How did/do you justify getting more bling??

[fiona00004]

HI everyone,

First of all, I am so happy to have found a forum where people have the same passion as I do! I could not share my enthusiasm for precious bling with anyone that I actually knew because no one was interested in jewelry. I am having fun learning, sharing and admiring!!

That said, I recently changed/upgraded my ering (will post the story with some pics later) and I just thought of asking for other people's experience with getting new bling. My family, and even my hubby don't understand the purpose of purchasing nice jewelry and think it is a "waste" of money. I do feel guilty for my passion sometimes. True, the money could go towards my kids' education fund or the mortgage. Don't get me wrong, I haven't really purchased any big items and we are not in debt or anything. It is just that my family and hubby are really rational spenders and I guess I am less so? I also like to get my hubby's input on things because when he agrees to a purchase and participates, it is just so much more fun and romantic! Like the piece is a gift from him!

But anyhow, I am just wondering how all of you justify adding more precious jewels to your collection. How does your partner participate?My collection is pretty small for now, but I am often 'looking around' for desirable pieces... I just don't dare ask or even express to my hubby what other items I'd like to get someday since he just paid for a new ering for me!

Do, please, do share your stories! I need some encouragement and support! heehee!

 

[GreenBling]

It takes me years of brainwashing and I'm proud to say that DH is very supportive . That said, I never make crazy big purchases and I'd make sure he's ok before I embark on any project. Looking back, these have been my "reasons" and tactics

Big celebration... Birthday, child birth, health, career move
"Life's too short not to indulge ourselves"
Get him interested in something pricy too, he'll be less critical about your purchase
Educate him about the cuts, fire, optics etc... show him videos, quiz him... It just makes the whole thing more fun
Shop together. He may not wear it but he owns it too, so he should love it as much as you do!
Heirloom piece. It is not your diamond, it belongs to his family, his kids, grandchildren. you are merely borrowing it

Jokes aside, the first most important thing is whether the purchase would set you back financially. If you've already paid all bills, have savings, education fund, emergency fund, then you are good to go.

 

[distracts]

My fiance is adamant that he won't buy me any diamonds until after we've been married at least a year... which is annoying because my solo income isn't big enough to buy diamonds on my own! (And right now, pre-marriage, our free-spending money is split along income lines, though post-marriage that will change... but any purchase over $500 has to be cleared with the other partner. And obviously most diamonds are over $500!) But he's totally fine with colored stones and settings for them. He may not UNDERSTAND it, but he likes to spend money on motorcycles and grills (I would really think one of either is enough? But apparently not?) and hockey season tickets (lol as if that is at all useful this year) so we just chalk it up to "sometimes people like stuff that other people don't understand!" There's not really justification going on, I guess. All the money used for both our expensive interests is the free-spending money left after everything necessary, including savings and emergency fund, is taken care of. Yes, we COULD put MORE money into savings, and sometimes we do, but sometimes we like to buy stuff instead, because the stuff makes us happier, and we can look at it and use it right now. It may be a waste of money from a completely emotionless viewpoint, but if you have the money and it makes you happy... why not??

As for how my fiance participates, mostly I point at things and go "I LIKE THIS!" and he goes, "Okay" and then goes back to whatever he's doing. Occasionally he says, "Okay, you have my credit card, go buy it." Lots of times he says "Oh my god so many sparkly things I'm so overwhelmed oh my god how do you deal with all that? I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND YOU!!!" If I order gems and am unsure about whether I should keep/return them, he's usually able to verbalize why I'm on the fence even when I don't know myself. I WISH he had more interest and would, like, pick out a gift for me on his own by researching on PS, but I think that may never happen. And that's okay.

I also take silversmithing classes and that to him seems to be the most "legitimate" jewelry interest of mine. With colored stones second and diamonds last. For some reason he has lots of weird feelings about diamonds. I don't even know, man.

 

[LaraOnline]

What a fun thread!

Firstly, I guess your own family background kind of 'sets a tone' for your expectations and how 'guilty' you feel regarding the enjoyment of jewellery.

I would never feel comfortable saying I have a 'sense of entitlement' regarding diamond jewels - let's face it, diamonds ARE incredibly expensive, and many people would spend that money on other important purchases, such as housing improvements or overseas trips.

