Gift Question

[MaddyRock]

My good friend had her bridal shower 2 weekends ago. I went to get her gift an hour before the shower - I know, I know, terrible idea! The registry was so picked over and the cheapest item available was $150... I was looking to spend $50, but I had no other choice so I got the $150 gift.

My question is... for the wedding, if I give a $50 gift, do you think she will remember my generous shower gift and put 2 and 2 together? Or should I bite the bullet and gift another $150 - $200 (I'm going to give cash either way).

Also, I spent $1200 on her destination bachelorette party.

Thoughts?

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I always decide on a total budget and then plan my gifts accordingly, meaning if I wanted to spend $200 on someone and bought a $150 shower gift, I would give a $50 wedding gift. So I think it's fine!

I know wedding gift giving traditions are different according to region and generation, but consider that many people give only one big shower gift and then just money or no gift at the wedding.

 

[sonnyjane]

Wait...I'm so confused.... You mean that you have to buy TWO gifts, one for the shower and one for the wedding?! I was always under the impression that if you gave a gift for the shower, it covered you for the wedding? You're saying you're expected to give two?

 

[PintoBean]

Wait...I'm so confused.... You mean that you have to buy TWO gifts, one for the shower and one for the wedding?! I was always under the impression that if you gave a gift for the shower, it covered you for the wedding? You're saying you're expected to give two?

In metropolitan NY, I believe the custom is two gifts in this case. This is why showers are smaller and more intimate, e.g., 35 people consisting of family and close friends. The shower is usually where gifts are given, while cash is given at the wedding, with the goal of at least covering your plate.

Where I was invited to a shower and wedding of someone that I was not that close to, and was cash strapped, I declined the shower invite and the wedding, and sent $50 with my wedding response card and a written message. That way the bride and groom would be up $50, and I wouldn't be out $50 for a shower gift, and $300 for fi and me as wedding guests. So much $ calculating really puts a damper on the romance and celebratory ceremony, but I can't afford to go to EVERY wedding as a recent grad with an upcoming wedding...

In this case, if the cheapest registry gift was $150, I would have either gifted $50 cash if that was my budget, or gotten a group of friends together to give a combined gift. $150 is generous for a shower gift, so maybe in the wedding card, you can put the $50 in, and write something along the lines of "I hope you have many years of enjoyment out of XXXX (shower gift).... as a gentle reminder of the generous shower gift!

 

[MaddyRock]

Thank you for the replies! Yes, a shower and a wedding gift is expected. I should have done a $50 gift certifiate for the shower! That would have been a great solution. I went out for happy hour tonight with my friend and she could not stop talking about the $150 sheets (which were actually originally $200, but I got a discount). She kept telling me how great they are, so I know she appreciates them. We discussed the wedding and she let it slip that it is $150 a plate.... So I am planning on gifting $200 cash for my boyfriend and myself... a little under what she paid, but I feel like we've been generous in other aspects of their celebrations (engagement party, shower, bachelorette, and now, wedding). SO glad most my friends are already married

Thank you so much for the input.

 

[PintoBean]

Thank you for the replies! Yes, a shower and a wedding gift is expected. I should have done a $50 gift certifiate for the shower! That would have been a great solution. I went out for happy hour tonight with my friend and she could not stop talking about the $150 sheets (which were actually originally $200, but I got a discount). She kept telling me how great they are, so I know she appreciates them. We discussed the wedding and she let it slip that it is $150 a plate.... So I am planning on gifting $200 cash for my boyfriend and myself... a little under what she paid, but I feel like we've been generous in other aspects of their celebrations (engagement party, shower, bachelorette, and now, wedding). SO glad most my friends are already married

Thank you so much for the input.

Sounds like a great plan! That IS a lot of participating in all the wedding-related events! You are a great friend.