Family stone?

[LeggoMyEggo]

How would you all feel about being proposed to with a stone from your boyfriend''s family? My BF asked me if this is something that would seem weird to me, and of course I said no. It''s less an issue of it being "used" because I think the idea of family tradition is lovely, but I have no idea what kind of stone this is-- what if I don''t like it? My grandmother''s ring is quite large but it also has a VERY visible flaw in it. My sister has a very good quality diamond, but it is kind of small.

Not knowing what this diamond is like, there''s a part of me that wonders if I''m compromising on quality when I agree to an inherited diamond. I''m not greedy at all, but we do have the money saved for a nice ring, so part of me thinks that if I''m going to wear it for the rest of my life, it should be the kind of ring I''ve always dreamed of. On the other hand, we could use that money we''ve saved and go on a very nice honeymoon instead.

What would you think?

 

[princesss]

I''d say for me, it depends on the relative. If it was his grandmother''s stone, I would accept it in a heartbeat. We''re both very close with his grandmother, and it would mean the world to me if she felt like passing her stone on to me. (I''m tearing up a little thinking about it.)

I''d probably leave it open as an option, and maybe ask for an appraisal? Just so you know what you''re dealing with. Maybe you could propose it as just something you''ll need for insurance, and then make a decision from there?

 

[purselover]

I''d rather pick up out the exact ring I want, family stones are sweet, but not my thing

 

[trillionaire]

Maybe you could talk to him more about it. Just nonchalant, like, "So, tell me more about this ring/stone." Not that he would run down stats, but you should be able to get a general idea. It seems like most family stones are RBs from my experience, or some version of an Old Cut. My e-ring will be a Trillion center, which I can imagine would not be the cup of tea of most people, but I hope to pass it to a niece one day to make a lovely pendant necklace

Perhaps you could discuss other options like that, or let the stone go to one of your BF''s sisters, if he has any.

 

[neatfreak]

I''d probably want more information on it if he can get it first, but I love the idea, I think it''s very kind and it would be really nice to save your money for a honeymoon.

 

[CNOS128]

My fiance proposed to me with his grandmother''s diamond ring (setting and all). He didn''t ask me if I''d mind - he just told me a few weeks before that he had a family ring he planned to use to propose eventually. During the same conversation he told me he had no idea what this ring looked like, or if I''d like it. He even told one of his close female friends that he was worried I wouldn''t like the ring.

Yikes.


I had no idea when it was purchased - I was picturing a marquise diamond in a chunky yellow gold setting - which might be somebody''s idea of perfect, but is quite the opposite of what I like. I was certain it would be a smaller diamond than I''d choose for myself.

But, I was very pleasantly surprised by the family ring - a beautiful round diamond in a simple platinum setting. (It''s also not exactly what I would have selected, but it is quite nice). I love it. I especially enjoy telling my ring''s admirers that it belonged to my fiance''s grandmother - I love that it has its own story.

 

[tessari]

One of my family friends got proposed to with a family ring-oval diamond in an antique gold setting-she went to get it appraised and it was 6.66 carats exactly!!!

 

[princesss]

Date: 12/13/2008 5:37:42 PM
Author: tessari
One of my family friends got proposed to with a family ring-oval diamond in an antique gold setting-she went to get it appraised and it was 6.66 carats exactly!!!

Hahahaa....oh goodness.

But also...WOW.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 12/13/2008 5:37:42 PM
Author: tessari
One of my family friends got proposed to with a family ring-oval diamond in an antique gold setting-she went to get it appraised and it was 6.66 carats exactly!!!

 

[purelily]

I think family stones are lovely. I''ve heard that old diamonds are of much better quality than the new ones. (my grandmother told me that, so, there may be some biases).Also, I LOVE antique jewelry because it comes with a story. Have you seen the ring? what are your thoughts on it? do you like it? Would it be feasible to discuss this with your bf? find out what type of ring it is? Maybe you could incorporate the stone into a setting you like?

 

[Rhea]

I''d consider it. I love rings with history and stories. They do have to go somewhere after all!

I think the most important thing for me would be if I could change the setting. It might not be your style right now, but if you can change the setting the possibilities are endless!

