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Gator tragedy, parents not suing Disney

kenny

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http://www.orlandosentinel.com...-20160720-story.html

Quote from article, "Matt Graves said in the statement that "Melissa and I are broken.
We will forever struggle to comprehend why this happened to our sweet baby, Lane."


Why?
Because unfortunately your son was where the gator could do what gators just do.
That's why this happened.
It's just nature, like being struck by lightning.

What am I missing? :think:
Why ask why when the reason is so simple and obvious?

I'm glad they are not suing.
 

ruby59

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People who make money off their dead child - yuck.

You get changes made to prevent the tragedy from happening to others. But you do not make a buck off of it, imo.
 

ruby59

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Kenny, I was at the beach this weekend.

There are rocks piled high to one side. There is a sign that says do not climb on the rocks - slippery when wet.

Same thing not go beyond the stated boundaries because of sharks. Does it stop people? Nope.

And I cannot tell you how many times the lifeguards had to keep reinforcing it with the same group of kids because apparently their parents were not getting it. And each time the lifeguards had to do this, they were taking their attention away from the swimmers in the ocean who might need their help.
 

kenny

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Yeah, and when a kid eventually does get killed by a shark a parent will ask ...."WHY!?!"

Answer: because the kid was where sharks do what sharks do.

But, they'll ignore the answer and continue to ask and wonder, ... "WHY!?!" :doh:
 

Bayek

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They are just in pain and asking "WHY"!?? them, why in that place, at that time, in that moment. As we all know, there is no answer other than what you said "because there were alligators there".. it's sad, I'm glad the parents are not suing, making money off the death of a child is sad to me. I wonder if perhaps disney didn't already give them something anyway, I dont know, it was a terrible accident.
 

momhappy

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kenny|1469040961|4057638 said:
http://www.orlandosentinel.com...-20160720-story.html

Quote from article, "Matt Graves said in the statement that "Melissa and I are broken.
We will forever struggle to comprehend why this happened to our sweet baby, Lane."


Why?
Because unfortunately your son was where the gator could do what gators just do.
That's why this happened.
It's just nature, like being struck by lightning.

What am I missing? :think:
Why ask why when the reason is so simple and obvious?

I'm glad they are not suing.
What are you missing? Maybe a little sensitivity?
They are not really asking why....as Tekate said, they are just asking a theoretical why. Why them? Why in that particular moment? Why their son? I would be asking why and I'd be questioning that moment every day for the rest of my life had I experienced what they did. Absolutely nothing about watching your child being killed by an alligator right in front of you is simple or obvious. It's complicated, and tragic, and unfair, and horribly painful.
In terms of a law suit, I suppose that by not suing, they are demonstrating that they claim some responsibility for the incident, which makes me sort of happy to see in a world that is so quick to place blame.
 

Maria D

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momhappy|1469045660|4057665 said:
kenny|1469040961|4057638 said:
http://www.orlandosentinel.com...-20160720-story.html

Quote from article, "Matt Graves said in the statement that "Melissa and I are broken.
We will forever struggle to comprehend why this happened to our sweet baby, Lane."


Why?
Because unfortunately your son was where the gator could do what gators just do.
That's why this happened.
It's just nature, like being struck by lightning.

What am I missing? :think:
Why ask why when the reason is so simple and obvious?

I'm glad they are not suing.
What are you missing? Maybe a little sensitivity?
They are not really asking why....as Tekate said, they are just asking a theoretical why. Why them? Why in that particular moment? Why their son? I would be asking why and I'd be questioning that moment every day for the rest of my life had I experienced what they did. Absolutely nothing about watching your child being killed by an alligator right in front of you is simple or obvious. It's complicated, and tragic, and unfair, and horribly painful.
In terms of a law suit, I suppose that by not suing, they are demonstrating that they claim some responsibility for the incident, which makes me sort of happy to see in a world that is so quick to place blame.
Thank you momhappy - makes me happy to see some heartfelt empathy today.
 

kenny

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momhappy|1469045660|4057665 said:
kenny|1469040961|4057638 said:
http://www.orlandosentinel.com...-20160720-story.html

Quote from article, "Matt Graves said in the statement that "Melissa and I are broken.
We will forever struggle to comprehend why this happened to our sweet baby, Lane."


Why?
Because unfortunately your son was where the gator could do what gators just do.
That's why this happened.
It's just nature, like being struck by lightning.

What am I missing? :think:
Why ask why when the reason is so simple and obvious?

I'm glad they are not suing.
What are you missing? Maybe a little sensitivity?
They are not really asking why....as Tekate said, they are just asking a theoretical why. Why them? Why in that particular moment? Why their son? I would be asking why and I'd be questioning that moment every day for the rest of my life had I experienced what they did. Absolutely nothing about watching your child being killed by an alligator right in front of you is simple or obvious. It's complicated, and tragic, and unfair, and horribly painful.
In terms of a law suit, I suppose that by not suing, they are demonstrating that they claim some responsibility for the incident, which makes me sort of happy to see in a world that is so quick to place blame.
Yes, all that ... of course.

