Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Funny Slips

chemgirl

chemgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2009
Messages
2,345
Have any of you accidently said something totally insulting?

Last night FI and I finally got around to carving our pumpkin. I was wearing Yoga pants and he came up behind me and said "Those pants make your butt look big" I looked at him and gave him an eyebrow raise and he said "Great! I mean great! Not big at all! Sorry!"

I just thought it was hilarious since I'm not really self conscious about my butt. This morning, I kept on asking him if different sets of work clothes made my butt look big. Its so much fun!

Anyone else have similar stories?
 
I might have met a really gorgeous PSer a few weeks ago and told her that it was odd to see her because IRL she's my size, but for some reason I always imagine her as really small and cute - I meant that for some reason I imagine her as being about 5'6" (which for me, at 5'10", is rather dainty), but her DH stepped in and said, "I'd like you to notice she just managed to call you both large and not cute." Definitely wasn't what I meant at all, but that's completely how it came out.

So, Elledizzy, I'd like to (once again) apologize. I'm sure you've noticed by now that my foot has a permanent home in my mouth!
 
I had a job cold-calling in my youth and was having a boring long day saying the same phases over and over and over again. So I had 3 hang ups in a row - which meant the number never connected on my side and I had to disconnect the call manually (this is not normal) and I was about to disconnect the 3rd call when the member said hello - so I was flustered taking this call. Anyhoo I asked him the normal questions and got to the last one - "would you like to bank your week", except I said "would you like to w@nk your week". I knew as soon as I had said it... :nono: so I tried to recover in case he didn't notice by offering to sell him a "bonus week" except I offered him a "boner week". Bam and bam. I know he heard me because he started laughing as I died saying oh, okay thank you for taking the call. The worst bit was when I turned around the whole cubicle was laughing at me.... :oops:
That is my life long funny slip - I could never top it.
 
Steal: I snorted very loudly, then giggled like an errant school girl after I read your story. I don't believe it's possible to top that. You must have been quite preoccupied with...well...something on that day. :Up_to_something:

My girl friend met a fellow through match.com and while instant messaging about possible dessert places to visit on a their first date, typed that she loved eating coconut pie and could eat it all day long. Unfortunately, she substituted the second o in coconut for a k. :naughty:
 
Oh God, I do this all of the time. My two favorites are these:

My mom had recently gotten remarried and I didn't know my step-sister all that well. My mom was talking about how think my step-sister was and said, "wouldn't she look cute if she pierced her . . ." and I finished the sentence, knowing damn well she wanted to say belly button, with "nipple." Why I said that I'll never know, but I know I turned about 45 shades of red.

The second was when I first started working at my current job (I've been here 10+ years now and they're like family and they still tease me about this):

My boss sat down at our typewriter which had been on the fritz. I told him not to mess with the typewriter because it was all "jacked off" (instead of jacked up). HE turned beet red and I just laughed until I almost cried. It was pretty fantastic.
 
For some reason, I have sexual slips all the time without realizing it until everyone around me is grinning.

At work, my friend and I were trying to carry a large Christmas tree up the stairs. She was getting irritated with me because I couldn't keep it balanced (completely assembled.) Finally, I YELL, "Now that I know where to put my hands, I can keep this huge thing up!" Of course, every co-worker on the upper level heard me.

Another time at work, same friend and I were looking at some pumpkin bars that were brought in. I knew I'd like the cream cheese frosting but wasn't sure about the pumpkin cake part. She says, "You stick your finger in the top and I'll eat the bottom." Yup, in front of the boss.

Another day at work, one of my bosses asked "Can you take this?" I said "sure." He said, "It's really big." I said, "I can take the big ones." As the people around us started giggling, he got what had happened before me and laughed his ass off. (btw- this was about a file and a patient with a big issue)

The other day a friend had a surgery on her finger. I was being empathetic and said "You can borrow my finger." Her husband nearly peed himself.


I'm not sure if everyone around me has their head in the gutter or if I'm truly an idiot.
 
I have a lot of sexual slips :cheeky:

I'm watching verminators with DH and we were reading the headline for the next episode. First let me say, I'm tired and want to go to bed. Anyway, I read it as, "Homeowner has huge problem with moose in her house." Moose? How'd she get moose in her house? DH sees how confused I am and asks what's wrong. Of course I say, "I really don't understand how moose got into her house." Yep, it said mouse and I was really confused thinking that I read moose :wacko:

Kitchen_Moose.jpg
 
OMG I am silently crying with laughter at work trying not to snort with laughter. :lol: I do this sort of thing ALL the damn time but cannot think of a specific example right this second........ I'll have to offer hubby a "boner week" - bet he'd take that! :lol:
 
Hehe I didn't even think about sexual slips. My worst was when my friend was teaching me how to make dumplings for our Chinese Newyear party. The guys were watching tv and her and I were in the kitchen filling the dumpling wrapers with meat. Mine kept on breaking so I said "how do you manage to cram so much meat in yours?" She started to explain and then we heard the door slam...the guys had all gone out in to the hallway because they couldn't stop laughing.

