how can a guy tell his GF he can''t afford the ring that she really wants ?

[Dancing Fire]

i have friend that has about 10k to spend on a ring, but his gf is expecting a 2+ ct diamond.my advise to him is buy what he could afford without buying on credit.

 

[pearcrazy]

He loves this woman enough to marry her? Then he needs to be honest about what he can afford to give her. She loves him enough to marry him? Then she will understand that he could not afford a 2 carat diamond. Perhaps they can search together and decide what she will compromise on to get as large and beautiful diamond within his price range.

 

[windowshopper]

just a couple comments: if they are about to become engaged you would think she would know his situation and his means; perhaps he makes alot, lives well but has little saved; perhaps they have friends with much higher incomes; perhaps she has no idea what these things cost. A joint shopping trip with his stated budget might be in order

 

[valeria101]

Sure these two ever talked to each other before the engagement ? Do they know each other at all ? Don't know too many women who would contend themselves with no insight at all into the current & prospective finance of their potential fiance... realistically. And once they know, they know what to expect, no

The price of diamonds should be farely common knowledge, I would think.

Not sure who'se question this is though: the guy's or the girls... It seems to make quite a difference.


(posted in the same time with WS - totally agree with her, of course)

 

[moremoremore]

I say you don't say anything and mind your own business!

Hahaha...But seriously, mind your own business. LOL
The guy is old enough to get married. he's old enough to make his own good or bad financial decisions. (unless of course, he asks you for your 2 cents)...He doesn't need you to tell him that credit is a bad idea. He probably knows that already! Stay out of it unless he asks.

p.s. If he asked you how he should tell his gf that he can spend 10k, he can use the delicate approach my loving husband uses...
"NO, you can't have that. We can't afford it. Grow up and move on" LOL...Works like a charm every time (?) hehehehehe

 

[belle]

expectations kill........

 

[NyssaLynne]

You can get a 2 carat for $10,000 if you do your research and are willing to compromise a bit here and there. That is what PS can do for you. Educate you and give you the tools/knowledge you need to get a good deal.

 

[pearcrazy]

What do ya know-- NyssaLynne is right! I didn''t think it could be done but, there are lots of 2+ carats out there to be had in H to I range and SI2 clarity. Perhaps he could find her what she wants after all if she''s not set on high color and clarity.

 

[Superidealist]

A quick check of the Pricescope database shows more than 200 listings for diamonds of 2+ct less than $10,000.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/21/2005 9:38

5 PM
Author: moremoremore
I say you don''t say anything and mind your own business!

Hahaha...But seriously, mind your own business. LOL
The guy is old enough to get married. he''s old enough to make his own good or bad financial decisions. (unless of course, he asks you for your 2 cents)...He doesn''t need you to tell him that credit is a bad idea. He probably knows that already! Stay out of it unless he asks.

p.s. If he asked you how he should tell his gf that he can spend 10k, he can use the delicate approach my loving husband uses...
''NO, you can''t have that. We can''t afford it. Grow up and move on'' LOL...Works like a charm every time (?) hehehehehe

MMM
look who''s talking here your husband already spoil you enough.

btw; he did ask for my advise

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/21/2005 11:21:35 PM
Author: Superidealist
A quick check of the Pricescope database shows more than 200 listings for diamonds of 2+ct less than $10,000.

i was thinking more like $7500 per ct. for a nice cut stone.

 

[kaylagee]

There''s also the vintage-y, estate-y route as well.

If she isn''t superstitious and enjoys the styles, there are some beautiful finds out there! Another option is doing a lower color ''new'' diamond in an antique repro. setting for the heirloom vibe sans voodoo. Not everyone''s cuppa cuppa but I''m a bit of a Secondhand Rose. I heart vintage/classic/old everything(clothes, cars, film etc.)

 

[diamondlil]

Hey, $10,000 for an e-ring certainly is not a small budget. I do think a nice 2 ct can be had for $10,000 if he is willing to do some leg work. Also, you did not mention if he is set on a round stone (fancy shapes can be less per ct than ideal RB). If he''s set on buying a 2 ct ideal RB, it will be difficult to get there for $10,000 without some compromise on color/clarity (or possibly considering a consigned stone), but if he sticks with a good vendor with a trade-up policy, they can trade up when finances allow.

