Friend got engaged 2 months after me ! Is this normal ?

[sunsetstar]

And to make it worse she is getting married before me, and I have to come out in her wedding. lol I love her and Im kinda happy for her. But god how weird was that. she stole my thunder. Any stories to share ?

 

[MINE!!]

Isn''t she your friend? Why is this a competition? How could it be possible that she "stole your thunder?" Shouldn''t you guys be prooud of each other and for each other?

 

[KristyDarling]

I''m totally baffled by the original post. The thunder wasn''t ever yours nor anyone else''s to steal. Isn''t engagement a happy occasion regardless of who, when, or why it happened? Her engagement has nothing to do with yours....and if she''s your friend, shouldn''t you be happy for her? If you''re in your 20''s or 30''s, friends will be getting engaged around you left and right, it''s just....well, life.

 

[ellaila]

My best friend and I have been friends since we were three years old -- we're now 35. And she got engaged one month after I did! Weird? Yes. But a great & happy thing!!

It was *wonderful* for us to go through the engagement and wedding excitement together! If anything, I think it actually made us closer to experience this great time in life together!!!

ETA: I say it's weird simply because we've been friends for three decades and then the engagements happened within just a few weeks of each other. So it's the timing that's weird - not that I feel weird about it!

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 11/8/2006 3:44:48 PM
Author: KristyDarling
I''m totally baffled by the original post. The thunder wasn''t ever yours nor anyone else''s to steal. Isn''t engagement a happy occasion regardless of who, when, or why it happened? Her engagement has nothing to do with yours....and if she''s your friend, shouldn''t you be happy for her? If you''re in your 20''s or 30''s, friends will be getting engaged around you left and right, it''s just....well, life.

My thoughts exactly!! Get over it and be happy fo your friend!!

 

[TravelingGal]

2 months? The NERVE of that woman. Doesn''t she know that thunder rules state "thou shalt not be engaged anywhere near a friend for a period of at least 13 years?"

Sorry...I''m as baffled as the others. How big of a window do you need? It''s not like it was 2 hours...and even if it was, who cares? If this is an issue for you, you seriously need to get over yourself.

 

[KimberlyH]

Your tag line baffles me as much as your post. What''s with all the "friend" issues? Bizarre.

 

[anchor31]

Er... Is it normal for people to keep living their lives after you got engaged? Yup. I don''t think you can expect a couple who wants to get married to push back their engagement and marriage (for how long??) because you don''t want anyone to get engaged or married during the length of your engagement... I have to say I also find it kind of ironic that your first posts were about how much your friends were jealous of your engagement and how unhappy it made you, and now you''re telling us that you''re jealous of your friend who just got engaged and you''re unhappy about it.

 

[robbie3982]

I got engaged 6 days after my best friend. We both new engagement was imminent for us both. She said she would be upset if I got engaged first which I could understand since she''d been w/ her then bf for over 3 years and FI and I had been together for less than a year. She''s getting married summer of 2008 and I''m getting married fall 2007. I sure hope she doesn''t feel like I stole her thunder. I think it''s great that we get to go through all of this at the same time yet have it spread out so our out of town friends should be able to make it to both (her FI and I were great friends in college and have almost all the same friends).

 

[february2003bride]

Wellllll, I guess if she was constantly copying you it would be weird but honestly, she can get engaged and married whenever she wants regardless of your dates.

 

[Sparkster]

I''s not weird at all. I''m sure that your friend''s boyfriend proposed in this way....''Well, Sunsetstar just got engaged so I think I''ll propose to you to so that you can steal her thunder.'' Your friend''s boyfriend proposing (assuming he did the popping of the question and not your friend) has nothing to do with you, it''s what was right for him at the time. For all you know, he might have been preparing for this for months beforehand.

By the way, your sign off says, ''I''m madly inlove and engaged but my friends are all jealous.'' Hmmmmmmmm........

