hate my ring:(

[orange2003]

lkj

 

[belle]

that is just a terrible position to be in

i believe the most important aspect of a successful relationship is communication. if you haven''t talked to your bf about your concerns, you need to. i''m sure he wants nothing more than for you to be happy so the best thing would be to let him know how you feel.

 

[Kaleigh]

Oh geez, that''s a shame. I agree with belle you have to tell him how you feel. Do it now, don''t wait. It''s best that he knows exactly how you feel and I''m sure he would want you to have a ring that you love. Good luck!!

 

[Mara]

how frustrating...i would definitely be honest with him and say i adore you but this ring is not what i wanted...i love round stones and not princesses...see what he says? i don''t know what kind of recourse there is...like can he return the stone and the ring if it was a custom ring etc?

if it helps at all, the ring looks really beautiful to me and that center stone looks like a beauty...but i''m a round lover too. good luck!

 

[Jelly]

ARGH!!!!

Why don''t men listen!?

You''re not a spoiled brat at all. But you ARE in a bad positiion. I hate to say this, but I don''t think you have much of a choice unless you want to risk offending his mother. I have a feeling she was the one who did the designing of the ring, picking of the stone, etc.

Would there be way of you exchanging the center stone with the jeweler? Could you contact them on your own and see what their trade-up policy is?

How far away does your FMIL live? Maybe you can switch it after the wedding.

I''m so sorry to hear about this? Does you fiance know that you aren''t pleased with the ring?

 

[hlmr]

Orange that is so unfortunate. You clearly stated what you wanted and it is a shame that it didn''t work out that way.

As mentioned, you should definitely talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel - better sooner than later.

Now is the perfect opportunity to start your new engagement off with honesty and communication.

Good luck and I hope it all works out!

Heather

 

[AndyRosse]

Definitely talk to your fiance.

 

[singer]

If it was custom made, I''m sure they could replace center head and stone with a round head and a round stone. They could just solder in a new head and you wouldn''t even be able to tell.

There should be a trade-in policy for the diamond (for at least 30 days from the purchase of the diamond). Most places are 60 or 90 days, no-hassle exchange. See if you could swap out the princess for a round of similar size/cut/clarity, etc. I think this would be your best option, and you shouldn''t have too many problems with it! (At least I would hope!

).

Just be honest with your fiance and remind him that you wanted a round center. Tell him that you like the setting, but you would just be happier with a round stone. I''m sure his feelings won''t be too hurt (if at all). Good luck with everything! Let us know how it goes for you! Congrats!

 

[Jelly]

How do you feel about the rest of the setting? Do you like the yellow gold? Would you be happy if they were to swap out the center stone like singer suggested?

 

[Lorelei]

UGH - i would be upset too, especially as your only criterion was to have a round and you said you disliked Princesses. I agree with the crowd to tell him, an e-ring is so important why shouldn''t you have one you love???? See if you can get the centre diamond changed ( ask your fiance nicely and catch him at the right moment) and if Mom sees it and comments just say you love the ring but really had your heart set on a round diamond so exchanged it, especially as you SAID you wanted a round. Maybe your fiance misunderstood when you said you liked your friend''s ring and thought you said you loved Princess shapes????? Sometimes wires can get crossed easily, but I really hope this works out for you.

 

[matthewk]

Want a guys perspective? This is going to be a disaster. Unless he is the only man on the planet that doesn''t even have a hint of an ego. You are about to tell him that you don''t like the thing that signifies the single biggest decision he has ever made in his life.

 

[Jelly]

Matthew, I agree with you...however why didn''t he take note that she dislikes princesses?

I think the fact that she "hates" the ring makes this a disaster already.

 

[Siamese Kitty]

Orange-

It''s a beautiful ring, but I definitely understand your disappointment. I hope this question doesn''t offend, but do you think he was trying to get you to the 1ct mark and the princess cut was more affordable? I always say honesty is the best policy, but I''m not sure what the best thing to do would be. I wish you lots of luck, though! And congrats on the engagement

 

[singer]

"So, he asked his mother to have her jeweler make a ring."


Matthewk,

No offense, but he did ask "his mother to have her jeweler make a ring." It doesn''t seem to me that he was that sentimental about it in the first place. He didn''t design the ring, so I don''t think he will take it that personally, especially if orange2003 loves (and keeps) the setting and just replaces the center stone. If he really loves her, he won''t be upset. I mean, obviously he wants to make her happy. He probably just forgot (as many men do, since men tend to "block out" details about jewelry

) what shape of stone she loves. It seems to me that he thought she changed her mind (a simple miscommunication) about princesses when she made a comment about her friend''s princess engagement ring being gorgeous.

