Help please ... long post warning

[kenny]

DH and I have a new friend.
Usually unremarkable, yet for us it is because we're content with just each other ........ & Bibi of course.
Because of all the social pressure to "be normal" I feel the need to apologize, but we just don't have, or even want, friends.

We're both stay-at-home extreme introverts.
We just have not run into someone we cared to befriend.
A couple months ago, we did.

Avoiding excessive detail, I'll just say this guy's a real keeper ... as a friend.
We 3 immediately hit it off.
Most days of the week lately, we all hang out for a few hours in our house.
I'll cook a meal from scratch, then it's Scrabble, chess, piano, guitar, and lots of just talk.

He's intelligent with a fine education and an important career in the mental health field.
He loves his job and they love him and have offered him a big promotion to a top position.

We all grew close surprisingly quickly.
He revealed that 13 years ago he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, I'll call it PS here.
He's from a family with considerable means to secure the best medical care and support, and both parents are in the medical field.
He's had lots of good treatment, therapy, and love and support from a group of conscious nurturing friends.

He and I have music in common, he on piano, and I on guitar.
We're both advanced musically, and he loves playing our piano, a high end German 9'+ concert grand from a renowned manufacturer ... one of the "Three-B"s ... Bösendorfer, C. Bechstein, or Blüthner.

He's very different ... but so are we.
I want and need to learn about PS for his benefit and for mine.
So, how and where do I learn what family, and loved ones, should learn?

I believe we have a few professionals in the mental health field here.
Can you recommend an appropriate educational source for me?

Thanks much.

Oh and remarkably he's deeply religious and I'm atheist, yet we both talk calmly and extensively about our perspectives without emotion or preaching.
Somehow there is zero conflict or tension on this topic.

 

[Rfisher]

He's very different ... but so are we.
I want and need to learn about PS for his benefit and for mine.
So, how and where do I learn what family, and loved ones, should learn?

I believe we have a few professionals in the mental health field here.
Can you recommend an appropriate educational source for me?

Could this backfire on any way? Whether the information you seek is used internally or externally with your new friend, or just with your partner.

It seems you all can navigate religion without emotion - maybe his mental health diagnosis that is as wide as the day is long could be the same?

His perception of your intent of caring to know more - is what a friendship is about? And I’m sure that would be vice versa as well.


Best wishes and kudos to you on a new fulfilling friendship.
It’s rarer and rarer as we get older.

 

[dk168]

This is where I would start, link to NHS in the UK on Schizophrenia, and hopefully, there will be sign-posts to further information and resources if needed.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/schizophrenia/overview/

Good luck with your search, and good to hear you and your OH and Bibi has a new friend.

DK

 

[ShinyPink]

NAMI is a great resource.

Schizophrenia

Learn the signs, causes, and treatment options for schizophrenia. Get trusted information and support from NAMI to better understand this complex mental health condition.

www.nami.org

 

[VRBeauty]

I have no suggestions, just hugs and kudos to all three of you for opening up to each other and taking that chance.

Have you considered asking him this same question, about how to become more knowledgeable about PS, certainly, but also identifying resources that you might need in case you spot something going wrong with your friend? Thing can go wrong, and since you see him so frequently, you and your DH might be the people who spot it first.

ETA: I do realize that it’s a fine line. You and your DH don’t - and certainly your friend - don’t want your relationship to revolve around his PS. And it’s possible that PS not being part of the relationship may be very important to him. Then again, he may welcome you opening that line of discussion, as long as you tread lightly.

 

[Karl_K]

Not a medical professional.
The biggest thing your going to run into is no 2 cases are the same.
So a lot of what you find may not apply to him.
It is an incredibly varied diagnoses.
What I find fascinating is so many in the mental health field also have mental health issues.
More so than many other fields.
Best of luck!

 

[kenny]

Thanks all!!!!

Everyone's input is helpful and greatly appreciated.
The sources quoted are very informative to get me started.
Boy! the public holds a shtiload of misconceptions about PS.

I know I am entering something very unfamiliar to me.
It's awkward, but I'm treading lightly.
But I've always been an unusual guy.

Overall I feel in my gut that this friendship, while educational and challenging, is a very good thing at many levels, for all three of us.

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

Thanks all!!!!

Everyone's input is helpful and greatly appreciated.
The sources quoted are very informative to get me started.
Boy! the public holds a shtiload of misconceptions about PS.

I know I am entering something very unfamiliar to me.
It's awkward, but I'm treading lightly.
But I've always been an unusual guy.

Overall I feel in my gut that this friendship, while educational and challenging, is a very good thing at many levels, for all three of us.

