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Help please! Buying yourself a diamond ring?

crashsle

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 29, 2020
Messages
9
This is my first time posting, so I apologize if this is the wrong thread or place to ask and for the terrible formatting!

Ladies with multiple engagement style rings, were they all gifts from your husband? If they were or weren't, what are your thoughts on getting a ring commissioned for yourself?

My husband is pretty traditional and doesn't fully understand my love of rings and having a couple of different styles. We've spoken in the past about at some point upgrading, but we're also both sentimental about what I already have and he's never shown much interest in heading down that path. I started working with a designer on a reset and have instead switched to a new centre stone to preserve my original ring as it felt like too much of a leap for both of us to overhaul the design so much.

So my question is, is it strange to commission an expensive ring purely for yourself? I'd most likely be often wearing it in place of my engagement ring. I've changed so much as a person since we got married and want something that feels like who I am now vs reminds me of who I was at a more challenging point in my life. Obviously I'd love for my husband to be more involved in this, but he's in the boat of I should do what makes me happy but has no interest of his own in discussing ring designs endlessly and feels that he's done his part by getting me a ring and nothing else will have the same sentiment to him. He's said that he won't know how he feels about this new ring until he sees it on.

Would it be terrible to do this on my own for me or is that selfish? I still obviously want it to have sentiment and meaning for me, which it would, but it slightly saddens me that he won't be involved. At this point, I haven't worn my platinum engagement ring in about 2 years and just wear a plain gold band and a diamond eternity on my ring finger instead.The plan would be to get my original engagement ring reset into gold in an identical setting so that I can still wear it far more often (mixing metals isn't my thing) and honor what he chose for me, but to have a chunky gypsy set ring that I've designed for myself as my everyday substitute and also wear as a right hand ring.

I feel so torn and couldn't think of a better group of people to ask!
 

Diamond Girl 21

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 26, 2017
Messages
494
I personally don't think there is anything wrong with designing your own ring. I recently did it myself and I'm very happy that I chose to do so. I did ask for my husband's input on budget, and showed him the final drawings before the ring was made. I just wanted to feel like he was part of the process.

I love that you're keeping your original ring. Would you consider making the new ring for your right hand, so you can wear both? Would your husband be hurt if you chose to wear the new ring on your left hand instead of your original ring? That would be my only concern. Other than that, if you both are comfortable, I say go for it.

FYI: I have 2 diamond engagement rings. I alternate those, as well as plain gold bands, diamond bands, other diamond rings, and colored stones. The more, the merrier!
 

Diamond Girl 21

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 26, 2017
Messages
494
Ooops....I just noticed you said you would wear your new ring on your right hand on occasion. So, I think it's great that you can alternate hands.
 

crashsle

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 29, 2020
Messages
9
I personally don't think there is anything wrong with designing your own ring. I recently did it myself and I'm very happy that I chose to do so. I did ask for my husband's input on budget, and showed him the final drawings before the ring was made. I just wanted to feel like he was part of the process.

I love that you're keeping your original ring. Would you consider making the new ring for your right hand, so you can wear both? Would your husband be hurt if you chose to wear the new ring on your left hand instead of your original ring? That would be my only concern. Other than that, if you both are comfortable, I say go for it.

FYI: I have 2 diamond engagement rings. I alternate those, as well as plain gold bands, diamond bands, other diamond rings, and colored stones. The more, the merrier!
Thank you so much for the input! It's really comforting to hear your thoughts on it! I'm definitely in the more the merrier boat, but wasn't sure if all the other ladies here such as yourself had husbands that were constantly wanting to be part of a ring designing process ha! :lol:
 

MakingTheGrade

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Mar 2, 2009
Messages
10,896
Haha all my jewelry is designed and bought for by me. So I’m clearly biased.
I’m very particular about my jewelry and I really enjoy the design and acquiring process so it doesn’t make sense for my partners to try to buy me bling as a surprise. Also I’m the breadwinner in the family and my spouse is not about to tell me I can’t spend my mad money on myself the way I want.
 

