Hello all - sorry for the really long post!
My boyfriend and I are in that "pre-engaged" place right now. We've been together nearly 7 years, and neither of us were that keen on marriage to begin with. Time has brought us round to the idea (along with the fact that we are different nationalities so have been subject to the whims of immigration officials for our entire relationship!) and for the past 18 months we have been discussing and getting excited about the possibility of getting marries "one day" (I guess this is what normal people/girls do from a young age on, but I was just so not into any of it until I found the love of my life and realised that the evidence was stacking up that we could in fact stand the test of time).
Anyway, we've chosen the ring design and we know we would like to get married in central London in Fall in the evening, which means friends and his family flying in from the States.
Here's where it gets tricky - we've agreed we don't want a big wedding enough to justify the massive cost (I would love one if cost was no issue!) and in considering other lower-key options have hit upon the idea of hosting an engagement party then springing a wedding on everyone as a surprise. That way it would in general be a more low key event, more like a cocktail reception with a little wedding in the middle (no sit down dinner, no DJ/band etc). We're pretty certain we can convince people to fly across for the engagement party, with telling them the wedding secret as a very last option to persuade them if they're unsure. That isn't a massive worry. All in all we love the idea.
The technicalities, or rather the timings, of all this are a bit more difficult. We have our hearts set on getting married in September or October so the question now is when to get officially engaged and when to throw the party/secret wedding. This September/October is out, as is anything earlier as it doesn't give his family time to save to come over, my sister will be coming from abroad too, and it also gives us no time to save (just an engagement party in London with cocktails and canapes is super expensive!). The sensible option would be to set Sept/Oct 2015 as the engagement party date, and then some ficticious wedding date I guess 6 months or so after that in case anyone asks.
BUT, I'm so keen to get engaged asap!!!! And I'm worried it's just way too weird to get engaged over this summer, then have an engagement party a whole year/14 months later. We've been together a long time and it's really significant that as a couple we've arrived at this place where we're really excited about getting married and spending our lives together - I don't mind about a long engagement (though if you'd asked me a year ago I would have said no way!), I just want to make the engagement we've been discussing for the last 18 months official. It is petty, but we've been together longer than most of my friends (who have gotten engaged after a year or so, and then married already or about to this summer) and at this point I'd just really like to join the gang! Plus I luurve jewelry...
If anyone has any thoughts about a possible year-long gap between an engagement and a party, or anything else I've written (this is a new idea so there may be super obvious things I haven't thought of), I'd love to hear them! Sorry for the rambling - I'm simultaneously super excited that we've decided on a scheme that really suits our personalities (and wallets!) as a couple, and disheartened that our scheme may mean us having to push the official engagement back by ages so as not to seem like total weirdos.
My boyfriend and I are in that "pre-engaged" place right now. We've been together nearly 7 years, and neither of us were that keen on marriage to begin with. Time has brought us round to the idea (along with the fact that we are different nationalities so have been subject to the whims of immigration officials for our entire relationship!) and for the past 18 months we have been discussing and getting excited about the possibility of getting marries "one day" (I guess this is what normal people/girls do from a young age on, but I was just so not into any of it until I found the love of my life and realised that the evidence was stacking up that we could in fact stand the test of time).
Anyway, we've chosen the ring design and we know we would like to get married in central London in Fall in the evening, which means friends and his family flying in from the States.
Here's where it gets tricky - we've agreed we don't want a big wedding enough to justify the massive cost (I would love one if cost was no issue!) and in considering other lower-key options have hit upon the idea of hosting an engagement party then springing a wedding on everyone as a surprise. That way it would in general be a more low key event, more like a cocktail reception with a little wedding in the middle (no sit down dinner, no DJ/band etc). We're pretty certain we can convince people to fly across for the engagement party, with telling them the wedding secret as a very last option to persuade them if they're unsure. That isn't a massive worry. All in all we love the idea.
The technicalities, or rather the timings, of all this are a bit more difficult. We have our hearts set on getting married in September or October so the question now is when to get officially engaged and when to throw the party/secret wedding. This September/October is out, as is anything earlier as it doesn't give his family time to save to come over, my sister will be coming from abroad too, and it also gives us no time to save (just an engagement party in London with cocktails and canapes is super expensive!). The sensible option would be to set Sept/Oct 2015 as the engagement party date, and then some ficticious wedding date I guess 6 months or so after that in case anyone asks.
BUT, I'm so keen to get engaged asap!!!! And I'm worried it's just way too weird to get engaged over this summer, then have an engagement party a whole year/14 months later. We've been together a long time and it's really significant that as a couple we've arrived at this place where we're really excited about getting married and spending our lives together - I don't mind about a long engagement (though if you'd asked me a year ago I would have said no way!), I just want to make the engagement we've been discussing for the last 18 months official. It is petty, but we've been together longer than most of my friends (who have gotten engaged after a year or so, and then married already or about to this summer) and at this point I'd just really like to join the gang! Plus I luurve jewelry...
If anyone has any thoughts about a possible year-long gap between an engagement and a party, or anything else I've written (this is a new idea so there may be super obvious things I haven't thought of), I'd love to hear them! Sorry for the rambling - I'm simultaneously super excited that we've decided on a scheme that really suits our personalities (and wallets!) as a couple, and disheartened that our scheme may mean us having to push the official engagement back by ages so as not to seem like total weirdos.
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