he wants to suprise me but i know what i want...

[graceleigh817]

OK...so just became a member on this site and honestly feel relieved that there is a place like this....thanks for listening in advance.

I am sure there is someone out there who understands and can help me with my "dilemma". Well...it''s not so much of a dilemma..

my BF and I have been dating for 4 years now...our first two years were long distance while i was a nanny in europe and he was in law school. we have ALWAYS known we were meant for each other but we both have had things we want to accomplish before going down that road....we both decided to live at home (separate) for a while to save money and he bought a house (but i''m not moving in with him) and he is moving out dec 7th....if everything goes well.

we are so happy together and i would probably wait forever for him but i really feel like i am ready to get married now....i feel like "i just know"....

so my dilemma is that i am OBSESSED with E-Rings....I have been looking at rings my entire life and have a very good idea of what i want. I don''t have my heart set on ONE ring.....more of a style of ring and a cut....i can''t help it

He is so sweet and has always wanted it to be a suprise when he asks me....but he knows how picky i am...yet he won''t go look with me....when i sort of brought it up in the past he was like "no....it shouldn''t matter what it looks like" and he has a point but i''m sorry....you understand....sometimes it just matters. he wouldn''t go to any of my friends and ask for advice and my BEST friend doesn''t think what the ring looks like is important.

I don''t know really what my question is but maybe i just need some ideas on how to let him know what i want....i am also a little afraid of making him feel like i am pushing him to do it.....i am just worried that he is going to get it soon and i will feel HORRIBLE if i don''t like it and it is hard for me to hide that kind of stuff.....what do i do? I will love him nomatter what and i would take a twisty-tie if that''s what he gave me but i just feel like we have been dating this long i should have a choice....though i do love the idea of a suprise......

thank you for your help....

 

[DMBsGirl]

well, i suggest maybe to leave something lying around, like an advertisement with the ring style you like. another good idea is maybe bookmarking it on his computer (i have done this, lol) so that he has SOME idea of what you like without having to go ring shopping. hope this helps.

 

[poptart]

First off, I don''t think it is wrong or weird for you to know what style and cut of ring you want. After all, you have to wear it the rest of your life, and it should be something that you love. Is there anything that he is really into, like cars, or electronics, or cameras? If you were going to buy him a gift wouldn''t he want you to go along so he could show you exactly what he wanted? There is no point in spending all that money if you are going to end up with something that you don''t want to look at and don''t want to wear. It doesn''t show that you love him any less, but rather shows that you feel comfortable enough to talk to him about this even if it may be a touchy subject. I say talk to him again and explain WHY the ring is important to you, and suggest looking at rings together again.

*M*

 

[robbie3982]

I''d look around the site and try to find pictures that are similiar to what you''re looking for and show him. Even if you tell him what style ring you want it can still be a complete surprise. You won''t know when he''s bought it or how he''s going to ask. I''d explain that you really would like him to take these pictures into consideration when buying the ring and that it won''t lessen the surprise at all.

FI was completely against me having anything to do with picking out the ring, but I eventually got him to let me pick it out. I''m sure I would''ve loved whatever he''d gotten (eventually at least), but he''s just not into jewelry and probably would''ve picked the first round diamond that he saw in his price range.

 

[graceleigh817]

thank you so much.

those are all great ideas and really helps me to feel better about it.

i will figure out my plan....and go for it. i like the idea of showing him pictures online.....but i almost want him to have the pictures in his hands....so he REALLY can''t forget

....maybe i''ll show him and then print them out or something......

 

[Becky P]

Many jewelry stores will take down information about which rings you like, and then he can go in and say your name and they can show him the styles of rings you liked, etc. So, that would give him a number of options without you being the actual one to show him.

Or, if you have a particular one you like, they could write it on one of their business cards and you could slip it in his wallet or something for him to stumble upon.

Many ring websites allow you to email rings you like to other people with comments.

Or, just try to talk him into letting you go with him to look, just to look. That way he can see the reaction on your face and then he''ll know what you really like. Tell him that it would just be to browse, no decisions would be made. Then, after you look together and he has a better idea of what makes your face light up, then he can go back on his own and pick out the exact ring.

Also, have you actually gone and tried any rings on yourself? Because, I had very specific ideas of what I would like, and I went and tried on a whole bunch of rings, and I liked the total opposite of what I thought I did. Just a thought before you send him pics and stuff. Go in person and try them on because you might like something different when you actually see it on your hand...

