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How do you prep your child for college/adulthood?

Upgradable

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2004
Messages
5,537
DD is a senior of pretty good sense, but I'm worried about her fianancial and personal readiness to handle the college environment.

So far, we have wanted her to experinece a bad breakup with a serious boyfriend before bing out of the house. DONE

She's been working part time at a Bridal Shop earning a salary. This has been used to fund her checking/debit card amount. We did front her $50 each month for gas.

Well, this last week she has managed to overdraw her bank account. She uses it for lunches, which are each between $4-$5 eachday. At this point with the $4-$5 her transaction overdraft fees are $32 each, plus another $25 for over 7 days ISF. At this point she is owes $230.60.

I can give her the money to cover the overdraft plus penalties, but don't think I will. Instead I had her take a "loan" from me. She has had to take her total and divide it by the number of paychecks, for 2 payments a month. She also will owe a $5 fee for late payment, and a 10% overall interest fee.

Does this seem reasonable?
 

MissStepcut

Brilliant_Rock
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Joined
Jun 29, 2011
Messages
1,720
If I were you, I would charge her the statutory maximum in interest, something like 19.99% I believe. I say that because those would be her "real world" consequences if she had to take the money out of a credit card cash advance. And I would have her sit down in front of Excel and calculate out how much she'll owe if she doesn't pay you off in 3 months, 6 months, 12 months... But I'm not a parent, so maybe it's too easy for me to be ruthless.
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
17,919
Whoa. How did her account get overdrawn by that amount if she's just using it for $5 lunches? Does her account have that stupid overdraft protection? If so, do her a favor and get rid of that option. Better to borrow $5 from a friend for lunch than to pay that insane $32 fee to borrow the money from the bank. Otherwise I think your payback agreement with her sounds great.
 

Imdanny

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 21, 2008
Messages
6,186
I'm confused. Are you saying you will charge her interest and possible late fees? I can answer better if I understand your OP. Thanks.
 

swingirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2006
Messages
5,660
Remove the overdraft protection so she cannot overdraw the account. If there is no money left in the account the transaction should be rejected. Overdraft protection is fine for adults that need to protect their credit. But I think its just another way for banks to make money.

I thinks it's difficult to keep tract of the balance when using a debit card. Giving your DD a cash allowance is also an option and easier to keep track of. It's either in your pocket or it ain't. Prepaid Visa cards is another thing college kids use.

As someone who has very responsible college kids that are conservative spenders, I must report that they both occasionally overdraw their accounts. And it's their own money so they are paying the fees. My son chose to get rid of the overdraft protection. My daughter has a checking account where, if she gets overdrawn, money is transferred from her savings account into checking. I don't think it's the end of the world and they are not going to financially be irresponsible for the rest of their lives, just a few bucks poorer.
 

JuneRose

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 16, 2011
Messages
724
I think your plan is a great idea. Maybe she can also "work" for you too by doing extra chores etc to help pay you back too?
The best thing my mother ever did to prepare me for the real world financially was to give me all my allowance in one bug chunk.
Basically, when I was 13 I was given £30 a month allowance -but instead of giving it to me every month my mother gave me £1000.... but it had to last me 2 1/2 years!! It was a great lesson in managing money.
 

Puppmom

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Jun 25, 2007
Messages
3,160
Uppy, I’m going through similar things now with DD. She’s a junior right now and we’re definitely scrambling to prepare her for adulthood. Not that we didn’t work on it before but, every now and then, you have a conversation with them or something happens that makes you realize just how oblivious they are!

If DD were generally responsible with her money, I probably would just pay the overdraft stuff for her and make her *earn* it back. However, if it seemed like an opportunity to educate, I would absolutely jump on it like you have.

In your DD’s case, I think a bigger lesson may be showing her (if she hasn’t already realized) that spending $4-5 per day on lunch is a waste! Sheesh, if she does the math, she could easily see how much money she could save by packing lunch.

