Help! What do I do?

[Tuckins1]

I am a special ed teacher in an urban area. One of my students is very rude and angry every day because he doesn''t want to be in special ed. (He will talk back/disrespect me, walk away from me, roam the school when he''s supposed to be with me- anything he can to not be here. He will even flat out refuse to work.) Today, while arguing with him about coming to me, he told me he hates me because i''m white. I haven''t had much support from my administrators, and i''m not comfortable dealing with him. I don''t want him in my room. He''s very angry, had ZERO respect for authorities, and I wouldn''t be surprised if he became violent at school. What should I do about this? The school doesn''t think it''s that big of a deal, but if it had been a white student who spoke to a black teacher that way.... It would have been a totally different situation. Advice?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Have you talked to the school counselor and/or had the child talk to that person?

 

[Bia]

Hmmm Tuckins, I'm sort of torn. On the one hand I want you to be safe, so if you're afraid he might get violent, then you need to do whatever makes you feel at ease. However, I also feel that as a teacher you're going to encounter difficult students. Is there some way you can still help him, but also demand the respect you deserve? He might just be making you work for it. You know? The fact that you're white might just be an easy excuse for this kid.

I would talk with your principal (again if you already have), so he/she knows that you're trying. If this continues, and your student is not giving in at all, then ask that he be removed. At least it will be on some sort of record that you tried with your administration and with your student.

Good luck and ((((HUGS))))

eta: I too think it would be wise to reach out to the kid's school counselor for assistance.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I think you should immediately write him up (there is never excuse for insubordination) and have a meeting with his parents, along with your principal and even a school counselor. I would be totally candid with his parents...tell them everything, including the "white" comment.

As a teacher, I''m sure you feel stuck...part of you probably wants to wring his neck for being so disrespectful...but the other part of you must know that something is wrong under that rude, tough surface. But please remember, you can only do what you can do...you''re limited. It is his choice to fail...and if his parents give him the permission to do so, well, then it''s no wonder he''s so messed up.

I think the only thing you can do is be an open book...you must have resources that will help you handle this teenage-brat. Lean on them...and exhust them, if you must. No one can ever accuse you of "not" caring...but sometimes, there are lost causes in this world, sadly.

 

[Circe]

Date: 5/21/2009 12:16:14 PM
Author:Tuckins1
I am a special ed teacher in an urban area. One of my students is very rude and angry every day because he doesn''t want to be in special ed. (He will talk back/disrespect me, walk away from me, roam the school when he''s supposed to be with me- anything he can to not be here. He will even flat out refuse to work.) Today, while arguing with him about coming to me, he told me he hates me because i''m white. I haven''t had much support from my administrators, and i''m not comfortable dealing with him. I don''t want him in my room. He''s very angry, had ZERO respect for authorities, and I wouldn''t be surprised if he became violent at school. What should I do about this? The school doesn''t think it''s that big of a deal, but if it had been a white student who spoke to a black teacher that way.... It would have been a totally different situation. Advice?

Your administrators need to back you up on this, frankly: past a certain point, there''s not much you, alone, can do.

If it were me? I''d start off with something like, "Angry Student, here''s the thing: I do not hate *you.* I''d like to help you. I didn''t put you in these classes you hate: let''s get you doing well so that you can possibly have a shot at classes that you *don''t* hate," because a), I''d guess it''s true, and b) because one thing that''s really important for teachers is to not loose our tempers, not give up control of the situation. Now, if Angry Student turns around and says, "FU! I still hate you! Also, your dress is ugly!" and runs off cackling maniacally to, like, explore the boiler room? It won''t matter that he''s left voluntarily, or after having said hurtful things. You, and the school, will be legally liable if he manages to fall down the steps, or even if he just generally plays truant from your classes.

You might need to schedule a meeting with this boy''s parents, and it would help if a representative of the administration was there to point out that the parents needed to reason with their son in terms of the consequences of his actions, from the skipping classes to the pejorative speech. While if a white student had said this to a black teacher, it would have had the weight of institutionalized racism behind it, what he said is still prejudiced and hurtful and not good for him, or you. Possibly your institution might back you up in demonstrating that, a) this is not okay with an actual punishment, from detention to suspension, and b) help this angry kid to get help by suggesting or offering (don''t know what your district resources are) counseling?

 

[oneandahalfrock]

Sounds like he needs to spend some serious time with the school counselor and get some issues sorted out.
Might I ask what specifically made him qualified for special education? Do you feel he needs to be in special education, disruptive behavior aside...?

 

[Bia]

There are A LOT of politics involved with urban schools, particularly when the demographics consist of mostly minority students. The administration should always have her back, but it's not always that easy unfortunately. That's just the way it goes...especially if her school system is anything like that of where I am.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 5/21/2009 12:38:34 PM
Author: Bia
There are A LOT of politics involved with urban schools, particularly when the demographics consist of mostly minority students. The administration should always have her back, but it''s not always that easy unfortunately. That''s just the way it goes...especially if her school system is anything like that of where I am.

I think that the "white" comment was as good as a racial slur...I think it''s time for immediate action outside of her classroom. I think any administration would view that as cause for suspension...and a serious, serious talking to.

