Help!

[sarah24]

I was asked in October to be in a co-worker''s wedding (I have known her for 3 years). Since then, we have had several arguments (one in which she told me that she hates going to work functions with me, avoids me all the time, and feels better when I''m not around). It has gotten to the point where I only view her as a colleague (and nto really a friend). On December 22nd, she told me through an email that she was "letting me off the hook" and no longer having me in her wedding. Before work today she told me abotu her bridesmaid dress shopping experience (with the other bridesmaids) and then said she''d like to talk with me more after work. I think that she is going to ask me to be a bridesmaid again..and I REALLY don''t want to (hurt feelings, my heart''s not in it, and I feel uncomfortable around her family members who she has "bad-mouthed" me to). How can I handle this situation appropriately (as we work right next to each other)? Please help!

 

[meresal]

If she does ask, I would just say something like this:

"Thank you for asking, but I think that it is better for our friendship and work relationship if I am not a bridesmaid. However, I will be happy to help you anytime you need it."

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 1/5/2010 11:52:51 AM
Author: meresal
If she does ask, I would just say something like this:


''Thank you for asking, but I think that it is better for our friendship and work relationship if I am not a bridesmaid. However, I will be happy to help you anytime you need it.''

Ditto.

Tell her you would be honoured and delighted to attend her wedding as a guest, but that being a bridesmaid just isn''t a good idea for your work relationship and friendship. Stand firm, keep it brief and pleasant, and leave it at that.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Same as above - phrase it delicately, but be firm - this sounds like a bad situation, and I don''t think you want to put yourself into it, especially because, if things went south (which sounds more than likely), it could really potentially jeopardize your work relationship.

 

[sarah24]

Thanks for the advice...I love it. I will let ya'' know how it turns out!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 1/5/2010 1:08:19 PM
Author: sarah24
Thanks for the advice...I love it. I will let ya'' know how it turns out!

Good luck!!

 

[Haven]

Good luck!

 

[CNOS128]

Tell her you feel better when you''re not around her!

No, but seriously, Meresal gave you great advice. Good luck!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Ditto Meresal! Good luck.

 

[sarah24]

Well, she asked me to be a bridesmaid again. I declined politely (with the help of all of you...thanks so much!). Though she seemed very frustrated at first, she must have been feeling better this morning because she intentionally waited to walk to our morning meeting with me to small talk. My hope is that this small talk is a result of a realization that a strong work relationship can still exist, rather than an effort to "change my mind." Either way, thanks again to all, the advice was GREAT!

 

[meresal]

Date: 1/6/2010 11:03:36 AM
Author: sarah24
Well, she asked me to be a bridesmaid again. I declined politely (with the help of all of you...thanks so much!). Though she seemed very frustrated at first, she must have been feeling better this morning because she intentionally waited to walk to our morning meeting with me to small talk. My hope is that this small talk is a result of a realization that a strong work relationship can still exist, rather than an effort to ''change my mind.'' Either way, thanks again to all, the advice was GREAT!

So glad to hear it worked out!

I have a feeling what you did by declining might be the grown up attitude that SHE needed to see. I hope that she can be a nice friend and a great colleague from here on out!