As for ODP, definitely get rid of it. It certainly would be a valuable lesson to have your card declined! I have ODP on my account that goes directly to savings with no charge. I do this because I don’t use credit cards and there’s not always an opportunity to transfer money in the case of an unexpected expense.
 

luv2sparkle

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Feb 3, 2008
Messages
7,788
Unfortunately, all of my children have done this at least once. I would first of all go into the bank and ask them if they would reverse some of the charges.It was her first time, and a mistake. B of A has done this for our kids and so has Chase when one had an account there.

When we got a account for our 15 year old this past summer, B of A told us that their debit account will no long overdraw so that this
cant happen anymore. Of course, my 15 is not writing checks, but if he tried to debit and there was not enough money he would be denied.

You have mentioned before that your daughter has a pretty good head on her shoulders, so I am guessing she will learn from this mistake.
We all have to make a few in one area or another.

I do think it is important that kids experience the consequences of their actions but in this case if you can get the bank to reduce the charges for her, I would consider one time a freebie. With all but one of my kids, this has worked well. They are now very cautious.
Seeing how much charges can rack up so quickly is a very effective scare for most of us. I also reminded my kids what they could do with that money. Let see, that is 5 tanks of gas, or a really nice shopping trip, or going out with your friends five times, so they feel what they are losing by being less than watchful of their money.
 

luv2sparkle

Ideal_Rock
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Feb 3, 2008
Messages
7,788
Uppy, when my son, who is now a senior in college, came home this past summer, he had gone to a Dr. to get vaccinations for a trip to Honduras. He didn't call and talk to me first but just went to any ol' doctor and it ended up costing him $200. He wanted me to reimburse him. I said no. We have health insurance and if he would have called and asked I could have told him how to go about it, or he could have called Blue Shield and asked them. He did neither.

I did tell him how to file a claim with Blue Shield and when he did the rep gave him some less then stellar advice of what to put for the reason. I told him what to list instead and after a lengthy process he was able to be reimbursed for $170 of the $200. It was a very good lesson learned for him.

This year he is living in a apartment (that costs more in rent than my house payment!) with 5 guys. We give him money for food and utilities but just a tiny bit under what he really needs. He has a great job, tutoring other students through the school that pays well. I could afford to give him more but I want him to learn how to budget his food money and look for savings rather that just make it easy for him.

He is a great kid, and always a straight A student even in college. He has never given me a single worry, and never once did I EVER have
to remind him or ask him about his homework. If I could clone him I would! But still, these lessons are so valuable to learn first hand.
He listens when we tell him something, but firsthand is still so much better.
 

Miss Sparkly

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2010
Messages
1,664
Uppy, I work for a bank and am very familiar with their fees/procedures/etc. First thing to consider, are you on the account with her? I have yet to find a bank that will allow a minor to be on a checking account alone. If so, you need to pay this balance and have it cleaned up so that it does not impact your credit or chexsystems history. Second, did you receive any kind of notification in the mail or via email asking you to "opt in" to the new government overdraft program? If you did not make a choice, or you chose to decline then you have some footing to have all of the fees reversed. Keeping in mind that this option can be changed an any time by any account holder. Last, depending on the type of authorization some of them must be paid. An example of this is gas. Most gas stations will only hold $1 from your account to make sure the card is active. You then pump your $45 worth of gas and that money isn't taken from your bank account until the gas station processes their sales. This could be same day or this could be three days later. If the person, three days later, does not have the funds to cover the transaction we as the bank still must cover it as it is now considered a pre-authorized debit. Talk to the bank, explain the situation and ask for a reasonable amount of fees to be refunded. The continuous overdraft fees for example. Also keep in mind that some people just cannot handle a debit card. I am one of them. Two years ago I shredded my debit card and have never looked back because I know how irresponsible I am with a piece of plastic. Cash only might be a good way for her to go.
 

soocool

Ideal_Rock
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Jan 10, 2009
Messages
2,827
DD is in her first year of college, and while I do not want to see her crash and burn (she has enough on her plate to worry about how much in her account right now), college helps them believe it or not to stay on top of their finances. Colleges have meal plans with flex dollars that will teach them how to use their meal plans wisely. (by sophomore year or sooner they will have it down pat). DD has a bank account on campus that alerts me when funds are under a certain amount and I will add to it. There are many incidentals in school that you cannot plan for.