Diamond Girl 21

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 26, 2017
Messages
494
Thank you so much for the input! It's really comforting to hear your thoughts on it! I'm definitely in the more the merrier boat, but wasn't sure if all the other ladies here such as yourself had husbands that were constantly wanting to be part of a ring designing process ha! :lol:
You're welcome! My husband really doesn't care about the process....just that I stick to the budget.;)2
 

Diamond Girl 21

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 26, 2017
Messages
494
Haha all my jewelry is designed and bought for by me. So I’m clearly biased.
I’m very particular about my jewelry and I really enjoy the design and acquiring process so it doesn’t make sense for my partners to try to buy me bling as a surprise. Also I’m the breadwinner in the family and my spouse is not about to tell me I can’t spend my mad money on myself the way I want.
I love this!!! Unfortunately, we do have to make those pesky money decisions together, especially since I definitely am not the breadwinner. If I was, the whole house would probably look like a giant jewelry store.
 

headlight

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2003
Messages
2,051
I love this!!! Unfortunately, we do have to make those pesky money decisions together, especially since I definitely am not the breadwinner. If I was, the whole house would probably look like a giant jewelry store.
I totally get you!
I understand his point but also I understand that we change. I myself have a boatload of fine jewelry that Is no longer my style.
But I messed up long ago by trading in my original engagement ring (& diamond) and it is a very big regret.
So something to keep in mind.
But I think getting a new ring as a right hand ring isn’t something you should be deprived of.
However, I think the original ring, and certainly the original diamond, may be a good thing to keep.
My husband doesn’t want to be involved in the process, so you aren’t the only one... it seems most don’t.
It is easy to get caught up in the whole diamond upgrade thing. While I understand it and did it myself, I must say that I do regret giving up my original diamond.
 

MRBXXXFVVS1

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 5, 2019
Messages
267
There's something special about DHs buying jewelry, however I'm a big fan of treating yourself with "I love myself" gifts! My only thought is if it would hurt your DH's feelings, since I'm sure a lot of thought and sentiment went into your original engagement ring. It will definitely depend on how your DH feels about it! Since you'll be wearing the new ring mostly as a RHR might be OK!
 

Christinak

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jun 2, 2016
Messages
68
Hi
I got engaged and married with a single ring - a simple eternity band (2.49tcw channel set diamond band). I then found pricescope and now have bought myself 2 rings which people think are engagement rings but are just part of my jewelry obsession!
I dont think there is any issue with your plans at all!
 

Niffler75

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 3, 2020
Messages
325
@crashsle :wavey:On one hand it is lovely to be treated to a piece of jewellery from my DH like my engagement ring. But romantic as he is he admits he is pretty clueless as to what to get. (Think very confused looking man shopping for lingerie :lol-2: ).
I find it empowering to treat myself and design/ source exactly what I would like. My jewellery is a reflection of my personality. :mrgreen2:
 

caolsen

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 21, 2010
Messages
345
My husband and I are both really independent and we both work. He buys his excesses and I buy mine. His culture is not one with a tradition of engagement rings, to start. He kindly bought me one, quite small, from a chain store, we were in college - think more fashion diamond ring, which I still have but I don’t wear it.

After about 5 years I bought my first e ring style solitaire but I did not call it my engagement ring. Never. I have, at this point 6 rings I swap out and wear with my wedding band, which I never take off.

Personally, the societal baggage of e rings as showing possession, as exchange for the value of the wife, that a man doesn't wear one, means I would never be comfortable with an implicit demand to wear one. That’s me - I am pretty strong minded.
 

MakingTheGrade

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Mar 2, 2009
Messages
10,896
My husband and I are both really independent and we both work. He buys his excesses and I buy mine. His culture is not one with a tradition of engagement rings, to start. He kindly bought me one, quite small, from a chain store, we were in college - think more fashion diamond ring, which I still have but I don’t wear it.

After about 5 years I bought my first e ring style solitaire but I did not call it my engagement ring. Never. I have, at this point 6 rings I swap out and wear with my wedding band, which I never take off.

Personally, the societal baggage of e rings as showing possession, as exchange for the value of the wife, that a man doesn't wear one, means I would never be comfortable with an implicit demand to wear one. That’s me - I am pretty strong minded.
My spouse and I are similar. I’m a very non traditional gal. I proposed to him lol so he never bought me an ering. I ended up putting together my own set that I love. And have a few other rings that I swap around and wear on my “wedding” finger. So no sentimental attachment to any of my bling which is nice because there’s no guilt on either side about liquidating or upgrading things.

I also often don’t wear an ering style ring at all or a wedding band if I feel like sporting a different look or trotting out some other rings. He also doesn’t wear a wedding band and it doesn’t bother me at all.
 

