How can yo ask the question without being rude?

[cutechick0021]

I know many women on here have changed and/or either upgraded there rings. I''ve been married now for 4 years and would love to upgrade my ring, problem is I don''t know how to bring it up to the husband, especially since he was so offended when I altered his deisgn on my now engagement ring. Any ideas how you can bring this up nicely to your spouse?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Well, my thoughts. . .you altered his design on your eng. ring and you''d like to change it again? Sorry, but I''d just enjoy what you have.

Unless your spouse is on the same page (which I think many husbands here on PS are), it''s best to not to cause ruffled feathers or heart feelings.

 

[Jelly]

Hi Cutechick,

I re-read an old post of yours from last year and I have a feeling that this will not go smoothly if you bring it up with your hubby. Perhaps you should save up money on your own and buy a Right Hand Ring, with the design and bling size of your desires. That way, you can still get the blingy satisfaction without hurting the hubby''s feelings.

 

[So Excited]

Unfortunately I would have to agree, if you changed it once that was kinda your chance to "get it right" ,., maybe you wait another year and the big 5 years would be some breathing room for acceptable change. (I still catch hell for returning the Tag Heuer diamond bezel watch my bf got me - and I had logical reason {gave me carpal tunnel back}) I guess it depends if you are willing to have to hear about it from your husband? Is it worth it to you is the true question?

Good Luck

 

[cutechick0021]

I appreciate all of your input, yeah...I go back and forth being thankful he even gave me one to longing for my dream ring. Everything about it is all him. I changed it trying to make it more me and it just isn''t. Thank you all for being honest. I knoww deep down you''re all right.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Cutechick, I remember your first post here about your original ring, and like other people, I''d just try to save up some money for a right hand ring.

I always wanted a diamond halo like Lovey''s asscher ring, but for practicality, my husband designed a solitaire bezel setting for me. Although I love my ring, and I couldn''t dream of messing with it, I bought a setting on the cheap from Lord Of Gem Rings on Ebay, and bought a .51 I SI1 ACA to put in that ring. It gave me the spread/bling that I was looking for, the ability to upgrade that diamond should I feel the need, and I didn''t have to hurt my husband''s feelings by trying to upgrade the diamond he proposed with.

Could you maybe buy a diamond that has a full trade-up policy that you can upgrade over the years?

 

[cutechick0021]

would it be weird wearing a rhr that looks like an engagement ring? That is a great idea though. Any suggestions on vendors? Do you have a pic of yours? I casually mentioned what he thought about upgrading rings and he said he didn''t support it. Sad part is all I wanted was a .50 ring...

 

[So Excited]

My vote is that it isn''t weird at all.. I actually have my daughters birthstone set in an engagement ring setting that is my "mothers ring" that I wear on my right. Also, if you are looking at a .5ct it will not be like a diamond on your "wrong hand" that will make you sink to the bottom of the ocean.. Know what I mean?

 

[Dreamer_D]

Yup, get your own ring if you hubby is being stubborn about your e-ring.

 

[purrfectpear]

If you happen to like old european cuts or mine cuts, you could look for a beautiful antique ring. I have the feeling that would be an easier pill to swallow for hubby if you presented it as "oh I always wanted a vintage right hand ring"

 

[marcy]

I would go with a RHR so you don''t upset your husband. Many of my gemstone RHR''s are mounted in erings and I think they look fine.

 

[beltane]

In my circle of friends it is VERY common to upsize the diamond for a landmark anniversary. I have several friends who have, say, finally got that FULL carat put into their setting. Usually they use the original stone and make a sweet 16 necklace for the oldest daughter. Very common here for a wife to say "What do I want for our anniversary? I''d love to upsize my diamond!"

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 12/20/2009 1:05:52 AM
Author: beltane
In my circle of friends it is VERY common to upsize the diamond for a landmark anniversary. I have several friends who have, say, finally got that FULL carat put into their setting. Usually they use the original stone and make a sweet 16 necklace for the oldest daughter. Very common here for a wife to say 'What do I want for our anniversary? I'd love to upsize my diamond!'

