feelin crappy

[Smurfysmiles]

so i was watching full house and it was the episode about getting your first kiss. which of course made me think about mine. which led to me googling the boy i dated for a whole 3 months and kissed for the first time. yeah...getting married.

anyone else experience this and feel crappy? i dunno why, i don''t have feelings for him, just good memories. maybe it''s just the pms talking...it''s really unfair that we have to go through liw syndrome and pms at the same time. im gonna go eat some ice cream...fat free...don''t worry.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

luckily i have the best bf in the world and we''re gonna go eat chinese food
im just gonna forget about all this, bleh
probably jealousy

 

[Miscka]

This morning I watched the episode of Saved by the Bell (its on when I am getting ready...and I am a nerd) where Kelly likes her manager from The Max and she breaks up with Zach. I started to tear up!! PMS is so unfair. Sorry about your ex, I know how that feels. Chin up!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I am sorry!

Blegh, look at it this way there''s a reason you aren''t together and now she''s going to be stuck with him. Haha.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

now looking back i do remember everytime i kissed him i would get his drool all over my face (yuck)
yeh, i''d rather have my bf whose a good kisser hah

 

[KCCutie]

I''m right there with ya Smurfy! My last ex who talked endlessly about rings and getting married (then went out on date with someone else on v-day thinking I''d never know HA) is marrying someone else in April. He sent me an e-mail asking if I would like to come

Being lapped by your exs is really no fun at all! I''m going to eat chocolate now

 

[FrekeChild]

Ugh. My first serious boyfriend got his girlfriend (now-wife) preggers about a year into their relationship about 2.5-3 years ago. That was a "Glad it''s not me!" moment. But then seeing their wedding pics (I''m still friends with one of his friends on myspace) last April was kind of hard to swallow. But he was a total screw up, dropped out of school, had alcoholic tendencies, had a drug problem at one point, and was sleeping with everyone he could. But it was still hard to get my mind wrapped around that. I kept thinking, "If we had stayed together, we could have been together for...holy schnikies! 9 years." Yikes.

All I''m going to say is that I wish her and their son well. And again, I''m SO GLAD it''s not me.

 

[CNOS128]

I know a girl who cried all day when she found out her ex had proposed to his new GF. (This girl and the ex had been broken up for about a year at the time and she was in a relationship too).

Worse, she cried all day a year later on the anniversary of the proposal.


Unresolved emotions, I guess. I''d hate to feel that connected to someone who was no longer in my life. But we all get little pangs of jealousy when other people have things we want. (Except my boyfriend who''s never been jealous of anyone in his entire life, but he''s absolutely a freak of nature).

I got all misty-eyed when I found out my ex had adopted a puppy. Where was the puppy when we were dating?!

 

[parrot tulips]

I can relate. My college boyfriend and I have been over for more than 8 years now (we were together for almost 5). I hadn''t really given him a second thought for ages, then by some fluke, my sister''s ex M is talking to a friend about his ex, when it hits M that this girl is the same girl that my ex left me for. Anyhow, the story gets relayed to me and it feels like a punch in the gut. That icky feeling didn''t last long, though. There was a lot more bad than good in that relationship. And being with someone who''s so wonderful now only magnifies that.

Hope you''re feeling better.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Sorry that happened. I think we agreed on the old Getting Lapped thread that it really sucks to be lapped by anyone much less someone we once cared about.

I think one of my biggest fears is breaking up with a man because we are not in the same place and finding out that he married the next woman he dated after me. Now that would be a smack in the face! If that happened I would need a full on all you can eat Chinese Buffet complete with fully stocked all you can eat ice cream bar!

 

[sandia_rose]

This doesn''t happen to me much anymore, but it used to happen several times a year at one point. "It" being "previous boyfriends getting married." You can intellectually understand that your exes are exes for a reason, but it doesn''t make you feel any better. When I was married, I read in the paper that my very first BF was getting married, and I felt crappy, too. It shouldn''t have mattered because I was already married at the time and a new mom, but it did.

I think the best way to explain this would be with a TV anecdote. I''m not sure if you or anyone else likes CSI Vegas, but there was an episode a few seasons back where Warrick (the hot Lenny Kravitz-like CSI) was off the show for a few episodes and then was back on. He was in the case lab with Katherine (the redheaded lady CSI), and she asked him where he''d been. And he said, "Well....I was keeping it on the down-low, but I got married. Just got back from the honeymoon yesterday." And she got this shocked look on her face, and he said, "Wait a minute. I never knew that you...(implying that he never knew she was interested in him)." And she realized what her look said and said, "No...it''s not that. I''m happy for you. I really am. It''s just that...you know....this is the end of "what if?"