They were worried that we'd get mad and then refuse to finish making dinner.... :roll:
 
Ohhh chemgirl, princess, steal, ss... LOL!!


and nice moose :naughty:
 
This is so funny. Speaking of moose...I needed mousse. I went to the store and realized I forgot the list. I called DH at home and he read the list to me over the phone. It was the usual, cheese, laundry detergent, bread and mouse. I didnt even know that I had written mouse instead of mousse. It cracks me up just thinking about it.

I dont usually slip I just seem to get caught saying things that sound inappropriate, but arent if the rest of the conversation was heard. We can be talking about something as innocent as steaks and I will comment "I dont like them that big" and for some reason all the noise quiets and all anyone around hears is how I dont like them big.

The other day at work my manager paged me. I was near his desk so I walked right up. He said that he wasnt ready and I said well you paged me. Then the big boss walks up just in time for my manager to say "Well you dont usually come this quick"
 
Oh god. So I used to work in customer service, so I'd have to spell things out over the phone. I never could memorize the Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, etc. alphabet, so I'd usually just use whatever words came to mind. Then I'd get bored and challenge myself to only use animals, or women's names, or men's names, etc.

So one day I'm giving out our e-mail address and I'm spelling it out - K for Kevin, O for Oscar, J for James, D for....well, do you think I went with David? Of course not. Nooooo....I went with a nickname for D. Short for Richard.

My coworkers burst out laughing, I was totally oblivious and just kept spelling. 2.5 years later and I've yet to live it down.
 
These are sooo funny!!! I'm pretty bad for foot in mouth syndrome, here are some that stand out:

I was sampling perfumes when the sales lady came over and asked if I needed help. I tell her I'm just looking for a new scent, she suggests her favourite one and goes on and on about how much she loves it. When I spray it on myself I literally could only smell vodka! I blurt out ummm, no thanks I don't want to smell like an alcoholic, the SA looks offended and I say thanks and walk away :roll:

I'm also really bad at telling a lie, my friend who has naturally black hair just got some blonde highlights. Everyone was talking about her new look and I say something to the effect of "some people can pull it off, and some can't ... awkward pause ... but it looks good on you, I like it. Obviously she could tell I was only trying to be nice, and since then she's gone back to black, which actually suites her!

The worst would have to be when I got my hair done, I was on the phone at my parents house talking to my friend about my visit to the salon. I was feeling ripped off because it was an expensive visit, my friend asked me what everything cost and I tell her "They charged me $30 for a blow job!" instead of blow dry. I freeze and turn bright red as I realize my mom is sitting right beside me, luckily she has a sense of homour and laughed, but then later had to tell my dad what I spent $30 on that day! :oops:
 
LOVE all the stories!
Mine is more of an ignorance, but here goes. I was telling my friends a story about when I was in kindergarten, and I finished with "...and as a punishment, the teacher took my cherry!".
I had NO idea that sentence meant anything other than the literal sense. My friends howled in laughter, and I kept whining "what did I say??"
 
One of my coworkers in customer service was telling me how most people think she's older than she is when she's on the phone, and they comment that she's much younger than they imagined when they met in person.

I immediately blurted out: "Oh, probably because you're a smoker, so your voice is deeper!"

She looked peeved, and slammed back: "No, because I've been working since the age of 16, and I give off an air of experience and maturity."
 
My all time favorite was when DH tried to say "plot twist". It came out tw@t plist. Which is just... awesomely hilarious.

ETA: Oh, here's another good one. My MIL was shopping in the grocery store, a distance away from us at the cold cuts. She found a huge summer sausage, hoisted it aloft and yelled- and I do mean yelled- "I LOVE THESE THINGS!!!" to all and sundry. DH looked very much like he wanted the floor to swallow him up please, and I died laughing.
 
I've got a really good one from the other day... My maternal grandmother recently moved to an assisted living facility, and she was a hoarder. So, my mom and I have been cleaning her apartment out. Well, I was cleaning out the closet with all her cleaning supplies and came across a bottle of Vanish bathroom cleaner. I looked at it, and read it, and I was just lost. So I called my mom over, and said, "Vagasil??? Why the hell would they put VAGASIL in a SPRAY BOTTLE???" and my mom nearly fell over laughing at me. Finally, I looked at the bottle, and realized what it REALLY said, and promptly turned about 18 shades of red.
 
I do this one all the time- I ask for the salt and pecker shakers :oops:
 
One day, a female co-worker and I were discussing household cleaning and our obsessive compulsive/anal retentive habits. Then I blurt out, "I am the queen of anal!!!" Er, uh, I mean.. :oops: :oops: :oops:

Luckily she had a great sense of humor.... We laughed till we cried.
 
I read this thread not 15 minutes ago and then went downstairs to warm up some leftover meatloaf. I took one bite before I put it in the microwave and then wandered over to where my husband was sitting at his computer. He said, "Hey babe, whatcha eating?" I replied meatloaf and he said oh can I have some? So I went back into the kitchen, got the meatloaf out and went back to him and I said, "How big is your piece?" I said that came out wrong, "how big do you want your piece to be" he laughed even harder at that one...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top