Crystal_Dreams

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 25, 2014
Messages
598
I designed and wear the one I have. My husband and I had some major issues and as a result, I will honestly never wear the one he got me again. He knows this.
My ring was literally designed and made for me as a ‘I am doing this for me because I love me and I don’t need a man to buy me bling!!’ Kind of ring.

We are still together and doing well, but that original e ring is something I do not care for. I have my one to wear when I feel like it, but often do wear it on my right hand too!

One day he will need to get me another ring. Money issues and alternate priorities take precedence right now and I’m in no rush. But he knows, and it had better happen!

He did recently suggest that I set one of my gemstones in a setting I have been wanting for a LONG time though. That’s a good first step! I do love my new gemstone ring. He is amused and glad that I love this one so much. Hopefully that will serve as incentive in the future to get my ‘replacement’ ring.
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 11, 2006
Messages
55,497
I choose all my jewelry. My husband technically pays for it, although all our money is shared. I thank him for the new items. That way we are both happy. It's totally unrealistic to think another person can successfully surprise another with an item that has so much personal preference involved as an engagement ring does.
 

mrs-b

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 18, 2013
Messages
6,552
I would no sooner let my husband choose my jewelry than let him choose my shoes. To me, all jewelry, apart from my wedding ring and wedding necklace, is an accessory - an expensive accessory, but an accessory nonetheless.

I was allergic to the white gold inlay in my yellow gold wedding ring, as I suspect the white gold had nickel in it. My husband's wedding ring, after about 23 years, cracked one day while lifting furniture. So, for our 25th anniversary, we had the white gold inlay removed from mine, and melted both rings down, plus the yellow gold from my engagement ring, and made 2 new wedding rings, which we exchanged during a vow renewal ceremony for our 25th anniversary, and 2 small pendants, which I had set with the tiny diamonds from my wedding band, and the first diamond my husband ever bought me, which was for Valentine's day many moons ago. My engagement diamond - which was actually my deceased mother's - was stolen by a disreputable jeweler and replaced with something cheap and nasty (we didn't know at the time - we were very young when we got engaged) so the Valentine's day diamond was technically the first one he'd bought me.

These pieces are the most important I own, but I own plenty of others, which I've chosen myself. My husband has a wife who loves jewelry - what can I say? ::)

Here's a photo of what I consider to be my 'wedding pieces' - which we had made for our 25th. My DH's wedding ring is here also. I love these pieces and they're the first pieces I'd save in a fire! They're also the pieces I wear the most - and my default pieces if not specifically wearing something else for the day. Either way, tho, regardless of what I'm wearing during the day (and most days it IS my wedding ring, along with my 3 stone diamond ring, which was made to fit with it), it all comes off at night and my wedding ring goes back on. And yes, my husband and I are *very* sentimental about these pieces, but it doesn't preclude other things as well. Luckily. :mrgreen:

Wedding rings and pendant_2.jpg
 
Last edited:

astaeria

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 18, 2019
Messages
68
You’re not alone! I got engaged last April and I’m already getting myself a new ring in a different style from my engagement ring to celebrate the upcoming wedding next month.

My fiancé is someone who is uninterested in jewellery and does not want to be involved in jewellery design decisions, so I’ve decided to go ahead and make myself a ring. After all I’m paying for it myself!

This is my engagement ring, and the next picture is the ring that I’ve commissioned for myself and plan to wear it occasionally in place of my engagement ring when I receive it next month!

D8AE7E40-6DB5-43B0-9B85-F1B6478E7D1C.jpeg 30EA293D-7AAA-440B-8FEA-F796D0725669.jpeg
 

bludiva

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 23, 2017
Messages
2,149
Thank you so much for the input! It's really comforting to hear your thoughts on it! I'm definitely in the more the merrier boat, but wasn't sure if all the other ladies here such as yourself had husbands that were constantly wanting to be part of a ring designing process ha! :lol:
my husband didn't want to pick out a ring for me himself b/c he knows i'm picky and have unpredictable taste in things....he gamely tried to pick something out together and that got tedious for us both b/c i couldn't find anything i liked....he then every more gamely let me figure it out on my own and came back for the last 2 meetings with the jeweler to finalize the design and pick up the ring. all that to say, he was happy to not be involved and i think for some guys it's a breath of fresh air to not have the pressure to figure it out themselves.
 

