an answer. Also, I don't understand why if someone said that, it would lead to anyone thinking it's fake.

As far as rumors, I don't understand why you would worry about what other people say, because you have no control over people if they're going to gossip (that only makes them the gossiping kind), or if they're going to make up outlandish stories like saying your diamond is fake. If they're so dumb that they'd say something like that, maybe you shouldn't care what they think.

 

[Andelain]

Just a few days ago I was sitting in the DFAC and someone asked a ring I was wearing, my 1.57 ct Eightstar diamond. She asked me to hold it up and said it was the sparkliest diamond she's ever seen. I took it off and handed it to her and explained about how cut is so important, then color and clarity. She wanted to know if a stone like that cost more than the same size at a mall and I went ahead and told her what I paid for it and what I would have paid if I'd bought it new. I told her of some of the online vendors and how she could get a much better deal, etc. I didn't care at all if she knew what I paid for it.

 

[Imdanny]

Plus I don't want them to think that I had nothing to do with picking it out, making a large purchase on his own, because they know that wouldn't happen -

To be honest, these people seem like they're too in your business. You seem to want them not to think or say certain things and you seem to want them to have a certain impression (that you helped picked it out). That puts you in the exact dilemma you're commenting on; in other words, you want them to think you know the answers to the questions you don't want to answer.

If this people are the envious type, then they're acquaintances, not friends.

If you don't want to answer these questions, a socially acceptable way of responding to them would be to say that he chose it and you don't know the answers. It would cut them off at the knees, and that would be the end of them getting in your business about the ring.

I think you should find a simple, fail proof method of not answering these questions, if you don't want to answer them.

 

[Imdanny]

Price is nobody's business, any more than what you paid for your house, your car, or what you make. I just ignore questions like that & say that I'm so lucky to have it & it's a lifelong thrill, or some drivel like that. Other specs don't bother me if anyone has the knowledge to ask. Hardly ever run into anyone who asks about cut, few about color -- more want to know ctwt.

I'm puzzled by people -- and I've run into quite a few -- who seem taken aback & defensive when I simply say, "What a BEautiful ring!" As if they expect me to yank it off their finger. I never ask details unless somebody responds w/enthusiasm. If I complimented their dress they would be flattered, I imagine -- why is a ring different?

Once I was helping a woman find her darn Siberian Husky who had taken off & not been home for 2 days; I'd never met her before but took the time to go to her house when asked by a rescue group I worked with. She had the MOST gorgeous diamond ring I ever saw, I would've asked that ring to marry me if I could! Excellent step cut, it would sparkle even in the dark; color had to be F, it was really gorgeous. I remarked that it was beautiful & mentioned I worked at Tiff's at the time & was nuts for gems, then said, is it about 4 cts? She looked like I'd slapped her in the face. I didn't speak in a pushy manner at all. Finally she said yeah, 4 cts, it was a family ring of her husband's. After that I dropped the subject like a hot coal, but it's always puzzled me. I'm always really pleased when someone comments on my jewelry.

--- Laurie

I own one diamond ring (my mother has it in upstate NY so I can't take pictures of it). It's got 4 diamonds in a "diamond pattern" (imagine a square turned so that one sharp edge points outward and one points toward you, etc). It's a pinky ring. The diamonds are very small and not well cut (although they sparkle, one color at a time, if that makes sense). It's not my style (which is why I haven't retrieved it from my mother's house, I guess). My mother gave me this ring when I graduated from high school.

But I have had people comment on my cars. And I've had people be jealous about my cars, ranging from when I was very young, and someone was jealous that I had one, to buying a new Audi, that people were insanely jealous about (the depth of envy and resentment people can have if you have something they don't or they think you have something they don't can be a little scary).

But when the Audi was new, I had people (strangers) coming up to me everyday for about two years (one time, counted 60 days in a row that I was approached by someone wanting to compliment the car).

I developed a standardized response. I would look directly at them. I would smile. And I would say, "Thank you."

Just like that, nothing else, ever, just, "Thank you."

I understood their interest. I'm a car person. I've had the experience of wanting to compliment a nice car countless times.