 

[Fancy605]

I got engaged to my fiance after his twin brother proposed to his fiance. We are getting married several months before them, and I surely hope they aren''t taking it badly. I feel like they are fine with it, but who knows? I certainly don''t mean to be "stealing thunder," I just have to have a summer wedding because I teach. I only get 3 personal days during the year--and to me, 3 days is NOT long enough for a wedding+ honeymoon + time to move in together. I mention this because I don''t think people mean to swoop in and steal the spotlight--Sometimes people select dates because that is the only time they feel everything can run smoothly.

One of my bridesmaids is getting married 2 weeks before me (I''m in her wedding too). But I think that is fun because we are basically planning our weddings together.

 

[ljmorgan]

My best friend became engaged one month after I did -- and we were both ecstatic! I got engaged in April of this year, and she in May. She got married in August, and I''m going to be married in two months. We have had such a great time with wedding planning... she was always going to be my maid of honor, now she''s just my matron of honor

Going through this together has been wonderful for us!

On the other hand, I had a friend who near threw a fit when I became engaged... she had been with her boyfriend for 6 months at the time and was flipping out because I got engaged first (I''d been with fi for almost 2 years...)

I think the whole engagement/marriage process can be great at helping figure out who your true friends are. You should not be unhappy or annoyed by your friend''s engagement -- look at this as a wonderful opportunity to become closer. There is no "thunder" to steal -- your post sounds self-centered and jealous.

 

[goldenstar]

i can kinda understand what sunsetstar is saying, but i don''t agree entirely.

my BF''s sister got engaged in Sept. BF and i were talking about getting engaged before the end of the year, but we decided to wait a little longer. the reason is so that he could have more time to save for the ring, but we also kinda don''t want to be engaged too soon after his sister. there''s always happiness from all around no matter what, but i thought that she should have her moment in the spotlight for a while. not that anyone would have been upset if we got engaged in the same week or something. its just something that i thought about and it made sense to me.

i think that there is sometimes thunder to steal but its based on the facts of each situation. i don''t think that a friend getting engaged two months later is a bad thing at all. it wasn''t done out of spite or anything like that (i hope).

 

[VegasAngel]

*

 

[Allisonfaye]

Date: 11/8/2006 6:05:24 PM
Author: VegasAngel
There are people who get jealous & do things like this. I have an on/off again friend who does things like this all the time. When I first brought it up to my husband he thought I was crazy. Here are some examples: After seeing my wedding set, she wants to know where I got my diamond/setting & now has to upgrade her ring because it''s not good enough. I find out I''m pregnant last August, guess who''s pregnant in November? My husband & I want to buy a house, guess who wants to buy a new house & in our area? Recently, I mention to her my husband and I want to get a new car. Well , all of a sudden she has to have one too. I am sure as soon as we get ours she will get one too & will try to outdo whatever we get. My husband finds it comical btw, he doesnt want me to mention anything to her when we get it, he wants to see how fast she gets something after she sees ours. One last one, my husband goes out & buys one of the best camcorders on the market. Guess who went out and bought one also? I could go on forever.

This is seriously pathetic. I have heard people talk about people like this before. Doesn''t it bug you to be friends with someone like this?

 

[innerkitten]

I wouldn''t be to worried If I were you. Just think you two can plan your weddings together , come up with color themes look at dressess. it could be really fun.
It''s possible that you two have some type of competition thing going on, maybe you need to sit down and have a talk, tell each other how you feel. Both your feelings are totally valid.
Good luck

 

[littlelysser]

Are you serious?

Based on your signature line and that most recent post...you may want to rethink some things...

I don''t know.

I am in love and my friends are all really happy for me.

And one of my best friends got engaged a few WEEKS after I did...and they are getting married on Saturday...It never even occurred to me be angry that they were getting married first...or that it was a competition or anything. I am totally aware of the fact that it has nothing to do with me. Nothing at all.

Reminds me of the U2 lyric..."When I was three I thought the world revolved around me, I was wrong."

 

[sumbride]

Date: 11/8/2006 6:40:02 PM
Author: littlelysser
Are you serious?