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Just tell him. Marriage is about communication. Be honest otherwise you will always be disappointed he didn''t get you the ring of your dreams. Don''t play games just tell him what you told us.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

You''ve come to the right place for advice because we''ve seen girls disappointed with e-rings before, so we are all for telling the guys what you like! I think it is fine if he doesn''t want to look at rings with you. But I for sure would email him some pictures of ring styles and stone information that you like (and print them out, too!). Heck, I''d want to specify the cut, color, and clarity if it were me! Good luck!

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Hi and welcome!

I agree that you need to tell your bf what you''re really hoping for. Even though the specifics of the ring aren''t important to him or your best friend, it is important to YOU. What''s important to you should be important to him. After all, even though an ering is a gift your bf should take into account what you''d really like, I''d hope he wants you to be happy looking at your ring every day for the rest of your life! You can use the analogy of something that''s really important to him. That may put it in perspective. HTH, good luck speaking with him!

 

[sumbride]

You''re definitely in the right place! So many of us have been through this situation. I didn''t know exactly what kind of ring I wanted but I knew I wanted to be involved in picking it. It surprised my (now) FI when I told him that but eventually he agreed. He did want to surprise me, so he proposed without the ring, and then we picked it together. I actually lucked out because I got an engagement necklace out of the deal so I got TWO pieces of diamond jewelry! Lucky me!

There are lots of ways he can surprise you without it being a ring you don''t like!!! Speak up, he can''t read your mind, and he''s had years of society telling him he HAS to pick it out for you. Tell him he doesn''t. Eventually he''ll probably be relieved! Mine sure was!

 

[therighttime]

Welcome to PS!

I am not involved in the ring picking process at all. Going against most of PS, a ring is just not that important to me. But if it were, and I wanted a particular style over another, I''d talk to my bf about it.

I agree with sumbride, and others... just speak up and have an honest talk with him. I''d explain that jewelry is important to you and that you want to be involved in the picking of the ring, when the time comes. Let him know that he does NOT have to have a ring to propose, and that you are fine with that. That will free him up to plan a surprise proposal, and also allow you to help pick the ring. He probably just thought that tradition indicated he HAD to have a ring to propose.

 

[diamondfan]

I think it is very important to have open communication with your guy. This is something you are going to wear for ever or for a long time and while on one hand it should not matter I think most girls would say it does.

I agree with example of a car or something else he values where it would be tough for him to accept your choosing it without any input on his part.

Say it nicely and sweetly and broach when he is in a good and receptive mood, but I would say it.

I lived for ten years with something I hated and that was not my taste at all and I really cannot say strongly enough it is worth making at least a general attempt so you are happy...

 

[the other Jake]

I know my girlfriend dropped hints about what she wanted whenever should would see a ring. It really helped narrow down the selection... luckily her tastes fit mine exactly. I haven''t given her the ring yet obviously so I don''t know what the final outcome will be, but the people on pricescope seemed to like it, lol

 

[diamondfan]

Can you give us some details Jake?

 

[Rachie]

Grace ~ I am in the same boat as you. I have come to realize that I am way too picky and a little controlling to be totally surprised when it comes to my engagement ring. I am also a shopaholic so not being able to go along to at least pick out the diamond would kill me! So, I brought this up with my BF and he listened and I showed him some pics and he requested a powerpoint presentation! (He''s kind of a computer nerd)

He knows very little about diamonds and needs some help and a place to start so I made him a tutorial that included pictures of what I would like. This kind of made me more relaxed b/c I know that he knows what I want and he can still kind of surprise me when the time comes. I am still going with him to pick out the diamond though! Good luck!

 

[sumbride]

I just came up with another example of why it''s important to be involved...

My FI and I have been debating getting a dog. We both know we can''t have one right now due to lack of space, lack of time, and our THREE cats... Three is a LOT of cats! So he said that realistically we need to wait until we''re down to 1 cat. It sounded horrible and I said "so they have to DIE???" THen he said, "but when they do, you''ll be sad, and I can bring home a puppy to cheer you up!" I said "NO NO NO!!! You can''t pick out the puppy by yourself!!!" "why?" he said.