Does anyone here agree with me?

 

[matthewk]

Date: 2/18/2006 2:49:07 PM
Author: Jelly
Matthew, I agree with you...however why didn''t he take note that she dislikes princesses?

I think the fact that she ''hates'' the ring makes this a disaster already.

Guy logic suggests, his mother got a hold of him and suggested something that mom would like as being the "in thing". My guess on this one is that they might both be a little young and he relied on mom''s suggestion.
So in the end not only does she "hate it" (what and ugly word for an engagement ring she was just given), but it is going to crush him when she tells him, but mom also will surely not be too pleased wondering why her future daughter in law is so unappreciative of the $10k gift she was just given.

 

[Jelly]

Good point about the 1ct mark, Siamese. The jeweler may have only had princess cuts in his price range. Hopefully he won''t take too much offense, but we''ll have to wait and see what orange reports back to us.

I too am a big fan of round diamonds and would have been disappointed in anything else. Some of us are just picky that way.

 

[MissAva]

Date: 2/18/2006 1:36:34 PM
Author:orange2003
So, I love my boyfriend, but I hate my engagement ring

When we were shopping for rings, I said that the MOST important thing to me was having a ROUND 1ct center stone. I said I didnt care about the setting, though I do like sidestones. but I really didnt care about anything but the center stone.

My best friend had gotten engaged about a year earlier, and she had a gorgeous ring. Hers was a princess cut. I told him that I liked her ring, but that i HATE princess cut.

So, he asked his mother to have her jeweler make a ring.

I dont know if his mom hates me or what, but the ring does have a 1ct stone, but it''s princess cut

I know it gorgeous, but I just cant help hating the center stone.
I dont want to act like a spoiled brat, but i really dont know what to do... except wear a ring i dont like??

Are you sure you could not grow to love it? You said you think it is gorgeous…and the sides look like princess cuts as well. Is it at all possible you could change your mind?
Then dont, love him and the meaning behind the ring.
If you change the ring, you are altering what I said and what was behind it, if you change it will be like we are no longer engaged…quoted from memory. Boys take these things very seriously. I would think long and hard before saying anything to him. He had the ring custom made and he clearly put a lot of thought into it, you it will be a kick to him to realize that he did not get it right. And if someone in his family was involved with the design the situation only gets stickier….I wish I could tell you what to do.
As for the preference it could be that he was confused and thought you wanted either round of [princess or a combo of the two. Princess diamonds are very popular just now and he might have been trying to combine them.

 

[matthewk]

Date: 2/18/2006 2:59:46 PM
Author: singer
''So, he asked his mother to have her jeweler make a ring.''


Matthewk,

No offense, but he did ask ''his mother to have her jeweler make a ring.'' It doesn''t seem to me that he was that sentimental about it in the first place. He didn''t design the ring, so I don''t think he will take it that personally, especially if orange2003 loves (and keeps) the setting and just replaces the center stone. If he really loves her, he won''t be upset. I mean, obviously he wants to make her happy. He probably just forgot (as many men do, since men tend to ''block out'' details about jewelry

) what shape of stone she loves. It seems to me that he thought she changed her mind (a simple miscommunication) about princesses when she made a comment about her friend''s princess engagement ring being gorgeous.

Does anyone here agree with me?

Singer,

No offense, but you are not a guy and I can assure you, this is something you will never understand. You cannot understand what it takes for a guy to ask for help with such a thing, what it means to a guy for his mother to approve of his future wife, and being totally proud to give his GF such an item.

Simply from the quote ''So, he asked his mother to have her jeweler make a ring.'' , we can have no clue if it meant "mom, introduce me to your jewler so I can do this on my own" or "mom I am too lazy to spend time on this, so can you do it all for me"

Simply we have no idea what his involvement is so it is unreasonable for you to try to devine what his involvement was, simply this might have been exactly what HE wanted to give her..

 

[valeria101]

Yours is not the first post about such a situation... and it looks like at least some guys cooperate. It sounds like a very basic sign of maturity to dissociate this present from the BIG thing that the engagement is.

I would hope that the jeweler allowed some leeway for the ring to be exchanged or returned just in case. Most do.

Fingers crossed for the negotiations ahead !

 

[Kaleigh]

I know the guy may have his feelings hurt, but is she supposed to sit on these feelings and try to love the ring?? If she can''t talk to him about it now, that''s not good for the relationship. She told him she wanted a round. I think they need to have an honest talk. I know I am very honest and couldn''t sit on my feelings, I would burst.

 

[rainbowtrout]

mat, I don't think it makes her a brat...you had your ring "altered" too...less so, albeit, but still if you are going to go with the "never change it bc it will hurt his feelings" angle. I don't remember you saying V was upset about it.

