How much domestic help do you have?

[NewShiny]

This question is mostly for working parents but I'm interested in everyone's experience. My husband and I both work pretty demanding jobs that require a lot of hours. My husband also travels about 3 weeks a month. We have a toddler ("A") and no family to help us in the area. Currently, I feel like I'm drowning under work, taking care of our house, and making sure I'm getting to spend quality time with my litle guy during the week.

We have someone that cleans our house and helps with laundry & ironing twice a month. For everything else, it's a trade off. Do I cook healthy meals or do we get takeout so I get to spend more time with A during the week? Do I take the time to set up Christmas how I'd like to see it in our house or just put a couple of things out becuase I don't have time to get everything out? Do I just order Christmas gifts online or get a sitter so I can do some actual shopping? We've started clearing out our office so we can turn it into a playroom but I just can't seem to get to it and now it's a junk room. With my husband being gone so much, the list just gets bigger and bigger. How does everyone do it? I wouldn't even know who to hire to help me with the little stuff around the house that ends up being big stuff if it's ignored for too long.

I'm just curious to know how much domestic help other people have. I'm trying to gage whether I'm just being whiny or maybe I really do need more help. . . .

 

[fabulousfindk]

My SO and I don't have children and I do the majority of the cleaning. So personally I'm not a good person to ask. I do hope to have a once weekly housecleaner when we have children and the budget allows. My mom worked an extremely busy job, requiring a fair amount of travel, so we had a once weekly and sometimes twice weekly helper that would do deep cleaning and laundry. There are no more kids in their household now, but they still have someone come once a week to do things like deep clean bathrooms and wash windows. I think in your case, you should go through care.com or craigslist.org and hire a college student, or maybe a neighbor or babysitter, to help you organize or clear out the study for just one day of pay or something like that. But bottom line is, don't ever be afraid to ask for help! Your threshold for stress, your available time, etc is something only you can evaluate, and if it's financially possible, get as much help as you need!

 

[rosetta]

None!

My mother has a cleaner, a gardner and a live-in maid for just her and my father! Totally jealous!

 

[GemFever]

We don't have kids, live in a tiny apartment (which I love love love), and I have lax working hours, so I have no real practical advice... but man, I just wanna say I sympathize! I'd say skip elaborate Christmas decorations while the child is still too young to really appreciate it. Maybe just a small tree (like those $20 ones from Whole Foods), some lights, and a couple decorations. Online shopping sounds good too. Good luck!

 

[chrono]

DH and I both work full time with around 30% to 40% travel, sometimes we both have to leave town at the same time and we have also young ones at home. We don't have a perfectly clean and tidy house because we know it is impossible. Cleaning is done once a week, with tidying done everyday so it doesn't build up. Laundry is every alternate day - I do it overnight to save on time. No piping hot fresh daily meals because of the lack of time. We cook once a week and reheat leftovers. That said, we prepare several fresh dishes to stave off boring the tastebuds. We have not used any paid or unpaid outside assistance. Gift shopping is done online and I've given up on mailing out greeting cards and Xmas decorations. If you need the help, then get it, even for an hour or two to watch A so that you can get the bigger and more challenging tasks done.

 

[AprilBaby]

I am the domestic help. And I work.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Most women I know who work FT and have kids have family or friends that help out OR they hire someone. The remaining ones are stressed out and tend to complain more (which is NOT healthy for your child to hear).

Sounds like you need to hire someone. And, for Christmas, really, sending everyone Amazon gift cards to save you hours of stress and provide more time to spend with your little one IS OKAY! In fact, do it and save yourself the headache

ETA - I have two kids and stay home. No domestic help. If anything gets done around the house, it's because I did it. I even mow the lawn! I have a mini-side job and on those days, I am gone for 12 hours. When I get home, dinner has not been made. There is no way I could work FT because regardless, I'd still be doing it all, which isn't humanly possible.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

We don't have kids, live in a tiny apartment (which I love love love), and I have lax working hours, so I have no real practical advice... but man, I just wanna say I sympathize! I'd say skip elaborate Christmas decorations while the child is still too young to really appreciate it. Maybe just a small tree (like those $20 ones from Whole Foods), some lights, and a couple decorations. Online shopping sounds good too. Good luck!

You can even get a cute house plant and decorate it. I put ornaments on my ficus.

 

[ame]

None. My DH does nothing around the house, I am a failure at housework, and I don't have anyone come clean for me.

