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how do i get him to understand

Discussion in 'Hangout' started by bluesilver701, Mar 30, 2006.

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  1. bluesilver701
    Rough_Rock

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    by bluesilver701 » Mar 30, 2006
    hi, new here..



    recently engaged, wearing a nontraditional ring with which i am completely happy with. (cost 15 dollars. lol, but with the romantic location/proposal and intention behind it, its priceless to me.)


    my problem/question is.. iv been doing a little online ring looking. iv discussed the whole topic of rings with my fiance briefly, he wants both me to look around and for us to go looking together. im glad he wants to be involved in the process... what im kinda worried about is that he was talking this morning and said he figures we could find our rings for about 100, 150 dollars apiece.

    is that really possible?

    i mean, i dont want a huge fabulous ring that costs a million dollars or anything, ..but to me, a nice ring really would mean alot. he isnt the kind of guy to wear or buy jewlery, so i just dont think he understands that i would kind of like something a little special.

    i found a ring online, that has a combination of small london blue topaz and a very small diamond in a nice little sturdy setting. the only problem is, it goes for like 600 dollars. which i ever so slightly mentioned, and he got the ''could be spent on something else, something usefull'' tone in his voice and changed the subject.

    am i being selfish about this?..

    i just really would like him to see that something like this is kind of inportant to me, that he doesnt have to buy me the moon or anything, but that its something i feel is significant. how can i tell him that? i just dont want him to feel like i dislike the ring i have becuase it didnt cost alot of money... most importantly, i love him, so i guess thats matters most of all, above everything. i just really want him to see that this is something that means something to me.
     
  2. Waited2Long
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Waited2Long » Mar 30, 2006
    $600 is not extravagant for most people here, but it really depends. How are your/his finances? Is he always extremely frugal? How big a deal is $600 relative to other expenses? Maybe you have good reasons for thinking it''ll be difficult to tell him, but if not, don''t assume he''ll need much convincing. If it''s something you''ll be wearing it for decades, make sure it''s something you both like. Then again, there''s always the x-year upgrade.
     
  3. f0rbidden
    Shiny_Rock

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    by f0rbidden » Mar 31, 2006
    Hi and welcome.

    I have to tell you that my engagement ring was about $12.
    I wear it every day and I love it.
    Now that our financial situation is better, you can peek at my thread in RockyTalky to see the ring my husband and I are buying! But, I''ll miss my little celtic knot when I don''t wear it anymore. I am 100% certain my husband sees absolutely NO value whatsoever in the ring I''m getting. It''s for me, because I''ve wanted one for a long time and we just couldn''t afford it - there were waaaaay too many other ''more important'' things to spend the money on.

    I think - if this is how you feel, that you should be open and honest and just tell him. open and honest communication is really the cornerstone to a good marriage, and since that''s where you and he are headed, might as well start now! You love him - he loves you. He many not completely understand it, but he will understand it''s importance to YOU.



    I wish you and your fiance all the luck and happiness the world has to offer.
     
  4. ladykemma
    Ideal_Rock

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    by ladykemma » Mar 31, 2006
    is he referring to wedding bands?
     
  5. msdarlinjoy
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by msdarlinjoy » Mar 31, 2006
     
  6. moon river
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by moon river » Mar 31, 2006
    I would sit down and talk to him about how you feel. Some guys just don''t ''get it''. Talk to him and see if he sees things your way before worrying any more. Offer to buy his ring too. That will leave more money for him to spend on yours. You should have what you want or you will always be a little unhappy with your ring and that should never happen to newlyweds.[​IMG]
     
  7. gailrmv
    Ideal_Rock

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    by gailrmv » Mar 31, 2006
    Well it all depends on finances. If money is tight, which is completely understandable depending on your age/jobs, then maybe $600 is too much. However if you guys have some flexibility in spending, I think it is worth it to get a wedding band you are happy with. After all, considering how much people can spend on clothes that might last a season or a few years at most, and your ring should last a lifetime or at least several decades, that kind of puts the cost in perspective. You will be wearing it every single day. When you consider what the average wedding costs, I don't think $600 is too much at all. However, if it means you won't be able to pay your bills, maybe just get a simple but nice band for $100 or so, and plan to get your "dream" band at some point in the future. A friend got married with a very simple band, and just recently her husband surprised her with a beautiful diamond solitaire to wear with it, since she had not had an engagement ring. Nothing says that you have to get it all at once. when talking to him, maybe bring up some example of something he bought or wants to buy (i.e. tools, sports stuff, hobby stuff, etc) that you don't necessarily want to spend the money on but that you are OK with because you know it is important to him. Part of marriage is talking about money, prioritizing, and compromising when it comes to your expenses!
     
