Grief and loss of interest in jewelry

[voce]

Fellow jewelry friends, I've gone through some high highs with my wedding and honeymoon, to now be bowed low by grief for a beloved family friend who passed just recently.

During the supremely happy time, I was happy adventuring with my DH, and did not miss jewelry at all.

Just three days after the honeymoon, the family friend let my family know of his condition, but did not seek medical help and was self-medicating at home. He finally did ask for an ambulance, but passed before he got to the hospital. I received a couple of beautiful rings today, but they did not distract me for long from my grief. The bling (and what I spent on them) just seem so trivial from my current perspective. I am moving within a week, and it seems like I should be spending my money less frivolously and furnish a new home. I've never had so little joy from new bling, and it's difficult to know whether this will be passing or permanent.

 

[Obscura]

So sorry to hear about your loss!

It's fine to feel like this. Of course these events are more important than luxury items, it's natural. Focus on yourself and your new adventures. Focus on and enjoy furnishing your new home. Enjoy the post-honeymoon nesting phase. (After you've given yourself time to grieve of course!)

The sparklies will be there when you want them, when you have the capacity to enjoy them again. For now though, that lack of joy they bring just means other things need your attention right now. (Including taking care of yourself and letting yourself grieve without distractions.)

Best wishes through these hard times, through the exciting but stressful ones, and all the regular ones in between.

 

[LilAlex]

I am so sorry about your friend.

I had to chime in to offer support based on my own experience. I bought my spouse a lovely sapphire ring and we were both just crazy about it. Maybe the first "nice" piece of jewelry we bought together. A few days later (literally), a parent passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly. (My spouse was very close to this person, too.) For six months I was in near-shock and my work suffered and I did nothing except help my surviving parent on the other side of the country and try to wrangle the finances, insurance, everything. My spouse and family were super-supportive and things settled down. My actual point is this: it has always been her favorite piece of jewelry. Not for that reason and not in spite of it. She wore it daily for a decade until a prong broke off and it had to be polished and she wanted something a little less fragile. (She would still be wearing it all day, every day if she hadn't been repeatedly chastised by the jeweler.) I hope your situation will evolve like hers.

The ring does remind me of that much-loved parent -- and it's a beautiful ring. I am not super-spiritual and I do not feel that inanimate objects have any mystical properties. And I don't think of that parent every time I see the ring -- but I do occasionally and it kindles fond memories and even makes me smile. (Although that parent may not have approved of the price-point. )

Take time to grieve. Your "wordly" possessions will bring joy again. We are built like that. If, six months from now, they still do not -- and we all know how much joy you have gotten from them and given to all of us -- then you may want to talk to your physician about it.

And your new ring -- on the other thread -- is absolutely stunning.

 

[voce]

Thanks, @LilAlex for sharing your experience. As I'm dealing with insomnia I figured I would share the two newest additions to my collection. They deserve to be shown, and I hope I will grow enjoy them more eventually. I'm happy with how the rings turned out, but I just want to lock them up in a safe until I'm done settling in my new place. I think it will be a while before I commission a new piece, unless my jewelers ask about unfinished pieces from last November. I'm more keen on establishing a new budget for myself, since DH is way more frugal and doesn't shop much. Will make married life easier if I become more like him with spending, although I don't think I'll go all the way to imitate him since he's wearing 10-year-old sneakers.

 

[blingmeupscotty]

I am so very sorry for your loss. The human experience has it's drawbacks to say the very least. It's painful, and we need to grieve. We're all here for you.

<3

 

[theredspinel]

Fellow jewelry friends, I've gone through some high highs with my wedding and honeymoon, to now be bowed low by grief for a beloved family friend who passed just recently.

During the supremely happy time, I was happy adventuring with my DH, and did not miss jewelry at all.

Just three days after the honeymoon, the family friend let my family know of his condition, but did not seek medical help and was self-medicating at home. He finally did ask for an ambulance, but passed before he got to the hospital. I received a couple of beautiful rings today, but they did not distract me for long from my grief. The bling (and what I spent on them) just seem so trivial from my current perspective. I am moving within a week, and it seems like I should be spending my money less frivolously and furnish a new home. I've never had so little joy from new bling, and it's difficult to know whether this will be passing or permanent.

Oh @voce I’m so sorry to hear this. I want to say to you - it will pass

I “left” PriceScope for a few years after the passing of one of my parents and just recently I asked Ella to delete that thread as when I looked at my past posts for certain pictures, seeing that thread just brought a huge pang of pain. I did lose interest in jewellery and gemstones - I still wore and looked at my gemstones for events, from time to time but I had bigger concerns and thoughts in my mind (for many years).

This is totally natural. The little things that bring us joy in our day to day lives lose that capability after a loss like this. But in due time the pain stays but lessens… and the little things can once again bring us some joy. You will get there and you will be okay.

 

[missy]

I am so sorry for your loss @voce.
I get it. 100% understand.

When I go through challenging times bling doesn't help.
Maybe for a moment but reality always sets in pretty soon.
Pretty baubles are just that. Pretty but superficial. They don't solve our woes.

Life is precious. Friends are precious. The pain and grief over losing loved ones can not be dulled with jewelry.
At least for me. And yes I lose interest. One goes into survival mode when things become difficult and painful.
And unimportant things are just that. Not critical to our well being. They cannot fix the pain and grief.

My heart goes out to you.
Be kind to yourself.
Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling.
For as long as you are feeling it.
This is not a race. Take your time. Grieve as you see fit.
I am so sorry.

If it is OK I would like to share a poem with you. In fact we just re watched the movie. Excellent movie.
But anyway I take comfort from this poem. I hope you can too.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

how you doing today @voce ?