DD has learned to share laundry with her roommate to lessen expenses. They buy certain things in bulk for their floor and share. DD has found ways to save money while in school and emails me each week to let me know.

I just wanted to add that DD does not have a debit card. I think it is too easy to forget how much you spend if you don't record it in the checkbook. Instead she uses cash for incidentals. That way she knows exactly how much money she has to spend and how long that money has to last her. She also has a credit card with a limit for things like books and possible emergencies, like doctor visits and medication.
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jan 11, 2006
Messages
56,144
I also do not like debit cards. If she allowed herself a certain amount of cash per week and physically could see at all times how much she had left, she might be more careful with spending. I also do not like that they allowed her to continue overdrafting. I would absolutely fix that so that when she runs out of money, the debit would not process so there couldn't be more than one overdraft. If she does keep the debit card, she needs to learn to keep all her expenditures in the check register or at least check her balance daily online.
 

chemgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2009
Messages
2,161
I don't have kids, but I haven't been out of school that long so I remember what my parents did with me!

I don't think having a debit card is a bad thing. I had a debit card and my own bank account since the age of 12. I do think that you should ask her to cancel the overdraft protection since it creates so many extra fees. I can't think of a single person in my first year of university who didn't have a debit card. Its definitely the norm. By second or third year, I think she should also have a low limit student credit card (not one of the ones they advertise on campus, but one through her bank) so she builds credit. I had too many friends who had no credit and were unable to set up important life things after school. You can't book a hotel room or rent a car without a credit card. The cardholder needs to pick up the car. So what happens if she has a job interview in another city during her final year of school and can't rent a car/book a hotel room? It won't go very well if Mom drops her off. **Side note: it would help to have her put her cell phone/utility bills in her name so she builds credit (when she's in college).

My parents gave me an allowance at a young age and I was expected to use it to buy school lunches and fun things. So if I wanted to go skating with friends when I was 13, I needed to take it out of my allowance. It really helped me learn money management. A few days of bagged lunches and I realized I should make sure I have some cash!

There is a University in my home town, but I didn't want to go to it. My parents made a deal. If I worked during the summer and saved enough for my own computer and a few things I'd need in a dorm room, then I could go to any school I wanted. If not, then I obviously couldn't manage finances and they would rather I stay at home. They could easily afford to send me off to school and cover all of my expenses, but they wanted me to show initiative. Having that savings goal really helped me realize that sometimes I'd have to sacrifice things I wanted in order to afford what I need. It was a good lesson.

Finally, while I was in school, my parents payed my tuition directly to the school and then gave me a monthly allowance to cover rent/food/utilities/entertainment. They calculated it in such a way that I'd have enough money for the essentials, plus about $40 per month to spend on dinners out/things with friends. If I did really well on something, or just really needed to de-stress, they would send me a card with an extra $20 to have some fun and decompress. I would get a card with money maybe once every 6 weeks or so.

Once I started to support myself, I was great at budgeting and had good credit so I guess their approach worked!

ETA: I'm in Canada and after reading some of the other responses I think banking works very differently here. I had a debit account when I was 12 and changed it to checking when I was 17 without having a parent involved. I also didn't have a cosigner on my credit card or my cellphone. I didn't realize those things were necessary in the US.
 

luv2sparkle

Ideal_Rock
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diamondseeker2006|1319646572|3048034 said:
I also do not like debit cards. If she allowed herself a certain amount of cash per week and physically could see at all times how much she had left, she might be more careful with spending. I also do not like that they allowed her to continue overdrafting. I would absolutely fix that so that when she runs out of money, the debit would not process so there couldn't be more than one overdraft. If she does keep the debit card, she needs to learn to keep all her expenditures in the check register or at least check her balance daily online.

We were adamant with all our kids about keeping a check register and that they knew what their balance was every single day. I told them
"I should be able to ask you at any given moment how much you have in your account and you should be able to tell me pretty much to the
penny". All but one, have been able to do that, and I did ask for the first year or so they had their account.


