heirloom diamond...of poor quality

[Mrs.W 514]

So i just got my ring appraised and the center diamond was graded as an I1. It is a diamond from my fiances grandmother so obviously it has sentimental value. I feel kind of bad about it but it bothers me to no end that there is a very visible black dot right in the middle of the table and another very visible feather inclusion that brakes the surface of the table. I have thought about having it enhanced (I know I know) just to see if the carbon inclusion can me made less noticeable. What I really want to do is trade the whole thing in and get what i really want (antique cushion cut with a delicate halo of Yogo sapphires). I think that would hurt Grandmom's feelings and FI's as well. I don't want to seem ungrateful, it was incredibly nice of Grandmom to give us her diamond and I have tried to forget about the imperfections and focus on what the ring represents rather then then seeing only the big inclusions in the diamond.

What should I do?

oh and I forgot to mention my FI designed the setting himself so it holds sentimental value as well and it couldn't be refurbished to hold a cushion diamond (i don't think)

am i crazy??!

 

[swingirl]

I had a sentimental stone set in a pendant. I actually find it a better place for an heirloom or sentimental stone. It's safer, can be worn often and the lower cut-quality, color or clarity isn't noticeable the way it is on a ring.

I also saw a beautiful OEC stone that Wink (High Performance Diamonds) had enhanced (filled a hole and cleaned out a pit) that really looked very good and wearable. He had a before and after photo and it went from "I wouldn't wear that if you paid me" to "nice looking deserving of an ering".

I would NOT trade it in. An heirloom has value beyond the $$ and you would damage some relationships if you did so.

Can you post a photo? I am guessing your custom setting could have another stone set into it.

 

[Mrs.W 514]

Thank you that is a very good idea. i Don't know about setting another stone in my setting. Another rbc would work but a cushion would take a serious overhaul of the setting. its a bezel (not my favorite) and the halo is pretty substantial

here is a picture of my ring.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

I would tell fiance and grandma that because the diamond is old, of great sentimental value, and fragile, you'd prefer it to be in a more secure pendant setting where it wouldn't run the risk of you banging and possibly fracturing it while wearing it on your hand. Set in a nice pendant setting, save up money, and get your cushion.

Unfortunately, your current e-ring setting is probably not going to be salvageable (due to the bezel) so not much hope for setting something else into it. If you have a good jeweler, you can ask and see if he will melt it down and reuse the diamonds and gold and make maybe a band or something (acknowledging your fiance's hard work in designing/choosing setting). Actually maybe you can make that into your wedding band. Thoughts?

 

[swingirl]

I wonder if a jeweler could take the stone, bezel, halo and all and use that part for a pendant. I like bezels and halos together. It's a pretty combination for a ring or pendant.

 

[junebug17]

My feeling is you should appreciate this ring for the love it represents, and for how beautiful it is, because it's certainly a lovely ring. I don't know, you've got a double whammy going on here...a family stone given to you by grandma, and the ring being designed by your FI. There just seems to be too many people who would be hurt by your saying you don't like it and want something else. Did you know beforehand you were going to be given the family stone? If you didn't, then maybe you could say you would prefer to have your own diamond because that's what you've always dreamed of, etc. If you knew you were getting a heirloom diamond, I just don't see how you can now say you don't want it without injuring someone's feelings.

You know your fi and his grandmother better than we do...do you think they will be offended by you saying you want a different ring? I'm just not sure it's worth the risk in this case.

 

[that_someone_special]

Ohhhh.. this is a toughie. Honestly? Would you feel differently if it was graded an SI2? or an I2? I wouldn't place any value on the clarity grading in this particular instance. I think the second biggest mistake you could make would be to get it clarity enhanced. Why? It could potentially make it WORSE in the long run. Just leave it. No black speck is worth the potential hazard of having the diamond crack or look dirty and not being able to clean it.