Based on your signature line and that most recent post...you may want to rethink some things... I don''t know.

I am in love and my friends are all really happy for me.

Exactly! My friends were thrilled when I got engaged! They weren''t jealous! My best friend got married a year before I even got engaged and she and her husband have been together less time than FI and me. Was I jealous? Not in the slightest! I''m not quite sure what''s going on in your head... from the problems with your ring to the problems with your friends... are you sure you''re ready to get married? Do you feel, I don''t know... mature enough? Do you really want to be married or just be engaged and have a wedding? I have a feeling it''s more the IDEA that you''re ready for, not reality.

seriously, you might want to rethink some things!

 

[anchor31]

Date: 11/8/2006 7:21:53 PM
Author: sumbride

Date: 11/8/2006 6:40:02 PM
Author: littlelysser
Are you serious?

Based on your signature line and that most recent post...you may want to rethink some things... I don''t know.

I am in love and my friends are all really happy for me.

Exactly! My friends were thrilled when I got engaged! They weren''t jealous! My best friend got married a year before I even got engaged and she and her husband have been together less time than FI and me. Was I jealous? Not in the slightest! I''m not quite sure what''s going on in your head... from the problems with your ring to the problems with your friends... are you sure you''re ready to get married? Do you feel, I don''t know... mature enough? Do you really want to be married or just be engaged and have a wedding? I have a feeling it''s more the IDEA that you''re ready for, not reality.

seriously, you might want to rethink some things!

My thoughts exactly, sumbride!

 

[njc]

The night DH was going to propose to me, I called him at work to tell him one of my best friends had gotten engaged the night before. He decided to wait 2 weeks to not step on their toes too much, which now I am happy he did (but as an LIW at the time I was tapping my foot!

). We got married 3 weeks before them, neither of us cared and it was so much fun to talk about planning together and the only concern we had was making sure the other could be a BM. Our weddings were nothing alike... our rings are nothing alike.

Things happen... if I hadnt thought to tell DH on the phone, we would have been engaged within a day of each other. Its not a contest.

Within days of you would make me go "huh" (unless it was inevitable anyways), but not 2 months.

 

[onedrop]

Sunsetstar: I am curious as to why you think it''s *not* normal? This happens ALL the time. Haven''t you ever noticed that sometimes your circle of friends are settling down, getting married and having babies all around the same time?? I think it''s just the cycle of life.

 

[portia]

My DH and I got engaged last year in Nov. We''d been together 6 yrs. and had talked about marriage for the last couple of years. DH''s brother and his girlfriend got engaged exactly a month later. The first thing she (now SIL) said to me right after our engagement was "You guys stole our thunder!". They had been seriously talking about getting engaged, but so had we... I guess we just moved on it quicker. Anyway, the similaries don''t stop there...

We both planned destination mountain weddings 2 months apart (ours in July, theirs in Sept.) in the west (ours in the Colorado Rockies, theirs in the Tetons). We both got married in extremely small, historic chapels with very intimate ceremonies (mostly family). And we both had a planned gondola ride to the top of a mountain (ours for a reception dinner, theirs for a champaign toast). However, as VERY similar as these plans sound, they came across with completely different vibes. Each wedding ended up being very unique! I''ll admit that I was a little worried at first, but then realized it would all work out just fine... and it did. Although, we didn''t collaborate much on the wedding plans... we wanted the similarities to stop there.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I''m afraid its'' pretty normal. You''re at an age where people pair off and fall in love and get married.... not everyone can accommodate someone else''s timeline.

When I got pregnant with my #2 child, one of my cousins said to me, "it''s not fair, you already have one" and told me I should have waited for she and our other cousin... and I''m like I waited 5 years, it isn''t my fault neither of you are in a position to have kids.

