False Alarm

[absolut_blonde]

I know there have been a few instances where a LIW thought it was going to happen, and then it didn't. How did you cope with the let-down?

I think- THINK- it may be happening in the very near future... MAYBE. I'm hesitant to even type that out, for fear of jinxing it! I don't even know if I should ask for dust?

I don't know if he actually has the ring for sure, so I could be totally wrong. But he's been making some unusual hints and my gut says something is up. Of course, I'm trying to act like I don't suspect anything (especially in case I am wrong).

But if I AM wrong, I think I might have an epic LIW meltdown.

It's getting to the point where I've grown pretty freaking impatient (hence the resentment thread awhile ago) so I don't know how I'll react if I am in fact wrong.

This is so stressful! I'm excited that it might happen, but worried that I'm wrong. Also worried that I might not be as excited as I could've been, had this happened sooner. Worried that it may not happen for much longer. I'm like a gigantic ball of stress. I just don't find this part fun anymore.

 

[ringless]

Oh, I''m right there with you. I feel the same way. I know it''s coming soon but don''t know when. I have my suspicions but I dont want to jinx it either...it''s so hard. Hang in there! I''ll try to also

 

[Nomsdeplume]

I''ve learnt that it''s better to expect the worst. Then you can be pleasantly surprised, but never terribly disappointed.
Good luck!

 

[vc10um]

I think the best thing to try to do right now would be to try to take your mind off of it. Otherwise, you''re probably going to drive yourself completely insane...and I know a lot of us are pretty close to that anyway!

My suggestion is to perhaps pick up a new hobby...something that takes mental energy, like crosswords or sudoku, or concentration, like some sort of craft...to take your mind off of it when it comes up. Or start reading...I find non-fiction is a great detractor from pending engagement thoughts!

I haven''t had the big letdown yet, so I can''t really tell you how to handle that, except to come right back here for virtual hugs and support!

Best of luck to you!

 

[nkarma]

This is great that he has hinted. Now it is a suprise cause you don't know when it's going to come. Try to remember this is a romantic time, he is seriously considering making you his wife!!! That's big stuff and romantic in itself.

I have too have had many hints recently, but it still might not be for a month or two, I love the when is it going to happen part. You only get this time in your life once, so enjoy the mystery!

 

[absolut_blonde]

Thanks, all! I figured out what the ''surprise'' was and it''s really nothing very big at all (just a house-related thing). I guessed and he was like "Yeah. Boo, you ruined it!". I don''t know whether I should cry, laugh, go eat a box of donuts or just shake my head.

I know he didn''t get my hopes up intentionally, he''s just a bit clueless as some men tend to be. He thought he was doing something nice for me.

Lately I''m walking a fine line between being hopeful, and snapping/wanting to give up completely. I have reason to think it IS in the works since he asked my parents for their permission awhile ago (gah, like 2-3 months ago now). So why is it taking so long? If it wasn''t for the permission thing, I would have had a serious talk with him by now. I''m trying to be patient so as to not ruin the entire process but... like I said in my first post, this really isn''t enjoyable anymore.

 

[ringless]

I honestly can''t say much other than I know how you feel... SIGH. It''s exciting some days, and other days I feel completely different. I once read a quote that said something like this, "something you desperately want now, could seem silly tomorrow", and it''s so true (especially in our case b/c we know our proposals are coming). Hang in there!

 

[absolut_blonde]

Thanks, ringless. I am so thankful to have people who understand my situation, otherwise I think I would go crazy. I don''t talk about this to anyone in real life -- EVER. They are either already married (generally sans the entire painful LIW process beforehand) or nowhere near this stage.

Sigh. I just thought it would get easier when I knew it was fairly close. WRONG. I''m to the point where it''s like "You wanted it to be a surprise? You win. Because I am basically convinced that it will never happen". I''m so cranky over this lately. Ugh.

 

[ringless]

UGH. I had one of those nights tonight absolut_blonde! I was venting about something else {non proposal/engagement related} , and I'm sure my LIW'itis is just causing me to be extra emotional and my bf blurts out "look you have no idea what special things I'm doing for you so please just dont get so emotional and upset". I'm like, "huhhh?" It's stuff like that I hear and then I get my hopes up and then nothing happens. I am SO in the same place as you with the "YOU WIN" mentality...it's definitely going to be a total surprise when it happens for me too.

 

[crossmyfingers]

Hey absolut, I just wanted to tell you I understand where you''re coming from with pretty much just being over it. I think that''s my biggest issue with the whole thing. I feel so terrible that I am getting resentful about waiting on it to happen. I know BF is excited about it all, but then again, he''s said he is sure he wants to marry me for a full year now. And he''s said he wants to "in the next two years at the MOST" (which was six months ago). So I just keep wondering why he hasn''t already asked. He still says he is sure, and that he wants to soon, but then this weekend he told me he doesn''t have a plan at all. This is killing me. And then I feel terrible because I know he can tell it upsets me, and I don''t want him to feel bad about that. Blahhh. Just wanted to tell you it''s nice to hear someone else is in a similar situation. Hopefully you won''t be for much longer

 

[pluck15]

I''m toooootally in the same spot as you girls. And this past weekend was my big let down. I was trying so hard to keep myself positive and think on the bright side (that I was getting a romantic weekend with my man). But deep down I knew a huge part of my happiness was thinking that this was the weekend. And then it didn''t happen. And it didn''t even end romantically (See thread: This Weekend) So basically it was all I could do to keep from crying and being pissy. It''s just a reaction you can''t help I guess. I tried so hard not to think about it, and to tell myself up front that it was not going to happen. But obviously I secretly wanted that all to be wrong. So I''m probably not much help in giving advice on how to handle it... my friends just keep telling me "at least you KNOW it WILL happen..."

although I must admit I''m SERIOUSLY starting to doubt that...I''m becoming bitter and crabby about it too

but, hang in there...you are not alone!

 

[janinegirly]

hmm, that''s a tough one. I had about 5 false alarms when I was LIW, haha. First all of the major holidays (b''days, valentines day..even though it''s cliche, it still crossed my mind!). Then everytime we went away. THen there was the time he told me he made a reservation somewhere for our weekend trip (he never plans in advance). Turns out all were false alarms. Sometimes I had meltdowns (but didn''t reveal it was b/c I expected an e-ring), other times I kind of expected the false alarm. So I pretty much started telling myself it wasn''t goign to happen. Even when I knew it was probably imminent (lots of sloppy clues left by then FI), I didn''t let myself really believe since all the clues/hints still could be explained away.

No real answers, just try to trick yourself into not expecting it so if it doesn''t happen you won''t fall apart. All of us say relax when you know it''s when rather than if, but still i.. alot easier said than done!