Getting the ring AFTER the proposal...

[Green with Envy]

If there is already a discussion about this topic... thx for adding the link.

My Bf and I are designing the ring together after he proposes and we are sharing the expense of the diamond (we already live together so what we spend on the ring is OUR money). i know this is not the traditional way of doing things... but we have discussed it 1000 times and it is what will work best for us.

Now I sort of have a problem because this means when he proposes he will not get down on one knee and present me with any sort of gift or token of the occasion. I thought this would be ok... but the more I think about it... I get sort of bummed that I will not have an object I can keep forever to mark the moment. I suggested maybe getting me a small piece of jewelry like a necklace or something to honor the occasion... but this is sort of silly to spend money on anything when we are both saving money for my dream ring.

i told him I will be happy with any proposal that he plans and tries to make special... but I am nervous that he will just pop the question when we are in the grocery store or something (he did practically ask me when we were standing in a parking lot after dinner the other night and if that had been THE OFFICIAL proposal... it would not have been very special AT ALL).

What do others think, suggest, or whatever in terms of hints to the BF about a proposal and being satisfied that it is the perfect moment when there will be no ring?

 

[Indylady]

How do you feel about a little place-holder ring? Something like a little engraved SS band that you can wear as a right hand ring later and even pass on to your children and grandchildren.

 

[Green with Envy]

I thought this would be a nice idea... but the BF keeps saying he wants THE ring (the one we buy together) to be the symbol of our union... not any other. I even suggested him buying the less expensive plain wedding band first... and then we could get the diamond ring afterwards... but this sort of fell on deaf ears.

He admitted he is afraid to pick out ANY TYPE of jewelry without my input because he says I have such specific tastes and he would be afraid of not getting something I loved. I understand he doesn''t want to make the decision for the big expensive diamond ring... but when it comes to a simple band...i said anything HE PICKS would be dear to my heart.

i asked if that meant for the rest of our lives- all the birthday, anniversary, etc. gifts will NOT be surprise jewelry? That would be sad for me.

 

[Erinleigh]

ETA - sorry, I had a whole post written and then realized you said you're designing the ring AFTER he proposes...

Is there any option to design it before he proposes (then he can use that ring), or is there some sort of time constraint that warrants it happening after?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Since you both know you''re going to get married and you''re just waiting for the ring to be ready, why not just save the formal proposal for when the ring is ready? That wouldn''t stop you from going on and starting wedding planning.

 

[Indylady]

Aww...I think he just wants to make you absolutely ecstatic, which is so sweet! Perhaps you could throw him a couple ''hints'' and ask him to pick one out of those?

For example, maybe you could pick out a couple Tiffany sterling pieces that are not rings, maybe a little pendant, and ask him to chose the one the likes the best and surprise you with it. It will still be a surprise, even if you already have an idea. Maybe you could explain to him that it wouldn''t exactly be a symbol of your union, just a little keepsake to remember the day of your engagement. Your symbols are what you make them and want them to be, its all up to you guys, and most likely no one will ever confuse your keepsake pendant with your engagement or wedding rings.

linky to Tiffany under $150

 

[Indylady]

And I wouldn''t stress about him being afraid to buy jewelery for you. I am sure he will ease into it, or if he''s really timid, name a jeweler or designer whose pieces you really love. Usually when people really like a certain designer, they like a lot of their pieces because they have a consistent style throughout.

Its unknown territory for men; I would probably run and hide at the thought of having to buy my SO bass guitar accessories for the rest of my life. Pedals, amps, tuners....

 

[Green with Envy]

We have decided on the exact ring we want to have custom made... but we have not located the perfect stone yet so having the actual ring might take awhile. I know he wants to propose during the summer for a bunch of reasons ... but we might not have the ring completed until way past the summer is over. i can totally see him proposing AGAIN, just to be sweet, once we have the actual ring.

I just don''t want to start planning the wedding... or making any engagement announcements to our families, until he makes some sort of effort for an OFFICIAL proposal.

I have made some hints... love the entire website page of gifts under $150! If he doesn''t want to buy a keepsake... I guess I just wanted him to really put some thought and effort into doing something neat for the proposal so it will be a cool story to share with others. his idea of a sweet proposal is impulsively asking me in a parking lot. i am stuck on the concept that if he had a gift to present... maybe the parking lot would be ok (sort-of... but not really).

he wants me to be happy but now I think he just has NO CLUE what I mean when I say I want him to think of a romantic proposal. i suggested maybe he could look for ideas here on PS... or ask my friends for advice... but I think he heard this as whatever idea he has on his own will not be good enough.



this morning he mentioned that in the movie "He''s Just Not That Into You"... Ben Affleck did not take any thought at all but just spontaneously proposed sitting around in the apartment when Jennifer Aniston found the ring in his pocket. So from this movie is where he is getting his ideas of a romantic proposal (but minus the ring).

Anyone know of any movies we can rent that have a scene with an awesome example of a proposal without a ring?

 

[Narwhal]

Date: 8/2/2009 4:45:42 PM
Author:

Anyone know of any movies we can rent that have a scene with an awesome example of a proposal without a ring?

I know a few people have mentioned the scene in Stepmom with Julia Roberts and Ed Harris and the string as very romantic and cute. I think there was a thread not too long ago about that....