If you''re going to wait 2 years then be prepared for this to happen at least once more. It isn''t about you. But sure, it can be disappointing. Not uncommon though.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 11/8/2006 4:34:41 PM
Author: TravelingGal
2 months? The NERVE of that woman. Doesn''t she know that thunder rules state ''thou shalt not be engaged anywhere near a friend for a period of at least 13 years?''

Sorry...I''m as baffled as the others. How big of a window do you need? It''s not like it was 2 hours...and even if it was, who cares? If this is an issue for you, you seriously need to get over yourself.

I think the window was 2 years - no engagements allowed until she''s married! lol

 

[Cehrabehra]

not to mention - sometimes one person''s engagement is reassuring to another person... or encouraging or reaffirming.... but ultimately it has nothing to do with you.

 

[larussel03]

I hope you''re not serious...

My best friend (and MOH) just got engaged and she is likely to get married maybe 2 weeks to a month before I do, and I was just extremely excited and happy for her. To be honest, I really WANTED her to get enaged when I did and knew that she would likely choose to get married in the same month that I do, and I think it''s great, she deserves it as much, if not more, than I do.

There''s no thunder to be stolen, and it''s not a competition. You really should be happy for her, if you truely consider her your friend, or if you think she considers you her''s.

Your signature also irks me. If I were your friend and I saw that I''d prob write you off, esp after this post. I think you need to get over yourself.

 

[divergrrl]

Sunsetstar:

I remember your original post when you were upset that your friends were treating you poorly when you got engaged. I''m sorry to say, (and I''m trying to put this gently) but the whole world is not about your or out to get you.

People get engaged, married, give birth, get divorced, graduate from college, get promotions, die etc. all day every day of our lives.

My friends and I all got married within months of each other. It was a riot planning our showers, bachelorette parties, weddings together. And then we all had the nerve to get pregnant within a month or two of each other.

Imagine, having all those friends to share a special time with, and then having them to lean on during the rocky road of new motherhood.

yeah, the nerve.

Maybe you could just enjoy your own wedding and also enjoy others. Tip a glass of bubbly to your newly engaged friend and be a good sport. Don''t think about it negatively, but just enjoy the celebration.

If you want to have good friends, you have to be a good friend. If you don''t like how your friends are, maybe you need new ones. Also, it is true that the things we like the least about other people are those same traits we like least in ourselves.

Jeannine

 

[larussel03]

Date: 11/8/2006 8:11:28 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

When I got pregnant with my #2 child, one of my cousins said to me, ''it''s not fair, you already have one'' and told me I should have waited for she and our other cousin... and I''m like I waited 5 years, it isn''t my fault neither of you are in a position to have kids.

I agree with you, Cehrabehra.

It really amazes me what some people have the gall to get mad about or to be upset about...just boggles my mind, I''d NEVER think to even think that someone should wait for me to have babies b/c I''m not ready or not get engaged MONTHS after I did b/c they were stealing my thunder...it''s just so selfish.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 11/8/2006 8:36:29 PM
Author: *~Sweetpea~*

Date: 11/8/2006 8:11:28 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

When I got pregnant with my #2 child, one of my cousins said to me, ''it''s not fair, you already have one'' and told me I should have waited for she and our other cousin... and I''m like I waited 5 years, it isn''t my fault neither of you are in a position to have kids.

I agree with you, Cehrabehra.

It really amazes me what some people have the gall to get mad about or to be upset about...just boggles my mind, I''d NEVER think to even think that someone should wait for me to have babies b/c I''m not ready or not get engaged MONTHS after I did b/c they were stealing my thunder...it''s just so selfish.

well this same cousin asked me what names I was considering... and when I told her I *almost* named my daughter''s middle name Grace 5 years earlier and was thinking about it again she told me flat out, "NO! You can''t use that name! I''m planning to use that name!" and I''m like okay.... first you have a fit because I''m pregnant... now you''re having a fit because of a family name I want to use? Needless to say when I got preg with #3 I heard *nothing* from her and my kids are now 12, 7, and 5 and she has yet to either marry or have a child. My last two were boys so grace was out anyway, but still, what nerve!!!