GIW?

[JDav231]

Is there such a thing as a Gentleman in Waiting?

I’ve never posted here but have spent a lot of time looking around. I finally got over feeling like such a tool for being a guy posting here, but maybe you can help?

My GF and I have been together for 8 years (since college) and we’ve been talking about marriage for a long time now but we both agreed not to get married until we’re both done with grad school. She’ll be done with her PhD in June of 2010 and I was done with law school last year. When I talked to my parents about proposing (a long engagement with a wedding in the Summer of 2010), they told me that they had both proposed, instead of just my dad giving my mom an engagement ring (they did simultaneous proposals). I liked that and so did my GF and so long story short, it’s a race to the proposal.

She’s got the advantage that my ring will be easier to pick out and buy but I’ve got a head start (I think). Here’s my question, we can’t decide if it better to propose at the same time or to make it two separate surprise proposals. I think we’d both have fun planning a surprise but if we go separately, are we not “engaged” until the second proposal?

Anyway, I’ll use your pointers on spotting suspicious activity (only I suspect women are much better at these kinds of things than guys).

JD

 

[Prinny]

Well that''s an interesting idea. I''ve never heard of both proposing. I think that it you two should discuss who wants to go first and even figure out if that will mean you''re engaged. Or if you have to wait for both proposals to be officially engaged. Like I said, this is a neat idea, good luck!

p.s. Welcome GIW

 

[sammyj]

What a fabulous story! It''s a very interesting idea and my only question is, after the first person proposes do you think the other person will feel pressured to propose sooner and/or change their proposal plans? I know you both want it to be a surprise but, like Prinny said, maybe you should set some mutual guidelines ahead of time before the proposal planning begins! If i were in your situation, I''d probably say the engagement begins after the first proposal.

Does this mean you get an e-ring AND a wedding band??

Welcome to PS

. Enjoy your time here!

 

[princesss]

I absolutely ADORE this idea! I think it''s really sweet that both of you get to plan something special. If it was me, I would have each of us come up with our own proposal.

SUCH a great idea!

 

[trillionaire]

OMG, I was just thinking about a double proposal the other day! I was feeling very sentimental and looking at bands for my SO, and I was wondering if I proposed to him, would I still get a proposal? I mean, on the one hand, I don''t want to step on his toes, but sometimes, I just want to pop the question myself!

I''m a pretty progressive chick, and I think SO would get a real kick out of a proposal. I could still propose after he proposes... I just like that the double proposal emphasizes that the marriage is about both of us, because the engagement was, too! Equality makes me all warm and fuzzy.

 

[JDav231]

Date: 1/13/2009 8:51:04 PM
Author: sammyj
What a fabulous story! It''s a very interesting idea and my only question is, after the first person proposes do you think the other person will feel pressured to propose sooner and/or change their proposal plans? I know you both want it to be a surprise but, like Prinny said, maybe you should set some mutual guidelines ahead of time before the proposal planning begins! If i were in your situation, I''d probably say the engagement begins after the first proposal.


Does this mean you get an e-ring AND a wedding band??

Welcome to PS

. Enjoy your time here!

I guess I would get half as an e-ring and half as a wedding band and maybe solder them together afterwards. I like the idea of wearing a symbol of commitment before the wedding (I’m not sure I’m supposed to admit that out loud—I’m pretty sure there’s a Man Rule against it).

I’m worried that if I propose first people will call it a day and consider the deal sealed. Don’t want to steal her thunder.

Maybe a week within which both proposals have to take place and we tell people at the end. But could you wait a whole week to tell friends and family (and the new hardware might not go unnoticed…unless we don’t wear them until the end of the week)?

This is why old traditions are so appealing…nice and simple. I guess we’ll just have to make our own traditions.

JD

 

[WishfulThinking]

We couldn''t figure out which one of us was "supposed" to propose, so we proposed to each other! It''s so cute that your parents did it that way and now you and your girlfriend are planning to carry on the tradition. Very sweet. I think it''s much more fun to make our own traditions if that''s what works best for you!

We proposed at the same time, and although it wasn''t a surprise, it was a ton of fun planning a very special night out together and finalizing all of the details. We got all dressed up, picked the perfect restaurant, planned a romantic walk in the moonlight... all that cheesy stuff.

While surprises are great, we have a VERY hard time keeping surprises a secret, and for us it was more fun to plan together than to keep it from the other to maintain a surprise. That part of it definitely depends on your tastes and relationship together-- do what feels right!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 1/13/2009 9:56:34 PM
Author: JDav231

Date: 1/13/2009 8:51:04 PM

Author: sammyj

What a fabulous story! It''s a very interesting idea and my only question is, after the first person proposes do you think the other person will feel pressured to propose sooner and/or change their proposal plans? I know you both want it to be a surprise but, like Prinny said, maybe you should set some mutual guidelines ahead of time before the proposal planning begins! If i were in your situation, I''d probably say the engagement begins after the first proposal.



Does this mean you get an e-ring AND a wedding band??

Welcome to PS

. Enjoy your time here!

I guess I would get half as an e-ring and half as a wedding band and maybe solder them together afterwards. I like the idea of wearing a symbol of commitment before the wedding (I’m not sure I’m supposed to admit that out loud—I’m pretty sure there’s a Man Rule against it).


