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Friend advice

wildcat03

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 11, 2011
Messages
503
I've decided to ask this here because I have found that PS members are both extremely nice and very pragmatic, and that's the kind of advice I need in this situation.

About a year ago (more?) a friend (A) and I agreed to run the Chicago Marathon together. Once registration opened (February) we convinced another friend (C) to run it with us. Shortly after C signed up, A and I talked about whether we should invite C to share our hotel room. A was all for it and C was pumped to have a place to stay.

For the last 4 months, C and I have dedicated every spare moment to marathon training. She works 50 hours a week and has 2 kids. I work 70-80 hours and 6 days a week on a schedule that rotates between days, evenings, and nights. Our friend A never really found her groove with respect to marathon training. COMPLETELY understandable - she's a fairly new mom and has a lot going on in her life. About a month ago (so, 6 week pre-marathon) A wrote C and I an email bowing out from the marathon. She also wrote, "I'm still planning on coming to Chicago to cheer y'all on but in reality I prob shouldn't spend the money if I'm not running the race." C and I wrote back emails about how we understood, it was tough to train, etc. C mentioned that she should send us her confirmation ticket and we would pick up her race packet and send her the t-shirt. A did not respond and I have not heard from her in the intervening time.

Just now, on social media, A mentioned to a third mutual friend who lives in Chicago that she woudl be seeing her in "weeks." The marathon is in about a week and a half, so it makes me wonder if she's actually planning to come. While I would LOVE to see her, I'm concerned about how this will all play out. C and I are both on the same page as far as the weekend - have lots of fun, but no late nights, minimal alcohol, and a 26.2 mile jog on Sunday morning. I have a feeling that A, in Chicago for the weekend sans baby, will want to get wild. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, but after 4 months of intensive training (during which I slept like a ROCK) I am now tapering and one of the consequences of decreased mileage for me is lighter sleep. I've begun to lay out my concerns to C, and all of this will depend on where she stands.

Would it be ok to:
A) Tell A that if she wants to stay with us, that's fine, but we will be in pretty early and going to sleep, expecting not to be disturbed?
B) Just tell A that she should probably make other plans re: accommodations
C) Not say anything and just deal with it in the interest of the friendship

And if you got this far, thanks for reading!
 

sonnyjane

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 13, 2008
Messages
2,476
This isn't that touchy of a subject, in my opinion. I think you're perfectly justified in saying that you don't mind at all if she stays with you two (as long as that's the truth), but that before the race it will be some early nights and she'll have to be quiet. Also you can suggest that if she wants to go out with other friends while in town, maybe she should crash with them for that evening. I have several friends that run marathons so I totally understand.
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 19, 2004
Messages
21,266
HI:

Lots of assumptions here. I would think as a "friend", you would give her the benefit of the doubt.

Perhaps, new Mom--sans baby--will want to sleep. You might be disturbing her? How do "know" she wants to "party"--third party information via, oh say, a FB message?

cheers--Sharon
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2006
Messages
12,450
sonnyjane|1317257362|3028340 said:
This isn't that touchy of a subject, in my opinion. I think you're perfectly justified in saying that you don't mind at all if she stays with you two (as long as that's the truth), but that before the race it will be some early nights and she'll have to be quiet. Also you can suggest that if she wants to go out with other friends while in town, maybe she should crash with them for that evening. I have several friends that run marathons so I totally understand.
I agree with Sonnyjane. I think it's perfectly fine to tell A. that you and C. will be having early nights leading up to the big day. A. might like that as well, being a new mom and getting the chance to have a few low-key, quiet evenings. Have fun at the marathon!
 

JewelFreak

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 3, 2009
Messages
7,768
Agree with the advice above -- tell her you're delighted to get a chance to see her & then have a quick conversation about this issue. She will certainly understand -- and as a new mother, may be looking most forward to sleeping an entire night. She might end up asking you & C not to wake her if you go out for early training in the mornings! I think this is a problem only if you make it one.
 

marymm

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 21, 2010
Messages
4,346
I am curious - whose name was the hotel room booked in, and who paid the deposit? Are you and B paying for the room, and C staying there for free, or are all 3 of you splitting the room cost?

At this point, I would be picking up the phone and calling friend B, reminding her the race weekend is fast approaching and that you and C are still running and will be arriving at the hotel at X time... and I would ask her, what are her plans? if she is coming, when is she arriving?

If you will all three be there together, I am sure as friends and adults you should be able to discuss sharing the room in a reasonable way, hopefully with it understood by everyone that the hotel room was booked in order to accommodate marathon race plans.

And as much as I appreciate wanting to control your environment in order to promote a good night's sleep, if I were you I'd bring along ear plugs since you never know how loud your hotel neighbors may be or if noise will echo in the hotel hallways... Best of luck in the run!
 

EricaR

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 3, 2007
Messages
2,392
Before you do anything take a deep deep breath.

Tapering screws with my head, big time. I become a HUGE grouch and take everything personally. And from speaking with other runners that is a very very common thing.
 

wildcat03

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 11, 2011
Messages
503
canuk-gal|1317258450|3028354 said:
HI:

Lots of assumptions here. I would think as a "friend", you would give her the benefit of the doubt.

Perhaps, new Mom--sans baby--will want to sleep. You might be disturbing her? How do "know" she wants to "party"--third party information via, oh say, a FB message?

cheers--Sharon
I never said I "knew" she wanted to. In fact, I specifically stated that I had a feeling she would want to have a wilder weekend than C and I have planned. This is based on having been to Chicago with her before (a year and a half ago, my liver is still recovering) and having visited with her a month ago while she was in NY for the weekend.

marymm said:
I am curious - whose name was the hotel room booked in, and who paid the deposit? Are you and B paying for the room, and C staying there for free, or are all 3 of you splitting the room cost?

At this point, I would be picking up the phone and calling friend B, reminding her the race weekend is fast approaching and that you and C are still running and will be arriving at the hotel at X time... and I would ask her, what are her plans? if she is coming, when is she arriving?

If you will all three be there together, I am sure as friends and adults you should be able to discuss sharing the room in a reasonable way, hopefully with it understood by everyone that the hotel room was booked in order to accommodate marathon race plans.

And as much as I appreciate wanting to control your environment in order to promote a good night's sleep, if I were you I'd bring along ear plugs since you never know how loud your hotel neighbors may be or if noise will echo in the hotel hallways... Best of luck in the run!
I booked the hotel room and we had originally planned to split it 3 ways. There was no deposit, so no one has laid out any $ yet.

Thanks for the suggestion re: earplugs!
 

jewelerman

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2007
Messages
3,101
clear communication asap so that this wont bother you during training.just ask her what her plans are while shes with you and i like the idea about reminding her its a good time to get more sleep while shes away from her baby.
 
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