How many PSers have divorded parents?

[princessplease]

If so, share your story (if you feel comfortable) doing so.

My parents divorced when I was 9. Dad cheated on mom, got another woman preggo, and to this day, my dad still believes that we (my brother and I) have no clue. I have a half sister ~18 somewhere out there that I''ll probably never know because my father''s ego is too big to admit he cheated to his children. He never flat out told my mom, but she followed him to his mistress'' house all the way in NY and, well let''s say, there were no doubts.
My mother remarried, and my father did 2 more times, and is still currently married to his FOURTH wife, lol! (His first wife was the mother of his eldest son, and the only reason they married was because her family was devoutly religious and made him marry her because she was pregnant out of wedlock). That''s our crazy divorce story!

 

[jewelz617]

Not divorced, but separated for 6 months. That was hard enough on our family, divorce I can''t imagine.

 

[Maisie]

My parents divorced when I was about 6. My Dad cheated on my mother. I found this out when I was a bit older (not old enough to completely understand - thanks Mother) and I was devastated.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

My parents divorced when I was six but had been separated for two years prior to that. I have no memory of them being together and it really didn't affect me emotionally. I went through rough patches with both parents as a teen, but I have great relationships with them now.

DH's parents divorced while his mother was pregnant with him. He too has no recollection of them being together.

ETA: Both of our older siblings had issues with the respective divorces. My brother was in therapy for awhile.

My parents separated/divorced due to "irreconcilable differences." There was no adultery. They both have different reasons for it, my mom says it was because his high stress Army career (Special Forces) changed his personality and he became unbearable and he says she was a controlling passive aggressive pain in the arse.

We don't know the real reason why DH's parents split up. Neither parent has ever given a straight answer. It was his dad's decision and he suspects his mom pushed for a second child to try and save the marriage.

 

[Lauren8211]

My parents divorced when I was about 6. My mom simply says they just fell out of love, but I'm not so sure.

 

[lilyfoot]

My parents seperated when I was 6 (the same summer I turned 7). The divorce was final sometime after that (I''m not sure exactly when).

We (me, sister, brother and mom) moved from Puerto Rico to Florida, and my dad stayed in Puerto Rico.

They were definitley just not right for each other. They were married for a total of 11 years, and my mom says 90% of that time, she was miserable. Neither one of them are bad people, they just weren''t meant to be together.

 

[April20]

My parents divorced when I was almost 2. I have NO memory of them every being together. My dad remarried rather quickly- he and my step-mom have been married for 30 years. My mom remarried a few years later and has been married to my step-dad for 25 years. Honestly, I never understood how my parents got together in the first place! They just didn''t seem to "go" together.

 

[charbie]

My parents divorced when I was 16 after 20 years of marriage. They had separated once before but reconciled. My dad is a pharmacist with a drug problem, and finally my mom couldn''t take it anymore.
It ruined them both financially but emotionally it was best for the family.

 

[Lilac]

My parents divorced when I was 2. I don''t remember them being together, which makes me pretty sad sometimes. They both have different stories about what happened that led to the divorce but there was no cheating involved. It was apparently my mother''s decision to get divorced and my father tried to prevent it for a while because he didn''t want to. Looking at their personalities now, I honestly can''t really see why they got married in the first place - they were engaged and broke it off because my father panicked and wasn''t ready, then got engaged again and got married, but my mom and dad are both people who like to be in control and they tend to yell when they get angry or when things aren''t going their way - so I can definitely see why their marriage didn''t work. My father isn''t very good at communication and my mother doesn''t have good tolerance for stress. So while I never got a real answer why they divorced, I do know nobody cheated and I think I can figure out what led to the divorce just from knowing their personalities. They both got remarried and have kids, so now I have 4 half siblings.

Their divorce affected me a lot throughout my life... I had problems trusting people and never quite felt like I "fit" with either family after they both got remarried and had more kids. They both love me as much as their other kids I think, but it just always felt like I was the outsider from their new little families. I''m sure a lot of it I brought on myself because I don''t think they ever did anything to make me feel that way, but it''s hard to recognize what you''re bringing on yourself when you''re 12 years old and to stop thinking those things.

I have a pretty good relationship with my mom and a good relationship with my dad but I know it would have been much closer if my parents had stayed married - sometimes we find it hard to talk about "real" things because we just haven''t had enough time to spend with each other and it hurts me that it''s the case. Mostly it''s my fault because I should have spent more time with my father as a kid - he always begged me to come with him more often, but I was homesick for my mom. Now I really regret that because as much as I do love my mom, I wish my dad and I were closer.