  8. koko
    Shiny_Rock

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    by koko » Apr 2, 2006
    Welcome, BlueSilver....of course you''re not being unreasonable! Many men don''t understand why women feel the way they do about jewelry. My husband is very practical but he doesn''t question it, and loves to surprise me with jewelry on special occasions even though he doesn''t understand why I enjoy it so much. Of course I don''t understand his cigar hobby, but I indulge him as well. I think in your situation it really depends on finances. If you could easily afford the $600.00 and your fiance doesn''t want to spend the money out of selfishness, that''s a lot different than him trying to stick to a budget and watch out for your finances. I think you''ll feel better if his motivation is what''s best for you both as a couple and not that he wants to spend any extra money on himself. Best of luck to you both! Keep us posted on your ring.....what''s important is the love it symbolizes between you, and it will be lovely whether simple or elaborate!
     
  9. bluesilver701
    Rough_Rock

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    by bluesilver701 » Apr 10, 2006
    thankx to everyone that replied.


    i sat down with him and had a ''chat''. i started by asking him what he had in mind for his ring, and he interupted me and said that he wanted me to forget about the other day''s conversation (about rings), that at the time he was feeling a bit ''stretched'' about the whole money idea (we were waiting for a call back about the price of our ceremony venue. literaly didnt know if it cost 1$ or 1 million, and i think the uncertianty of the whole process was stressing him a tad bit ) but that he wanted me to know that he would do everything in his ability to help me find, and get, what i wanted.



    ....ok, so maybe all boys dont have cooties or fleas or whatever.....



    i ws sitting and thinking about it, and i discussed it with him, and id rather have old stones of my mothers re..set? re-banded, i supose. she had already mentioned she had a few rings she didnt/isnt able to wear anymore (she works in the medical profession, and cant for practicality''s sake wear rings) and said if i were interested i could take a look. i really fell in love with a little 5 stone ring she had, it looked nice and sturdy and good for everyday wear (in an artist, and tend to work with my hands alot.. always very concerned about the saftey of my jewlery as far as stability goes) i dont know what kind of setting it would be called, the 5 stones were all the same size, and together (with the little prongs between them. they stuck up off the ring only a little bit. they werent channel set, but im not sure what it would be called, either. i think she said the ctw was 1/2. it might have been 1/4, i cant remember. lol

    now my question is.. what does a new band cost? just something really basis, sturdy.. whitegold, i guess (i usualy only wear silver ).. iv been looking around online, trying to find a place that sells just the settings or bands or whatever they are called, but with no real luck.


    also, does anyone know much about having the inside of the ring engraved?
     
  10. JulieN
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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  11. tulip928
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by tulip928 » Apr 11, 2006
    How about a completely new ring like this? I just bought myself the diamond band I''ve always wanted after 32 years of marriage (don''t wait that long for a ring you love![​IMG]) - a half eternity band (wedding band) from this company. The diamonds they use are exquisite even in the small carat size like this ring and their customer service is excellent. The diamonds are ideal or premium cut and they sparkle like crazy. [​IMG] [​IMG]

    http://www.thefacetscollection.com/item.cfm?item_id=3638
     
  12. tulip928
    Brilliant_Rock

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  13. XChick03
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by XChick03 » Apr 11, 2006
    It shouldn''t cost too much to have it reset. White gold would be a great choice for you because gold is more inexpensive and slightly stronger than platinum. Having them engraved might cost $20 at the most but a lot of places will do it for free if you buy the ring from them. Try www.whiteflash.com they do a lot of custom work and several people here have used them for their wedding and engagement rings. Just send them an e-mail and see how much it would cost for them to reset the stones.
     
  14. mrssalvo
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by mrssalvo » Apr 11, 2006
    check out eweddingbands.com also. A few pricescopers have purchased their wedding bands from them and been very pleased.
     
  15. moon river
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by moon river » Apr 11, 2006
    I''m glad the lines of communication are open.[​IMG]
     
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