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How far would you go (or have gone) to have a child if you could not have one "naturally?"

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TravelingGal

TravelingGal

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Artificial insemination?
IVF?
Surrogate?

At what point would you think that you might not be destined to have children?

TGuy and I discussed that we would not take any kind of assistance. If it didn''t happen, we wouldn''t be parents. This was probably because we were sitting on the fence anyway. I stand by that philosophy for a second child.

A friend''s sister had IVF 4 times, got pregnant twice and miscarried both. She''s now expecting in August with a surrogate.
 
Not far...maybe to IUI or IVF...but honestly we would probably adopt since we might do that anyway in the future.
 
Tgal, Paul and I agreed the same thing, we wouldn''t go farther than trying and getting tested for problems if we had trouble. Not that I think IUI/IVF is wrong, but because we couldn''t afford it, or would rather have a house than pay the vast quantities of money. Our insurance doesn''t cover fertility treatments.
 
We talked about that when we decided to try and get pregnant the first time around. We wouldn''t have done much, other than to go thru testing to see why we couldn''t. No in-vitro or surrogate. We would''ve probably adopted.
 
I wouldn''t do anything, I''ve always wanted to adopt and don''t plan on ever having "natural" children
 
Hi TravelingGal,
We conceived our second child via Artificial insemination [easy]. At the time we were willing to go IVF if necessary.. but not surrogate due to a whole bunch of things my SIL went trough.
Adopting was our third option, and still be. It's been awhile since my procedure but our IUI was covered by ins, doubt IVF is.
 
My realistic answer: The only thing that would stop me is money. I don''t think I would ever have the income that would allow me to go through the expensive procedures or to adopt.

If I did have the funds, I''d do everything I can to be a mother whether that be IVF or adoption.
 
Great topic. I''ve often wondered about this. We have friends who have tried IVF a number of times, have traveled across the country to see other specialists and have spent a good amount of money to still not be pregnant. I don''t know if I could handle that. On the other hand I''m not sure how easy it would be to get the idea of having a biological child out of my mind.

DD was an "oops" so we never had the opportunity to discuss the route we would have taken had we not been able to get pregnant. I am pretty certain we would have tried IVF. Now that we were lucky enough to have her, if we aren''t blessed with more biological children we''ll probably adopt.
 
Funny you should bring this up.
DH and I talked about it when we were going through fertility issues.
We decided that we stop at artificial insemination
 
DH and I talked about this when we started trying also. We both agreed that we would just get tested to see what the fertility issues where, but wouldn''t do any drugs/IVF etc. He also was against adopting, two of his reliatives had issues with adopted children. So for us, fertility issues = no children. We got preggo after 5 months of trying, so it didn''t end up being a problem.
 
I don't remember my husband and I discussing AI or IVF, but if we had the money, I think we'd have tried one or both. We were (and might still be, in the future) both on board for adoption as well.

Surrogacy? I'm not sure about that. I just don't know enough about it past the basic idea.
 
How far? China.
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For us and this was ages ago.. We said we''d do IVF then would look into adoption. My SIL did IVF 3 times, never took. She adopted. I am so glad she did, I just adore my nephew.
 
We would probably do IVF. No surrogate or anything like that... we''d adopt instead if the IVF didn''t work.
 
I think we''d do IUI and if that didn''t work then IVF. Beyond that, I don''t know if we''d adopt or just accept that we weren''t going to have children. Probably option 2 if DH had his way but I think adoption would be my choice.
 
Date: 5/26/2009 3:12:57 PM
Author: purselover
I wouldn''t do anything, I''ve always wanted to adopt and don''t plan on ever having ''natural'' children
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This was always my plan too! However, my hubby really wants ONE bio kid first. And since adopting cannot happen for quite a while with my job, I just may give him his wish.
 
I would try everything but a surrogate. if i didn''t get pregnant with IVF or hormones etc. i would adopt. I have wanted to adopt since i was in high school and still think about it often but i definitely wanted to carry and give birth to my own child as well.

A cousin of mine has gone thru IVF, unsuccessfully, about 5 times now. She got pregnant with triplets on one attempt--but lost them all by the week 12 scan. Totally heartbreaking. She and her DH are not going thru therapy b/c the 4 years of trying has put a big strain on their marriage
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I understand the desire and motivation completely, but wonder if i could endure that process so many times??
 
DH and I have agreed that IUI is as far as it would go. If we couldn''t concieve that way then we feel it''s God''s way of telling us something. Luckily, we didn''t have any trouble getting preggo with our son and we have hopes that we''ll be so lucky again when we start trying for #2.

I think other people should do whatever they are comfortable doing though - even if it''s not right for me.
 