I thought I would have issues with getting married and fearing divorce, but then I met my husband and I never had a second thought about getting married because I completely trust him with everything.

There''s a *lot* more to the story... but I think I''ve written a lot already and it hurts to think about it all sometimes.

 

[Lynnie]

My parents divorced when I was about 11. My mom loved her wine a little *too* much, and my dad was selfish. That''s my take on things, as I''ve never really gotten a straight answer about why they divorced from either of them.

 

[waxing lyrical]

My parents divorced when I was 5, I think. Both remarried. Mom divorced husband #2 due to abuse (psychological, emotional and physical). Dad still married.

 

[radiantquest]

My parents divorced when I was 6. I remember the day he left. I asked if I could go because I was a daddys girl and he said that I couldnt. I remember my mom complaining to him about his leaving. She was a SAHM and had no job skills and when he left he took our only car so she was left with a little girl, no car and no money. I remember us getting a ride to the grocery store and he was there with his new girlfriend. Since the car was in her name and she still had a key to it she stole it back and left him at the store with his new lady, arms full of groceries and no car. There wasnt anything he could do either because it was in my moms name. She got 2 jobs and we did ok. I remember going to visit every other weekend and he already had a new woman and a little girl that I think was his. To this day my mom says that he told her he was leaving before he hurt her. WTH does that mean??? She remarried after a while to a man that is a loser and he remarried also. I have not seen him since I was 6. I went to see him twice and that was it. My grandparents from his side say that they have not talked to him in 15 years so apparently he is weird now or is ashamed.

DH was two when his mother and stepfather married. He never knew his father and then when DH was getting ready to have his daughter he met his real father. His father told him that some people arent cut out for children and if you arent then you should just leave! Can you imagine that?! Now his mom and his stepfather, the only father he has ever known are going through a bitter divorce. They cant even be together for their grandchildren. It is sad.

From the previous posts it seems that peoples parents either left when they were very young or at around 6. I wonder if it has anything to do with "the seven year itch"?

 

[Miss Sparkly]

My parents have been seperated for 13 years, but not divorced. They are neighbors and get along pretty well that way. They just don''t want to go through the legal aspects of a divorce. Neither has dated - my dad is enjoying his life too much to date and my mom is the polar opposite

 

[vc10um]

My parents divorced when I was 9, though the fact that when we lived in a two bedroom apartment I slept with my mom and my sister slept with my dad leads me to believe they viewed themselves as "separated" long before that.

My mom married my dad because she was in love with who she THOUGHT he was. He turned out to be a pathological liar and perpetually jobless. My mom has a wonderful new boyfriend now whom she will probably marry and I couldn''t be happier for her. My dad remarried when I was about 14. He married a woman I''d never met and we''ve been estranged since before that time, anyway.

 

[megumic]

My parents will be divorced at some point in the near future. After 40 years of marriage, it''s over. My dad is a cheater and has been for years. Pathetic. I''m not sure how you recover from that or understand your life again as something other than what it has always been. 40 years is a long freakin time.

 

[dragonfly411]

My parents divorced when I was 18. They had been unhappy for many years, but I think they wanted my sister and I to be mature enough to understand what was happening. They are polar opposites in many ways. Everyone''s much the happier now.

 

[PumpkinPie]

nope - my parents are still together. So are my husband''s parents. We''ve been very fortunate - I know the huge impact divorce has on families and kids, even after you''re adults.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

My parents are still married to each other, but both were married to other people previously.

My mom got married right out of college, and her husband became a gambler. He lost all of their money, so she walked away after 4 years. She met my dad the day that the divorce was finalized.

My dad was married a bit longer than that, and they adopted my oldest sister. I don''t know the specifics on when they divorced, but my sister was five at my parent''s wedding.

I''ve met my sister''s mom, but I couldn''t tell you a thing about my mom''s first husband.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

My parents divorced when I was three. You would think that I wouldn''t remember much about it since I was so young, but I actually remember it very clearly. And I do remember a lot from when my Dad still lived with us (prior to the divorce).

My parents were high-school sweethearts and got married REALLY young (she was 18, he was 21). When they divorced, they had been married for about nine years. Their main problem was that they did not communicate effectively. When one of them had an issue with the relationship, they would just ignore it and hope it would go away instead of talking to each other about it and actively trying to resolve the problem. (I really believe this to be true, because I''ve gotten the same story from both of them.)