The biggest mistake? Getting rid of the stone. Once it is gone, it is gone and more than likely you will never be able to get it back. Just because the clarity bothers you about the stone does not mean that a) you won't learn to love it b) you couldn't give it to a future child, or niece or nephew or whatever. It's a family heirloom right? Doesn't it deserve to stay in the family then?

So, the solution? If it were me, I would definitely put it in a pendant. YOU won't be looking at the clarity issues that bother you, and you;ll still have a gorgeous piece to wear. It will also still be in the family. I also think you should wait to use the diamond as a pendant, and not worry about this until after the wedding. Is the grandma still alive? Is she going to be offended and hurt if you change rings before the wedding? (assuming the engagement is less than 2 years..) Take some time to figure out what your perfect ring will be and plan it. Make it perfect to the last detail. In the meantime be grateful that you are a lucky girl to get an heirloom piece. You can't "buy" those.. at least heirloom to your specific family

If you are going to do whatever you want regardless of what your FI, G'ma or anyone says... I guess disregard my post. I am speaking pretty emotionally from the standpoint of a girl that got a few of her g'mas pieces and the rest are just..."gone".

 

[reader]

You mentioned that one feather breaks the surface. I would, whether you loved or hated the stone, have it set into a pendant immediately, as you don't want the diamond splitting should you catch your hand in a door, or bang it against something.

 

[missydebby]

Agreed with Reader. And it is a good reason/excuse to have the cake and eat it too. I don't think you need to make this your engagement ring because it is an heirloom. An heirloom is for joy and your job is to keep it safe for future generations. A pendant will keep it safe and the memory of your relative close to your heart. Perhaps, you could make a pendant with the birthstone of the great grandma, and have it engraved with her birthday or wedding day... so that future generations will always know it's significance. And then, get the engagement ring of your dreams. Another thing I like about this idea of mine is this: I am the youngest daughter of 6 kids. I would have loved an heirloom from my greatgrandma, but the two older sisters got them. I'm not jealous... they are wonderful beautiful sisters... but I like the idea of adding to the heirlooms. Let's say you have more than 1 daughter... won't it be nice to be able to give one daughter the heirloom pendant and pass to the other your ering? The more heirlooms the better!

best always, Debs

 

[reader]

Nods, and if you plan kids, your hands will eventually get caught in something painful, or able to break a ring.
The 'add to an heirloom' idea is wonderful! Especially engraved with names and dates, it makes tracing family history so much easier later on.

 

[lovemybling]

i agree with the other posters. Say that in having it appraised they said it was fragile and that wearing it where it could be banged could damage the stone. The stone and halo would make a stunning pendant, and it could be worn as your something old and something blue and still be important on your wedding day.

Then you can get you dream ring too.

good luck.

 

[stci]

IMO... lie is not solution! If Grandmother decide to check herself if the diamond is fragile

Tell the truth Dear... I think Grandmother can understand you want your own ring.

 

[ringthings]

My feeling is you should appreciate this ring for the love it represents, and for how beautiful it is, because it's certainly a lovely ring. I don't know, you've got a double whammy going on here...a family stone given to you by grandma, and the ring being designed by your FI. There just seems to be too many people who would be hurt by your saying you don't like it and want something else. Did you know beforehand you were going to be given the family stone? If you didn't, then maybe you could say you would prefer to have your own diamond because that's what you've always dreamed of, etc. If you knew you were getting a heirloom diamond, I just don't see how you can now say you don't want it without injuring someone's feelings.

You know your fi and his grandmother better than we do...do you think they will be offended by you saying you want a different ring? I'm just not sure it's worth the risk in this case.

Exactly.

Getting rid of it? Please tell me you're kidding. It's an heirloom. I don't care how "bad" a stone you think it is.
Your grandma-in-law gave it to you (obviously thinking a lot of you), and your fiance designed it.. that trumps any stone imperfection there is. I suppose you could eventually have it set in a pretty pendent, then get something else for the ring. (Using the "it's safer in a pendent story, or explaining you've always wanted a stone of your own.. but cherish grandma's stone and want it safer than an everyday ring).