Just a couple of lay person tid bits.
The US and European / Brit definitions of PS are exceptionally different from my limited knowledge.
My daughter is a trauma psych and says a lot of issues can be solved by rather than going over and over early life trauma that may have caused a mental health issue - she is using - an AI result:
The mental health practice you are referring to, which uses complex physical actions like standing on one leg while rubbing one's head to distract from rumination, is not a formally recognized, named therapy technique in itself, but a form of thought-stopping using a physical/tactile stimulus or a distraction technique. The core principle is part of broader approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT).

 

[kenny]

Thanks @Garry H (Cut Nut)

Nothing personal, but I boycott AI whenever I can.
So I haven't read the content you posted that is from from AI.

IMO AI is technology's latest creepy cancer.
Like social media, it will damage our world, while making a few trillionaires even richer.

 

[molinePDG]

This is entirely off topic but now I am fascinated by your piano, as also an owner of a 9+ ft European concert grand piano (that I inherited from a family member!)

Please do share (I've got a music thread somewhere in the Hobby section)

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

Thanks @Garry H (Cut Nut)

Nothing personal, but I boycott AI whenever I can.
So I haven't read the content you posted that is from from AI.

IMO AI is technology's latest creepy cancer.
Like social media, it will damage our world, while making a few trillionaires even richer.

Kenny I needed to search to find the names of this therapy
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy are the two streams. I knew the information but not the names the pro's call them.

 

[kenny]

You trust what AI delivers.
I don't.

I've done fine without it.
I'll be fine without it.

I know. I know ...

 

[Avondale]

I have a very close friend with bipolar. Even though it’s technically different, in a way it’s very similar - in both cases their brains run away from them, play tricks on them and warp reality.

As someone above said, no two cases of mental illness are the same. You can learn the basics, the theory, just so you’re not ignorant on the subject - and that matters a lot - but it won’t be too helpful if you’re not familiar with the details of your friend’s case. And only he can give you those.

It’s a matter of trust and time. He’s the only one who can share this with you, who can educate you on the specifics and intricacies of his condition. The only thing you can do is offer an understanding and supportive ear, and if he wants to, he may tell you about it.

From that point on, your role is grounded in being supportive. His medical care is handled by his doctors, his treatment is their business. You can be someone he talks to, someone he can be open with to share what he’s going through. You can look out for him and let him know if you notice strange behaviours - when the friendship has evolved sufficiently. My friend has (thankfully) learned through the years to trust his friends and now he relies on us to tell him at once if we notice something odd or unusual. Psychosis isn’t always sudden, it often creeps in but the affected person doesn’t realise it, he’s just experiencing reality as usual. And early treatment is often critical.

Even in this advanced day and age, there are a lot of misconceptions about mental illness. Given how many people have this image of schizophrenics as out-of-their-mind incoherent and violent, it’s impressive that your friend feels comfortable enough both with himself and with you to share about his condition. So that’s a good starting point for all.

 

[lyra]

Strictly anecdotal. I had an online friend with PS. He was smart and funny. He had struggles but he was brilliant. Until he wasn't. He was on meds that really helped if he'd stay on them. It was really hard to watch him go through an episode and really struggle hard to get some type of stability back again. Eventually he just stopped interacting. It's so hard to watch someone go through this and not be able to do anything at all. YMMV of course! Maybe it won't be an issue for you at all if he maintains his stability well, or can get back to it if he slips. Take care.

 

[Autumn in New England]

I have a cousin through marriage with PS. If he stays on his meds, he functions fairly well. The problem is PS's are notorious for being inconsistent with their meds. And that's when the (sometimes very serious) problems start. That's about all I have to add to this conversation. But I'm glad you're giving this man a chance, and not simply running in the opposite direction. I must admit, I might be tempted to do that, having seen what this illness can do. You're a better man that I. Also, I admire your willingness to educate yourself on the matter. Good luck to all of you!

 

[kenny]

He's playing our piano now, and is quite advanced.

 

[LilAlex]

Oh, I know him -- you're fine!

Seriously, I agree with @Autumn in New England. Medicated state can be appropriate and well-compensated, and you would, perhaps, never know there was an underlying issue if he had not disclosed (and props to him for doing so, I think). But if something disrupts that equilibrium, the outcome is unpredictable. I certainly would not avoid a friendship -- medicated, he could be way better than most without PS -- but if there comes a time when something seems off to you, I would trust my instincts and proceed cautiously (i.e., not give him the keys to the Porsche).

 

[Autumn in New England]

Oh, I know him -- you're fine!

Seriously, I agree with @Autumn in New England. Medicated state can be appropriate and well-compensated, and you would, perhaps, never know there was an underlying issue if he had not disclosed (and props to him for doing so, I think). But if something disrupts that equilibrium, the outcome is unpredictable. I certainly would not avoid a friendship -- medicated, he could be way better than most without PS -- but if there comes a time when something seems off to you, I would trust my instincts and proceed cautiously (i.e., not give him the keys to the Porsche).

You never fail to make me snicker, sometimes inappropriately... but that is also very sound advice.