I’m worried that if I propose first people will call it a day and consider the deal sealed. Don’t want to steal her thunder.


Maybe a week within which both proposals have to take place and we tell people at the end. But could you wait a whole week to tell friends and family (and the new hardware might not go unnoticed…unless we don’t wear them until the end of the week)?


This is why old traditions are so appealing…nice and simple. I guess we’ll just have to make our own traditions.


JD

Oh, I hadn''t thought about what to do with two rings for a guy. My SO likes two tone rings (white and yellow gold), so I thought I would get inverse rings, so that they would be different, but similar. (ie, white/yellow/white, and then gold/white/gold) Another route could be the wedding band workshops like this one, where you could both make them together (the wedding bands, not the e-ring per se). You could make them matching and still keep the tradition of doing something together.

And as far as a guy being excited about a ring, you are not alone! I gave SO a ring for our 5th anni, which is pictured below, and I explained to him that it represented how we fit together perfectly to make something whole and beautiful. Well, he also got me a ring, which is a gorgeous little peridot number, and he declared to me that my ring was nice, but it didn''t have meaning like his did!

I thought it was too cute to even be mad about, lol!

See, now you have me plotting surprise proposals! I think I am going to totally propose to him, but after he proposes to me, since it will catch him off guard and make a great story! Good luck!!!!!

 

[PrincessLily2009]

BF and I were just talking about this last night! I would love to propose (I came very close more than once), but BF won''t be ready for awhile, so I thought I''d propose after he did. He already told me he''d like to wear an engagement ring, so why not? Besides, I''d feel kind of funny just handing him his e-ring like it''s no big deal.

I''d consider us to be engaged once he proposed. In my mind, my proposal would be more of a sweet gesture than a proposal.

 

[jmtomaui]

I love the idea of a dual proposal!

As a different take on your idea of proposing within a week, what if you both decided to propose on a specific day? One of you plans an appropriate morning of activities leading up to that proposal and the other plans the afternoon to propose and you have an open house / dinner celebration with friends and family to celebrate??

Whatever you decide, you need to come back and tell us about it w/ lots of pictures!

Peace, Julie

 

[wannaBMrsH]

What a romantic idea! The closest FI and I came was when we were attending a formal charity event and I bought him a pair of cufflinks. They came in the nice small square jewelry box, and I was teasing him and said: Baby, will you...? and he turned and ran out of the room! hahahaha!

When he walked back in I threw the box for him to catch and said: Psych! I''m NOT that modern yet! I totally love the idea of a dual proposal!

 

[Porridge]

Aw I love that idea I can''t wait to hear how it works out!

 

[PrincessDijon]

Hey there...First off, welcome! Please don't feel like a tool for posting here!!!

Anyway, back in September, I proposed to my FI (whose a male). I never really got an "official" proposal back. He did ask me back and we worked together on getting me a GORGEOUS new e-ring (which I just got back yesterday).

So, I guess technically we both proposed...but I beat him to it...lol

My story is in the Proposal Stories thread and details my proposal from July until September when I proposed!

And yes, he wears his e-ring everyday!

Again, welcome and enjoy your stay here on PS

 

[JDav231]

Ok, we''ve decided to do both proposals over the course of one weekend. She has Saturday and I have Sunday, but the events/plans themselves will be secrets. It''ll be fun to try to sneak around making plans while trying to figure out her''s, since we live together!!

Let the games begin!

 

[BlueSki231]

Date: 1/21/2009 11:29:06 PM
Author: JDav231
Ok, we''ve decided to do both proposals over the course of one weekend. She has Saturday and I have Sunday, but the events/plans themselves will be secrets. It''ll be fun to try to sneak around making plans while trying to figure out her''s, since we live together!!

Let the games begin!

aww that sounds like such a sweet idea! let us know how it goes! How exciting!!

 

[IloveAsschers13]

AWwwwww!!!! I just wanted to chime in and say this is SOOOOOOOOO ROMANTIC! I love this idea!

 

[LoveRoundBrillants]

Date: 1/13/2009 7:42:28 PM
Author:JDav231
Is there such a thing as a Gentleman in Waiting?

I’ve never posted here but have spent a lot of time looking around. I finally got over feeling like such a tool for being a guy posting here, but maybe you can help?

My GF and I have been together for 8 years (since college) and we’ve been talking about marriage for a long time now but we both agreed not to get married until we’re both done with grad school. She’ll be done with her PhD in June of 2010 and I was done with law school last year. When I talked to my parents about proposing (a long engagement with a wedding in the Summer of 2010), they told me that they had both proposed, instead of just my dad giving my mom an engagement ring (they did simultaneous proposals). I liked that and so did my GF and so long story short, it’s a race to the proposal.

She’s got the advantage that my ring will be easier to pick out and buy but I’ve got a head start (I think). Here’s my question, we can’t decide if it better to propose at the same time or to make it two separate surprise proposals. I think we’d both have fun planning a surprise but if we go separately, are we not “engaged” until the second proposal?

Anyway, I’ll use your pointers on spotting suspicious activity (only I suspect women are much better at these kinds of things than guys).

JD

Cute idea...i actually like that idea.