DiamondLil

 

[moremoremore]

Yeah, but it''s always in the budget DF..and you should see my to-do list!

 

[orbaya]

He just needs to be honest with her. For that budget, he can still get an awesome rock. It may not be 2cts but love is not judged on the size of the diamond. Even if he could afford only .25ct, his love would be no less. Perhaps down the road they can upgrade to get the 2+ct she wants. Is it that she is demanding a 2ct, or has her eye on one? Will she be upset if she doesn''t get that size stone?

Personally, I don''t think it''s right for the girl to pressure the guy on the ering. I had a friend who demanded she get get at least a 1ct oval with channel set diamonds down the sides. That is terrible. They are no longer married.

He should tell her his budget and that he canNOT go over it. I truely hope this isn''t a sign of things to come. I wish him luck.

 

[perry]

Interesting... My GF is concerned that I will spend too much because or our financial situation...(we talk about that, and what will happen when we get married and she gives up her job to move over here - where she cannot get a job in her field).

I would do two things...

First I would ask him if he and his GF have discussed finances between them and the effects of spending large sums of money. The idea is to have them have a general discussion on finances and large purchases, nothing specific about the ring.

Prehaps they are already communicating on that level, but perhaps not. If not - they should be.

However, keep the suggestion light - you cannot force such a discussion (and it is not your role to force that discussion).

Second: I would suggest a good long search. I would specifically suggest that he contact every jeweler immaginable to see if they have something on consignment or estate jewelry. And look at that first (probably the lowest cost option - even if you have to replace the ring). I admit it is a long shot, but who knows. Maybee he gets the diamond they want for $5000.

Then consider purchasing a new diamond via Pricescope searching.

Perry

 

[onedrop]

I''m with MMM on this one. Sounds like a financial situation that the couple needs to discuss. Discussing finances can be especially prickly. I do say this...if the GF has issues with the size of the diamond, there may be something else there. Isn''t the point that the BF wants to marry her? 2+ carats shouldn''t be a pre-requisite for accepting a marriage proposal. Like others have said $10,000 is a substantial ring budget. I''d take it w/o question.

 

[codex57]

I'm gonna be honest here. How long have they been together? If under a year, I'd hold off on getting ANY ring and get to know her better.

Over 1 year. The fact that she wants a 2+ carat ring is a little disconcerting (if he's thinking of marrying her, she should have an idea of his budget just from going otu with him), but not a deal breaker. If she's quite flexible in the color, cut, and clarity, then no big deal. She just wants size. It's doable. Give the woman what she wants. If she's demanding a 2+ carat stone that is still colorless (D-F) and like VVS quality on top of being sparkly, he should mention the option of going smaller (much smaller) and bring up the upgrade ring 10 years down the line or something. If she's smart enough to take the hint that he can't quite afford that caliber of a stone, more discussion is good. Maybe take her ring shopping and get prices mentioned and see if she gets more flexible on the size. If she's still shows reluctance or turns on him that he doesn't love her enough to get her what she wants (yes, I've seen this happen)...

I'd immediately drop her like a bad habit. He can't afford a gold digger if his budget is only $10,000. Nothing wrong with having one. I got a buddy who wants a trophy wife. Not my cup of tea, but he's likely gonna be able to afford one once he finishes his residency so more power to him.

 

[kevinraja]

Two solutions:

ONE: If the GF likes fancy shape diamonds, then you can actually look for a say, I color SI1 clarity 2 carat stones.

TWO: If she likes ROUND, then she has to make a choice between smaller better quality diamond or a 2carat J/K color SI1 clarity diamond

Leave the choice to the girlfriend. My girlfriend wanted a BIG diamond. But I had a budget in mind. Fortunately she likes only emerald cut stones. There I go. I bought her a beautiful G color SI1 clairty 1.71 carat EC

 

[teebee]

Well, I would say that it depends on what has gone into that 2 carat expectation. Has she done much research into what that would cost? What kind of setting does she want? It may be possible that she just doesn''t realize that it is beyond his budget. Or it may be that she has no idea what constitutes a good stone (in most of our collective opinions) and is solely focused on size... If size is all she cares about, then maybe it''s doable. My concern is she is "expecting" or demanding that... I mean, should anyone really be expecting something like that... I was "hoping" for 1 carat, not necessarily "expecting" it...

