Facebook "friends." (That site drives me nuts!)

[MichelleCarmen]

Okay, Facebook drives me nuts. Period. I'm having horrible FLASHBACKS of highschool revisited.

The ONLY reason I joined was because someone kept 'tagging' me and then a relative moved out of state and wanted to keep in touch. My DH joined to keep in touch with that same relative, so DH and I because "friends" (lol), so yep, I had a whopping three friends.

What is annoying me is that those three people ARE my friends, not ex-high school mates who've I haven't talked to in 17 years!!! Some have contacted me to be friends and two of them had just joined and had only contacted a couple other people at that time. . .well, I watched within a matter of weeks, both gals have aquired over 110 friends each and now looking at their contacts, I see LOADS of people I KNOW they were never friends with. We came from a class of possibly around 80-100 (and a school of 400) students so we all knew who each other were and the details regarding who socialized with which people. . .

I want to delete my profile, but am afraid of offending my additional current friends (now I have about 25 in my list) who I actually TALK to and either contacted me or I contacted them after I became "friends" with my above mentioned 3 friends so were could share kids' photos. All these friends I live by and hang out with! lol

Okay, thanks for my rant.

Just reading my posts makes me sound like I'm in HS again!!! lol

 

[Haven]

MC, I totally understand what you''re talking about.

I joined Facebook a while ago to keep in touch with (and to keep an eye on) my sisters while they were in college. It''s a great tool for parents and older siblings, I must say. Anyway, I never asked to befriend anyone at first, but all of these requests started coming in, and I just clicked "accept" because I figured it wasn''t a big deal.

Eventually, my whole family decided to use FB to share pictures instead of Snapfish, so everyone joined (parents, too!) and everything seemed fine.

Then I went to my 10 year HS reunion last month, and people I didn''t even remember befriending on FB said things like "You looked amazing at your wedding!" and "Your pets are so adorable!" Some people asked where I teach, and one guy said "I had no idea you and Jacki were still best friends. She looked hot at your wedding."

And then I got scared.

I hadn''t realized that people were taking the time to go through my entire profile, and that it wasn''t a creepy thing for them to admit to doing it! I suppose that was naive of me, but I didn''t even think about it.

So I went home and deleted all of the people I am not really "friends" with in real life. The experience just scared the daylights out of me, I really hadn''t thought of how much I had exposed myself.

And I definitely agree that it is odd to have people ask to befriend others when they were never really friends in high school. One guy who was HORRIBLE to my good friend in high school sent me a request to be my friend, it was just so bizarre.

 

[Sizzle]

You can go into the privacy settings in facebook and set it so only your friends or actually only CERTAIN friends you designate can access your photos everyone else sees an abridged profile.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 1/11/2009 5:03:06 PM
Author: Sizzle
You can go into the privacy settings in facebook and set it so only your friends or actually only CERTAIN friends you designate can access your photos everyone else sees an abridged profile.

How do you do that? I would like to do that but on a modified basis for my family. I usually just add pics that I felt comfortable with people seeing because photos show up on other peoples main home page when people add new pictures. That main home page shows peoples updates etc. Just curious. I am not FB savvy so that would be nice to know.


eta: MC this one guy added me but I thought maybe we met in mid school but could not recall who he was and felt bad saying "how do I know you?" but didn't say that. Now he has about 1000 friends and now I think this person really does not know me but he added people as a marketing tool for his business which I think is weird and should have probably let me know that when he added me.

 

[simplysplendid]

Date: 1/11/2009 4:22:13 PM
Author:MC
Okay, Facebook drives me nuts. Period. I''m having horrible FLASHBACKS of highschool revisited.

The ONLY reason I joined was because someone kept ''tagging'' me and then a relative moved out of state and wanted to keep in touch. My DH joined to keep in touch with that same relative, so DH and I because ''friends'' (lol), so yep, I had a whopping three friends.

What is annoying me is that those three people ARE my friends, not ex-high school mates who''ve I haven''t talked to in 17 years!!! Some have contacted me to be friends and two of them had just joined and had only contacted a couple other people at that time. . .well, I watched within a matter of weeks, both gals have aquired over 110 friends each and now looking at their contacts, I see LOADS of people I KNOW they were never friends with. We came from a class of possibly around 80-100 (and a school of 400) students so we all knew who each other were and the details regarding who socialized with which people. . .