Even though your brain KNOWS that there is no hope for that old relationship to resurrect - and if you have a BF or a FI, you probably don''t want it to - but there is something about the human heart that always wonders "What If?"

A funny twist on What If: When my mom was still alive, I was visiting her, and she happened to be going through her mail. She opened a letter from her best friend, who lived several states away. This was before e-mail, and those two would write each other several times a week. In the letter was a magazine ad on which was written "Guess Who?" and a newspaper clipping. My mom looked at both, said, "Holy Sh**" and got on the phone with her friend.

Turns out that when my mom was 11 or 12, there was a boy in her class that really liked her. He followed her around and was always asking her to the movies or to go for a hamburger and a shake. The only problem was that he was gross. Not just not-cute, but GROSS: smelled constantly like BO, bad acne that he would pick until scabby, big thick glasses, evil breath, greasy-looking and annoying. My mom was thankful when his family moved out of town and she didn''t have to see him anymore. WELL....turns out that the smelly annoying boy cleaned up his act and became A MALE MODEL. You''ve seen this guy in high-end watch, cologne and car ads....always pushng luxury products most of us can''t afford: He''s 50-ish, got salt and pepper hair, chisled features, very distinguished and gorgeous. AND he has a loft in NYC and a summer home in France. The newspaper article mentioned how he used to be an icky kid who later cleaned up his act and found his inner swan. My mom said, "Yeah, that''s about the only one I regret letting get away. I could be enjoying the South of France right now..."

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[Pandora II]

One of my ex''s who I lived with for 2 years got together with his now wife the evening she drove him 200 miles to come and convince me not to finish with him!

They got married about 18 months later. He still called me at least once a day - and I was the person he called to talk to on his way to the church.

This carried on until their first child was born in 2003 and we haven''t spoken since.

His mother committed suicide when he was 14 and I think I was the only stable female influence in his life for a long-time. His wife owes me big time. I sorted his head out on a load of things over her and convinced him to propose etc. He was scared stiff on the way to the church poor thing!

It was weird seeing the wedding photos, but I was happy for him (and don''t envy her a jot - he was HARD work!).

I dated a guy for 7 years who committed suicide a few months after I left him. It sounds very selfish, but I''m glad I will never have to see him marry anyone. Whether that is because the circumstances have meant that he remains in a strange place in my mind, and if he wasn''t dead I just would feel nothing at all I don''t know.

I love my FI 2,000 times more than I ever loved him, but it''s an odd limbo I was left in...

 

[sunnyd]

HA! My ex of 4 years moved his ex GF in about a month after I moved out. Maybe less. They may have been talking before we even broke up. Oh well! I know what a crazy she is, so...good luck to him?

Just think, for all the times we''ve been lapped, we''ll be lapping others when it happens for us.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I''m so glad you ladies don''t think I am nuts!

Believe it or not I''ve had a way worse what if than this though. I dated this guy named Mike through highschool, lost our virginities to each other, all that jazz. We were pretty much inseparable. After high school he proposed and it scared me off so I ended things. He ended up joining the national guard and ended up going to college in fargo (i live in moorhead, there is a state line down the middle of the town i live in...its weird). So anyways he went to college in fargo because it was the closest college he could go to by me. We dated on and off through college. After he went to Iraq the first time he came home and we got back together and then broke up again. He went to Iraq a second time because he didn''t have enough money for college still. Well I got together with my current SO while he was there. As it would happen he passed away over in Iraq (tank went over a bomb). That was over two years ago. It was pretty surreal because I felt I couldn''t grieve around my bf and I held it in for almost 4 months until I got drunk one night (of course that always bring out the best in you) and started bawling and my SO said "you haven''t even cried about it yet have you" he was very understanding and I was depressed for almost 5 months. My SO was sooo incredible through it all. But that was definitely my worst What if moment bc I always wondered what would have happened if he hadnt gone over seas a second time.

ugh, im hungry, once again...i hate pms.