Also for my son in college, we have access to his account. We put money in it for him each month, so I could see it if I wanted to.
He is pretty hands off at this point so I don't ever need to.






edited for spelling and additional thoughts.
 

PinkTower

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 15, 2009
Messages
1,129
I know you want to “teach her a lesson” and all that. But, have a daughter the same age, who is level headed and makes good grades, takes 4 AP’s this time plus Latin IV + Calculus, etc., and I could totally see this happening to her.
I really see this as the bank’s fault. I’m sorry, but I do. They are not “Doing you a Courtesy” when they cover a $5 charge and make $32 on it. Here, the ability to “Opt Out” of their courteousness is relatively new. I doubt a 17 yo would even know it existed, because the banks do their best to keep the information a secret.

I have an excellent relationship with my bank It is a major bank, nationwide, but I live in a small town. Were I you, I would go up there in person and have the charges reversed. They would do it, too, because I am not a customer they would want to lose. I imagine your bank would do the same.

I’m a teacher, and I try to explain to parents in conferences every week that a child needs to learn to make their own way. Sure, there are lessons to be learned in life. I just don’t happen to agree that this is one of them.
 

natascha

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 10, 2010
Messages
644
You start college in the US at 18, right?

I am not a mother however, I am still in University and 23 years old. I wanted to give some advice regarding what I have seen work out with my and my friends and what has not worked out.

To be completely honest, I was a bit confused at first by what PP were writing. Things are done a bit differently over here. But I think that some things that I have seen are good lessons that all parents should give their children for the future.

Just wanted to start by saying that I may seem a bit harsh, so I will try to explain how it works over here. We usually start uni at 19, by then we are legally considered adults and our parents can not call the doctors for us, interact directly with the school, log on to our bank accounts, etc. Having a debit-card (or credit card, but practically no one my age has one) is a must. Practically everything is paid for over the internet, we order books on the internet, pay fees, etc we even use it as a form of id.

We don't have dorms and meal plans. The closest we come is corridor rooms, where you rent a room with bathroom in a student corridor and share a huge kitchen with 6-15 other students. The majority of us take loans to pay for everything included living expenses, getting an allowance is very rare. We are basically considered adults (although of course inmature ones :lol: ) that are expected to take care of everything ourselves. If you don't pay your bills then you get kicked out, if you keep failing your courses you get kicked out of your apartment and don't get new loans. We can't afford to eat out in a cafeteria every day so you either cook or survive on microwave meals and noodles. We don't have the option of overdrafts, when the money is gone it is gone. If it is three weeks left until you get more money, then hope you are lucky and can borrow from your parents. That however is considered extremely embarrassing by the majority so they usually end up living on pasta and hopefully learn their lesson.

So basically most people learn pretty quick how to take care of themselves. But those who have learnt those lessons at home are much better of usually. Learning how too handle money is extremely important. If you learn how to do and keep a budget, how much things cost, how too plan ahead, etc before you leave home you come out ahead. My mom started us on Saturday money when we were five ( basically was supposed to cover our Saturday sweets, but I usually ended up buying barbie shoes and crayones :roll: ). By 15 we had a monthly allowance and a debit card and we were supposed to cover bus card, cellphone, clothes, going out and saving for the summer because then we did not get an allowance. She would explain our monthly bills, how to pay bills, etc. For that I am grateful every day. I see so many that have no clue, overspend and then worry about money.

Other things like learning to go food shopping, cooking, booking doctors appointments, etc are things that I wish every parent would teach their children. So many don't have a clue because their parents would fix everything for them. In Swedish we have a saying for that, That you are doing them a bear favor. You are not actually helping them, you are making it worse.

I learnt those things at home, and once I was out from my parents house, I was an adult with adult responsibilities. I am very responsible with money in fact I am in a better position then friends who have been working with good pay all this time that I have been studying. They don't get why they don't have savings, are shocked when they see how much their food cost, etc. Freak out when their passport has expired because no one told them to fix it. Eat pasta every day of the week because they don't know how to cook.

