TheNextMrsB
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2008
- Messages
- 44
Congratulations on the recent engagements!
Now I need to talk about my anxiety.
It has always been my fantasy to be proposed to around Christmas, and my BF knows this. Lately, he''s been dropping hints that I could recieve a proposal this Christmas, and then he dropped a huge, confirmation hint on Saturday night. However, I know he hasn''t completely made up his mind one way or the other, and now I''m like AAHHH! This is my dream proposal, and it''s been dangled in front of my face like a carrot in front of a horse. This feeling that I have a 50/50 chance of having the proposal I''ve wanted since before I met him is driving me crazy! I''m also feeling anxious because if he doesn''t propose, I''m going to be more than just upset-I''m going to think, "wow, that was awful cruel of him to get my hopes up like that." Besides that, I now feel like I have to completely refrain from any and all comments or questions concerning weddings, engagements, marriage, etc. We haven''t even talked about rings, let alone been shopping, and now I''m going to wake up everyday wondering if today is the day he''ll start talking, and I''m going to be waiting for him to bring it up all day long. There''s the added fact that I know him well enough to know that if he''s not ready this Christmas, he won''t want to wait another year for next Christmas. Of course I would love his proposal no matter what the details were, but I can''t help but feel like I have a lot riding on this, now. I was feeling ok, but now I''m SO ANXIOUS! I just want it to be Christmas so I can know if it''s going to happen or not. This thought that it''s a real possibility, but it might not happen-I''m freaking out. My muscles are tensing up as I write this!
The worst part is that he cannot, under any circumstances, know what a big deal this is to me. If he did, there is a small but definite chance that he would propose without being ready, and obviously, that would not be any good for anyone. I have a feeling that I may be on this forum a lot for the next 152 days (yes, I counted).
I just needed to tell someone.