 

[OneFifty]

I don't have any kids, but my husband and I both work pretty demanding jobs. We have someone come in to clean once a month. It has really decreased my stress level and I think it is one of the better things that I spend money on monthly. We usually keep up with the little things on the weekends. Luckily for me, my husband is very neat, but he also won't scrub down a bathroom so this arrangement works well for us.

I think that if it is financially possible you should get some additional help. You sound like you are getting worn out from all of the things going on. Who wouldn't be? If this can reduce your stress or give you an additional piece of mind, then I think it is worth it.

 

[AmeliaG]

One once a week for 3 hours.

I only have her do the heavy stuff - deep clean floors, bathroom, kitchen. She also finishes house projects we haven't gotten around to.

It's brightened my mood considerably. I heavily suggest you get someone to do what you want her/him to do. I hired the niece of my super who is not a professional maid and is more flexible regarding hours and what we ask her to do. I'm also planning to cut her hours done to once every two weeks and then once every month. It's fine with her because I'm just giving her extra money. The professionals were very rigid and more expensive.

 

[Matata]

Housekeeper and gardener. I was going to let the housekeeper go when I retired but she and her family are struggling to make ends meet so we decided to keep her but I feel really strange about not cleaning my own home now that I have the time.

 

[kenny]

Zero.
I'm the only one in our neighborhood who mows his own lawn.

I used to have very high standards.
Everything had to be perfect or I'd stress out.
Thank goodness I came to my senses.

 

[Rosebloom]

I have a weekly house cleaner. I'm a SAHM with two kids. I LOVE my cleaner. It makes me so happy! I highly recommend.

A very wise mom friend of mine told me that when she first had kids she kept hiring sitters so she could get some work done. Then she realized that she had it backwards and started hiring help so she could spend time with her daughter while things got accomplished. I was so glad to get this advice.

I'd recommend doing only the important basics and getting some help. Hire a weekly cleaner for 6 months and then reevaluate. Also maybe have some healthy meals delivered one or two nights a week. Get some help - life's too short not to be happy and spend time with your kids.

 

[aviastar]

My husband and I own a business so we are always choosing between taking care of the business or taking care of the house/yard and neither of us are steller housekeepers to begin with; we pick a new 'habit' we want to get into every month or so and then work on it until it really becomes habit. Unloading the dishwaher right away, for instance, instead of waiting till you need to fill it again. Or folding every basket of laundry as it comes out instead of doing 15 loads and then having to fold it all. We're getting better and we keep each other on track. BUT- we do hire help before having family come visit, or before we go out of town (so we can come home to a nice clean house), or before a holiday. The company we use offers lots of one time options and sales- 1.5 hrs with two cleaners for $99, that kind of thing. IT'S AMAZING. Even if you don't want someone weekly or bi-monthly, consider having a company come out just once and prioritizing what you'd like them to take care of- you will feel so much better and re-energized about tackling the rest of your list! We use Merry Maids, and they have been fantastic.

FWIW, I don't think you are being whiny at all- we all need help sometimes and we can't do everything, all the time, perfectly. Just isn't possible. Delegate!

 

[Loves Vintage]

I would hire a sitter. Maybe someone can come over a few hours on the weekends to hang out with A while you are getting stuff done, like working on the playroom. I'm not sure it's more cleaning time that you need, so much as it sounds like you need help with the bigger projects around the house. Maybe there's someone you could hire to cook and freeze meals at your house. A SAHM friend of mine was looking for someone to do this for her, because according to her, she can't cook! I think it's whatever works for you, and the fact that your DH is away a lot is contributing to things not getting done and you feeling overwhelmed. The only reason we ever get any of the bigger projects done is because the other person is with S, or we're doing something together and trying to get her involved.

 

[iheartscience]

None, which is why my house isn't the cleanest! It's not dirty, but it's messy.

My mom helpfully suggested we get a cleaning person to do our bathrooms and kitchen! Apparently she isn't impressed by our cleanliness level.

 

[Rhea]

We don't have any children and DH and I split the cleaning. I do daily stuff, the dishes, laundry, take care of the pets, taking out the trash, shopping for the house, most of the cooking, and sort the bills. He does the big stuff, the vacuuming, window cleaning, cleaning of bathrooms, cleaning of kitchen. I feel snowed under by chores even with just doing the daily stuff for us!

If I had the money I'd hire more domestic help. Heck, I've taken to ordering groceries online so that the pets can sit on my lap while I do it rather than me having to fight traffic and them begging for lap time when I get home.

Can you increase how often the cleaner comes? For food, it's more expensive than home cooking, but cheaper than take-away, so I sometimes order those pre-made meals that you just pop into the oven. It's a great compromise for both time and expense.