Good luck, and enjoy your ring... and all the caring behind it.

 

[Amys Bling]

Well, I went back and read your original post when when you first got the ring. You were soooo excited, loved the ring, and thought the stone was beautiful and sparkly. Now that you have learned it has lower clarity you are singing a different tune. It's an heirloom so NEVER get rid of it! Also= it seems that your FI takes pride in the stone from his grandmother and the ring that he designed himself- also I read into the fact that you seem to both be in college (you spoke about end of the semester...living on campus, etc) so maybe at this time, your FI couldn't afford to get you a better stone or bigger stone than the heirloom stone from his grandmother. I would love it for what it is. Agreed that maybe you can get it reset into a pendant, keeping the yogo sapphire bezel with it on the pendant, but maybe wait a little while. I wouldn't jump and do this before the wedding. Maybe as a first anniversary gift you can do this.

Before you go and say anothing about this to people other than us PSers, I would really think long and hard about the sentiment of the stone...the hard work and love your FI put into it....and maybe the financial situation and the fact that the stone might have been better than he could do at the moment. Also consider how HIS family or even your own might feel= or what they might think if you seem ungrateful for the stone=ring especially before you are even married. Us PSers understand diamonds, have a passion for them, and therefore can see where you are coming from regarding the clairty- BUT other people who are not into this stuff might just look at the situation as you thinking it isn't good enough for you, and I don't think this is the way you want to start off your marriage- relationship with the in-laws

 

[missydebby]

IMO... lie is not solution! If Grandmother decide to check herself if the diamond is fragile

Tell the truth Dear... I think Grandmother can understand you want your own ring.

With all due respect, it's no lie to say that you'd rather have the diamond safe and close to your heart in a pendant (And L1s can be fragile due to the type of inclusions).

 

[junebug17]

Amysbling has shed a little more light on the situation and brought up a couple of good points in her post. Were you planning on funding a new ring by "trading in" your current engagement ring? (by trading in, I guess you mean selling it?). I just want to emphasize that I'm against doing that. The stone is a family heirloom and I'm sure fi and his grandmother would be very upset by the suggestion. If you were to suggest the pendant idea, do you and your fi have the funds right now to buy a completely new ring? I'm just trying to look at this from a practical standpoint.

I don't know...the pendant idea might work down the road, maybe for an anniversary, but since you've just recently received your ring and initially loved it, I don't think it will go over well right now with your family.

I really like another point Amysbling brought up...most people don't analyze diamonds the way we do here on PS, and your unhappiness with the clarity of the stone may just be construed by your fi and grandma as ungratefulness. He and his grandmother probably won't "get" it, and be puzzled and hurt by your change of heart about the ring.

As I said, in the end it's up to you, only you really know how your fi and his grandmother will react, I just wanted to give a little more food for thought. And again, FWIW, I think your ring is absolutely beautiful!

 

[westjenn]

Well, I went back and read your original post when when you first got the ring. You were soooo excited, loved the ring, and thought the stone was beautiful and sparkly. Now that you have learned it has lower clarity you are singing a different tune. It's an heirloom so NEVER get rid of it! Also= it seems that your FI takes pride in the stone from his grandmother and the ring that he designed himself- also I read into the fact that you seem to both be in college (you spoke about end of the semester...living on campus, etc) so maybe at this time, your FI couldn't afford to get you a better stone or bigger stone than the heirloom stone from his grandmother. I would love it for what it is. Agreed that maybe you can get it reset into a pendant, keeping the yogo sapphire bezel with it on the pendant, but maybe wait a little while. I wouldn't jump and do this before the wedding. Maybe as a first anniversary gift you can do this.