But asking 'Why?' is what I don't get.
Why ask why?.

Shit just happens.
2,012,548,798 kids stood in similar spots and no gator grabbed them.
Why this boy? ... Because he was the 2,012,548,799th.
If you have to believe in stuff for which there is no proof it could be argued it was time for this to happen. (since it did)
Unfortunate, tragic, heartbreaking ... obviously, that goes without saying. ... but not fair? Huh?
The universe is fair? :confused:
 

VRBeauty

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I can't imagine what those parents must be going through.

Grief can be very hard - even when the person you're grieving died at a "normal" age, of a "normal" cause. Asking why is a normal response - and it doesn't come from the rational part of our minds. It comes from something much deeper than that. Just as accepting, truly accepting, that someone is truly gone can be difficult even when your rational mind knows this to be the case. And every now and again some part of you will forget that that person is gone, and you'll find some part of yourself storing a memory to share with the the next time you see them, or looking forward to a time together that will never happen...

Anyhow, for some reason I'm glad the parents aren't suing, although I would not have blamed them if they had.
 

momhappy

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kenny|1469047461|4057684 said:
momhappy|1469045660|4057665 said:
kenny|1469040961|4057638 said:
http://www.orlandosentinel.com...-20160720-story.html

Quote from article, "Matt Graves said in the statement that "Melissa and I are broken.
We will forever struggle to comprehend why this happened to our sweet baby, Lane."


Why?
Because unfortunately your son was where the gator could do what gators just do.
That's why this happened.
It's just nature, like being struck by lightning.

What am I missing? :think:
Why ask why when the reason is so simple and obvious?

I'm glad they are not suing.
What are you missing? Maybe a little sensitivity?
They are not really asking why....as Tekate said, they are just asking a theoretical why. Why them? Why in that particular moment? Why their son? I would be asking why and I'd be questioning that moment every day for the rest of my life had I experienced what they did. Absolutely nothing about watching your child being killed by an alligator right in front of you is simple or obvious. It's complicated, and tragic, and unfair, and horribly painful.
In terms of a law suit, I suppose that by not suing, they are demonstrating that they claim some responsibility for the incident, which makes me sort of happy to see in a world that is so quick to place blame.
Yes, all that ... of course.

But asking 'Why?' is what I don't get.
Why ask why?.

Shit just happens.
2,012,548,798 kids stood in similar spots and no gator grabbed them.
Why this boy? ... Because he was the 2,012,548,799th.
If you have to believe in stuff for which there is no proof it could be argued it was time for this to happen. (since it did)
Unfortunate, tragic, heartbreaking ... obviously, that goes without saying. ... but not fair? Huh?
The universe is fair? :confused:
You're right, kenny, shit does just happen, but if that shit was watching my toddler die a horrific death right in front of me, I personally wouldn't be lumping it into the "shit happens" category. And I never said the universe was fair, but that doesn't mean that one can't still feel that something is somehow unfair. I think it's oaky for the parents to ask why, it's okay for them to feel that the situation is far more complicated than what you have reduced it to, and that it's okay for them to feel like it's unfair.
 

MollyMalone

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kenny|1469047461|4057684 said:
* * *
But asking 'Why?' is what I don't get.
Why ask why?.

Shit just happens.
2,012,548,798 kids stood in similar spots and no gator grabbed them.
Why this boy? ... Because he was the 2,012,548,799th.
If you have to believe in stuff for which there is no proof it could be argued it was time for this to happen. (since it did)
Unfortunate, tragic, heartbreaking ... obviously, that goes without saying. ... but not fair? Huh?
The universe is fair? :confused:
Honestly, I'm now wondering why you persist in asking Why?

Emotions aren't always rational/logical; that's why we call them "feelings", instead of "thought processes." As a mother, I cannot imagine anything in my personal life more devastating than the death of a beloved child. Burying your child is so against the natural order of things where it's the older generation that usually predeceases the younger one. And in this case, they were eyewitnesses. So I wouldn't expect Lane's parents to react as a Vulcan would, shrugging it off with a "Shit happens."

Are you genuinely baffled? Or is this an opportunity for you to look down your nose at those who "believe in stuff for which there is no proof"?
 

azstonie

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I don't share the viewpoint that it would be "making money" from this tragedy if they have already accepted a settlement or planned a lawsuit in order to receive one.

These two people at the very least are going to need counseling. They may wind up being unemployable thanks to chronic PTSD. They have lost not only their son but their prior identities as they will always be "those people" who suffered a tragic loss OR were negligent dummies, depending on the opinion of the beholder.