I want to delete my profile, but am afraid of offending my additional current friends (now I have about 25 in my list) who I actually TALK to and either contacted me or I contacted them after I became ''friends'' with my above mentioned 3 friends so were could share kids'' photos. All these friends I live by and hang out with! lol

Okay, thanks for my rant.

Just reading my posts makes me sound like I''m in HS again!!! lol

ditto! I was wondering how to delete my profile as well.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/11/2009 5:09:33 PM
Author: Skippy123

Date: 1/11/2009 5:03:06 PM
Author: Sizzle
You can go into the privacy settings in facebook and set it so only your friends or actually only CERTAIN friends you designate can access your photos everyone else sees an abridged profile.

How do you do that? I would like to do that but on a modified basis for my family. I usually just add pics that I felt comfortable with people seeing because photos show up on other peoples main home page when people add new pictures. That main home page shows peoples updates etc. Just curious. I am not FB savvy so that would be nice to know.

At the top of the screen there is settings, click that, then privacy, then profile and you can adjust what people see. Once you do that, the only part of your profile people can see is who you are friends with. Say you do a search on "Jane so-and-so" and her picture pops up, but her profile is private, if you click on her picture, you can view her friends. Then you''ll find the oddest assortment of people.

Mine is set at private, so luckily none of the crazy ones have seen my kids'' pictures.

 

[AmberGretchen]

I think if you are careful with the privacy settings there is no great need for worry.

Personally, I have no problem just ignoring friend requests from people I don''t want to be connected with - everyone I''m linked with on Facebook (with a couple of exceptions) I''m completely comfortable having them be able to look at pictures of my wedding, pets, etc...

That said, I do think its incredibly odd that people who were horrible to each other years ago are now friends on there, and I don''t think it has to do with forgiveness...

 

[WishfulThinking]

The privacy settings are PRICELESS to me. Seriously. If I have stuff I don''t want people to see--VOILA!

I totally understand what you mean, MC, about it being like high school. I''m not too far out of high school, and I''m so sick of people I knew way back when "friending" [it''s a verb now!

] me, especially when I *know* they''re doing it just to get a look at the stuff on my profile. I have no issues whatsoever declining people. Heck, I declined invitations from people I used to actually be friends with because we no longer have anything in common and I am too lazy to continue dead-end friendships. Don''t worry about offending people... perhaps if you talked to them about it they would understand? It seems most people who have facebook understand the annoyance of "friending" drama.

As for me, I keep facebook around because I''m actually a college student [its original intended audience] and it''s pretty useful for the stuff I have to do-- it''s a quick way to make lunch dates with friends, keep track of classmates, plan study sessions, and a more informal way of emailing someone.

 

[Elmorton]

Ditto about the privacy settings. I''ve had close friends not be able to find me, so I think they''re somewhat strict on my profile, and I feel fine about that.

Wishful, I''m with you - I heart FB just because it''s efficient. Since I''m at the point in my life where most of my friends and I have been slowly transitioning between college and jobs for the last few years, people are moving around like crazy, changing phone numbers, e-mail, etc. It''s impossible to have accurate contact info for everyone that I DO want to keep in touch with. If I know a person has updated FB in the last few days, I know that that''s the best way to get in contact. FB also has a chat feature, which is nice, since I stopped using AIM eons ago. Even my parents, cousins, aunts and uncles have joined. It''s nice to have everybody at my fingertips or get back in touch with old friends. Here''s one - my dad (who retired last year) found one of his college professors on FB after wondering for years whatever happened to Dr. So-and-so.

Haven - yeah...that aspect is a little weird. A few times that I''ve been home in the past couple of years, I''ve run into people from HS and we basically "fake" telling each other info that we already know from FB. Or, there will be the awkward convo starter "So, from FB, I know you had a kid last year. How is he doing?" - with someone I haven''t seen in over 10 years nor would I ever have contacted face-to-face.