I have a gf that is VERY comfortable that is rockin the cheapest diamond ever. Boy, she has a nice car though. Yannow? I don't care about cars lol.

By the same token, I tend to work on the 'theory' lol that I only have one neck, two ears and two arms and hands. It's all got to work together, and I've probably got to love it enough to wear it almost every day.

So...no long dangly opera diamonds then! That helps me pace myself.

Also, monitoring PS usage - I come, I ogle, I buy, and up until now I disappear.

Maybe I'm all grown up now and can just hang around and enjoy the view. Not everyone on PS is dropping tens of thousands on carbon all the time.

ETA: oops, I have stumbled upon a 'cunning plan'. Over the past few years husband has developed an interest in going on an annual fishing safari! These things can be expensive once you add in the flights, accom, etc... We have kind of agreed that this is a ledger-balancing exercise that may offset the odd diamond purchase or too LOVE IT!

 

[Frallan]

Hi

Im from the other side... I am the Hubby... And Ill explain how and what I think.

I try to buy my wife jewellery from time to time I bought her a ring when she got pregnant. I bought her pearls for no other reason than that I think she is now the age where a woman should have pearls I bought her a reasonally priced solitair when we registered marrigae (we will marry for real but reality (i.e a son) got to us first so we had to settle the legal part before we have had the possibility to plan a wedding). I love buying her things in great part because I know sh appreciates it but would never ask or preassure for it.

She is of the sesible sort that would be able to buy a diamond after we know that the collage is paid for and there is enough savings in the bank to last us a while if something happens. I on the other hand is an Msc of business and economics who live equally on the balance sheet and in the cash flow so I belive that I have the better possibillity to judge what we can afford and when we can afford it or for special occations there is always a bit stashed away for something extra. However that must no jepordise the normal status qou.

However had she not been of the more accountable presuasion and had she shown that she wanted more "Bling" without the reponsibility I would have had to be the "responsible partner" in the relation" which basically would have stopped me from buying anything extra.

I would say that you should take a year or two looking to the basics and showing that you are a responsible partner and discussiong things with your hubby. From the start you should make it clear in an "over the table" discussion that you would to have some "bling" but that you understand that other things must come first. If that doesn't seem agreeable to you bc of timespan or that the bling-factor isn't high enough for you you should maybe try to figure out the reason to why you want the bling and adress that instead.

Sincerly and with the best intentions
/Frallan

 

[LaraOnline]

Hi there Frallan,
great to have you joining the convo.
I have a friend whose hubby is terrible with money.
He spends it faster than either of them can make it.
But...he controls the purse strings. Do you have any tips for her heheh?

 

[Frallan]

Hi Lara,

I wish I had - that is possibly the worst situation to be in and there is no easy way to deal with it.

I can only say what I would do but its easier said than done.

As a first I would try to take control of the purse strings as in the earlier post an "over-the-table" discussion might help. Bring paper and pen and the bills as well as the salary slips. Then add it up plus on one side minus on the other and see how it balances out. If its zero its not bad but it ain't good either if its minus something needs to be done unless the period has been special (like now Im in minus bc my wafe is at home with our son earning nothing in a january she will go back to work adding another 2k USD a month to the plus side - this means I can use savings to cover us for this period without worrying but had i t been minus every month it is a disaster in waiting). A normal economy should have like 5-10% slack which means that you should normally be able to save some money each month without cutting cutting into the essentials.

If that is not possible I would at least make sure all the bills got paid on time every month and take charge of that part. Mortage and housing, utilities and debt in that order after that the rest. At the same time if the situation is bas or decent but gettin worse I would start building a firewall so that both partners economy doesnt go down the drain if he goes. That way she can either help them out from a position of strength when he goes titsup with the control or start anew when it crashes. What is important to her if its bad is damage control - how does she get out of it without beeing indebted for the rest of her life IF it goes titsup.

This is done by:
1: Not signing into any more debt together
2: Making sure that any debt that both are serving is getting paid first and if possible paying of such debt first.

Now this is just how I would do it and Im not a professional advisor any more than I am a gemologist

Hope my 2 cents were of some help.