 

[Enerchi]

I am the domestic help. And I work.

Me too!!! My 'staff' must have walked out one day when I wasn't paying attention.....

I try to enlist my 2 kids that are still at home to at least vacuum upstairs and clean their rooms/their shared bathroom - but you'd think I'd asked them to reshingle the roof in 140F weather, hot sun, naked, no water... they look at me and glaze over when I ask for help! Do I not speak english to you??? do you not get that you have to help? That living at home for "free" with the 'rents, means you still have to help out?? Apparently not...

OMG... I don't recommend teenagers/young adults as hired help

 

[MyDiamondSparkles]

I work from home more hours a week than I'd care to admit. My husband works just as many hours. I'm a neat freak and I can not live in an unclean and unorganized space.

For my husband, college aged daughter who lives at home (while attending college) and myself:

I have someone who cleans the house once a week--does laundry, cleans, changes sheets, organizes or whatever I need. I usually hire her for an additional day 3 times a month to clean the basement, organize, put away (or hang up) seasonal decorations, or whatever I need. If she'd come twice a week, I'd be thrilled! Daily? Even better!

I pay my college aged daughter a weekly salary to do whatever else I need on a daily basis: help me with work, fold laundry, unload the dishwasher, walk the dog, start dinner, cook the entire dinner--whatever I need she does it.

My husband LOVES any kind of outdoor tree trimming, lawn mowing, planting or whatever so he does that.

If I knew of a good cook I'd hire him/ her/ them in a second. My husband tires of having what he calls "Something and chips"...such as a Subway sub and chips, tuna fish sandwich and chips, hamburgers and chips--- easy to make meals and chips. I love to cook, but I am just too tired at the end of the day to be creative with food.

 

[canuk-gal]

None. My DH does nothing around the house, I am a failure at housework, and I don't have anyone come clean for me.

Thank you for saying this. Me too!

I want help but the couple of times I've hired out...hasn't worked out...(had a clean microwave but the bathrooms were not attended too....)

My sister is a SAHM has someone once a week. Huge house. Very expensive but no issue to her.

cheers--Sharon

 

[missy]

None. My DH does nothing around the house, I am a failure at housework, and I don't have anyone come clean for me.

Thank you for saying this. Me too!

I want help but the couple of times I've hired out...hasn't worked out...(had a clean microwave but the bathrooms were not attended too....)

My sister is a SAHM has someone once a week. Huge house. Very expensive but no issue to her.

cheers--Sharon

Me three LOL! I didn't think I was so bad at it but my dh has convinced me (very gently mind you) otherwise and begrudgingly I guess I agree. Though I am happy to keep things clean myself my dh is not happy with the level of cleanliness when I do ( ) and that is why we have a cleaning person at both homes. But only twice a month (compromise wins again yay because he wanted someone every single week) so I vacuum a lot in between but dusting etc is not a strong point of mine so my dh picks that up in between professional cleanings. He is responsible for his bathroom in between the professional cleanings as well. I am not going in there lol.

 

[Alexiszoe]

We have no kids, and our hours are pretty long, so we split the chores: weekly chores are divided such that some weekly chores are his exclusive domain while others are mine, and for daily chores it's split evenly. Growing up, my folks split the chores evenly as well, when they got older they hired domestic help who would come 3 times a week. I am so sorry that you have to juggle everything on your own - it is truly a hard task!

 

[zoebartlett]

For help with cleaning out the office, you could consider hiring a professional organizer. The National Association of Professional Organizers (NAPO) has a directory of organizers who help people with this. Hopefully there's someone in your area. If you do a Google search, you'll find them.

To answer your title question, I don't have any help. It's just my husband and me, and he's not the best at cleaning the house. I leave him to take care of vacuuming and paying the bills, mostly. He does a few other things but not without many reminders throughout the week. There are a few things we both do: take out the trash (he does this one mostly), take care of the cats, cook (or we order out), buy things for the house (I mostly do this but he helps buy groceries throughout the week), and laundry (we do our own).

I'd love to hire someone to do the deep cleaning once or twice a month but I can't find anyone I like enough right now.

 

[amc80]

None. We have an almost 4 month old and both work. DH works graveyard. So when I get home from work, I've got zero time to do anything other than the necessities (and by that, I mean immediate needs- cook, eat, take care of kid, etc.). DH starts getting ready for work around 8 and leaves at 9, and then it's all me. The baby is asleep by 9-10. Then I get ready for bed. Repeat the next day.