 

[Octavia]

The first boy I ever kissed...blech. Good luck to the woman who gets him, 'cause she'll need it. But the one ex I can look back on without wondering "hmm, what on earth was I thinking?" is still a good friend of mine and I went to his wedding. It was a little awkward but really wasn't as bad as you might imagine, except for two things: 1) FI was invited but had another wedding to attend, several hundred miles away, so I had to go alone, and 2) Ex's mom got tipsy and kept talking about how both New Wife and I were such nice girls and she didn't know how she would have chosen between us if she were Ex. Umm...thanks? Not that Ex had to choose, we had broken up before he started dating New Wife. And of all the people there, only Ex, New Wife, Ex's family and the four other people from our high school knew that Ex and I had dated until she started broadcasting. Yikes, indeed.

ETA: smurfy, I somehow skipped over your last post. I'm sorry about what happened, but your SO sounds like a good guy (even though I know he makes you crazy once in awhile).

 

[Jewels305]

Date: 3/19/2008 3:08:31 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21

Sorry that happened. I think we agreed on the old Getting Lapped thread that it really sucks to be lapped by anyone much less someone we once cared about.

I think one of my biggest fears is breaking up with a man because we are not in the same place and finding out that he married the next woman he dated after me. Now that would be a smack in the face! If that happened I would need a full on all you can eat Chinese Buffet complete with fully stocked all you can eat ice cream bar!

Yea that''s happening to me. My ex is marrying the girl he met after me this summer. The only reason I know is because he "accidentally" sent me a text message that he was sending out to all of his brothers and sisters (he has a large family). Tell me how you screw that up? I think he wanted me to know. I thought of replying to offer my congratulations, but I decided that I felt better with not responding. It did put me in a funky mood for the day, and I told BF about it at the time and how weird it felt. I guess my take on it was that when you meet the right person you know... that''s how I feel about BF and I guess that''s how my ex felt/feels about this girl when she came along. When it''s right, it''s right.

Also, my first serious boyfriend and his girlfriend are having a baby in the summer. It was also strange hearing that one, and thinking how my life would be if that girlfriend was me. I''m a lot happier with how things are now

 

[gwendolyn]

He wasn''t my first kiss, but my last boyfriend before J talked marriage stuff with me, then cheated on me with a friend/former student of mine and ended up marrying her. Sounds too contrived to be true, but it is. That was a fun emotional roller-coaster.

 

[LegacyGirl]

The first boy I ever kissed is gay now. My Mom likes to jokingly blame that on me

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 3/20/2008 8:03:32 AM
Author: gwendolyn

He wasn''t my first kiss, but my last boyfriend before J talked marriage stuff with me, then cheated on me with a friend/former student of mine and ended up marrying her. Sounds too contrived to be true, but it is. That was a fun emotional roller-coaster.

This happened to me and also happened to a good friend of mine. In my friend''s case, she was living in another state, going to school and engaged and living with this guy....when she got a call that her father had been hospitalized. So she came back down here. Her father, unfortunately, passed away in the hospital. She ended up withdrawing from all her classes and going back home to help her mother (they''d been married for over 30 years and the poor woman had no idea how to cope). WELL, my friend gets a call about a week after her dad''s funeral from one of her school friends, one of those "thought you should know" calls. Her fiance was cheating on her with another one of their mutual friends!!!! He was brazen enough to go out in public with this woman and engage in some blatant "get a room" PDA!! It''s like he wanted to get caught!! The friend even e-mailed her pictures as evidence!

Can you imagine that?! Losing a parent and having to uproot your life suddenly, and then learning that your fiance is cheating? And the dog had the basketballs to come to her dad''s funeral and play the role of supportive boyfriend. My friend confronted him and he didn''t deny it. He said, "Well, if you hadn''t left......" Needless to say, she dumped him. Just when she got over it, she heard through a friend that he was marrying the woman! It gets better....

A couple of months ago, my friend got a call from the guy! She hadn''t spoken to him in three years. He was drunk and called her to tell her that he''s miserable in his marriage and made a huge mistake and that he would leave his wife if she would take him back. She laughed and hung up on him.

As I always say: If he cheats with you, he''ll cheat on you. Dogs like that are not worth a second of our time. And also remember that the Universe is not a cruel place. If one door shuts, a better one usually opens. My current BF, while he has his faults, is light years better of a person than my ex-husband and previous men I''d dated.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 3/19/2008 6:55:41 PM
Author: sunnyd
HA! My ex of 4 years moved his ex GF in about a month after I moved out. Maybe less. They may have been talking before we even broke up. Oh well! I know what a crazy she is, so...good luck to him?

Just think, for all the times we''ve been lapped, we''ll be lapping others when it happens for us.

