Heirloom ring or no ring

[Jessie702]

Hey Ladies, how would you feel if your SO presented you with a Heirloom ring, promising to upgrade your ring later. I only ask this because im at the point that i would accept anything C would give me, even if it wasnt my dream ring, because i just want the marriage. So my question is, would you take and be happy with a heirloom ring, and wedding now, or would you rahter wait until he could afford the ring you want and you put the wedding and future together on hold?

This has been really running through my head lately, because i think im at the point in my waiting, that any ring, or better yet, anything will due just fine, i want the marriage, not the ring.

 

[amc80]

I would take it in a heartbeat. I would take a plain band or a CZ at this point. The goal is marriage, not the perfect ring

 

[sphenequeen]

I would take it in a heartbeat. I would take a plain band or a CZ at this point. The goal is marriage, not the perfect ring

Exactly. I think that people lose sight of what is important and at the end of the day, the ring is not going to be the bond that holds you two together.

 

[BoulderGal]

I would take it in a heartbeat. I would take a plain band or a CZ at this point. The goal is marriage, not the perfect ring

Exactly. I think that people lose sight of what is important and at the end of the day, the ring is not going to be the bond that holds you two together.

I second these two sentiments. The couple is the important part--the rest is just extra.

 

[Glitz]

I would say yes to an heirloom ring in a heartbeat. Apparently there's a diamond ring in a farmers field close to where my SO's family lives, it was his Grandmother's old farm, and she claims that there's a ring in that field. I've suggested to SO that we get metal detectors and go out and find it, but apparently lots of the family tried that already and gave up ... about 20 years ago. It would be kind of like a fun treasure hunt though.

You might remember that I posted a while ago about my SO and I picking out a ring with matching band, SO bought it and then decided that it was to small and he wouldn't feel right giving it to me. It's not me that's holding out for something bigger it him! On the other hand, things with his work are really looking up and if they keep going the way they have been, I see a HUGE rock in my future, so he might be right, and it will be worth the wait.

Since this is PS and we love looking at rings, heres the e-ring and band that he's to ashamed to give to me:

Center stone - .25ct
TCW: .65ct
Ring Size: 7.5

 

[Anonymous]

I've said it many times, and I'm happy to say it again...

Yes, in a heartbeat. I love my ring. It wasn't the biggest stone, or a name brand setting with pave diamonds. It was, however, perfect because my FI did his best to research things and put in a ton of effort to get the best ring he could with the resources available to him. I'd still feel the same if there wasn't even a diamond in it, as long as I knew that he loved me as much as he does and his proposal was when he was ready.

Hope that makes sense...in a rush and it's Friday so my brain has left the building.

ETA: Glitz that's a pretty ring! It's very sweet that your BF wants to buy you a bigger one, but it's honestly quite nice, especially if YOU love it!

 

[amc80]

I would say yes to an heirloom ring in a heartbeat. Apparently there's a diamond ring in a farmers field close to where my SO's family lives, it was his Grandmother's old farm, and she claims that there's a ring in that field. I've suggested to SO that we get metal detectors and go out and find it, but apparently lots of the family tried that already and gave up ... about 20 years ago. It would be kind of like a fun treasure hunt though.

OMG that sounds like so much fun! I would totally do it. I'm guessing technology is better today and you may have better luck?

 

[Glitz]

I'm guessing technology is better today and you may have better luck?

WOW! That is such a great point that never crossed my mind, I'll bring this up with SO and see if he thinks I'm crazy

 

[Jessie702]

Im glad to see so many ladies argee with me. I think some ladies get caught up in the ring, and less in the marriage.

 

[beezygal]

OMG!!! did C mention anything about giving you a heirloom ring? OMG OMG OMG! You will be engaged soon!!! I HOPE!!!!

Take the ring! Take an onion ring if you have to. You love this man, you want to be engaged! You DESERVE to be engaged to your man. JUST TAKE IT.

 

[Jessie702]

....LoL...no BG he didnt mention a Heirloom ring, i was just thinking about it today because at this point in time, i would take anything. LoL.....No we havent talked about rings since he showed me his moms

 

[AdanaEsq]

I agree with all of you. I always tell K that I would marry him tomorrow if he asked but I know he won't. I'd be happy with a pretty plain band knowing I'm his wife. But, since he insists on making me wait, I'm sending him gorgeous expensive rings and stones and he can deal with that.