Eventually, my Dad met someone else and started seeing her behind my Mom''s back. My Mom found out and confronted them. My Dad left and moved in with the other woman, who he married shortly after the divorce. I was only five when he got remarried, so she''s been my Stepmom for about 26 years now. I love her, and we usually get along well.

My Mom remarried when I was about seven years old, and her second husband was a horrible person. He was emotionally and verbally abusive to both of us the whole time I was growing up. Thankfully, she divorced him shortly after I moved out, after they had been married for 13 years. She is now married to her third husband, who is a great guy! I''m so glad to finally see her happy.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

My parents divorced 2 years ago, when I was 20. No one in our family is happy yet.

ETA: Is it our right, as the children of our parents, to know what is going on in their lives? Not everything, but for example, My dad has been moved out for 4 years and I have never seen where he lives. I guess he lives with his best friend, but my mom found information suggesting otherwise- that he lives with his secretary. I guess I don't mean right, but where is the line of how truthful our parents should be and respect us? I am 22. I know I know more than I should though.

 

[LadyJane83]

My parents are together, but a lot of times I think they shouldn''t be. Then sometimes I think my mom just likes to complain about my dad. My mother has 4 siblings, none of them are divorced, and I think only one of them has a happy marriage. My mother is not religious now, but was raised Catholic.... I think this might have something to do with it.

 

[vip0802]

my parents divorced when i was in my mid-teens, but were separated when i was 11. they loved each other, but i think they just out of love and they''re both a lot happier now.

my mom has only dated 2 guys since, and her current one is so great and treats her extremely well. my dad has only been involved with his current girlfriend since the divorce, but i''ve never met her and i don''t care to. she''s a lot younger than my dad, and she just comes off as money hungry and greedy. still, they''ve been together for quite a long time and i''m glad that my dad seems happy.

to this day, they still maintain a great relationship and are even business partners.

 

[upgrade]

My parents separated when I was 12 and divorced a year later. There was no adultery or abuse or anything like that, in fact everyone else thought they had a great marriage. They claim they just weren''t happy. My dad wanted marriage counselling, mom said no. I honestly don''t think they tried hard enough and I think it was a very selfish choice. There were no big problems and they had been very happy together for many years. The monotony of life just seemed to get in the way. With some serious effort, they could have maybe worked things out, and at the very least, they would have been able to tell my bro and me that they gave it their very best effort and it just couldn''t work. They can''t say that now.

I was *really* affected by it, and even though it''s been so many years, it still bothers me sometimes. I never really felt like I fit in with either family once they remarried and I don''t feel like I''m going ''home'' when I go to their houses. I feel more at home in dh''s parents'' house than my parents'' homes. My mother really dislikes a lot of things about my dad too, and I''m pretty much the female version of him, so that''s hard to take sometimes. There was a lot of trash talking from her, and still is and I hate that. I''m half him so when she insults him, she insults me. If I look at my kids and see something of their dad, I love that in them because I love him. I love to see them make an expression he makes or say something like him or share an interest or personality trait with him. I have always felt that my mom hates that in me and sees anything that resembles my dad as a big flaw.

The advice I always give divorcing parents I know is DO NOT say one bad word about the other parent to the child. Ever. That child is half that parent, so to insult the parent is to insult the child and tear the child up with split loyalties. Kids shouldn''t have to deal with that.

 

[MissMina]

Virtually no one in our families had ever been divorced till my generation (siblings and cousins). But nearly all of us have divorced at least once. It seems that once it became an option the floodgates opened.
Should all those couples have stayed together?
Probably not.
My Dad RIP who was married to my mom for 64 years used to joke about being happily married for ten

 

[Lilac]

Date: 3/25/2010 2:14:38 PM
Author: upgrade

The advice I always give divorcing parents I know is DO NOT say one bad word about the other parent to the child. Ever. That child is half that parent, so to insult the parent is to insult the child and tear the child up with split loyalties. Kids shouldn't have to deal with that.

I absolutely 100% wholeheartedly agree with this, upgrade. This hurt me more than anything else growing up and it hurt more than I can describe. My parents have gotten much *much* better about it lately, which I am so grateful for, but when I was younger it literally felt like my inside were tearing apart when my parents would say bad things about each other.

 

[Tuckins1]

My parents got divorced when I was 5 or 6, but they both were remarried by the time I was 7 or 8 (I am 29 now) so my step parents have been around a long time. I pretty much had nothing to do with my real dad once he remarried, so my step-dad has been my dad. I did have both of them walk me down the aisle at my wedding though.