Wow, really? In my circle, it is the opposite. Two of my close friends with 1.5+ rings have NEVER even considered bringing up upgrading as it would offend their DHs. Both have opted for other alternatives - one got an earring/pendant combo and the other got a new car

Another few among the group who did upgrade erings, did so AFTER 10 years, a few kids, upgrading to new cars, etc.,. . .maybe it's just my group as we all are moms and have other priorities

 

[beltane]

I think for my area it''s because the first engagement ring tends to be smaller (young people, small budgets.) It''s VERY rare where I am for a newly engaged young couple to have more than half a carat. Of all my friends I don''t know a single one who got a full carat right off the bat. Young couples here tend to err on the side of a sweet modest ring at first, then upgrade the center stone later when they are settled and have a bit more of a budget. I have 3 married daughters, 2 have .33 center stones, and one has a .71. All of my daughters plan/hope to upgrade the center stone on a special anniversary someday.

 

[HVVS]

Date: 12/20/2009 2:39:24 AM
Author: MC

Date: 12/20/2009 1:05:52 AM

Author: beltane

In my circle of friends it is VERY common to upsize the diamond for a landmark anniversary. I have several friends who have, say, finally got that FULL carat put into their setting. Usually they use the original stone and make a sweet 16 necklace for the oldest daughter. Very common here for a wife to say ''What do I want for our anniversary? I''d love to upsize my diamond!''

Wow, really? In my circle, it is the opposite. Two of my close friends with 1.5+ rings have NEVER even considered bringing up upgrading as it would offend their DHs. Both have opted for other alternatives - one got an earring/pendant combo and the other got a new car

Another few among the group who did upgrade erings, did so AFTER 10 years, a few kids, upgrading to new cars, etc.,. . .maybe it''s just my group as we all are moms and have other priorities

LOL! *As if* a 1.5ct needs to be upgraded. To many men, a .25ct to .33 ct is what you get engaged with. And a 1ct is large enough to be *the* significant anniversary upgrade and you stop there. Sometimes PS is out of touch with the real world.

 

[Futurmrss]

Two words: garbage disposal
Accidents happen, right?

 

[Futurmrss]

Date: 12/20/2009 10:18:04 AM
Author: HVVS

Date: 12/20/2009 2:39:24 AM
Author: MC

Date: 12/20/2009 1:05:52 AM

Author: beltane

In my circle of friends it is VERY common to upsize the diamond for a landmark anniversary. I have several friends who have, say, finally got that FULL carat put into their setting. Usually they use the original stone and make a sweet 16 necklace for the oldest daughter. Very common here for a wife to say ''What do I want for our anniversary? I''d love to upsize my diamond!''

Wow, really? In my circle, it is the opposite. Two of my close friends with 1.5+ rings have NEVER even considered bringing up upgrading as it would offend their DHs. Both have opted for other alternatives - one got an earring/pendant combo and the other got a new car

Another few among the group who did upgrade erings, did so AFTER 10 years, a few kids, upgrading to new cars, etc.,. . .maybe it''s just my group as we all are moms and have other priorities

LOL! *As if* a 1.5ct needs to be upgraded. To many men, a .25ct to .33 ct is what you get engaged with. And a 1ct is large enough to be *the* significant anniversary upgrade and you stop there. Sometimes PS is out of touch with the real world.

If you are doing your research and saving your money by using an online vendor vs. a Maul store, then you can afford to go a little larger than real world, right?

 

[that_someone_special]

 

[beltane]

Date: 12/20/2009 5:12:56 PM
Author: Futurmrss
If you are doing your research and saving your money by using an online vendor vs. a Maul store, then you can afford to go a little larger than real world, right?

Absolutely! However, I would dare say that the majority of first engagement rings are purchased by fellas at local plaza stores or large maul stores. Not sure of nationwide stats, but of my circle of family and friends, NONE have purchased their large jewellery items online. I honestly don''t know anyone who has purchased significant pieces of jewellery online. It''s still quite new and makes most people very nervous.

So, for the average wife who has that average .33 starter engagement ring from a local store, I think it is normal and expected for her to say "Sweetheart I would LOVE to upgrade the diamond in my ring for our anniversary! Here is some research I have started..." Upgrading is completely acceptable for any diamond under 1 carat, I think. It''s certainly common here in my area.

... just my opinion. Cutechick, I think you should start planting the seeds for maybe a "5th anniversary" upgrade.

 

[SB621]

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[chrono]

Sounds like your DH might not take too well to an upgrade right now. Are both of you open to the idea of a right hand ring? If so, I suggest saving up on your own and getting one either with a different cut or coloured gemstone so it won’t look like another –ering. That said, my RHRs all could pass off as e-rings though.