The thing about the response I developed is that it was practical. It was gracious (if I do say so myself) in that it acknowledged their compliment. It showed that I appreciated their compliment (which I did). And it stopped the conversation dead in its tracks.

The thing I get from reading this thread is that drama is all around us. If you don't want drama, one has to refuse to participate in it. This is why I don't think I understand the OP's posts. If you want them to know you know the answers to their questions, but you don't want to answer their questions, what option do you have? I don't see one, other than one that basically says, "It's none of your business." And it doesn't have to be rude. But some people are genuine in their interest and compliments. And some people like to gossip. My answer would be anything that is polite, but achieves the desired outcome (in this case, of not having a discussion of the specifications of the OP's ring).

I have complimented women's diamond rings before. Actually, I do it all the time. If I'm at the bank, or the doctor's office, or the post office, etc., and I see that a woman has an engagement ring, and if it seems that it would be alright for me to compliment them, I do. And they always like it! I mean these women where I live have small, modest diamond engagement rings, but they are proud of them (as they should be) and they like compliments.

Maybe it's different for men, but I could never imagine questioning someone about the size, color, clarity, or price of a diamond ring. To me (and maybe it's just me) that would seem too personal.

As far as women with spectacular pieces of jewelry, although I don't have anything other than vague recollections of it, Laurie, my experience is that they don't seem to appreciate compliments. I seem to recall having been treated like Kenny's fictional crack addict in a dark alley. In these cases, I think the motivation is fear, at least on some level.

 

[Yimmers]

A lot of people don't ask about size, so it's usually a non issue. My co-workers and I have discussed size, but here we are being girl giddy and oggling each other's rings. But I haven't sensed anything of a competition thing among us.

DH's old co-worker, however, has rudely posed the money question. "How much did you spend on her ring?" "How much did you buy your house for?" "You're an attorney, you should drive something better than a Corolla." "You should go and buy a nice watch."
His materialism was so obvious, offensive, and pathetic. DH never gave him an answer, and just said, "I spent what I felt comfortable spending." If someone were to pose the money question with me, and I didn't feel like answering, I'd just give some response similar to what my husband would say.

Honestly, if someone thinks you're wearing a CZ if you don't tell them specs/how much you spent, they're going to think you're lying and it's a CZ if you tell them anyway. And frankly, who cares? People may wear CZ for a variety of reasons, and what they are is not really our business.

 

[marcy]

I wouldn't volunteer any info but if asked I would tell them. If they seem interested or knowledgeable and diamonds we would probably have a very nice conversation.

 

[iluvdiamonds2]

You guys are the best! I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed reading all of your responses. These people i'm referring to are coworkers. I work with a lot of women and they're very nosey and ask direct personal questions. If you answer evasively, (is that a word ) don't worry, they'll keep asking more direct questions or indirect questions like I mentioned in the first or second post.

They aren't asking purely because they share my love of diamonds. They're asking to satisfy their curiousity and to possibly embarrass me / others. Like I said before, it's too bad.

I think I'll do what that poster said and say Thank You. Then they'll say, what size?

QUESTION
What size can a 7.43 pass for? (cushion)
and if it's a F can I say it's a D or E?

Thanks!

 

[Autumnovember]

You guys are the best! I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed reading all of your responses. These people i'm referring to are coworkers. I work with a lot of women and they're very nosey and ask direct personal questions. If you answer evasively, (is that a word ) don't worry, they'll keep asking more direct questions or indirect questions like I mentioned in the first or second post.

They aren't asking purely because they share my love of diamonds. They're asking to satisfy their curiousity and to possibly embarrass me / others. Like I said before, it's too bad.

I think I'll do what that poster said and say Thank You. Then they'll say, what size?

QUESTION
What size can a 7.43 pass for? (cushion)
and if it's a F can I say it's a D or E?

Thanks!

I've been reading this thread and I just want to say----don't lie. Seriously, who cares what these women think about your ring? I wouldn't lie about the diamond size or the other specs if I were you. Last thing you want is someone finding out the truth somehow and then you'll truly be embarrassed. Why not just tell the truth? I'm willing to bet some of them could only dream to have a beautiful diamond too. If it is an F, whats the point of saying its a D or E? It's still on the colorless scale...