Sincerly
/Frallan

 

[justginger]

Honestly, I am very, very lucky. I have a husband who a) knows that I am financially responsible and would never, ever purchase something with funds that were needed elsewhere, and b) genuinely loves to see me happy.

Diamonds make me smile like this -----> and he smiles like this ----->

He doesn't "get" diamonds any more than I "get" why he needs a sailing club membership, three surfcats, and a custom built trailer to carry them. But it doesn't matter, we GET that it makes the other person happy. Life is too short to not get what makes you happy (so long as it is a healthy endeavor).

I feel for the women out there who have husbands who don't get it, in more ways than one. My only advice is to set aside separate funds. Give yourself $X allowance from each pay, and he gets to keep the same amount as well. Then the two of you can spend your allowance on whatever you want, no guilt or permission necessary.

 

[woofmama]

My husband of 15 yrs has always taken an interest in jewelry. He surprised with gifts over the years, earrings, bracelets, RHR's, watches etc. All nice things purchased from local family owned stores. So the interest was there when the subject of new ering and band came up. Then I found PS and show him lots of things on here. We have been looking at diamond studs for my next purchase

He admires the fact that I educate myself before making large purchases and get the most "bang for my buck". He has officially handed the jewelry buying reins over to me,which means no more surprises. I don't mind since I would rather pick what I want anyway. We do discuss all large purchases and have to agree on them before any money is spent.

Of course he can't protest too much about the money spent-for his 50th birthday we bought him a brand new Harley and he has bought some accessories for the bike. His Christmas present from me was a $475 Harley leather jacket.

We both work very hard and always have. DH typically pulls 10-12 days and/or 6 day work weeks. I own a small biz, retail store, so I often work 6 days as well. Due to owning the biz, we can't/don't travel much, and we lead a very middle class life. We enjoy simple things, meals at nice restaurants, going to museums, going downtown by the lakefront, doing the charity motorcycle rides, so we don't spend a load of money.

Harley has a motto I really like- Life is short, enjoy the ride! I like to say-Life is short, enjoy some bling!

 

[ponder]

I justify having more than one diamond the same way my husband justifies having more than one car. While we both view each other as being frivolous, it is simply where our separate interests lie. Btw, he spends alot more a year than I do. There is truly no comparison.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Yes, like Ponder, my husband has more than one car so I can easily justify jewelry for special gifts for Christmas, anniversaries, and birthdays. If I want a big item, sometimes it can be one thing for all three of those. But I did not buy much jewelry during the years we had young kids and were paying for braces, saving for college, etc. Then all of a sudden I turned 50 and realized that if I was going to have time to enjoy some really nice pieces, it needed to be sooner rather than later!!! But again, we have our savings under control and just spend extra income on luxuries. Some people spend huge amounts on vacations, etc., but we spend less on things like that and more on the hobbies that we enjoy more!

 

[bunnycat]

Hi Fiona-

I think greenbling made some good comments, especially about having some fun educating him about performance and quality. Neither hubs nor myself had much experience with jewelry before we researched my e-ring but hubs always has had good taste and an eye for quality so once we started researching, we didn't look long at "mall" type stores.

I think the education process helped him understand how lovely a quality made piece can be (and we won't say what it did to me...) even if he doesn't really "get" the psychology behind sparklies (much like I don't really "get" audio equipment). If perhaps all you hub has seen is mall quality pieces, I can understand how someone could just say "????". My family is a bit like that, they don't have any experience with anything other than malls, so jewelry for them is mostly "?????".

So, if you have educated yourself, maybe see if he's interested in learning more.

For myself, a person on a budget who likes sparklies, I have a small (currently depleted) fund that's discretionary. Mostly it comes from selling pieces I don't wear on Diamond Bistro or elsewhere, and then tucking that away until something else catches my eye. If I am looking at something and it runs a couple of hundred or under, I generally just gauge my "want" factor and decide whether or not I can/should do it. For more expensive or special items, I either plan it with him (like the reset I am currently saving for) or at least get his very important to me opinion on it.

 

[lizzyann]

Well everyone has their "thing". I like jewelry. DH likes electonics and gadgets. When we have some extra money we treat ourselves. There are no surprises though when it cmes to big ticket items. We discuss everything!