So my recommendation is to teach your daughter how to handle money and everything else responsibly. Get rid of the overdraft protection. I promise you that the first time she gets a charge denied, she will learn to keep track of her money. Show her your bills, show her how to shop and plan a meal. Then make her do it herself without you. I just believe that giving an adult a set allowance in cash is kind of allowing them to not be responsible. Better that they make mistakes today and don't make them tomorrow.

I will get off my soapbox now :wavey: . I sincerely hope that I have not offended someone. If I have or if I have misunderstood how things work over there, please tell me.
 

Miss Sparkly

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2010
Messages
1,664
It is not the banks fault if somebody cannot manage their money. All fees and charges are disclosed at account opening and full transparency was a goal of the opt out laws. Many people do not even open their letters. Banks are a business and here to make money - besides, I don't see people complain about the high markup on jewelry. It's a business and the consumer can take it or leave it.
 

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 3, 2004
Messages
32,403
Upgradable|1319600037|3047730 said:
DD is a senior of pretty good sense, but I'm worried about her fianancial and personal readiness to handle the college environment.

So far, we have wanted her to experinece a bad breakup with a serious boyfriend before bing out of the house. DONE

She's been working part time at a Bridal Shop earning a salary. This has been used to fund her checking/debit card amount. We did front her $50 each month for gas.

Well, this last week she has managed to overdraw her bank account. She uses it for lunches, which are each between $4-$5 eachday. At this point with the $4-$5 her transaction overdraft fees are $32 each, plus another $25 for over 7 days ISF. At this point she is owes $230.60.

I can give her the money to cover the overdraft plus penalties, but don't think I will. Instead I had her take a "loan" from me. She has had to take her total and divide it by the number of paychecks, for 2 payments a month. She also will owe a $5 fee for late payment, and a 10% overall interest fee.

Does this seem reasonable?
look on the bright side...unlike my daughter at least she didn't charge 3 Coach bags on your CC ... :rolleyes:
 

AGSHF

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 7, 2004
Messages
147
Some other issues that should probably already have been addressed:

-- dealing with underage drinking of friends and peers in college
-- dealing with roommate or friends who think smoking the occasional marijuana joint is okay
-- taking care not to risk academic dishonesty
 

chemgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2009
Messages
2,161
AGSHF|1319686257|3048474 said:
Some other issues that should probably already have been addressed:

-- dealing with underage drinking of friends and peers in college
-- dealing with roommate or friends who think smoking the occasional marijuana joint is okay

-- taking care not to risk academic dishonesty
Speaking as somebody who just recently graduated, the best response is a simple "no thanks" if her friends ask her. If she makes a big deal out of it, she will have a pretty hard time. These activities are the norm in residence so her telling her peers its wrong, storming out, or anything to bring attention to herself wouldn't be a good idea. A simple, no thanks, and then duck out of the situation discretely at the first chance is really the best way to go.

You might want to include a talk on prescription medications and abusing solvents. You would be shocked at how common this is among youth and who does it. I know medical students who abuse sleeping pills and take valium from overseas as well as engineers who sniffed glue while they were in residence.

I remember my mom giving me talks on all of these things (fueled by dr. phil and oprah) and thinking she was so lame. In retrospect, she had good reason to be worried as I was offered a lot of illegal things during my time away at school!

ETA: Another fairly common issue is abusing caffein pills. They seem like a good idea when you're expected to write 4 exams in 2 days, but erratic behaviour, uncontrollable shaking, and vomiting never help. I've had to sit at the campus clinic more than once with friends who thought a bottle of caffein pills and 2 nights without sleep would lead to straight A's. They're a surefire way to fail everything and get really sick while doing it.
 

chemgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2009
Messages
2,161
luv2sparkle|1319661404|3048217 said:
diamondseeker2006|1319646572|3048034 said:
I also do not like debit cards. If she allowed herself a certain amount of cash per week and physically could see at all times how much she had left, she might be more careful with spending. I also do not like that they allowed her to continue overdrafting. I would absolutely fix that so that when she runs out of money, the debit would not process so there couldn't be more than one overdraft. If she does keep the debit card, she needs to learn to keep all her expenditures in the check register or at least check her balance daily online.