 

[Autumnovember]

When I was waiting for my proposal, I was the same way. I seriously would have taken ANYTHING at all. If you truly do not care, I would go ahead and let him know that you do not mind upgrading in the future and you are fine with the heirloom ring.

 

[Autumnovember]

I would say yes to an heirloom ring in a heartbeat. Apparently there's a diamond ring in a farmers field close to where my SO's family lives, it was his Grandmother's old farm, and she claims that there's a ring in that field. I've suggested to SO that we get metal detectors and go out and find it, but apparently lots of the family tried that already and gave up ... about 20 years ago. It would be kind of like a fun treasure hunt though.

You might remember that I posted a while ago about my SO and I picking out a ring with matching band, SO bought it and then decided that it was to small and he wouldn't feel right giving it to me. It's not me that's holding out for something bigger it him! On the other hand, things with his work are really looking up and if they keep going the way they have been, I see a HUGE rock in my future, so he might be right, and it will be worth the wait.

Since this is PS and we love looking at rings, heres the e-ring and band that he's to ashamed to give to me:

Center stone - .25ct
TCW: .65ct
Ring Size: 7.5

That ring is absolutely beautiful.

 

[petrock<3]

I am already married and just want to play devil's advocate here:

Often times after people get married, rings and things like that take a waaaaaayy back seat to other things. You could get married and he may never mention anything ring related again. And you may feel selfish to even bring it up. You could have kids right away and think, this should be put towards the college fund. You want to buy a house, etc., etc.. During engagement and wedding planning, there is a certain air of acceptable extravagances, diamonds, dresses, cakes, fancy parties,etc. Afterwards, it is reality.


This came up a long time ago with my mom, and she said, get the diamond you want before the wedding, because afterward you probably won't get it. I rolled my eyes and thought, what a materialistic thing to say!! But she knew from experience and her friends etc., etc. On PS, you hear alot about upgrades, but in reality I think it happens alot less.


I know this may sound shallow, but just giving the other side of the coin.

 

[AdanaEsq]

Petrock: I definitely believe that's true. I was married before and in general I know that if I am thinking about getting a house or going on an amazing vacation vs. upgrading my ring, I would pick the house of ring and once you have kids, I'm sure it's more expensive. I know most of my friends with kids don't even spend money on themselves because they are concerned with their kids. They work so they can afford to buy stuff for themselves they just don't want to.

The other thing that can come up as well is the feelings of the guy involved and societal pressures. My friend went through this. She and her husband are older (in their 40s) and when they decided to get married, he proposed but without a ring, she said she didn't want one etc. well a lot of people still have this notion that you're not really engaged without a ring. People kept bugging them and I think his mother said something and that made him go out and buy her a ring. It is gorgeous but honestly she wasn't itching for it the way some of us on PS do. I know some guys would feel like Glitz_N_Glam's SO and think people would look down on a ring that not as "nice" as expected. All around I think people just need to get what they can afford that meets your top preferences and be realistic when it comes to their financial situation. Getting into debt for a ring, or a house or whatever one can't afford is always a bad idea.

 

[Rezi]

To be honest, if the heirloom ring would be butt ugly (like something really flashy from the 80's) I would much rather get an inexpensive stainless steel band or titanium band instead. Ok, well, maybe that depends on the concept of "heirloom", but I guess something running in the family for 30 years could start reaching that definition?

 

[Treasure43]

Personally, I'm a fan of heirloom rings. I didn't get engaged with one but I did get my great grand mother's diamond reset and I wear it on my right hand. Had DH gotten the diamond from my mother beforehand and used it, I would have loved it just as much as the diamond he got me (which is twice as big) because it's about the commitment the ring stands for.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

Hey Ladies, how would you feel if your SO presented you with a Heirloom ring, promising to upgrade your ring later. I only ask this because im at the point that i would accept anything C would give me, even if it wasnt my dream ring, because i just want the marriage. So my question is, would you take and be happy with a heirloom ring, and wedding now, or would you rahter wait until he could afford the ring you want and you put the wedding and future together on hold?

This has been really running through my head lately, because i think im at the point in my waiting, that any ring, or better yet, anything will due just fine, i want the marriage, not the ring.

