guy friend''s situation

[phoenixgirl]

My husband has a friend who is the guy in one of these "waiting" situations. He''s in his early 30''s and has always kept in touch with his high school girlfriend. At different periods they''ve gotten back together, but they always end up breaking up.

A couple of years ago she moved back here from 10 hours away. I don''t know what led up to her moving, but the impression that I got was just that they were considering dating again and she didn''t really have anything keeping her in her old town. Recently when he has tried to break up with her, she told him that when she moved here, it was with the understanding that they were committed to working things out. So she is refusing to turn her key, so to speak.

I don''t know what my thoughts would be on the relationship if I were viewing it from the female''s perspective, but from knowing the guy, this just isn''t a healthy relationship. She disapproves of all of his friends and hobbies. She tries to keep him from biking and puts his skills down. She won''t let him to speak to anyone he used to date. During the periods when they are together, we hardly ever see him. Wouldn''t you think she would encourage him to hang out with us since we are a married couple?

This guy''s roommate is moving out, and he''s actually trying to keep his roommate a little longer so that she''ll have had to sign a lease for a new place before his place is available. We had a party this weekend, and my husband heard his friend say in front of her, "Well, we can''t live together. Then people will just think we''re going to get engaged." Also at the party, somebody mentioned reading the his blog, which she didn''t know he had, which led to her getting even more upset.

It''s just a sad situation. I wish he were "man enough" to make a clean break. He always lets the physical side of the relationship draw him back in. And I wish she would wake up and realize that she needs a relationship where she trusts her partner and appreciates his friends and interests and where the other person is anxious to be with her instead of trying to make sure she can''t move in.

 

[kcoursolle]

Although you could say that you are not fond of her or don''t think she is right for him, it''s really not your place to say he should break up with her. Also, I really don''t think there''s any reason you shouldn''t hang out together even though you are married. He is a friend and needs your support and love. You can say your opinion about her, but then I''d drop it and be his friend no matter the mistakes he makes.

 

[galeteia]

Say WHAT?!

Did you just say "the physical side keeps drawing him in"?! Aka "he isn't giving up his reliable source of tail" aka "I'm a sleazebag who will stay with a girl ONLY for the sake of the sex"?

Oh man. That exploding noise you just heard was my head popping off.

My best friend is a man. He will be my 'man of honour', in fact. He tried this cowardly bulltwinkies a few times, and I verbally spanked him every single time. Using a girl for sex, or letting her 'buy' the relationship with sex, is a low-down, weak, pathetic thing to do. I told him to be a man and walk away, because there is a whole lot more important things to life than a *searches for a non-vulgar term* free lifetime pass to the marine petting zoo.

If this was my friend, there would be strips of hide missing. I understand he's your husband's friend and not yours, so this isn't exactly an option. Yeah, girls who try to buy a relationship with sex are horrible, yadda yadda, but he needs to slam that door shut, walk away, and melt the key. He's a human being, not an animal with a ring through his...

 

[diamondfan]

Is he maybe letting her dominate him because he is more weak minded so he is letting her dictate aspects of his life? And maybe, just a different take here, the physical stuff being good makes him think there is a connection there that really is not...because once men grow up they realize there is more to life than being in bed together and if she is controlling and whatnot, it is going to be tough, unless he likes being treated that way (some people do) and is not strong enough to break her hold...he really needs your support now and I hope he can get through to her as well...