Also, I won''t condemn her right away for not knowing exactly his financial situation. My fiance is a dentist and everyone (including me) thought he was taking way too long to buy the ring, considering his profession... And, while I knew he had student loans, business loans, etc. I did not understand the extent of his indebtedness until he finally said: I''m a quarter of a million dollars in debt. Then, I got it. And then I became a little more patient and we reduced the ring budget by $3000. And now I get to look forward to an upgraded stone someday!!!

 

[Dancing Fire]

he''s thinking about buying a rb .i told him a h si1 is the best value,make sure to buy a top cut stone with your money ,not size.10k is his budget including the setting.as for his financial situation, i think is his business if he want to discuse with his gf.

 

[Momoftwo]

My feeling is if you know someone well enough to marry them, they should know about your finances. No secrets. I knew exactly what my DH''s budget was 25 years ago and we stuck to it. I didn''t "expect" anything. To us, it was about the commitment and we''re still happily married after almost 24 years.

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 1/22/2005 7:12

9 PM
Author: codex57
I''m gonna be honest here. How long have they been together? If under a year, I''d hold off on getting ANY ring and get to know her better.

With all due respect, this long period of courtship worked for you; but shouldn''t be looked upon as requirement. I think time spent together doesn''t determine how well one knows someone. I knew more about my hubby in a week than I knew someone I dated for several years. It''s timing (Mara''s Mantra) & personality mesh. We were engaged in less than 6 months of knowing each other. Our marriage has lasted over 20 years.

That said, I did know my future hubby''s basic financial status. Would I have liked a larger stone - sure - but that wasn''t my reality. If he is upfront about what he can afford, then she should respect, and gladly accept what his reality is. If not, then she''s not the one for him and visa versa if he can''t confront her. The cloud of nebuli can be damaging to a relationship & disconcerting.

 

[codex57]

Date: 1/23/2005 12:10:56 PM
Author: fire&ice

Date: 1/22/2005 7:12

9 PM

Author: codex57

I''m gonna be honest here. How long have they been together? If under a year, I''d hold off on getting ANY ring and get to know her better.

With all due respect, this long period of courtship worked for you; but shouldn''t be looked upon as requirement. I think time spent together doesn''t determine how well one knows someone. I knew more about my hubby in a week than I knew someone I dated for several years. It''s timing (Mara''s Mantra) & personality mesh. We were engaged in less than 6 months of knowing each other. Our marriage has lasted over 20 years.


That said, I did know my future hubby''s basic financial status. Would I have liked a larger stone - sure - but that wasn''t my reality. If he is upfront about what he can afford, then she should respect, and gladly accept what his reality is. If not, then she''s not the one for him and visa versa if he can''t confront her. The cloud of nebuli can be damaging to a relationship & disconcerting.

Oh, I absolutely agree that long courtships are not for everyone. For me, I wanted it, but it''s not for other people.

However, I mentioned one year as a general timeline for this person b/c the critical issue is whether the girl knows the b/f''s financial position or not. 1 year is just a nice round number for me. My point was that if after 1 year (nice round number that allows plenty of time to get to know the other person), and she still doesn''t know his financial position, it sure sounds like they don''t know each other nearly well enough to consider something like marriage.

Basically, my post was just to emphasize 2 key issues:

1) Does she know the guy well enough to know his job and general financial position?

2) If she does, is size the only requirement letting him save on color, cut, clarity if his finances won''t allow the best of everything.

If yes to both, cool. If no to one of them, then some more discussion should take place so expectations become more reasonable.

 

[Kamuelamom]

To answer your question, I feel he should tell her honestly if he can't afford it. But maybe he can, it just depends if she is also expecting a 2 ct be the best of color, clarity and cut, I am with the others and that they should spend some time doing research until he finds the right combo to fit his budget, even if it means compromising on some of the other c's. We know more than anyone that good values in the right combination can be found here through pricescope. There are terrific values in the G/H/I color range, even J/K, AND combined with the SI1/2 or I2 clarity ranges. MMM, 7s1, Patty, and many others are all living proof of this. But the key word is compromise. She can even get something well cut and slightly smaller that will be appealing to her if again,she is willing to compromise. Maybe she should come join the fun in some of her own diamond education??