 

[pennquaker09]

In my parents case, I think it was because they were going in different directions. I can admit this to you all, even though my parents were married before I was conceived, I wasn''t a planned baby. My parents were married in 1982, and I came along in 1984. Anyway, they actually filed for divorce in 1995, but they didn''t even tell me until the following year. We all lived in the same house and I didn''t even know they were going through a divorce.

I never asked why they were divorcing, but my mom and I did talk about this when I was in college. Essentially, my dad was ready to have more kids and she wasn''t. By the time, I was 11, and my mom was around 31-32. And, my mom didn''t really fit into the community we lived in. She has a JD and MBA, and never intended to be a SAHM, which most of the women there were.

My dad remarried and has had three more kids, and my mom has been dating the same guy for like 6 years. I have no idea why they haven''t gotten married yet. Interestingly enough, they all get together regularly and my mom and stepmom are really good friends.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

My mother left my dad when I was 12. In a way, she kind of left all of us. Even thought they had 50/50 custody she didn't want us over. My Dad made her take us once a week because it saw what it was doing to us.

She was going though a mid life crisis, and really decided to put herself first. My sister who is 27 is just starting to realize what she did, and she is having a really hard time facing it. I have been trying to help her work through it, but it is hard because it brings the issues to the front of my mind. I reacted to the divorce by being very angry at my mother, and my sister just had this fear of abandonment. I still have anger issues, and my sister is too passive in relationships. She is too afraid to say what she wants in fear that her partner will leave her. So we both have issues that root from the divorce.

I am getting married in 6 months and I am already trying to figure out what me and my FI need to do so that one of us doesn't wake up one day and realize we have grown apart.

 

[Sabine]

My parents got divorced after I graduated high school. They had had a rough marriage for as long as I remember, but it got really bad when I was in high school. My dad basically slept on the couch for those years, and they didn''t really speak to each other. But they staid together because they knew if they split they''d have to sell the house and there weren''t any cheap options in the area we lived, and they didn''t want to disrupt my school.

In a way, I was grateful to not have to switch schools and deal with the divorce in high school, but living in that house was also tough. I spent a lot of time out of the house working and at friend''s houses.

I didn''t think the divorce would be bad once I went away to college because I wasn''t there to deal with them moving out, getting new places, etc. It was actually fine until I tried to come home for fall break (everyone I met at college was going home so I felt like I had to). I got a ride with a friend and her aunt. I basically felt like I was coming home and I didn''t know where I lived anymore (all my stuff was at a new apartment with my dad). Then it was weird too when my dad started dating but didn''t really tell me about it.

Overall, my parents are much happier apart, and I''m glad for them. Unfortunately, although my mom is all for being civil and wouldn''t mind being around my dad, my dad doesn''t feel the same and makes it really uncomfortable if there are settings where they have to be in the same area. So my brother''s wedding, my wedding, and the birth of my son have all been a bit awkward due to that. My dad didn''t even come visit and meet my son (his first grandchild) until ds was 2 months old because he didn''t want to be there when my mom was there.

Holidays and other special occasions are by far the worst part of divorce for me. I''ve gotten used to it, but I feel bad for my ds, who won''t have his grandpa around for some things because he can''t let go and forgive my mom (she didn''t do anything in particular like cheat or anything) and suck it up.

 

[Callisto]

Date: 3/25/2010 12:59:06 PM
Author: LadyJane83
My parents are together, but a lot of times I think they shouldn''t be. Then sometimes I think my mom just likes to complain about my dad. My mother has 4 siblings, none of them are divorced, and I think only one of them has a happy marriage. My mother is not religious now, but was raised Catholic.... I think this might have something to do with it.

LadyJane- Not gonna lie your post creeped me out a bit... if I had a sister I would probably think that was who was posting cause I''m pretty sure you described my family...

I think my parents are doing a bit better now that they don''t have the stress of raising two kids in the house has passed, but I don''t know somedays. My dad''s job seems to be consistently on the rocks which tends to put stress on them. I just remember always hoping as we were growing up that they weren''t just staying together for me and my brother''s sake, but as they are still together after being empty nesters, I suppose that is not the case. My mom will still refer to my dad as "the only one for her" and things like that but my thoughts are always "really? then why do you fight so much?"

Idk I mean I definitely don''t have any issues believing in marriage which is good but I think their relationship has led me to think fighting with people you love is ok, which is not a good solution.