If you decide not to tell him, orange, maybe you could get an eternity wedding band and then keep the ering in a box once you are married. It'd be a waste of money but maybe not sentiment...

matthewk, I'm sorry that it would hurt most men's feelings...but if they are going to attach so much sentiment to it, then they should be damn sure the girl likes it.


Selma told her FI she "hated" her ring and he didn't blink an eye. The ring is just an object when all is said and done. It's an object the girl is supposed to wear for the rest of her life. I like to think that makes us entitled to at least enjoy wearing it or saying *something* if we dislike it.

 

[hlmr]

Hi Matthew:

I first want to say what an amazing job you did with your girlfriend's engagement ring! It is gorgeous and it looks like everything you described she wanted in an e-ring.

When I was reading through your e-ring post I noticed you made these comments

"I just wanted to thank Bob at WF and Chris at AGA from making this just an amazing reality. I cannot say enough about what a relief it is to know how happy she is going to be about this. I couldn't have asked for more.."

"She wanted something really classic, but also substantial (i.e. chunky) with a design that would stand the test of time. All in all, the setting turned out better than expected."

My guess is orange2003 was hoping that her boyfriend would have paid the same attention to the details of what she wanted in an e-ring, as you did for your girlfriend.

Heather

 

[singer]

No offense, but you are not a guy and I can assure you, this is something you will never understand. You cannot understand what it takes for a guy to ask for help with such a thing, what it means to a guy for his mother to approve of his future wife, and being totally proud to give his GF such an item.


Matthewk,

Some men (such as yourself) may take things like this very seriously, but some men just don''t. I have already changed the setting of my engagement ring (I''m not even married yet), and my fiance was not offended at all. Each person is different. Just because you would feel very hurt by this, does not mean that every man would feel deeply offended. I think you are assuming that every guy would feel the same as you would, which is not the case. Why don''t we leave this up to orange to decide. She can let us know what her guy''s reaction is (if she decides to confront him about it). I am done discussing this issue.

 

[Jelly]

Date: 2/18/2006 3:26:12 PM
Author: hlmr

Hi Matthew:

I first want to say what an amazing job you did with your girlfriend''s engagement ring! It is gorgeous and it looks like everything you described she wanted in an e-ring.

When I was reading through your e-ring post I noticed you made these comments

''I just wanted to thank Bob at WF and Chris at AGA from making this just an amazing reality. I cannot say enough about what a relief it is to know how happy she is going to be about this. I couldn''t have asked for more..''

''She wanted something really classic, but also substantial (i.e. chunky) with a design that would stand the test of time. All in all, the setting turned out better than expected.''

My guess is orange2003 was hoping that her boyfriend would have paid the same attention to the details of what she wanted in an e-ring, as you did for your girlfriend.

Heather

Ditto what she said! You picked out an exceptionally stunning ring Matthew!!

I''m not sure Orange''s bf took as much time, effort and attention to detail as you did. Perhaps he won''t be so hurt? I dunno.

 

[MissAva]

Date: 2/18/2006 3:21:02 PM
Author: rainbowtrout
mat, I don''t think it makes her a brat...you had your ring ''altered'' too...less so, albeit, but still if you are going to go with the ''never change it bc it will hurt his feelings'' angle. I don''t remember you saying V was upset about it.

If you decide not to tell him, orange, maybe you could get an eternity wedding band and then keep the ering in a box once you are married. It''d be a waste of money but maybe not sentiment...

matthewk, I''m sorry that it would hurt most men''s feelings...but if they are going to attach so much sentiment to it, then they should be damn sure the girl likes it.


Selma told her FI she ''hated'' her ring and he didn''t blink an eye. The ring is just an object when all is said and done. It''s an object the girl is supposed to wear for the rest of her life. I like to think that makes us entitled to at least enjoy wearing it or saying *something* if we dislike it.

I had my ring altered to the way he had wanted it in the first place, and the ring had given me blisters and made my fingers bleed....I literally could not wear it.

The ring is a symbol of course, I am not saying she should not tell him at all, but if she uses the word HATE that is a very strong word, which is likely to elicit an equally strong reaction.
I think a little diplomacy is called for when she tells him.

 

[Lorelei]

Matthew, I see what you are trying to say and I respect that. But from a girl's point of view, the engagement ring is the most single important item of jewellery she will ever receive, and most girls dream from an early age of the ring they might have, it is very upsetting when it isn't what she wants, especially as she could have had what she wanted and made her preferences known. This is the biggest thing probably to ever happen to her so far in her life and it might be upsetting too, not just with the ring itself, but that her preferences were ignored or not taken into account.

The choice is now.