CaseyLouLou

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 22, 2019
Messages
199
My husband stopped trying to buy me jewelry because I’m so picky. I do think he would be a little hurt if I replaced my original ring - which is a wide 18ky wedding band with diamonds - I never wanted a solitaire and still don’t have one (I was tired of all of the “typical” engagement rings and decided to go in another direction).

I recently designed my own 5-stone 25th anniversary band and he wasn’t involved at all which feels a bit weird but I still like it as a symbol of the big anniversary and he was supportive because it makes me happy.

But I will wear that new ring on my right hand and keep wearing the dated wedding ring which I don’t totally dislike.

190B7348-4DB5-4932-B999-9A57700DFCD2.jpeg
 

crashsle

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 29, 2020
Messages
9
I totally get you!
I understand his point but also I understand that we change. I myself have a boatload of fine jewelry that Is no longer my style.
But I messed up long ago by trading in my original engagement ring (& diamond) and it is a very big regret.
So something to keep in mind.
But I think getting a new ring as a right hand ring isn’t something you should be deprived of.
However, I think the original ring, and certainly the original diamond, may be a good thing to keep.
My husband doesn’t want to be involved in the process, so you aren’t the only one... it seems most don’t.
It is easy to get caught up in the whole diamond upgrade thing. While I understand it and did it myself, I must say that I do regret giving up my original diamond.

I totally agree with this! I'm doing a very simple reset that just lowers the profile of the ring, but was super specific about keeping the original setting so that I can always put things back the way they were.

I'm so sorry that you regret getting rid of your original set, I'm not a particularly sentimental person and everyone was horrified when I got rid of my wedding dress. I hope you're able to find some peace with your choice and know that you still have wonderful memories of it!
 

crashsle

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 29, 2020
Messages
9
@crashsle :wavey:On one hand it is lovely to be treated to a piece of jewellery from my DH like my engagement ring. But romantic as he is he admits he is pretty clueless as to what to get. (Think very confused looking man shopping for lingerie :lol-2: ).
I find it empowering to treat myself and design/ source exactly what I would like. My jewellery is a reflection of my personality. :mrgreen2:
There's something special about DHs buying jewelry, however I'm a big fan of treating yourself with "I love myself" gifts! My only thought is if it would hurt your DH's feelings, since I'm sure a lot of thought and sentiment went into your original engagement ring. It will definitely depend on how your DH feels about it! Since you'll be wearing the new ring mostly as a RHR might be OK!
Hi
I got engaged and married with a single ring - a simple eternity band (2.49tcw channel set diamond band). I then found pricescope and now have bought myself 2 rings which people think are engagement rings but are just part of my jewelry obsession!
I dont think there is any issue with your plans at all!
Definitely love the idea of 'I love myself' gifts, I think this is actually a really wonderful way of looking at it and something I need to be better at. Thank you ladies! I too have a slight jewelry obsession so I think this is a gift for me (that my hubby can also claim as a Christmas/v.day combo since he has the honor of paying :oops2:)

We've also now started a shared running list of items that we both like so that the other has direct links to specific rings/other girly things (or electronics depending on whose list you're looking at!) if we want to semi-surprise the other at a holiday :lol:
 

crashsle

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 29, 2020
Messages
9
You’re not alone! I got engaged last April and I’m already getting myself a new ring in a different style from my engagement ring to celebrate the upcoming wedding next month.

My fiancé is someone who is uninterested in jewellery and does not want to be involved in jewellery design decisions, so I’ve decided to go ahead and make myself a ring. After all I’m paying for it myself!

This is my engagement ring, and the next picture is the ring that I’ve commissioned for myself and plan to wear it occasionally in place of my engagement ring when I receive it next month!

D8AE7E40-6DB5-43B0-9B85-F1B6478E7D1C.jpeg 30EA293D-7AAA-440B-8FEA-F796D0725669.jpeg
This is beautiful!! I love how different it is too, definitely what I'm doing! Both of your rings are gorgeous and I love that you're going to change them out depending on mood!
 

crashsle

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 29, 2020
Messages
9
My husband stopped trying to buy me jewelry because I’m so picky. I do think he would be a little hurt if I replaced my original ring - which is a wide 18ky wedding band with diamonds - I never wanted a solitaire and still don’t have one (I was tired of all of the “typical” engagement rings and decided to go in another direction).

I recently designed my own 5-stone 25th anniversary band and he wasn’t involved at all which feels a bit weird but I still like it as a symbol of the big anniversary and he was supportive because it makes me happy.