We were adamant with all our kids about keeping a check register and that they knew what their balance was every single day. I told them
"I should be able to ask you at any given moment how much you have in your account and you should be able to tell me pretty much to the
penny". All but one, have been able to do that, and I did ask for the first year or so they had their account.


Also for my son in college, we have access to his account. We put money in it for him each month, so I could see it if I wanted to.
He is pretty hands off at this point so I don't ever need to
.






edited for spelling and additional thoughts.
A bit of a threadjack, but seriously? This really blows my mind. Here its illegal for anyone not named on the account to view account information. So if your 8 year old has a young saver's account, you can't see the balance on it. You can deposit money in to any personal (ie non-business) account if you have the account number, but even with this information you're not allowed to see the account information. The ability to view anybody's personal information (even your child's) strikes me as a huge breach of privacy.

My rant probably rubbed everyone the wrong way. I'm just in culture shock at the moment.
 

AGSHF

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 7, 2004
Messages
147
Thank you, chemgirl, for the additional suggestions. I will be sure to add those to my list to discuss. The sniffing/huffing problem is one we discussed in middle school when my daughter noticed a classmate who liked to inhale intensely whenever they were using markers or adhesives in class. So glad she mentioned it to us so we could talk to her.
 

luv2sparkle

Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Feb 3, 2008
Messages
7,788
chemgirl|1319689470|3048512 said:
luv2sparkle|1319661404|3048217 said:
diamondseeker2006|1319646572|3048034 said:
I also do not like debit cards. If she allowed herself a certain amount of cash per week and physically could see at all times how much she had left, she might be more careful with spending. I also do not like that they allowed her to continue overdrafting. I would absolutely fix that so that when she runs out of money, the debit would not process so there couldn't be more than one overdraft. If she does keep the debit card, she needs to learn to keep all her expenditures in the check register or at least check her balance daily online.

We were adamant with all our kids about keeping a check register and that they knew what their balance was every single day. I told them
"I should be able to ask you at any given moment how much you have in your account and you should be able to tell me pretty much to the
penny". All but one, have been able to do that, and I did ask for the first year or so they had their account.


Also for my son in college, we have access to his account. We put money in it for him each month, so I could see it if I wanted to.
He is pretty hands off at this point so I don't ever need to






edited for spelling and additional thoughts.
A bit of a threadjack, but seriously? This really blows my mind. Here its illegal for anyone not named on the account to view account information. So if your 8 year old has a young saver's account, you can't see the balance on it. You can deposit money in to any personal (ie non-business) account if you have the account number, but even with this information you're not allowed to see the account information. The ability to view anybody's personal information (even your child's) strikes me as a huge breach of privacy.

My rant probably rubbed everyone the wrong way. I'm just in culture shock at the moment.

Seriously, Chemgirl? First of all, we are signed on the account. We pay his total school bills so we have access and money gets deposited in the account. If you ever had a kid who got themselves in some kind of difficulty I doubt you would feel this way. I am guessing this comes from the fact that you have no experience whatsoever. An 8 year old generally can't open a account without his parents being signed on it. I tell you what, you go and raise 5 kids to adulthood and then come back and tell me your views on this subject. Then, I would be interested in your opinion.
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
I think your solution seems completely reasonable, Luv.

When I read the thread title I was planning to come in here and say "You can always do what my parents did and lead by non-example. It worked for me!" I'm a financially responsible adult because I didn't want to make the same mistakes my parents made.

Your solution gives your daughter the chance to learn from her mistake, and to make it right by paying you back. I think it's a win-win!

Everyone makes mistakes, especially adolescents. When they have great guidance from caring adults, that makes all the difference. You sound like a great mom, Luv!
 

chemgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
2,161
luv2sparkle|1319810452|3049299 said:
chemgirl|1319689470|3048512 said:
luv2sparkle|1319661404|3048217 said:
diamondseeker2006|1319646572|3048034 said:
I also do not like debit cards. If she allowed herself a certain amount of cash per week and physically could see at all times how much she had left, she might be more careful with spending. I also do not like that they allowed her to continue overdrafting. I would absolutely fix that so that when she runs out of money, the debit would not process so there couldn't be more than one overdraft. If she does keep the debit card, she needs to learn to keep all her expenditures in the check register or at least check her balance daily online.