Honestly I would be happy except in the circumstance that it was a really ugly ring. I dont like Marquise for example. Because I would not feel comfortable replacing it down the line.

I would be ok with a high quality CZ in a nice setting, or a nice/sweet heirloom. But an ugly ring would disappoint me honestly. I would rather no ring than something I hated. And no ring would potentially be ok if there was a good reason for it. I realise that might sound a bit but its more me wanting something I feel happy with, it doesn't have to be big, just pretty Also the saving and planning for the ring is part of the commitment I feel (IMHO).

Also if finances are the issue and there are not enough funds floating around for a ring, I don't see how the couple would finance a wedding.. I guess all they need is a celebrant and 2 witnesses though so its definitely possible. I would not want that for myself though (honestly), I would prefer to wait and keep on going as we are for now, we could tie the knot when money was less tight. Luckily, this is not an issue for us I might feel differently if faced with the opposite situation.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

Also I don't think putting the wedding on hold necessarily means putting your future together on hold. They are not one and the same.

D and I will have a future together regardless of if marriage is in the immediate future. We would not put anything on hold just because we could not afford a wedding/ring right now.

In our case we have a mortgage already, so there is definitely a future together happening right now lol. Marriage we see as a public celebration of our commitment to each other, a celebration of our love and relationship and possibly the next "big" step in our relationship, if it doesn't happen next it would be replaced with something else... but not nothing else!

He is mine, regardless of if he puts a ring on it!!

 

[Liane]

I would say yes to an heirloom ring in a heartbeat. Apparently there's a diamond ring in a farmers field close to where my SO's family lives, it was his Grandmother's old farm, and she claims that there's a ring in that field. I've suggested to SO that we get metal detectors and go out and find it, but apparently lots of the family tried that already and gave up ... about 20 years ago. It would be kind of like a fun treasure hunt though.

Oh man, planting a ring in that field (in a steel box or something to set off the metal detectors, and next to a landmark so you could be sure to find it even if it didn't) would be such a great proposal. (And now I'm hoping I didn't spoil the poor guy's idea...)

Also that ring is just beautiful. Love the fire shot on your hand.

 

[AdanaEsq]

Liane that really would be a great proposal idea!

 

[stepcutgirl]

I told my fiance a thousand times I would marry him with a twist tie. He wasn't cool with that. I got my "dream" ring and more mornings than not I forget to even put it on! Rings don't matter and while I love mine I'd be just as happy with no ring.

 

[maebelle]

I have an art deco .5 carat rb that was my grandmother's engagement ring (i'll post pics later, I'm at work) that I wear as a right-hand ring. If there were no other option I would certainly use it as an engagement ring (of course! I want the marriage not the ring!) but I *really* want something in a different style entirely, with a gemstone not a diamond. My dream ring will probably end up being worth right around the same as my grandmother's, but it'll be more me.

But as to heirloom ring or no ring, I'd wear my grandmother's before nothing! I guess the difference is that I know exactly what my grandmother's looks like

 

[TooPatient]

I am already married and just want to play devil's advocate here:

Often times after people get married, rings and things like that take a waaaaaayy back seat to other things. You could get married and he may never mention anything ring related again. And you may feel selfish to even bring it up. You could have kids right away and think, this should be put towards the college fund. You want to buy a house, etc., etc.. During engagement and wedding planning, there is a certain air of acceptable extravagances, diamonds, dresses, cakes, fancy parties,etc. Afterwards, it is reality.


This came up a long time ago with my mom, and she said, get the diamond you want before the wedding, because afterward you probably won't get it. I rolled my eyes and thought, what a materialistic thing to say!! But she knew from experience and her friends etc., etc. On PS, you hear alot about upgrades, but in reality I think it happens alot less.


I know this may sound shallow, but just giving the other side of the coin.

VERY good point.

In real life there is ALWAYS going to be something:

saving for down payment (or larger down payment)
paying house off faster
cash for a car (avoid interest)
kids. (diapers, food, clothes, private school, toys, childcare, college savings..........)
vacation
dead appliances
worn out carpet
leaky roof
old windows
broken septic
diseased trees
medical expenses (or saving for potential future expenses)
emergency fund (look back at the Hangout thread -- people are now trying to keep 1 year+ on hand)
retirement
car repairs
.
.
.
.
(to name just a few!)