hey girls....when you go out to dinner with your bf ...

[Dancing Fire]

do you ever pick up the tab?

 

[fuzzers]

Yes, half of the time.

We're students and equally poor...lol.

 

[*Danielle*]

Yep, we normally try and divy it up. Then again, we live together, so expenses are always split as evenly as possible

 

[Resonance.Of.Life]

Indeed I do... often we switch off.

I get this one, he gets the next one.

 

[Calla18]

Honestly, and I know it sounds awful, but I rarely pick up the tab. We live together, however I''m still in school and only work a couple shifts a week. On the other hand he is in the process of taking over his familys company and makes a good living. I try to contribute what I can and make up for it inother ways such as cooking cleaning, grocery shopping, and most of the laundry. It does frustrate me that I can''t contribute more monetarily and sometimes have these self-depreacating moments where I feel like I am a huge burden. But then I look at these in perspective and realize at the end of the day we are on the same team...

 

[LaraOnline]

Looking back, the guys who always wanted to go dutch had no idea about good manners - and that included considering my future (with them).
It''s like they thought I was a boy or something!

My husband ( who was very quick to propose) always paid for me, in the short time we were together before our engagement.
He wasn''t smarmy, he was just generous. And very sweet.

 

[allycat0303]

No I never do. It''s just one of the things he does for me. It goes along with taking out the trash and getting rid of my spiders.

 

[strmrdr]

wifey2b forces me to let her buy every once in a while otherwise I do.

 

[sklingem]

We take turns, so 50/50. We have roughly the same income, so it works out perfectly. As for who should pay the tab while in the early dating stages ... don''t get me started ...

 

[mrscushion]

We''ve been together for almost eight years and make the same income, so yes, we take turns paying.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

We dated for one year before moving in together. And then we lived together for 5 months before being engaged and he pays for items about 80% of the time.

Initially, it was because it''s like Lara said, I discovered that men who want to trade off in the early dating stages AREN''T thinking of you, much less your future together. Dates don''t have to be expensive (most cities have FREE things to do if you google them), but men DO have to put that effort into pursuing a relationship with you. My mom always told me that it was ok to do nice things in return (like buy the popcorn, after dinner coffee, etc.) and ALWAYS say Thank-You, but to let them do the bulk of the planning and paying.

Now, we live together and we are engaged and it''s still the same, but he makes a significant amount of money more than I do. I occasionally will still pick up the tab for breakfast or lunch or even dinner and I ALWAYS say Thank You. FI says that he always noticed how appreciative I was and still am of all the nice things he does for me.

 

[lala2332]

during the "courtship" phase of our relationship he always picked up the tab, unless we were out with a big group and then everyone was on their own. We are both law students and so after a little while we started trading. Except the big meals, any fancy true dates we go on, he still pays. Its more the panera for lunch things that we go back and forth on.

 

[KatM]

Date: 12/28/2008 9:25:24 AM
Author: rob09
We take turns, so 50/50. We have roughly the same income, so it works out perfectly. As for who should pay the tab while in the early dating stages ... don''t get me started ...

it''s funny actually. i believe in being fair in paying, especially when both people are on the same financial level. however, i have never (not once!) gotten a second date when i either paid for or split the tab on a first date. when i started dating SO i made a conscious decision to NOT pay because i wanted to stick around (and it worked!)


we switch off paying. neither of us really keeps track, we just tend to switch off. if one person is low on the money, the other will pick it up a little more.

 

[Mannequin]

My FF and I trade off on who pays. Next time will be his turn since I bought lunch yesterday.

Whenever I got to a second date with a guy, I always offered to pay for the second date meal. Dating is expensive!

 

[Winks_Elf]

It depends on which one of us is broke at the time!

 

[Haven]

We dated for four years before we married. During the first two years of our relationship, he always paid for our meals. During the third and fourth years I paid for some of the inexpensive take-out meals, but he always paid for nice dinners out.

He makes more money than I will ever make, so that''s probably why he paid so much.

And now that we''re married, we rarely go out for nice meals, anymore!

 

[brendaman]

Well, my BF is rather frugal. When we first started dating (9 yrs ago!), if I wanted to go to a more expensive restaurant (over $50 for two w/out wine/liquor), I would have to pay for it. Now, he always treats me to an expensive restaurant for special occassions and appreciates the food, etc. Of course, I still pay for more expensive restaurants most of the time on regular occassions. I do have to qualify this answer saying that we''ve been living together for almost 6 years (4 months short of a special occassion dinner!), and I don''t pay rent or the mortgage (well, he''s soooo frugal that he was able to pay off his mortgage), so food and eating out is one of the contributions I make. Every now and then, one of us will wonder whether the arrangement is fair, but luckily, we always try to alleviate the situation (with usually my having to shell out some money for buying a new appliance or something like that).