Before you go and say anothing about this to people other than us PSers, I would really think long and hard about the sentiment of the stone...the hard work and love your FI put into it....and maybe the financial situation and the fact that the stone might have been better than he could do at the moment. Also consider how HIS family or even your own might feel= or what they might think if you seem ungrateful for the stone=ring especially before you are even married. Us PSers understand diamonds, have a passion for them, and therefore can see where you are coming from regarding the clairty- BUT other people who are not into this stuff might just look at the situation as you thinking it isn't good enough for you, and I don't think this is the way you want to start off your marriage- relationship with the in-laws

I second this post. Very well said Amys Bling! The timing just doesn't seem right to change your e-ring. I also think about the time and effort that your fiance took to design your ring, what a loving gesture. I wouldn't want to have this disassembled and in turn rendered unwearable, just my 2 cents..

I agree that you want your ring to be secure without the fear of it splitting or cracking. I guess I just wonder what are the chances that this will actually happen?

 

[stci]

IMO... lie is not solution! If Grandmother decide to check herself if the diamond is fragile

Tell the truth Dear... I think Grandmother can understand you want your own ring.

With all due respect, it's no lie to say that you'd rather have the diamond safe and close to your heart in a pendant (And L1s can be fragile due to the type of inclusions).

C'mon!!!!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

My recommendation is to keep it as it is and ask for an "anniversary" ring for your fifth or tenth anniversary and just move the current ring over to your right hand. That way no one is insulted and with a little patience, you can get what you really want. It'll give you time to save up for a really nice stone and setting, too!

My current diamond was an anniversary gift, so it can be done!

 

[elrohwen]

As someone with an heirloom diamond with quite a few issues of its own (large chip, some black specs) graded at least an I1, I thought I should chime in.

It can be tough, at first, to look past the imperfections when you imagined a perfect diamond - especially after seeing so many on PS. However, old diamonds are like any antique - they have imperfections and unique markings on them that make them one of a kind! Your stone is hugely sentimental and the markings make it what it is. Is it well cut? Is it sparkly? That's what really matters - nobody but you notices these other minor imperfections (trust me, nobody can see the giant chip in mine, even when I point it out). I think there's a process of learning to love your old stone for what it is and coming to terms with it. It sounds like you haven't had it for very long, and I think the longer you have it, the more you will appreciate the history that it has and the less you will focus on the grading. It's not a modern stone and shouldn't be compared to all of those VVS stones of the world - it has personality!

I wonder if the setting might be bothering you more? It's a lovely setting, but not what you described wanting. I don't think I can really advise you here, because only you know your FI and how much it would bother him if you asked to have it re-set. You might be better off learning to love the setting as well and getting a RHR in your desired setting later.

 

[Mrs.W 514]

You are all right about trading in the diamond, I am not going to do that and I didn't really mean it when I said it.

its not the I1 label the bothers me, and i know it sounded as if it was, but what bothers me are the big visible inclusions. I actually had a friend, who doesn't know anything about diamonds, try to scratch off the feather and carbon inclusion with her fingernail thinking there was something stuck to the diamond. While i don't like the way the inclusions look my biggest concern is that I am going to break the diamond. I am unintentionally hard on things and my ring is not insured. I have tried to get FI to agree to insure the ring but he wont do it because he disagrees with the entire insurance system, its a political thing. So that is why i considered getting it enhanced because i thought that would make it stronger...

Elrohwen was pretty much right on when she mentioned the setting i could go into detail about what i don't like about it but i'm sure you have all had a setting that just doesn't do it for you. Mine also has some pretty noticeable craftsmanship flaws and even though i have had it back to the jeweler 3 times to have it fixed they just cant seem to do it.

trading the setting in for something i like is more of a possibility then getting a new diamond right not just because we are planning a 3 month honeymoon

I love my Fiance and my new family and i don't want them to think i am ungrateful or rude...i just don't love the ring.

 

[reader]

Can you insure it behind his back...lots of bad things can happen to new rings on honeymoons....