This means that basically ALL of my time is spent taking care of immediate needs. Not a whole lot of time for cleaning or extra stuff. The weekends are a bit better, but when it comes down to it, I'd rather chill for a few minutes than mop the floor. I will take 20 minutes every few days to pick up, but I can't say I've really cleaned for a while. The only time we do clean is when people are coming over. I do have a hard time relaxing if the place is a mess, so I spend time I should be napping picking up.

Yes, I want help. I would love a housekeeper to come in once a week or every other week. But DH is a deputy sheriff and doesn't want a stranger in our house. Regardless of references or anything else.

 

[Gypsy]

It's only me, DH and three cats and I have someone in to clean every 2 weeks. If I had a kid and the funds, I'd have much more help. If you are drowning-- time to buy a rope.

 

[Dreamer_D]

We have two kids and both of us work full time.

We have daycare for the kids, or course. And we have a cleaner who comes every week for 2 hours to vaccum, clean kitchens and baths.

For the first year after our second kid was born we ate out all the time! We could not manage to cook anything. Now we can't do that for budgetary reasons so we eat at home. I do all the cooking and DH does the kitchen cleaning, though not as frequently or as well as I would like, but I have decided not to worry about that. Mostly.

We manage by paring down our housekeeping standards The cleaner keeps things fairly "clean". So otherwise its mostly keeping things tidy and in the right place. And we manage that by... well, not really doing it Every few days I get fed up and do a flurry of putting things away. Laundry is such a huge chore but I can't manage to get things put away, so clean clothing is sometimes -- often -- in baskets in the right room waiting to be put away for a week or so There is basically always STUFF strewn all over the place. Nothing is dusty or dirty, just kids toys and clothing randomly scattered about ETA: I could keep the house tidy, it is humanly possible. But instead I choose to read a book, watch TV, go see a movie, or go for a run. Those things are way more fund and keep me sane.

But being more lax in these ways means we have more time for self care, and that means we are better parents and partners. If we could afford to hire someone to come and do the tidying up, we would. I think an hour every few days would do it!

Maybe one day it will get better.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I'm just curious to know how much domestic help other people have. I'm trying to gage whether I'm just being whiny or maybe I really do need more help. . . .

Do not judge yourself If you can afford the help and you think it would make life easier, then do it. Who is to say what is "right" and what is "wrong" about this sort of thing? Who is to say if you "need" it or not? I realize you are asking for others' expeiences for information and perspective. I just want to encourage you in general to do what works FOR YOU and your family and screw the social norms. There is a lot of judgement directed at mothers about domestic and parenting tasks and their ability to do it all. I have decided in my life to try and reject those external norms and instead focus on the well-being of my self and my family, knowing that if I am psychologically happy and healthy, I will be a better mom and wife! Anyways, there is no award for being really good at running your household and working and doing it all. In fact, there is rarely any recognition at all of that work So write your own rules based on what will make you happy and keep you healthy.

 

[TC1987]

You know, up until about WWII, is was pretty common for even small town homemakers to have day-help for household chores like cleaning, laundry, ironing, etc. That only stopped when WWII created a labor shortage and women went to work in factories, instead. I would not feel at all guilty about hiring help. One reason I never cared whether or not I had children was that I saw how my mother got stuck with the 2nd shift.

 

[yennyfire]

When it was just DH and me and we both worked FT, we had no help. I did a thorough cleaning every other week and kept up with regular stuff (laundry, dusting, etc.) weekly. I cooked 3x a week, we ate leftovers at least 2x a week and went out the rest.

I got put on bedrest with my first pregnancy and couldn't do anything. Since DH travels a lot and I wasn't about to ask my Mom to come clean and do laundry, we hired someone to come 2x a month (luckily, being on bedrest, I didn't go thru too much laundry other than underwear and a few pairs of pj's). Once the baby came, we agreed that I could keep the help, since I went back to work. I "retired" 3 months later, but we kept the help.

To this day, we have help. She comes every 2 weeks and spends about 3 hours doing the heavy cleaning. I do all of the laundry, cooking, gardening, carpooling, etc. Honestly, I wish we could have her come every week, but I just can't justify it.

In my "defense", I am very active in my kids school....I chair a huge committee for the PTA, am the VP of Communications for our Foundation, room mom in two classes (which requires me to coordinate volunteers 4 days a week and go in myself if no one else steps up, which is quite often) and work a PT job. So, I have way less free time now than I did when it was just the two of us working FT! I could use help more than ever these days!