Not *all* lawsuits are greedy.
 

kenny

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MollyMalone|1469052501|4057707 said:
I cannot imagine anything in my personal life more devastating than the death of a beloved child. Burying your child is so against the natural order of things where it's the older generation that usually predeceases the younger one. And in this case, they were eyewitnesses.
I agree 100%.

... and that has nothing to do with my question.
 

MollyMalone

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kenny|1469054344|4057717 said:
MollyMalone|1469052501|4057707 said:
I cannot imagine anything in my personal life more devastating than the death of a beloved child. Burying your child is so against the natural order of things where it's the older generation that usually predeceases the younger one. And in this case, they were eyewitnesses.
100% granted.
And that has nothing to do with my question.
My recognition that emotions are not always logical/rational -- which you excised, even tho that's right before the snippet you selected -- "has nothing to do with [your] question"?

What response would you find satisfactory, kenny; are you wanting to see something like, "You'd think believers would be embracing their son's death as God's will. That these parents of the Roman Catholic faith are 'struggling to comprehend why this happened' just shows how stupid and pointless religion is" ?
 

stracci2000

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ABC news said this evening that the mom "could not say" if there was any compensation.
So they probably settled out of court.
 

momhappy

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^Yes, that would be my assumption too, which factored into my opinion of why I'm glad to not see this one go to court.
 

kenny

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MollyMalone|1469057952|4057736 said:
kenny|1469054344|4057717 said:
MollyMalone|1469052501|4057707 said:
I cannot imagine anything in my personal life more devastating than the death of a beloved child. Burying your child is so against the natural order of things where it's the older generation that usually predeceases the younger one. And in this case, they were eyewitnesses.
100% granted.
And that has nothing to do with my question.
My recognition that emotions are not always logical/rational -- which you excised, even tho that's right before the snippet you selected -- "has nothing to do with [your] question"?

What response would you find satisfactory, kenny; are you wanting to see something like, "You'd think believers would be embracing their son's death as God's will. That these parents of the Roman Catholic faith are 'struggling to comprehend why this happened' just shows how stupid and pointless religion is" ?
Wow.
 

diamondseeker2006

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I seriously doubt the parents were at the point of even thinking about money. But I am quite sure Disney was, and they likely made a generous donation to the foundation the family is starting in the child's name. I think that is a very great solution as I am sure the last thing the parents would want to deal with is a court case. And that is wonderful that they want to use the money for good in the name of their little boy. So very sad.
 

MollyMalone

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kenny|1469059922|4057752 said:
* * *
Wow.
I'm not able to delete that intemperate response of mine, kenny, so I've asked the moderators to remove it. I hope you will accept my apologies for getting so hot-headed and going off on you.
 

december-fire

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VRBeauty|1469048177|4057689 said:
"Grief can be very hard - even when the person you're grieving died at a "normal" age, of a "normal" cause. Asking why is a normal response - and it doesn't come from the rational part of our minds. It comes from something much deeper than that. Just as accepting, truly accepting, that someone is truly gone can be difficult even when your rational mind knows this to be the case. And every now and again some part of you will forget that that person is gone, and you'll find some part of yourself storing a memory to share with the next time you see them, or looking forward to a time together that will never happen..."

VRBeauty,

Exactly. Well said. You describe it as though you've experienced this yourself, which is sad.


Kenny,


I tend to be very logical and analytical, and I understand you questioning why there'd be confusion about why this tragedy occurred. However, as VRBeauty explained, there are times that our brains don't act in a clear, rational manner. In a way, its similar to the denial that some people express when informed that a loved one has passed away as a result of an unforeseen event, such as violent crime or an accident. The emotional side of our brain doesn't always want to accept the facts.

This specific event occurred recently and involved the death of a child, so its understandable that some people might respond emotionally to your question. However, I know what you mean; from a logical point of view, there are tragedies for which the 'Why' is apparent and yet people still express that question.

People don't always say or do logical things.
 

diamondseeker2006

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Kenny has a different world view than some, and that is why he can't understand the "why" question. I totally understand the "why" question. It is both an emotional and logical question for those of faith.
 

MollyMalone

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diamondseeker2006|1469069937|4057820 said:
Kenny has a different world view than some, and that is why he can't understand the "why" question. I totally understand the "why" question. It is both an emotional and logical question for those of faith.
I know kenny is not an automaton, indifferent to those in mourning, for he has expressed sympathetic condolences to PSers who have experienced the loss of a cherished family member, be they human or pet.

I fear I'm soon going to be called upon to participate in a conversation where the family of a domestic violence murder victim is told that there will have to be a retrial of the man who killed their daughter, their mother & they will have to relive that trial experience; it will be agonizing for them. So "shit happens" pushed a big button for me tonight. But I should have sat on my hands, not posted in anger.