 

[Enerchi]

I just buy it myself! I always make sure that any family/home commitments are covered off first, and I always *ask* if DH would mind if I did buy XXX for myself. I don't need his permission, but I want to feel like I have cleared it first, prior to purchase, so there are no "issues" post purchase, KWIM??

For me, its only been within a year + that I've gone bling crazy - before that, I had some nice silver pieces, but not a lot of diamond or coloured stone treasures, like I have now.

One thing that really helped my situation a LOT, was our trip to NYC in October where we were able to visit 3 PS vendors and spend some time learning on site. DH was really into it and since then, he even throws "diamond words & phrases" around!! He was completely fascinated by our time spent at DBL and the coloured stones and just seeing this amazing stones up close and personal --- and flipping them around in the tweezers! Turns out - he's a natural at it!

I think it helps if your SO can at least appreciate what the product is you are lusting after. If my DH was into cars or cameras or boats, as an example, I would do my best to try and learn something about them, if nothing more than to be able to appreciate what it is that HE appreciates about them!

Good luck!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I haven't figured this out, exactly. It always helps if you can stash a bit for a bling fund!

 

[AprilBaby]

I just get away with it because its my birthstone. He gets that it means a lot to me.

 

[mrs jam]

I just got an e-ring upgrade, and I feel no guilt about it whatsoever. I'm a minimalist by nature, so I don't like having a lot of "stuff." One of the perks of this is that it frees up money to spend on things I truly love, like jewelry. I seem to have outgrown my desire for handbags, high-end designer clothes, and household decor items, so I don't have any twinges of conscience when I fall in love with a piece of jewelry and feel like I have to have it. Jewelry is my only "frivolous" desire, and I actually enjoy the whole process of saving up for an item that I want.

 

[Fly Girl]

I did not buy much jewelry during the years we had young kids and were paying for braces, saving for college, etc. Then all of a sudden I turned 50 and realized that if I was going to have time to enjoy some really nice pieces, it needed to be sooner rather than later!!! But again, we have our savings under control and just spend extra income on luxuries.

Agreed. I had very few nice pieces of jewelry for years. I would see a piece, and think to myself that someday I would have more jewelry. Well, now the kids are out of college, I'm back at work after being laid off during the Great Recession, and retirement is just a few years away. The time is NOW for me to purchase bling, and I'm doing my best to acquire a collection that I will enjoy for the years I have remaining in my journey of life.

 

[ClassyRocks]

I can't justify anymore bling for awhile! I sure love jewelry though! I am blessed to have the nice pieces that I have, which are pretty incredible . . . no complaining here. We are going to "sit tight" on our money for at least the next year.

 

[GemFever]

I just buy it myself! I always make sure that any family/home commitments are covered off first, and I always *ask* if DH would mind if I did buy XXX for myself. I don't need his permission, but I want to feel like I have cleared it first, prior to purchase, so there are no "issues" post purchase, KWIM??

That's what I do too. I started a bit early... but for now we have no kids, no mortgage, no debt. So I figure I'll enjoy it while I can. I have my own income and I can budget some away. Now if I didn't have my own income... not sure how I would justify it. Probably just for birthdays and holidays.

Also, with all the jewelry research I've been doing, I've spoiled myself / honed my specific tastes to the point that I wouldn't want a surprise jewelry gift from anyone. It would be sad to receive a piece of jewelry and never wear it. I love picking stuff out myself, getting educated, finding bargains, etc.

Also I'm with mrs jam -- I don't splurge on almost anything else. I need some new socks though

 

[Polished]

My hubby likes to buy blocks of silver and gold as investments, although I think he rather likes the tactile look and feel of them! I just like to add diamonds into the mix.

 

[fiona00004]

@Greenbling: "Life's too short not to indulge ourselves" definitely...I think I said that to my mom recently when she gave me a questioning look with regards to my ering upgrade... educating DH is also good advice and I've been throwing him "did you know...?" questions from time to time after having read something on PS lol! DH does notice when I wear precious pieces though and compliments me on them. He is quite a detailed observer for a guy heehee... I am slowly trying to get him to "understand" somehow...but you make a good point, he owns it too!