 

[ladypirate]

We''re getting bf''s grandmother''s ring when we''re there at Christmas, and the current plan is to use that for my engagement ring. However, since it is in yellow gold, we do plan on resetting the diamond and using the original setting for a colored stone project. Also, K has said that if I don''t like the stone, we don''t have to use it. It was very sweet of his grandmother to offer, though--she''s a very special lady and I''m honored that she wants me to wear her (and her mother''s!) engagement ring.

 

[swingirl]

I like the idea but I''d want to see the stone first. If it is a poorly cut stone maybe you could wear it for a while and eventual reset it into a pendant. Depending on how old it is it could be a poorly cut thing (like my first stone) or a beautiful old cut (right out of a high-end antique jewelry store). I guess for me, I''d need more information before I''d commit.

 

[Haven]

I love the idea of a family stone, but I do agree that I''d want to know more about it before I got all excited over it.

I can''t wait to pass my own ring on to one of my future children or grandchildren one day. I think it''s one of the most romantic things, to wear the same exact engagement ring that a loved one once wore during a very exciting time in her life. *sigh*

My best friend has a family stone as her engagement ring. It is an rb, and it weighs a tad over 3 carats--now that''s some family stone!

 

[EricaR]

I don''t agree at all that older stones are better quality than newer ones - the exact opposite is true. Newer diamonds are (sometimes!) cut to exact standards to maximize performance.

That being said I really like the idea of using a family stone. Is there any way you could use that stone but pick out your own setting? You''d still be saving money and have the sentimental value of the older stone, but you can set it in a way that you like and that hides the negatives and accentuates the positives of that particular diamond.

 

[jcarlylew82]

we are using my memaw''s engagement stone - we''d use the ring but it would cost just as much to replace the whole setting. and E likes the idea of part of it being his design/choice.
My mother hates the idea - she things E should be buying the whole set.

i think its up to the indivudual couple.


as far as those questions go about size, value, etc, you should get the ring appraised regardless.

 

[Tuckins1]

It''s a nice idea... Can you see it or ask for specs first?

 

[aliciagirl]

I think it is a lovely gesture to even have the option! His family must really like you, which is always nice to know.

I would ask to see if he knows any more about the stone, though. And I agree about resetting it. I think the worse case scenario is that the two of you take it for you engagement ring and you change your mind... I would imagine that would hurt people''s feelings when they see another ring on your finger and not the one that they passed down.

 

[laughwithme]

I am very sentimental and I would probably cry that much harder if he told me it was a family heirloom. That said, if the stone was totally not my style, like a heart-shaped diamond for example, I may not be so excited...

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 12/13/2008 7:10:28 PM
Author: purelily
I think family stones are lovely. I''ve heard that old diamonds are of much better quality than the new ones. (my grandmother told me that, so, there may be some biases).

Just FYI, "older" diamonds are exactly the same as "newer" diamonds, they were just mined earlier. The cuts are very different though, which result in a totally different look, but the diamonds aren''t any better.

 

[elrohwen]

I was in the same situation and had absolutely no idea what the stone looked like. FI thought it was a square shape and he remembered it being 5ct

His mom said it was round but remembered it being 3ct

She finally got it from the safe deposit box so I could see it, and I fell in love. Turns out it was a 1.7ct OEC

It does have a chip on it, which I was worried about, but once I saw it I realized you could hardly see it. Antiques sometimes have flaws, but if they''re in the right location it won''t necessarily impact the sparkliness (and in my case, no one but me and FI can see the imperfections, even if I point them out).

Throughout the process there was always the understanding that if it just wasn''t my thing, I could have picked out something else. I think you should just approach the subject with your BF and say that you''d love to see the stone and decide if it would fit into your style.

 

[fieryred33143]

It depends. If it were his mother''s stone, I wouldn''t have a problem with it since they don''t have any daughters. If it were his grandmother''s, then I''d feel awkward. There are three granddaughter''s in the family that the stone could go to. I would gladly accept any diamond though...as long as it wasn''t once on the hand of an ex-gf or something

 

[ckrickett]

see I personally LOVE that idea. But then again it has it''s draw backs. I would want to know what I''m getting. Like see it first or get a good description, I''m VERY picky with my jewelry.

 

[sammyj]

I love the idea of a family stone. The sentimental value behind it is really something special. I do agree with others who have recommended that you find out more information about it. Like many have said before, PS is a double-edged sword where your diamond expectations are raised quite high. If I had no diamond knowledge at all I''d be honoured to take a family stone (for the sentiment AND to save money!).