We were adamant with all our kids about keeping a check register and that they knew what their balance was every single day. I told them
"I should be able to ask you at any given moment how much you have in your account and you should be able to tell me pretty much to the
penny". All but one, have been able to do that, and I did ask for the first year or so they had their account.


Also for my son in college, we have access to his account. We put money in it for him each month, so I could see it if I wanted to.
He is pretty hands off at this point so I don't ever need to






edited for spelling and additional thoughts.
A bit of a threadjack, but seriously? This really blows my mind. Here its illegal for anyone not named on the account to view account information. So if your 8 year old has a young saver's account, you can't see the balance on it. You can deposit money in to any personal (ie non-business) account if you have the account number, but even with this information you're not allowed to see the account information. The ability to view anybody's personal information (even your child's) strikes me as a huge breach of privacy.

My rant probably rubbed everyone the wrong way. I'm just in culture shock at the moment.

Seriously, Chemgirl? First of all, we are signed on the account. We pay his total school bills so we have access and money gets deposited in the account. If you ever had a kid who got themselves in some kind of difficulty I doubt you would feel this way. I am guessing this comes from the fact that you have no experience whatsoever. An 8 year old generally can't open a account without his parents being signed on it. I tell you what, you go and raise 5 kids to adulthood and then come back and tell me your views on this subject. Then, I would be interested in your opinion.
I didn't mean to criticize you in my post. Its hard to convey tone through text. I was just shocked at how the banking system in the United States works because I do not live there and banking is very different here. Before now, I had always assumed that our two countries were fairly similar. Here, parents don't sign on to a child's account. For example, when I opened my youth debit account when I was 12 my mom was asked to leave the room when I selected my pin number and password. Its just how it works here and I was surprised that it was so different in the US. I'm sure you would find many cultural difference shocking if you were reading about a system that you're not familiar with.

I think the system I grew up in gives young adults more autonomy from their parents. Its just different. For example, I was allowed to sign myself out of school whenever I wanted once I turned 18. Once I was 18, I could sign any document intended for my parents (even my report card). There was a grade 13 in highschool and drinking age was 19 so there was a bar with alcohol at my prom. In my frist year of college there were school organized and sanctioned club nights and keg parties. My parents could not receive any information from my University, they had to go through me to get info on my grades and meal plan account. This is just how it is where I grew up and everything else is a bit of culture shock.

You're right, I don't have children so I don't know what its like to see them struggle to learn finances. However, I was basing my statements on how I would have felt when I was in school if my parents could just look at my account statements whenever they wanted. Its great that you don't have to do that for your son.

ETA, I was just looking in to it and it seems that parents have the option to sign on to an account. If they do, then they can have access until the child is 19. If they opt not to sign on, then they cannot gain access in the future and the only real restriction is that the child cannot get overdraft protection. The only downside is that for parents to be signed on, many banks require them to also sign for cash withdrawals. That seems like it would start becoming a hassle once the child gets older. After looking at a Canadian parent's forum, it seems like parents of 2-10 year olds opt to sign on, but those of older kids don't.
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
I would NOT go to bank on the kid's behalf (even if taking the kid) and ask them to reverse the charges. That is called helicopter parenting and IMHO it doesn't do anyone any good. If the kid wants to go herself and ask if there's anything they can do, then go for it. I'd be happy, if the kid wanted to do that, to maybe give some ideas how to see if she can negotiate, but the bottom line is that it is NOT THE BANK'S FAULT. It is the person's responsibility to read the fine print and manage her money, PERIOD.