@distracts: DH is kind of like your FI. He rarely surprises me with jewels...and I think it is partly my fault though (I think!). 2 years ago, he "surprised" me with a pair of halo opal earrings...I definitely was surprised because on my "wish list" for him was a bracelet or necklace I had been eyeing... I also already had a pair of opal earrings. After receiving them, I took him aside and tried my best to gently told him that my heart wasn't really set on these. He was crushed and pretty upset... don't think I will be getting any of those kinds of surprises again!

@Lara: Oh, definitely... family upbringing definitely sets the tone, but for some reason, I am the only one into the expensive stuff! My parents are like "if it ain't broke, why get a new one?"

@Frallan: Great to get the hubby's views on things!! I wonder if my hubby sees me as a sensible spender. I have never really asked him that question point blank... hubby doesn't spend as much as I do, and by that I mean on daily resquired things like food, clothing, medicine and household stuff. DH is incredibly good with his money... so much so that I can even compare my passion of jewels to any kind of indulgement on his part... he looks up cars and cameras but just looks at forums and stuff without spending anything!

@justginger: so lucky that you and your husband understand each other My hubby definitely tries to, gotta give him some credit for that ! I just have to be more verbal about my desires before he really "gets it"

@woofmama: I say that a lot: "life is short... " DH does like that I read up and try to educate myself on these things. I always tell him that I hate it when I go to a B&M and the SA can be very un-helpful and unknowledgable... I even met one who referred to diamond cuts by rectangle, square, round, oval heart... and that's about it! LOL... I was so annoyed! We are also not really big spenders, but we do like a nice vacation from time to time and now with 2 new kids, 2 more plane tickets to pay for!

@ponder , @diamondseeker: My hubby loves to read up about the latest trends in cars, but still, very rational about us having only the 1 car (VW Golf)! If only he had some kind of expensive hobby too!

@bastetcat: Yeah, I don't think hubby had seen many NON mall type pieces. But, like yours, he is able to appreciate something that is well made and he also has a taste for quality. I think I'll keep in mind what you said in your last paragraph about how you save up and gauge on how much you want something...with our "wandering" eyes, we can't get too greedy!

@enerchi: YES! I just told him about your trip to DBL! WOW!! But... how did get to see all those treasures? You visit and they will just pull them out for you? I already told him that we gotta visit NYC someday and visit a few places... I gotta save up!!

@Aprilbaby: It is the birthstone of 3/4 of us... only my son missed out by 2 weeks! LOL!!

@Mrs.Jam: Me too...I seem to have outgrown designer handbags... and even then, I had many bags, but not really expensive ones... my most expensive one was about 300$....yes, jewelry is really my "thing" now...just looking at a beautiful piece that I own gives me some kind of "satisfaction"... (I sound like a druggie!)

@flygirl: Enjoy planning for retirement (*ahem* I mean planning on which creative piece you'll search for next!)

@Gemfever: I think having my own income is important if I want to be able to get things for myself....however, on maternity leave, I find myself very tight budget wise... but I know that won't last forever! Yes, I think receiving surprise jewelry isn't that fun anymore just because we know what we like and part of the fun is the research and anticipation !

 

[marcy]

Fiona, great topic to start! I am lucky that my husband doesn't care if I get more bling and he shares a similar passion for watches which he blames on me for dragging him to jewelry stores all those years. I used to have a second job that paid pretty well and we used that money quite often for new jewelry or watches. It was guilt free spending since we never counted it in our income for bills. After I lost that job we had to be more frugal and only buy those things for birthdays or Christmas. We are in the process of buying a new house which will certainly take another bite out of my jewelry budget. Rats.

I always feel "bad" spending money on something I don't need but then again I don't begrudge my husband spending money on golf, golf clubs, concerts, poker and his toys. So I just kind of save money and wait until I have enough to buy what I want (it's usually an upgrade anymore) and then I get something.

If my husband didn't approve of me buying jewelry I don't think I'd have very many pieces of jewelry.

 

[kenny]

I wanted it and could afford it.

 

[Gypsy]

My husband has his bling (electronics) and I have mine. There is no justification to HIM, if we have the money and I want the item, well... I can have it. But there is definitely justification for myself. I stick to quality items that I consider a good deal. I've splurged once and couldn't justify it ultimately, and I once bought a really inexpensive item that was cheap (cheap quality) and regretted it. So I just make sure the items I buy are very well thought out.