Again, I am sorry, kenny.
 

Queenie60

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MollyMalone|1469074049|4057837 said:
diamondseeker2006|1469069937|4057820 said:
Kenny has a different world view than some, and that is why he can't understand the "why" question. I totally understand the "why" question. It is both an emotional and logical question for those of faith.
I know kenny is not an automaton, indifferent to those in mourning, for he has expressed sympathetic condolences to PSers who have experienced the loss of a cherished family member, be they human or pet.

I fear I'm soon going to be called upon to participate in a conversation where the family of a domestic violence murder victim is told that there will have to be a retrial of the man who killed their daughter, their mother & they will have to relive that trial experience; it will be agonizing for them. So "shit happens" pushed a big button for me tonight. But I should have sat on my hands, not posted in anger.

Again, I am sorry, kenny.
Don't beat yourself up so much MollyMalone. I understand Kenny's "why" and I certainly understand your comments. All of us make mistakes and you sometimes need to let it go. You're obviously a very intelligent and nice person with a good heart. - :wavey:
 

Gypsy

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It is natural to ask why. Why our son? Why us? Why?

Parents, at least good ones, would be blaming themselves for their part in this tragedy. And be thinking of all the ways it could have been averted. Why didn't we do this or do that is part of it.

I would not be surprised at all if Disney offered them a settlement and they took it instead of suing. Suing is ...the opposite healing. It's keeping a wound OPEN, willingly. It takes a lot of anger to do that. And some masochism, some would argue. It's a constant reminder of the tragedy and it means being re-injured again and again as you are attacked by the other side. It's not something I would wish one someone already struggling with tragedy.

This family is already in dire straights. The last thing they needed is a law suit. I hope that if they did take a settlement, it helps them deal with what is the ultimate heartbreak.

There is no good answer for them, unfortunately. There never is in such tragedies. Why? Because. Just... because it happened. And now you have to find a way to life through it.
 

LLJsmom

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Gypsy|1469078008|4057858 said:
It is natural to ask why. Why our son? Why us? Why?

Parents, at least good ones, would be blaming themselves for their part in this tragedy. And be thinking of all the ways it could have been averted. Why didn't we do this or do that is part of it.

I would not be surprised at all if Disney offered them a settlement and they took it instead of suing. Suing is ...the opposite healing. It's keeping a wound OPEN, willingly. It takes a lot of anger to do that. And some masochism, some would argue. It's a constant reminder of the tragedy and it means being re-injured again and again as you are attacked by the other side. It's not something I would wish one someone already struggling with tragedy.

This family is already in dire straights. The last thing they needed is a law suit. I hope that if they did take a settlement, it helps them deal with what is the ultimate heartbreak.

There is no good answer for them, unfortunately. There never is in such tragedies. Why? Because. Just... because it happened. And now you have to find a way to life through it.
Thank you for saying this Gypsy. Exactly this.
 

diamondseeker2006

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Molly, you are allowed to have emotions, too. Your apology was kind, but I totally understood your frustration. You were showing empathy for the child's family. I cannot even fathom the retrial issue you may be involved in. That would be horrific for that victim's family.
 

arkieb1

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Just because one person might not find a rational answer to the question why me or why us, doesn't stop people asking it every day, why is anyone in the wrong place at the wrong time when something bad occurs and not the next person. I think only people at opposite ends of the spectrum have the true ability not to question why things happen -very very zen people at one end and the very apathetic at the other....

I also notice that when something like Gator tragedy or the boy and the gorilla at the zoo occurs social media lends itself to mass usually hysterical confirmation bias that everyone specifically HAS to find someone to blame. Even when possibly no-one is at fault and it's just a horrific accident.
 

Calliecake

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Molly,

I'm so sorry you are going thru this honey. Hugs



My thoughts were Disney would offer a very generous settlement to the family and try to keep this out of the courts. At the end of the day we are all human. I seriously doubt Disney wasn't feeling the pain the rest of the world felt for this poor family. I can't imagine anything worse than losing your child. I also think it's human nature to ask why when something tragic happens.
 

MollyMalone

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Thank you ever so much, ds and Calliecake.

I am so glad there is a local chapter of Parents of Murdered Children & the leaders of that chapter are wonderful: empathic and wise (their own children were killed years ago), but not emotionally "needy" themselves (as can sometimes happen with volunteer support groups). POMC offers support and guidance to family and friends -- not just parents -- of victims. It's a unique resource for those grappling with the homicide of a cherished person:
http://www.pomc.com

Compassionate Friends is less specialized (child's death for any reason) and with many more chapters:
https://www.compassionatefriends.org/Find_Support/Chapters/what_to_expect.aspx

Although I've provided the links, I'm earnestly hoping that none of us ever needs them.
 
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