Edit: here is one... linky

 

[supergirl10]

hi green,
nornally i am not in LIW but i just had to pop in and say this is exactly what now FI and I did. He wanted to propose on a certain day (his birthdy as it turns out) and even though we had the ring making process in the works, it wasn''t going to be ready for another 5 - 6 weeks.

So what he did was "steal" the committment ring he gave me for an anniversary 2 years prior and proposed to me with that. It is a beautiful ring and until the ER was the most expensive and precious piece of jewellery he had purchased for me (so it was very symbolic)!

Maybe you guys could just use a piece of jewellery that you already have. I know some people thought it was strange and we did get a few comments from relatives along the lines of if the ring isn''t ready, why not just wait longer. But we did things our way, I enjoyed being involved in the proces and I wouldn''t have done it any other way.

Hope this helps

Supergirl

 

[ckrickett]

I''m thinking about getting a small diamond tattoo on my ring finger.
now I know not everyone is for this, but I''m already very very moderately tattoed so I''m ok. and it''s something I''ve wanted before the boy so it''s ''more for me then for him. but I could also use it as a replacement E-ring. It''s just a thought.
I was also thinking of taking a more traditional approuch, my mom gave me a ruby ring in her original e-ring setting so I''ll probably use that for the time being.

 

[Green with Envy]

THX supergirl. It helps to know i am not the only one getting the ring after because some of my friends think I am doing it WRONG if there is no ring first. my Bf said that maybe I am worried a bit about announcing our engagement... but not having anything at that moment to SHOW for it.

He said what we will have to show to others is our happiness and love...

 

[cammy85]

Date: 8/2/2009 4:45:42 PM
Author: Green with Envy
We have decided on the exact ring we want to have custom made... but we have not located the perfect stone yet so having the actual ring might take awhile. I know he wants to propose during the summer for a bunch of reasons ... but we might not have the ring completed until way past the summer is over. i can totally see him proposing AGAIN, just to be sweet, once we have the actual ring.

I just don''t want to start planning the wedding... or making any engagement announcements to our families, until he makes some sort of effort for an OFFICIAL proposal.

I have made some hints... love the entire website page of gifts under $150! If he doesn''t want to buy a keepsake... I guess I just wanted him to really put some thought and effort into doing something neat for the proposal so it will be a cool story to share with others. his idea of a sweet proposal is impulsively asking me in a parking lot. i am stuck on the concept that if he had a gift to present... maybe the parking lot would be ok (sort-of... but not really).

he wants me to be happy but now I think he just has NO CLUE what I mean when I say I want him to think of a romantic proposal. i suggested maybe he could look for ideas here on PS... or ask my friends for advice... but I think he heard this as whatever idea he has on his own will not be good enough.



this morning he mentioned that in the movie ''He''s Just Not That Into You''... Ben Affleck did not take any thought at all but just spontaneously proposed sitting around in the apartment when Jennifer Aniston found the ring in his pocket. So from this movie is where he is getting his ideas of a romantic proposal (but minus the ring).

Anyone know of any movies we can rent that have a scene with an awesome example of a proposal without a ring?

minor threadjack:

I just wanted to touch on this, just because I think the HJNTIY proposal WAS thought out. The pants were the trade off for Jennifer Anison letting go of the idea of ever getting married to him. The bargain was he had to get rid of the pants if she was giving up ever getting married. He knew she was going to find the pants, and was going to throw them out, so he used that as the way to propose. He was still giving up his treasured pants (haha) but decided her happiness was more important than his opposition to marriage. I did find it heartfelt and not necesarily spur of the moment ''oh no she found the ring i might as well propose''

just my take on it.

End threadjack

I also believe that while a ring is a wondeful symbol for those who associate it with engagements and love, that once you say to each other, ''yeah, I think we should get married'' - you are engaged. You are actively planning your future together. A ring doesn''t decide whether you''re getting married or not. You do. So I really feel there is no wrong way to go about it. Plan the best wedding you can, and who cares if you don''t have a ring on? The people that care about that more than your marriage or wedding don''t ''get it'' anyway.

 

[Green with Envy]

Thank you for reminding me about the details of the proposal... my BF only remembered no PLAN... and he said he remembered me mentioning it was a very sweet proposal when we were watching the movie together. i totally forgot about the ugly pants... and my BF did too! good call.

 

[Pandora II]

My husband proposed without the ring... it''s fairly common in the UK, but he wanted me to have a memento of the occasion: he knew it would take me AGES to do the ring!

Instead he proposed with a limited edition Scrabble board. Here''s a link to my proposal story... (5th post down)

 

[treefrog]

I proposed with a diamond but without a ring:
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/my-recent-proposal.117517/

I wanted her to pick out the ring so took the diamond right to the jewler after the proposal. We had pictures though! We only told family and close friends until the ring came in.

Treefrog

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 8/4/2009 11:05:21 AM
Author: treefrog
I proposed with a diamond but without a ring:

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/my-recent-proposal.117517/


I wanted her to pick out the ring so took the diamond right to the jewler after the proposal. We had pictures though! We only told family and close friends until the ring came in.


Treefrog

treefrog thats one of the best proposal stories ever!
do you have finished pics of the ring?

 

[treefrog]

Date: 8/4/2009 5:03:22 PM
Author: ckrickett

treefrog thats one of the best proposal stories ever!
do you have finished pics of the ring?

Awl, thanks so much ckrickett! I just added ring pictures to my post in Proposal Ideas.

Treefrog