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

If getting another diamond isn't a possibility right now, nor is insuring, I would definitely put it in a more protective setting like a bezel. And I would not trust your jeweler with that job (since they haven't really come through on the craftsmanship for you) and I would send it to BGD, Whiteflash, Leon, any of the trusted PS vendors, so as to minimize the risk that the stone will be damaged when setting. And I would definitely leave the ring behind on the honeymoon and just wear the w-band (since it's not insured). Btw, a 3 month honeymoon sounds fabulous - where are you going??

 

[beaujolais]

The carbon spot would not bother me, unless super huge. It makes it easy to ID your stone. I love a nice I1. If I wanted perfect, I'd buy a synthetic. An inclusions or two can be fun; reminds you your stone is real.

The surface feather is a bit of a concern for breaking. Bezel sounds like a great idea.

It sounds beautiful, btw.

I love those old stones. (See my avitar.)

 

[ringthings]

Insuring things, especially if you can't afford replacing them, seems like common sense to me. I would have a talk with him.

 

[Circe]

Tough situation! I went back and looked at your original post, too, to get more of a sense of how it looked - it's a beautiful ring! The detail work on the shank is gorgeous: I love the delicate milgrain, and adore the star on the underside. I can see how much you loved the ring (and I hope that sentiment is sticking, and getting you past what you're feeling now) ... but I also understand how crestfallen you can feel when something you love is revealed to have flaws with the passage of time as you get used to it.

Since the diamond started life as an earring, I'm thinking that neither grandma nor your FI can be too, too heartbroken if you eventually shift it to a spot other than your finger. I think the idea of making it a pendant after the wedding is a very good one: it really will keep it safer. I know I worry about the possibility of chipping or damage, the way I use my hands: a surface-breaking feather would make me very nervous. In the meantime, I wouldn't recommend enhancing the stone to remove the carbon inclusion (that treatment really can weaken the structural integrity of the stone), but I do think it might be worth it to consider fracture-filling for the feather. Yeah, it can spoil with time, but it can also be redone ... and if you're going to be wearing it for a few years, you might as well do everything you can to be happy with it.

And for the 5-year, dream stone ....

I know it's hard to be patient, and ESPECIALLY hard not to share everything with a significant other, but I wouldn't talk about this before the wedding. Go on your gorgeous honeymoon (and leave that sucker home if it's not insured!) and then, once you're settled in a bit, start laying groundwork ....

P.S. - I don't care what his philosophical objections to insurance are. Especially with the feather, there's the risk of damage, and then what? BTW, what are his thoughts on the appraisal?

 

[Mrs.W 514]

thank you guys you have helped me put this in a little better perspective.

We are starting our honeymoon in Panama about 2 hours from the capital in this little surfing town. They have bungalows on the beach for 15 dollars a night!!! We are gonna surf and relax for about 3 weeks. Then from there we are going to fly where ever the wind takes us, Belize is on my list as i love to scuba dive and Belize has some of the best scuba diving in the world. We both kind of speak Spanish so we are also looking to improve our conversational skills!! I can wait...i kinda want to skip the big wedding and just get right to the honeymoon. Anybody else just shut down when your caterer ask you a ridiculous question like "what do you envision for the plates?" what!? well they need to have food on them... Or spending countless hours searching the internet for the perfect candle holders AHHHH

I would feel bad about insuring my ring behind his back but i was kind of thinking about that already. Especially considering its only like 100.00 per year...it will be our little secret.

My diamond is already in a bezel setting ( i really don't like bezel settings because it doesn't allow the diamond to sparkle as much as it should) In the mean time i think I will leave it in the bezel setting, it is a pretty setting. Then in 5 years or so I will talk him into a warm 2ct august vintage cushion with strong blue fluorescence and a delicate yogo sapphire halo (or maybe blue diamond as yogos loose color as they get smaller)