 

[madelise]

To myself? To yourself? Just picture all the crap and stress you deal with. BAM. Justified.
To a SO? Can't help you there. I'll be using my own money for future purchases. SO thinks an e-ring is enough jewelry for a woman.. and I pushed the limits with mine. I've ruined any chances of him wanting to surprise me with jewelry, anyway, since I've found PS. PS = I want better quality stuff = "SO, you're not allowed to waste any money buying me maul jewelry. TELL ME if you want to buy me anything, and I'll help you with it" = him hearing that he doesn't have to ever buy me jewelry again because he'll get yelled at if he messes up. Oops?

 

[Monnyjay]

I think it's all about having your priorities in the right place. It all depends on where your current path is taking you. If you can afford it, I say go for it. Everyone has different ideas on what's important to them. If you can justify the expense of an upgrade or a new piece of bling that sets your heart on fire, then go for it.

My dh and I have our own separate interests and hobbies - he has his cars (currently, a very nice german convertible) - and I have my diamonds, so it's all good, we both respect each others passions. My wish list is never ending in the jewellery department, just when you think you are content with what you have, you walk past Tiff's

 

[Phoenix]

Well, what's the secret?! I just nag and nag DH until he can't take it any more and gives in, he he!!

Seriously (or rather half-seriously), we'd never buy anything that we can't afford. We make sure that we have our emergency fund (well over 8 months, which I think is what Suze Orman recommends), we have other investments in place for our retirement, regular savings put away etc...I'd be the first to admit that I do have rather expensive taste but I usually only buy stuff at the sale. We don't have a car (they're very expensive where we live) and we don't really spend money on any other extragavant things (well, I also love Hermes but I only have 3 bags at the moment and I didn't spend a fortune on them) and most of all, we talk to each other before we buy anything extravagant, making sure the other person is comfortable with it and that we can truly afford it.

So the key is to make sure that your finances allow any bling purchase. It also helps that both parties are on board and know that any bling purchase doesn't eat into other more important and/ or urgent priorities.

I think, from past threads, that a lot of PS'ers are very frugal, skimping on other areas (like clothes, make-up, lunches, going out etc..) so that they can save their hard-earned $$$ and spend it on their bling instead. I have to add that I don't spend that much on make-up either, judging from my GFs' spendings and what I see on other online forums - the mind boggles, truly!

 

[missy]

I just buy it myself! I always make sure that any family/home commitments are covered off first, and I always *ask* if DH would mind if I did buy XXX for myself. I don't need his permission, but I want to feel like I have cleared it first, prior to purchase, so there are no "issues" post purchase, KWIM??

For me, its only been within a year + that I've gone bling crazy - before that, I had some nice silver pieces, but not a lot of diamond or coloured stone treasures, like I have now.

One thing that really helped my situation a LOT, was our trip to NYC in October where we were able to visit 3 PS vendors and spend some time learning on site. DH was really into it and since then, he even throws "diamond words & phrases" around!! He was completely fascinated by our time spent at DBL and the coloured stones and just seeing this amazing stones up close and personal --- and flipping them around in the tweezers! Turns out - he's a natural at it!

I think it helps if your SO can at least appreciate what the product is you are lusting after. If my DH was into cars or cameras or boats, as an example, I would do my best to try and learn something about them, if nothing more than to be able to appreciate what it is that HE appreciates about them!

Good luck!

This is what I do. If I want something I "ask" my dh if he is good with the purchase-which is a mere formality (he is always the first to suggest I buy something I am drooling over) and then I buy it.

The thing is, he totally "gets" my obsession/love of bling so he supports my purchases. He has similar obsessions/hobbies so that's probably why he understands. He loves watches, tools and hardware, woodworking, cooking, baking, building bicycles, music etc. Hmmm come to think of it he is way more well rounded than me. All I am obsessed with at the moment is bling!

 

[doberman]

This is an interesting question. My husband is an avid hunter; he likes fairly big-ticket trips with his friends. We have an entire large room devoted to his hobby - sure it's not for everyone, but it makes him happy.

Well, I am the same with jewelry. I just make sure that it fits in our budget as does he.