Also remember that it''s sometimes good to not get what you want, when you want it.

If I look back on my life and the people I''ve dated, there are some very good reasons why I''m in the right place now and not with them. A really great example is a former boyfriend of mine. I was in my mid-20s, and a lot of my girlfriends were getting married and starting families. I felt kind of left in the dust. I''d dated this guy close to 2 years and there was never any talk of marriage, etc. I would sit around fantasizing about what our kids would look like, etc. I brought it up...and he said that he didn''t want to marry me. So I broke up with him in a huff. It''s a GOOD THING that I did! A year after I broke up with him, I happened to read in the paper that he''d been arrested in the biggest cocaine bust ever to go down in my state and was nailed for possession with intent to sell. He got sentenced to 30 years, parolable after 15....which leads me to believe that he had other charges in his past/present that I had no idea about. Two things that occurred to me reading the news story and thinking:

1) I had no idea when we were dating that he was into drugs, nevermind selling; and

2) Had he married me, I would have gone down with him. I could have had a new baby to raise on my own, been in a house I wouldn''t be able to afford by myself, married to a jailbird.....many scenarios, none of them good.

Whenever a relationship breaks up, I get fired, something not-to-my-liking happens, I tell myself that either the Universe has something better in store for me, or the Universe is sparing me from something bad.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[Girlrocks]

Date: 3/19/2008 12:52:50 PM
Author: Miscka
This morning I watched the episode of Saved by the Bell (its on when I am getting ready...and I am a nerd) where Kelly likes her manager from The Max and she breaks up with Zach. I started to tear up!! PMS is so unfair. Sorry about your ex, I know how that feels. Chin up!

I am SOOOO glad I am not the only nimrod who watches Saved by the Bell...it''s on in the morning, and my 8 year olds love to watch it too. I graduated HS in 1989 so I can relate so well to what goes on, the cloths, etc. And by the way, I also had a tear in my eye when they were at the dance and Zach and Kelly had their "big talk".

 

[ladypirate]

My first boyfriend (from freshman year of high school--we only dated for a month or two and it didn''t get too serious, although he was my first kiss) got married last year. It might have bothered me except that about 6 months beforehand he went off to law school and suddenly got super-orthodox, stopped talking to any of his friends that weren''t Jewish, and broke up with his girlfriend (a friend of mine) because she was Muslim and he wanted to marry a Jewish girl.

This was all completely out of the blue, although IMHO it was part of a series of things he would suddenly get obsessed with--guitars, guns, etc. It was really odd, though. I didn''t see him much anymore at that point, but he stopped talking to some mutual friends who had known him since elementary school.

Luckily, my friend got over it and is with someone much better for her now, so I think she really got the better end of the deal.

 

[Miscka]

Date: 3/20/2008 11:10:11 AM
Author: Girlrocks

Date: 3/19/2008 12:52:50 PM
Author: Miscka
This morning I watched the episode of Saved by the Bell (its on when I am getting ready...and I am a nerd) where Kelly likes her manager from The Max and she breaks up with Zach. I started to tear up!! PMS is so unfair. Sorry about your ex, I know how that feels. Chin up!

I am SOOOO glad I am not the only nimrod who watches Saved by the Bell...it''s on in the morning, and my 8 year olds love to watch it too. I graduated HS in 1989 so I can relate so well to what goes on, the cloths, etc. And by the way, I also had a tear in my eye when they were at the dance and Zach and Kelly had their ''big talk''.

Yay! I was starting to feel like a lone SBTB nerd

 

[LegacyGirl]

Date: 3/20/2008 1:20:21 PM
Author: Miscka

Date: 3/20/2008 11:10:11 AM
Author: Girlrocks

Date: 3/19/2008 12:52:50 PM
Author: Miscka
This morning I watched the episode of Saved by the Bell (its on when I am getting ready...and I am a nerd) where Kelly likes her manager from The Max and she breaks up with Zach. I started to tear up!! PMS is so unfair. Sorry about your ex, I know how that feels. Chin up!

I am SOOOO glad I am not the only nimrod who watches Saved by the Bell...it''s on in the morning, and my 8 year olds love to watch it too. I graduated HS in 1989 so I can relate so well to what goes on, the cloths, etc. And by the way, I also had a tear in my eye when they were at the dance and Zach and Kelly had their ''big talk''.

Yay! I was starting to feel like a lone SBTB nerd

I watch it too. I used to love it when I was a kid. I wanted to marry Zach.