Say something to her fiance and risk upsetting him.... to flip the coin he upset her probably inadvertently by choosing the diamond.

Say nothing and continue to dislike the ring.

Either choice could be problematic, but I agree too that they need to be able to discuss this - it is unhealthy for a relationship not to and as she is the one wearing the ring ( lovely though it is) it isn't what she wanted. Not all guys would be upset if their fiance's wanted to alter their ring, maybe this guy wouldn't be, Orange will have to decide HOW upset her fiance may be, if at all. Hopefully he wouldn't be, could admit he didn't get it right and work with her to make her happy. Also as Mat says, a little diplomacy would go a long way if she decides to tell him.

Also you pulled out all the stops obviously to make your GF happy, maybe Orange's fiance might appreciate the chance to do the same for her. Buying an engagement ring is overwhelmingly difficult for many guys and some might not realise the importance of the shape and design that you do, know where to look and what to learn and how to pull it all together.

 

[matthewk]

Date: 2/18/2006 3:20:48 PM
Author: kaleigh
I know the guy may have his feelings hurt, but is she supposed to sit on these feelings and try to love the ring?? If she can''t talk to him about it now, that''s not good for the relationship. She told him she wanted a round. I think they need to have an honest talk. I know I am very honest and couldn''t sit on my feelings, I would burst.

I totally agree.. I just want to provide a guys perspective on what goes into this for a guy. Hopfully she will go into this talk knowing the emotion that might be involved. It sucks being a guy wanting your GF to be totally proud of you to find out you didn''t get that. I think that women don''t realize sometimes no matter how tough we come off, sometimes all we are really looking for is your approval. (OMG did I just say that, I am going to have my man card revoked)

 

[singer]

One more thing....Why don''t you try and look at it from a girl''s perspective? Girls (for the most part) love jewelry. We especially want to "love" our engagement ring, which we will be wearing for the rest of our lives. Don''t you think it is important that orange has a ring that she loves and adores? A man that truly loves a woman should only want the best for her, so if a round center stone is what would make orange happy, then she should get a round center stone. (BESIDES, BY THE SOUNDS OF IT SHE MENTIONED THIS TO HIM HALF A DOZEN TIMES). IMO, he wasn''t receptive enough to what she said and wanted.

 

[matthewk]

Date: 2/18/2006 3:29:44 PM
Author: singer
No offense, but you are not a guy and I can assure you, this is something you will never understand. You cannot understand what it takes for a guy to ask for help with such a thing, what it means to a guy for his mother to approve of his future wife, and being totally proud to give his GF such an item.


Matthewk,

Some men (such as yourself) may take things like this very seriously, but some men just don't. I have already changed the setting of my engagement ring (I'm not even married yet), and my fiance was not offended at all. Each person is different. Just because you would feel very hurt by this, does not mean that every man would feel deeply offended. I think you are assuming that every guy would feel the same as you would, which is not the case. Why don't we leave this up to orange to decide. She can let us know what her guy's reaction is (if she decides to confront him about it). I am done discussing this issue.

Or perhaps some men just don't say they are offended in yet another effort to keep you happy. We seriously could debate this thing for years, but one thing remains the same there are things that you would just have to be a guy to truly understand. Much like I will never truly understand somethings about women..

 

[rainbowtrout]

Date: 2/18/2006 3:31:43 PM
Author: Matatora

Date: 2/18/2006 3:21:02 PM

Author: rainbowtrout

mat, I don''t think it makes her a brat...you had your ring ''altered'' too...less so, albeit, but still if you are going to go with the ''never change it bc it will hurt his feelings'' angle. I don''t remember you saying V was upset about it.


If you decide not to tell him, orange, maybe you could get an eternity wedding band and then keep the ering in a box once you are married. It''d be a waste of money but maybe not sentiment...


matthewk, I''m sorry that it would hurt most men''s feelings...but if they are going to attach so much sentiment to it, then they should be damn sure the girl likes it.



Selma told her FI she ''hated'' her ring and he didn''t blink an eye. The ring is just an object when all is said and done. It''s an object the girl is supposed to wear for the rest of her life. I like to think that makes us entitled to at least enjoy wearing it or saying *something* if we dislike it.

I had my ring altered to the way he had wanted it in the first place, and the ring had given me blisters and made my fingers bleed....I literally could not wear it.


The ring is a symbol of course, I am not saying she should not tell him at all, but if she uses the word HATE that is a very strong word, which is likely to elicit an equally strong reaction.

I think a little diplomacy is called for when she tells him.

Cool, sorry if I offended. But yes, diplomacy is good. She may "hate" it but I wouldn''t tell him that exactly. From my own experiance though I know if I never told him one day in the future it would pop out in the worst way possible.