 

[Sizzle]

I''m married now, but I picked up the tab about half of the time during dating. I am a very independant woman and I didn''t want him to think he "owed" me. Plus I have a hard time wanting to be treated equally, but expecting him to pay for everything. You can''t have it both ways

 

[bee*]

D and I normally take it in turns to pay,however he definitely pays for the more expensive dinners as I''m a student. We''ve always done it this way and it''s worked for us.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

I think it''s incredibly narrow-minded to assume that a man who allows you to pick up the tab once in a while in the early dating stages isn''t thinking about you, or a future with you. And to be honest, I don''t see it as lacking in manners either. It''s not the 1950s any longer, and women are able to make their own livings. It just reaffirms to me that if you''re an independent and self-reliant woman, and it''s recognized by your potential partner, you may have a more equal relationship down the road.

My husband and I went back and forth at my insistance early on in the relationship because we were actually "just friends". He didn''t abandon any of the other chivalrous things he did for me, and still does to this day 7 years later. He always opens my car door, and other doors for me, pulls chairs out for me, etc. He feels appreciated because I insisted on paying for a fair portion of dates, and that it made him feel as if I wasn''t using him for a few free meals.

 

[purselover]

when we first started dating he always picked up the check, but after awhile we started taking turns

 

[laughwithme]

We split it, i.e. I pay this time, he pays next time, etc. We currently keep our money separate.

In May, our money will be "combined" - not literally into the same account, but you get my point. At that time, he will buy all dinners out b/c it''s part of our plan for him to pay bills, me to save my entire income.

 

[sklingem]

Date: 12/28/2008 2:14:44 PM
Author: LaurenThePartier
I think it''s incredibly narrow-minded to assume that a man who allows you to pick up the tab once in a while in the early dating stages isn''t thinking about you, or a future with you. And to be honest, I don''t see it as lacking in manners either. It''s not the 1950s any longer, and women are able to make their own livings. It just reaffirms to me that if you''re an independent and self-reliant woman, and it''s recognized by your potential partner, you may have a more equal relationship down the road.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[bee*]

Date: 12/28/2008 4:12:26 PM
Author: rob09

Date: 12/28/2008 2:14:44 PM

Author: LaurenThePartier

I think it''s incredibly narrow-minded to assume that a man who allows you to pick up the tab once in a while in the early dating stages isn''t thinking about you, or a future with you. And to be honest, I don''t see it as lacking in manners either. It''s not the 1950s any longer, and women are able to make their own livings. It just reaffirms to me that if you''re an independent and self-reliant woman, and it''s recognized by your potential partner, you may have a more equal relationship down the road.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

totally agree. I didn''t have much time to post earlier but I was just thinking of this when I was in the shower. I do not agree that if your man allows you to pick up the bill that he doesn''t have good manners or doesn''t want a future with you-I really do think that it''s ridiculous to suggest such a thing. Our relationship is equal and until I went back to college, we always took turns.

 

[jcarlylew82]

we split, but right now he tends to pay since i make a considerable amount less than i used to. but its cute, because he now says "well, its now our money anyways".. except when it comes to my car loan and credit card bills

but we split all the other bills pretty evenly.

 

[Pandora II]

The first few months we were dating he picked up the bill, after that we have always split 50/50 except special occasions like birthdays when the other will pay.

I''m afraid I''m in the camp of expecting a man to pay on the first few dates. Both my parents were very strict with us all about this. I thought the whole ''independent, modern woman'' thing too - and then found that I was treated and respected way more by the guys who did pick up the tab than I was by those who wanted to split. My parents were ultimately right (as usual

)

 

[LtlFirecracker]

He pays more than me when we go out. But I cook more than him. He is trying to get me to cook more. He is bribing me with professional massages. Not a bad deal for me . He says it is cheeper to buy me a massage after I cook a few meals than it is for him to take me out, plus he likes my cooking.

 

[misskitty]

Yes, we alternate who treats.

 

[katica]

Date: 12/28/2008 1:52:33 PM
Author: Sizzle
I''m married now, but I picked up the tab about half of the time during dating. I am a very independant woman and I didn''t want him to think he ''owed'' me. Plus I have a hard time wanting to be treated equally, but expecting him to pay for everything. You can''t have it both ways

Hmm in our case my BF pays for all our dinners and dates. And he certainly doesn''t think he "owns" me. I wouldn''t be with someone unless I can trust in his love and respect 100%. Just because he pays doesn''t mean we''re not equal in the relationship - we discuss all decisions together. I make more money than him and I''m plenty independent and self-reliant. I don''t NEED him to pay, it''s just that he likes to pay and treat me and this works for us. I take care of other things in our daily lives like cooking and small cleaning jobs though he likes to do the big cleaning jobs. We split other living costs (rent, bills) 50-50. So I guess I am trying to say just because the man picks up all the tabs on going out it doesn''t mean that the female is some little female who has to feel inferior as a result.

 

[princesss]

Nope.

I have, very rarely, picked up the tab. I have tried a few times, but it makes him really uncomfortable (I''ve even asked him if he''d be okay with it, and he made his weirded out/uncomfortable face). We do split things more now, after almost 4 years together, but that''s about it. If it''s fast food, or one of those places where you order, pay, and then sit down, we each pay for our own. But a sit down, check at the end of the meal kind of place? He pays. Every time.

Would I be comfortable paying? Sure. I''d be happy to. I love treating him and taking him out. So for me, it comes down to buying him drinks when we''re at a bar (we split, those, too, but it''s more like the first person to go to the bar pays) or buying him things he needs.