I'm not opposed to the loan idea, but if it didn't affect my credit, per se, I'd let her tackle it herself with the bank. If it affects her credit at this stage, I'd make her deal with it, and learn how to repair it. (It was one of the best lessons I learned...I totally value my credit and it was good to learn it early before I needed it for major life purchases. You have TIME to fix it in your teens/20's!) It's fun to see what the real world can do to you...and how tough it can be when you screw up and how much banks attack you with interest and more fees. If she has it in her to dig out (meaning she has a job and can sacrifice to pay it off), I'd do that at this point because if she can learn the lesson now with $230, it's far easier than what she can EASILY rack up in college, which is $1000s. I racked up $3000 in debt in college because I was irresponsible and my mother never taught me how to deal with credit or manage money well (one of the only things she did not do!). And that's nothing compared to what kids can do these days. But let me tell you, I felt total despair back then...didn't think I could ever dig out of $3000! Some people quit trying at that point and just live with a lifetime of consumer debt. Which is no way to live.

Just to clarify, I'm not opposed to the idea of "bail out"....as long as she pays you back. The reason I'm saying to let her figure it out herself with the bank at this point is that it would also be a good lesson to learn how to fix problems without someone bailing you out. It seems like the $230 would be feasible to fix with some time, all on her own.
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
17,193
JuneRose|1319633648|3047876 said:
I think your plan is a great idea. Maybe she can also "work" for you too by doing extra chores etc to help pay you back too?
The best thing my mother ever did to prepare me for the real world financially was to give me all my allowance in one bug chunk.
Basically, when I was 13 I was given £30 a month allowance -but instead of giving it to me every month my mother gave me £1000.... but it had to last me 2 1/2 years!! It was a great lesson in managing money.
I love this idea. Filing it away for future reference..... :read:
 

luv2sparkle

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 3, 2008
Messages
7,788
I agree Traveling gal, but doing it once can just be helpful. The problem is, that with most banks, these charges rack up so fast a person doesn't even realize that they have made an error. Most kids (or first time account holders) don't realy have a concept of this until they see it in black and white and it means real dollars to them. The system is very slanted to the favor of the banks and the charges are outrageous, but that is how it works.

Teaching our kids is the priority here, not taking away all their resonsibility. Doing it over and over would be doing that to me.
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
17,193
luv2sparkle|1319819821|3049431 said:
I agree Traveling gal, but doing it once can just be helpful. The problem is, that with most banks, these charges rack up so fast a person doesn't even realize that they have made an error. Most kids (or first time account holders) don't realy have a concept of this until they see it in black and white and it means real dollars to them. The system is very slanted to the favor of the banks and the charges are outrageous, but that is how it works.

Teaching our kids is the priority here, not taking away all their resonsibility. Doing it over and over would be doing that to me.
I agree teaching them is important...and teaching them that's how banks work is very important.

That's why I'd coach her to see if she could go to the bank and see if they can work something out. I wouldn't go and do it FOR her. I wouldn't even go WITH her because I think my motherly instincts would jump in and I wouldn't be able to shut my mouth. :bigsmile: If the child is 17, and she can drive, she can go do it. Otherwise I'd drop her off. 17 is only one year shy of being a legal adult. The world doesn't go "awww, you're only 18...we'll try to be nice to you." She's an adult and there's just not a lot of mercy out there.

I'd go over her accounts with her, figure out how she could pay it off and make suggestions. I'd say perhaps it's time to make lunch every day to save the $30 a week that she spends on lunch. Give her other suggestions and my "bail out" would be pretty much that she's lucky she still lives under my roof and that she doesn't pay for groceries and what not - that while she's under my roof, she's able to "mooch" and save her own money to deal with this.

I'm just saying, learning how to dig out of $230 by her OWN MEANS, even WITH how the banks add on fees, etc, is going to be MUCH easier than figuring how to dig out of 1000s - especially if at that point in her life, she has no one to guide her.

And in the end, I'd tally up all the fees, late fees, interest, blah blah blah and show her all the money she had to pay for not watching her account carefully. And show her that it could have been spent on far more fun things!
 

Miss Sparkly

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2010
Messages
1,664
Uppy, if you are on the account it can and will effect your credit and chexsystems if the bank charges off the account. The bank I work for is like clockwork when it comes to sending overdrawn accounts to collections. Often times the accounts are coded as NSF activity or even account abuse. When you open an account at a bank they pull chexsystems each time. These remarks on your report can keep you from being able to open checking accounts.
 
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