But I will wear that new ring on my right hand and keep wearing the dated wedding ring which I don’t totally dislike.

190B7348-4DB5-4932-B999-9A57700DFCD2.jpeg
Thanks for commenting! (And making me realize I had so many other comments to reply to!)

I'm not sure if it will change your opinion at all, but as a 28 year old that's only been married 7 years so far :shock: I absolute ADORE your wedding band and don't find it dated at all. Some of my absolute favorite pieces are chunky yellow gold bands. I actually try and make a point to compliment ladies rings in person if they're like this, because I know they're more unique and it's rarer to see them (and it makes me SO sad when they feel like they're not as relevant). I would be so proud to own that ring!

I'm not a solitaire lady either, so my engagement ring never gets worn and I just wear a simple 7 stone band. I'm actually resetting my solitaire into a much lower setting and adding a couple of side stones so that it feels a little more me and gets worn at least for special occasions (with my husband's blessing!).

The ring I'm designing for myself is very similar to the ones below and I'll switch out fingers it gets worn on, it's not to everybody's taste but give me all the flush set gold bands all day long!

Like I said - I'm sure it might not change how you look at your ring, but just know that it's beautiful to me. Happy 25 years! <3

Screen Shot 2020-02-08 at 11.58.32 PM.jpeg Screen Shot 2020-02-08 at 11.59.39 PM.jpeg
 

CaseyLouLou

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 22, 2019
Messages
199
Thanks for commenting! (And making me realize I had so many other comments to reply to!)

I'm not sure if it will change your opinion at all, but as a 28 year old that's only been married 7 years so far :shock: I absolute ADORE your wedding band and don't find it dated at all. Some of my absolute favorite pieces are chunky yellow gold bands. I actually try and make a point to compliment ladies rings in person if they're like this, because I know they're more unique and it's rarer to see them (and it makes me SO sad when they feel like they're not as relevant). I would be so proud to own that ring!

I'm not a solitaire lady either, so my engagement ring never gets worn and I just wear a simple 7 stone band. I'm actually resetting my solitaire into a much lower setting and adding a couple of side stones so that it feels a little more me and gets worn at least for special occasions (with my husband's blessing!).

The ring I'm designing for myself is very similar to the ones below and I'll switch out fingers it gets worn on, it's not to everybody's taste but give me all the flush set gold bands all day long!

Like I said - I'm sure it might not change how you look at your ring, but just know that it's beautiful to me. Happy 25 years! <3

Screen Shot 2020-02-08 at 11.58.32 PM.jpeg Screen Shot 2020-02-08 at 11.59.39 PM.jpeg
Awwww thanks! I can’t wait to see your ring when it’s finished. I do still like my ring enough to wear it everyday. My mom has a very wide gold wedding band and I think that’s why I was drawn to this style. To me that huge band looked nice on her finger. It is nice to have something unique.

I have also stuck to yellow gold all these years and apparently it’s coming back now so that worked out!
 

JaneDough

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 17, 2019
Messages
53
I just bought myself a 7 stone band yesterday. The extent of my consultation was “what do you think of this” to which he scrunched up his face to every picture I showed him :lol: The man doesn’t like sparkly or gold and if he had his way I’d be wearing a plain band and wearing jeans and t shirts every day.

To the extent it’s a joint budget discussion is important but as for style wear what makes you happy! You’re the one wearing it! Plus if you’re spending no small change you might as well go with your heart’s desire.
 

WindyCityCoco

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2020
Messages
42
Fortunatley my husband and I were able to find my dream diamond together when we were dating. My setting on the other hand has been another story. Much to my husband's dismay she has been in 3 settings now and each time the DH gets a little testy about the whole thing..
 

eapj

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 3, 2017
Messages
592
I just ordered myself another preloved diamond wedding set which arrived today (still deciding whether to keep it). I’ve never liked my original stuff and have cycled through a few styles to learn what I really like. My husband and I have purchased a few colored stone rings together but most is all me. He’s good with it since I have to wear it. If it makes you happy, pick it out yourself! Of course that’s what a PSer world say, though. :)
 

monipod

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2019
Messages
229
My husband offered to upgrade my ER but he's super picky and if I wanted to get what I wanted, it was easier to buy it myself lol

I bought a lovely 1ct marquise ring via James Allen and got a local jeweller to make me a bespoke ring for a 2ct oval I sourced :D
 
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