 

[stephbolt]

I''m in a very similar situation right now, FF just told me that his mother told him about a family stone. I believe it is set in a ring that belonged to FF''s dad, who is deceased. I love the sentiment of using a family stone, but I''m a little apprehensive about the stone since I know nothing else about it other than "it''s pretty nice and around 1 ct.". FF is going to see it when he is home for Christmas, so hopefully he will tell me more about it then. I''m trying to come up with a tactful way to suggest he have it appraised somewhere without sounding like there''s a certain level of stone that I would think is not acceptable. I guess it''s part of the blessing/curse of PS, the more you know about diamonds the pickier you can become! Ultimately, the practical side of me loves this idea since it would save him a lot of money, and that money could go towards paying down his law school debt instead! I really hope this stone works out for us. I''ll be interested to hear what you and your FF decide.

 

[LeggoMyEggo]

I got more information about the stone. It''s a half-carat, VS1, G-H. I feel awful, but my heart sank when I found out it was only a half carat. I realize it has sentimental value, but isn''t it going to look microscopic on my size 6.5 finger? I know I could have a halo setting, but I have always wanted a solitaire. I guess there''s nothing I can do at this point-- I can''t reject a really nice quality diamond that''s a family heir loom just because I think I''d rather have a bigger one. I feel terrible and greedy. Why does this bother me so much when I truly am so excited about being engaged to the man of my dreams?

 

[Mediterranean]

Date: 12/13/2008 5:38:48 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 12/13/2008 5:37:42 PM

Author: tessari

One of my family friends got proposed to with a family ring-oval diamond in an antique gold setting-she went to get it appraised and it was 6.66 carats exactly!!!

Hahahaa....oh goodness.


But also...WOW.

OK...get your slapping hands ready....

That''s a hell of a stone

Hey, someone had to say it, right?

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

My FF''s mother has two stones from her grandmother I believe - one she offered to FF and the other she will offer to FF''s brother when hes found someone he''d like to propose to. It hasnt been appraised and when FF first told me about it he referred to it as an option, nothing we need to use. I dont know anything about it aside from its smaller then 1.3carats because FF''s ma and I had a brief convo about ring shopping and what we''d looked at. She also didnt seem to mind either way if FF used it for my ring or not, but I''m pretty sure we''re going to buy a H&A diamond instead. We''ve spoken about using the family stone for a pendant I could wear on our wedding day or RHR design or even a pendant for our first daughter to wear. I think its less of a big deal because FF''s mother didnt use the stone in her engagement ring - she didnt even have an engagement ring actually, just a proposal - and if it were more of a stone passed down from great grandmother to grandmother to mother it''d be a different story.

 

[happydreams]

Date: 12/21/2008 12:34:29 PM
Author: LeggoMyEggo
I got more information about the stone. It''s a half-carat, VS1, G-H. I feel awful, but my heart sank when I found out it was only a half carat. I realize it has sentimental value, but isn''t it going to look microscopic on my size 6.5 finger? I know I could have a halo setting, but I have always wanted a solitaire. I guess there''s nothing I can do at this point-- I can''t reject a really nice quality diamond that''s a family heir loom just because I think I''d rather have a bigger one. I feel terrible and greedy. Why does this bother me so much when I truly am so excited about being engaged to the man of my dreams?

Did you already say yes to the heirloom? I think you should tell him how you feel. It''s probably just an option for him to ask you, but you mentioned above that there is a fund for your ring, right? He would want you to be happy and if it takes the ring of your dreams to make you happy, i''m sure he''d oblige.

 

[Bliss]

Woohoo! That's a great quality stone! But I understand that it might not be your cup of tea. If it's important that it be passed down to you, can you reset it into a necklace and have that be the heirloom or does it *have* to be your e-ring?

I don't think you're terrible or greedy...at ALL. Size is one of the four Cs and it's also a style thing, too. If you're not into the delicate look and want to rock a big rock, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Some people are Audrey Hepburns and some are Beyonces.

If it were me, I would tell FI that while you're extremely grateful, you'd rather be proposed to with a diamond more your style. You don't have to say bigger, just different. Just like some people would rather die than wear a big honker, it's OK not to want something that's not "You."

Good luck!!!