"Because a puppy is an important part of the family... we have to make sure there''s good chemistry there, that the puppy and I like each other, because the puppy will be around a LONG time. It has to work."

then I said "like my engagement ring!" He laughed but agreed.

The average lifespan of a dog is 10-15 years. A ring will be around much longer, even if you''re upgrading. You have to meet your puppy before you decide it''s right for you. Same with the ring... does it look good on your finger? Is it right for your lifestyle? Do you love it?

That''s a lot of pressure on a boyfriend. Put that way, maybe he''ll realize you SHOULD be involved.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

This is how involved I was. I went to the jeweler with a friend. Tried on settings. Knew that this was "the one." The jeweler wrote down my name, ring size, my "ideal" diamond shape and size. I came home, gave him the jeweler''s business card and told him when he was ready that he should go see this guy and that he knows everything you need to know. My DH was glad. It took some pressure off.

I am obviously a very direct person

 

[Fancy605]

Date: 11/19/2006 5:07:41 PM
Author:graceleigh817
when i sort of brought it up in the past he was like ''no....it shouldn''t matter what it looks like'' and he has a point but i''m sorry....you understand....sometimes it just matters.

I''ve heard that line before myself! And I said, no, of course the only thing that matters is that we love eachother. But I would rather not have a ring than have something I didn''t absolutely love and want to wear every day.

hehe... Maybe your B/F SHOULD propose to you with a twist tie and then take you to select a ring together.

I dunno-- the surprise ring thing just isn''t up my alley. I feel like we made the decision to get engaged together, we should decide what I''m going to wear every day to symbolize that together. Plus, I am VERY picky about jewlery. He has great taste, but I wanted a ring that will fit my style no matter how it may change over the years and that will look just as fabulous with a t-shirt as it does with my wedding gown.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 11/21/2006 1:16:28 PM
Author: Fancy605

Date: 11/19/2006 5:07:41 PM
Author:graceleigh817
when i sort of brought it up in the past he was like ''no....it shouldn''t matter what it looks like'' and he has a point but i''m sorry....you understand....sometimes it just matters.

I''ve heard that line before myself! And I said, no, of course the only thing that matters is that we love eachother. But I would rather not have a ring than have something I didn''t absolutely love and want to wear every day.

hehe... Maybe your B/F SHOULD propose to you with a twist tie and then take you to select a ring together.

I dunno-- the surprise ring thing just isn''t up my alley. I feel like we made the decision to get engaged together, we should decide what I''m going to wear every day to symbolize that together. Plus, I am VERY picky about jewlery. He has great taste, but I wanted a ring that will fit my style no matter how it may change over the years and that will look just as fabulous with a t-shirt as it does with my wedding gown.

I agree 100%... It was that way for me too. He wanted to surprise me, but I insisted... I bluffed about picking out his wedding band on my own and he said "No way! I''m going to wear it for the rest of my life, so I''m picking it out!" Two seconds later he realized what he''d just said and promised to take me shopping... Hehe.

He''s very happy to have taken me shopping. It was a great experience, and we were both very much in love with my ring! He admitted that he doesn''t think he would have had picked this setting if he''s gone on his own so it''s a good thing he took me.

 

[bestdeal]

Hey,

I totally understand where your coming from! My bfriend does not have a clue about the first thing when it comes to e-rings- he has been asking advice from his single mates! I am also a total control freak and dont wear much jewlery so if i am going to wear a ring then i want it to be perfect as it will probably be the only piece of jewlery i wear. We had a talk about it and every time we do i always say that i would love to be proposed to with a fake ring- just one so that we can spend time together looking for the real one and not feel rushed into it, he liked the idea that it meant he could propose without forking out money for a ring straight away or beforehand.

Although the other point is that to continually drive your point home- get a story and stick to it. My B-F seems he has a very selective memory so consistency and constant communication is a must!

 

[KimberlyH]

Grace,

You've recieved some great advice, I hope you're able to use it and that he's open to what you have to say. My DH was going to pick out my ring, he'd already decided on a Tiffany solitaire, until I told him I liked side stones on rings. He figured out it was best to allow me to participate in the process. Even if your BF wants the when to be a suprise you can still shop for the ring together and then he can suprise you later. There are never just two solutions to a problem, so if he doesn't like the ideas you present continue to seek out a solution that you both find satisfying. Knowing how to do this will not only get you the ring you want but be very helpful to you both in marriage...it's all about compromise! Good luck!