 

[doodle]

Ick, rough situation! I would definitely talk to your principal so that it''s on record that you''re trying and so the situation is on file in case it escalates. Unfortunately, failing a kid nowadays is almost impossible because of policies like No Child Left Behind and schools receiving additional funding if a certain ratio pass, etc. A lot of teachers are pretty much forced to pass students that haven''t earned it just so the school can receive more money. As for the racist bit, I hate to say it, but behind a great many racist children are racist parents, so talking to the child''s parents may be totally pointless. Your principal could probably advise you on this better than anyone else, though. I think this kid talking with the guidance counselor could be extremely helpful. If you have any reason to believe this child could become violent toward you or toward another student, you really need to let your principal know and stress that you''re concerned for the safety of yourself, your other students, and this child. Make sure it''s on the record that you feel this way. My mom used to work at a school that was a double whammy--inner city school with a special program for particularly violent children. One of the teachers had issues with a student for most of the school year but never filed a report. It finally escalated to this kid kicking the teacher in her broken leg and causing her to have to go through a number of surgeries to fix the damage. The kid claimed she hit him. Since she didn''t go on record as having had major issues with this child in the past, it was her word against his, and the whole thing got really ugly. Are any of his other teachers having disciplinary issues with him as well?

 

[Bia]

Date: 5/21/2009 12:46:59 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor

Date: 5/21/2009 12:38:34 PM
Author: Bia
There are A LOT of politics involved with urban schools, particularly when the demographics consist of mostly minority students. The administration should always have her back, but it's not always that easy unfortunately. That's just the way it goes...especially if her school system is anything like that of where I am.

I think that the 'white' comment was as good as a racial slur...I think it's time for immediate action outside of her classroom. I think any administration would view that as cause for suspension...and a serious, serious talking to.

Of course it was, I agree. I'm just saying that just because it was, doesn't mean action will be taken. It's unfortunate but true.

eta: A comment like that is not a cause for suspension in the schools we work with--there are sooooo many bigger concerns. It sucks, but it's really the case with our urban schools.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Tuckins, do you have IEP''s? My mom works in the special ed department and runs those meetings, and if this happened at the school she works at, the kid would have been suspended until the parents attended an IEP. I know that not every school is the same, so this may not be the case where you are, but if the kid is lacking ANY little thing in his file you can call an IEP. I think the school needs to step in here - it is not up to you to psychically restrain this kid in a chair so he can''t wander.

 

[Tuckins1]

Ok- as of the end of the day he was suspended. This crap has been going on all year... The counselor knows him well. When I called mom, she didn''t care at all about what he had done. She just wanted to know if he was suspended or not. He does have an IEP, and we are holding a meeting on Tuesday AM before he is re-admitted to class. The counselor "feels bad" for him because he has no support at home and has bad role models. I also feel bad for him, and I have tried EVERYTHING to get him to understand what''s going on and to help him. I have reasoned with him, let him vent his frustration on me and tried to be a listening ear for him, i''ve been strict, written him up for his behavior..... Nothing changes. It''s sad to me because he and his two brothers are all on a path to jail or a juvenile home. I hope that we can come to some sort of agreement about his behavior and him coming to my room. We''ll see, but i''m not seeing this end on a positive note.

 

[meresal]

Date: 5/21/2009 4:15:50 PM
Author: Tuckins1
Ok- as of the end of the day he was suspended. This crap has been going on all year... The counselor knows him well. When I called mom, she didn't care at all about what he had done. She just wanted to know if he was suspended or not. He does have an IEP, and we are holding a meeting on Tuesday AM before he is re-admitted to class. The counselor 'feels bad' for him because he has no support at home and has bad role models. I also feel bad for him, and I have tried EVERYTHING to get him to understand what's going on and to help him. I have reasoned with him, let him vent his frustration on me and tried to be a listening ear for him, i've been strict, written him up for his behavior..... Nothing changes. It's sad to me because he and his two brothers are all on a path to jail or a juvenile home. I hope that we can come to some sort of agreement about his behavior and him coming to my room. We'll see, but i'm not seeing this end on a positive note.

When I read your OP, my first thought was that he might be learning the racial things at home. Doesn't surprise me that the mom didn't care. Are his brothers older? I hate to say it, but if there are three of them and the brothers are older, they are more than likely banded together, and all moving in the same direction. I'm sure you already realize that.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. These are the situations that make it impossible for me to be a teacher. I just don't understand how parents don't care that their kids are disrespectful and rude.

 

[Tuckins1]

Date: 5/21/2009 4:44:09 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 5/21/2009 4:15:50 PM

Author: Tuckins1

Ok- as of the end of the day he was suspended. This crap has been going on all year... The counselor knows him well. When I called mom, she didn''t care at all about what he had done. She just wanted to know if he was suspended or not. He does have an IEP, and we are holding a meeting on Tuesday AM before he is re-admitted to class. The counselor ''feels bad'' for him because he has no support at home and has bad role models. I also feel bad for him, and I have tried EVERYTHING to get him to understand what''s going on and to help him. I have reasoned with him, let him vent his frustration on me and tried to be a listening ear for him, i''ve been strict, written him up for his behavior..... Nothing changes. It''s sad to me because he and his two brothers are all on a path to jail or a juvenile home. I hope that we can come to some sort of agreement about his behavior and him coming to my room. We''ll see, but i''m not seeing this end on a positive note.

When I read your OP, my first thought was that he might be learning the racial things at home. Doesn''t surprise me that the mom didn''t care. Are his brothers older? I hate to say it, but if there are three of them and the brothers are older, they are more than likely banded together, and all moving in the same direction. I''m sure you already realize that.


I''m sorry you''re having to deal with this. These are the situations that make it impossible for me to be a teacher. I just don''t understand how parents don''t care that their kids are disrespectful and rude.

He has an older brother in high school (he himself is in 6th grade) and he has a little brother in 3rd grade. He has more siblings from both parents, and it seems that neither parent is interested in parenting.