I would do IUI or IVF without hesitation. In fact, I am pregnant right now with a baby conceived by using Clomid (fertility drug). DH and I are lucky enough to have good insurance and enough savings that we could have done whatever was necessary. We would not do a surrogate and I am not sure if we would adopt. Not that adoption isn''t a great thing, but there are a lot of adopted kids in DH''s family (5 cousins and/or step-siblings) and there have been a lot of problems that have really made me think twice about adopting. In one case, a little girl was taken back by her bio parents after living with DH''s family for 2 years and in another a teenager decided she''d rather live with her bio mom, who was younger and had a lot less rules.
 
We wouldn''t do anything besides charting. We want to adopt, but unfortunately because of the cost we will TTC first. DH and I were just talking the other day about putting a deadline on TTC and adopting right away if it doesn''t happen. We came up with 6 cycles of well-timed BDing (so if we only BD once during the fertile period it doesn''t count) and then we would start submiting the paperwork right away. Adoption is a lengthy process so I''d rather get started as soon as possible.
 
At one time, I would have done nearly any fertility method. We thought a lot about a surrogate. We tried for six years to get pregnant and Stay pregnant. I miscarried many many times so AI and IVF weren''t options for us. I had times when I thought IVF could have worked if several embryos were implanted though. I did not believe God would have given me such a yearning for a child that I couldn''t have. So, yes, I thought a lot about a surrogate. I even had one picked out. My best friend offered and would have been a great candidate. DH and I basically put all that on hold and decided that we would try AI or IVF one round to see if it would take, if not, pursue the surrogate route when we''d saved enough money. Our insurance covered nothing. Adoption wasn''t readily available to us because we were "too young" and not "financially secure."

While we were waiting it out financially, I became pregnant and carried to term. We now have a perfect little boy.

We''ve been trying to get pregnant basically since JT was born (he''s 3). We won''t pursue any artificial methods at this point. We are very blessed to have one child and although we would like to have more, we can be perfectly happy with only one.
 
I''d adopt. No IVF, no IUI...I don''t have any desire to experience pregnancy, childbirth, or have biological kids. I do have a strong desire to adopt a child.
 
Charting and getting a full medical work-up, definitely. Possibly Clomid and/or IUI, although I'm opposed to most fertility drugs/procedures -- but if the odds were very good, I'd consider a very low dose for a limited time. No other medical procedures, but we'd definitely adopt if we could. I've never wanted to be pregnant and I know I could live a full and meaningful life even if I don't become a mom, but FI and I do want to raise children someday. We certainly hope it happens for us, but won't go to extraordinary lengths.
 
I would do everything short of surrogacy (the lack of control aspect of that freaks me out too much). If that didn''t pan out, then we would adopt. I would be ok adopting, but I will admit that I would probably be extremely disappointed if I never had a biologial child as well. I really, really want to experience pregnancy and childbirth at least once. It is extremely important to me. I just have this really strong drive... biological clock, I supppose.

My mom had a hard time conceiving me, so it''s always been something that weighed on my mind. I''m a Clomid baby, they tried for years before me and never managed to have more after either.
 
Well, given my situation, kids obviously were not in the cards naturally. So, my choices were adoption or surrogacy. For the next child, I think adoption is our preferred method.
 
i think i would do whatever it takes to have a child, other than a surrogate. if all the sources were exhausted, i would look into adoption.
but i am not speaking from experience, so i do not know that i would be able to handle the stress of going through so much to be able to give birth to my own child.
 
Date: 5/26/2009 2:52:17 PM
Author:TravelingGal
Artificial insemination?
IVF?
Surrogate?
Click to expand...
I would likely be open to fertility drugs, but I don''t think I would do IVF or artificial insemination (though that''s hard to guess before you''re in the situation). I would definitely never do surrogacy - I know that it''s not something I could handle emotionally.

At what point would you think that you might not be destined to have children?
Click to expand...
I wouldn''t, but I don''t buy into destiny.

If the fertility treatments (clomid and the like) didn''t work, we would just take it as a sign that my body isn''t capable or carrying a child and that adoption is the right road for us.

My ability to conceive has nothing to do with my ability to be a parent.
 
I think I would be willing to try hormones, IUI, and IVF, but if those didn''t work, I don''t think I''d be able to take multiple heartbreaking rounds of it. We would then look to adoption.
 
I think my viewpoint has changed since having our first. If we continue to have problems with getting pregnant with number two, we will either just have 1 or consider adoption.
 
We wouldn''t do any of the things you''ve listed, we would adopt. I don''t think children are destined, I think they are part of biological function and if our bodies aren''t producing naturally there''s a reason, even if it''s one we might not understand.
 
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