If she doesn't like the answers then I have only one word.

RUN.

 

[*BlingBling*]

Date: 1/21/2005 9

8:56 PM
Author:Dancing Fire
i have friend that has about 10k to spend on a ring, but his gf is expecting a 2+ ct diamond.my advise to him is buy what he could afford without buying on credit.

This is the type of situation where the couple needs to sit down and have an honest talk if they want a happy resolution. If money wasn''t an issue, then this thread would not exist. She "expects" a 2+ carat diamond e-ring. He wants to give her the ring she wants, but he has a limited budget. Does she even know that? If she does, does she still insist on the huge rock even if he can''t afford it? If she is willing to put him in serious debt just to get what she wants, even BEFORE the wedding, then I see some red flags.

I think it''s in the best interest of the couple to be actively involved in the decision-making process (in this situation). That way, they reach a compromise that they can both be happy with. She can still have a 2+ ct. diamond and he can still meet his budget if they are willing to sacrifice other aspects like color, cut and clarity. But they must do their research. As long as the diamond faces up eye-clean and near colorless when mounted, is cut well enough to show sparkle and brilliance, then size can be achieved.

But if she expects size and top quality, then they''re both out of luck. I have yet to find a colorless, loupe-clean, super ideal branded cut stone above 2 carats within 10k, not even on the internet. If anyone does, pleast let me know! I would hate to know that I got ripped off

For 10k, you can have size or quality. For 20k, you might get both.

Good luck!

 

[gongjoo143]

I thought I''d reply to this post. I''m actually a girl who was looking for a 2 ct round diamond with a budget of $10k (including setting). We are both in grad school but I was always drawn to larger stones.

I did a lot of research and decided that I didn''t want to sacrifice on cut, but clarity and color wasn''t that big of an issue...as long as it was eye clean.

So, after a week or so of intense searching, Mark Turnowski (engagementringsdirect.com) came up with an 2 ct ideal cut F I1. It''s a 1.6 HCA and AGS1. There is a little crystal at the edge of the table that''s visible from about 6 inches if you know where it is. I absolutely love it! And the diamond plus setting (platinum 6 prong tiffany) stayed under budget.

I''ll post pictures after it''s set and after the bf proposes! Anyway, what I wanted to say is that although it''s not "right" to want a big diamond, it''s not impossible to find.

 

[luvmysparklies]

Hmmm...well, you''ve received some good answers here:
He should be honest on what he can afford.
Hopefully nothing is lost for your friends on what the true meaning behind the engagement ring really is.
But, uhh Dancin Fire, my main mind clean stone having man...your friend probably sees YOUR wife''s 3.34 ct. ring and in his mind might be a''thinkin''......

Just kiddin'' on that last part

Luv

 

[lost on 5th]

** not to hijack this thread, but i would rather build off the above information than repeat everything... this also might be the same scenario as the person in discussion initially.....so it could help as well possibly.

My GF also has high expectations. All 4 c’s and setting and BRAND. It is well out of my realistic budget and she knows it…and feels bad about it. She knows I have debt from grad school and am working a tight budget to recover from said debt. However, she already makes a great deal more than I do. And her profession will on average make much more than mine. Im stuck between doing what I can afford now…and what the reality of our financial situation will be 5 years from now.
….any suggestions given this variation of the initial question?


(dancing fire....sorry for jumping in. just thought i would expand the topic a little)

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 3/31/2005 5:14:59 PM
Author: lost on 5th

** not to hijack this thread, but i would rather build off the above information than repeat everything... this also might be the same scenario as the person in discussion initially.....so it could help as well possibly.

My GF also has high expectations. All 4 c’s and setting and BRAND. It is well out of my realistic budget and she knows it…and feels bad about it. She knows I have debt from grad school and am working a tight budget to recover from said debt. However, she already makes a great deal more than I do. And her profession will on average make much more than mine. Im stuck between doing what I can afford now…and what the reality of our financial situation will be 5 years from now.

….any suggestions given this variation of the initial question?


(dancing fire....sorry for jumping in. just thought i would expand the topic a little)

Yup......buy what you can afford now, and if you are so inclined, upgrade it when your *projected* future financial situation becomes a reality and not a projection.