 

[junebug17]

I am so sorry for your loss @voce. It's natural in times of sadness and grief not to feel much joy or happiness over material things. Be kind and patient with yourself, and give yourself all the time you need to mourn losing your friend. Your lovely jewelry will be there for you if and when you feel you can enjoy it again. Just focus on yourself for now as you make your way through this tough time. Sending lots of comfort to you. <3

 

[diamondyes]

In my experience, grief can turn regular life upside down. No wonder you’re feeling different. And our perspective changes too. Like everyone else said, give it time. If you ever want to you can sell the pieces. Harder to get them back.

eventually my grief morphed into a “live life to the fullest” feeling. I now buy the sparkliest and enjoy them to the utmost. It is my homage to the people I miss.

 

[diamondyes]

Also, I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Calliecake]

I’m sorry for your loss @voce. Please be kind to yourself.

 

[MamaBee]

I’m so sorry @voce....

 

[ItsMainelyYou]

@voce Grief is hard, loss is incalculable. If you feel the need to put something down so that you can carry that burden for a while, then you do that. Pain never leaves but it does change shape, and sometimes the outcome will surprise you in a way that is hard to predict. It can become beautiful. This is a time of great change for you. Let that genius of color that is your mind do what it will.
For now, let your heart and mind do what it needs, they are wise, they belong to you.
Just know, that whether you care about jewels or not, we care about you, and we'll be here.

 

[voce]

how you doing today @voce ?

I went through the day OK, but was sad giving info to the coroner in hopes they'll locate his family. I know that he was estranged from his family. Also, just before he passed, he wrote me a check addressed to Mrs. **** ******. He probably didn't know it takes a long time to implement a name change when you have to wait for the marriage certificate. It got returned because my bank account is under my maiden name, while the check was addressed to my (future) married name. I know he wrote it with the best of intentions and tried to deposit it...but it didn't work.

I am really concerned if they are unable to locate his family, not only because I would like to have him resting in peace rather than at the coroner's sooner rather than later, but also because he had assets in the seven figs, that could do a lot of people a lot of good, his family members included. I just don't think he was prepared to die, and we never heard from him what he wanted to do with his property after he passed.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I went through the day OK, but was sad giving info to the coroner in hopes they'll locate his family. I know that he was estranged from his family. Also, just before he passed, he wrote me a check addressed to Mrs. **** ******. He probably didn't know it takes a long time to implement a name change when you have to wait for the marriage certificate. It got returned because my bank account is under my maiden name, while the check was addressed to my (future) married name. I know he wrote it with the best of intentions and tried to deposit it...but it didn't work.

I am really concerned if they are unable to locate his family, not only because I would like to have him resting in peace rather than at the coroner's sooner rather than later, but also because he had assets in the seven figs, that could do a lot of people a lot of good, his family members included. I just don't think he was prepared to die, and we never heard from him what he wanted to do with his property after he passed.

oh Voce. that's so sad

 

[MMtwo]

Voce, so sorry to read about the loss of your friend. He was so lucky to have you as such a loving and loyal friend.

Grief and depression have left everything flat and tasteless for periods. As they say, there is a time for everything, and sometimes the heart needs to take a break. It sounds normal for a while. Just be kind and gentle with yourself.
The brighter and happier things in life will find their way back when you are ready.

 

[Calliecake]

So well put @MMtwo.

@voce, often when we going thru emotionally draining times I think it often makes jewelry and luxurious goods just seem unimportant and trivial. True happiness rarely comes from things. When we are feeling happy things seems to bring more joy. Everything feel brighter and lighter.

I hope you are being good to yourself. Sometimes it just takes tIme to heal. Please be good to yourself. Things will feel easier again.

 

[Bron357]

@voce sending you gentle hugs.
Grief is complicated and it can numb you to everything. It is often times like this that make us appreciate what is important in life.
Just put your lovely pretties to one side and they can wait until later. You have deeper and more personal issues to work through, including a marriage (huge congrats) a new home and now this, the passing unexpectedly and tragically of a family friend. Take each day one at a time.

 

[voce]

This is about the three weeks mark. They have not located his family yet and there is an indefinite hold time until they turn him over to a funeral home. They told me the estate is going to a public administrator, and I'm confident it will go through a formal probate proceeding, since his estate is worth more than $150,000. I left a message with the public administrator because I wanted them to know that he had lots of assets, so they can arrange for a nice virtual for him, but I expect things will go very slowly from here on out.

 

[voce]

They finally found his family. His brother is going to sort through his stuff to try and find a will; otherwise, it's definitely going to probate court.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

They finally found his family. His brother is going to sort through his stuff to try and find a will; otherwise, it's definitely going to probate court.

But he's getting a funeral now ?

 

[Autumn in New England]

Sending you my sincerest condolences of the loss of your friend, @voce!

 

[bright&shiny]

@voce , I’ve just seen this thread - and I am so sorry for your loss. Our friend died last week, and it has put many facets of life into a different perspective. Continue to follow your heart - it will let you know how and when to proceed. Hugs and good wishes for your move.

 

[voce]

But he's getting a funeral now ?

I don't know about the service. His closest family is in Oregon, and the others are in Florida. All siblings are 70 or older, so I don't they'll be traveling for a funeral service. His brother said something about how he's going to be cremated eventually, and a sister will likely want his ashes. So, still not entirely sure if, when or where he'll be buried. I hope it's going to be a place where my brother and I will be able to visit.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I don't know about the service. His closest family is in Oregon, and the others are in Florida. All siblings are 70 or older, so I don't they'll be traveling for a funeral service. His brother said something about how he's going to be cremated eventually, and a sister will likely want his ashes. So, still not entirely sure if, when or where he'll be buried. I hope it's going to be a place where my brother and I will be able to visit.

Ive been thinking about you Voce
it all seems so sad