I will say that I love FB as a teaching tool. Many of my students have moved away from e-mail (or refuse to adopt the school''s e-mail system) so they contact me via FB instead, and I can upload stuff to it like a webpage. I do have to keep myself from reading ohhhh anything they post outside of my own wall, since if I navigate anywhere other than my own profile, I can read fun things like "Jane is really feelin those 30 kegstands" - awesome. Not really the impression either of us want.

 

[WishfulThinking]

Elmorton, your post made me laugh out loud! I am sooooo not fb friends with my professors for that reason. I tend to update my status annoyingly often and with plenty of vulgarity when I''m especially frustrated about something!

I am pretty aware of the prevalence of "facebook stalking" [yeah... there''s actually lingo to describe this phenomenon...], in part because I participate in it too, to a certain extent! Aside from the creepiness it is a good way to keep track of the lives of people I care about but don''t have time to keep in touch with as often as we would like. Because of the creep-factor I am somewhat strict with my privacy settings for some people, and make sure I don''t have anything on my profile that could get me in trouble. If I wouldn''t want a potential employer to see it, it''s not there!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Why does it drive you nuts? I don''t know/remember how many "friends" I have on FB b/c I guess it is not that important to me. I love reconnecting with people I went to school with. Maybe it is b/c I moved around a few times growing up so I was always curious what happened to certain people. Plus it is fun to talk about the good old days, find out what they are doing, if they have a family, etc. I have never added people just to rack up friends but I know people do that. Again who cares? I have my own problems. Haha.

My profile is set to private and only my "friends" can view my pictures. I put lots of pictures of DD up b/c it was so much easier than sending links to our families (they just came to my FB page). I also like the "chat" feature.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 1/11/2009 6:34:07 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Why does it drive you nuts? I don't know/remember how many 'friends' I have on FB b/c I guess it is not that important to me. I love reconnecting with people I went to school with. Maybe it is b/c I moved around a few times growing up so I was always curious what happened to certain people. Plus it is fun to talk about the good old days, find out what they are doing, if they have a family, etc. I have never added people just to rack up friends but I know people do that. Again who cares? I have my own problems. Haha.

My profile is set to private and only my 'friends' can view my pictures. I put lots of pictures of DD up b/c it was so much easier than sending links to our families (they just came to my FB page). I also like the 'chat' feature.

That is what I love too Tacori; I mean there are some people I went to HS with and it is great to see pics of their kids/familys or catch up in general. I actually think it is fun when people comment on my pictures and I don't find it creepy. I also think it is neat they take the time to say oh, that trip you took to so and so looks great, or you and your hubby look happy, or nice pics of your family, etc. I rather people be friendly than not.

thanks MC for the info.

 

[Haven]

Thanks for the privacy setting info--I created a "core" of people who can see everything, and then everyone else can just see my wall and very basic info. Perfect.

I''m still deleting everyone I don''t really know, though. Maybe I''m just anti-social, but I don''t really like reconnecting with people I haven''t thought about for years and years.

El--I know what you mean about the student thing. Several of my colleagues have students as "friends" and I accepted a few requests at first. Then I started seeing "StudentX is getting waaaaasted tonight" and I deleted them all. And then I called that kid''s mom.

 

[beau13]

I LOVE FB!! I use it mostly for networking though. Promoting my business, and for fitness groups too. I love looking at the pics my out of the country friends post on their profile often. I get alot of friend requests from people I have never met in my life (they usually just see my pic on various fitness sites, when I post), and send a request from there. A few professional photogrophers have added me, and a few fitness pros (Tosca Reno, Jillian (biggest Loser), which is sooooooo great to keep me motivated where eating right, fitness is concerned. I learn alot from the photographers too! I don''t feel bad if I "ingore" the majority of the friend requests. Alot of people just want to have 400 friends..maybe so they can look popular perhaps? I dunno! I like to keep it down to those I see/talk to on a more regular basis. I think it''s a fabulous tool for networking!!

 

[April20]

I LOVE FB. It's so much easier to keep in touch with my siblings and friends that live out of state. I post my photos there (so much easier than using Kodak or emailing out). We are currently renovating a house we bought and my family is able to follow it step by step as I post pics. It's great for that.

That being said..... I have only added people I am truly friends with or want to keep in touch with (some are professional connections). I am not out to "collect" friends. I don't spend time searching for people or adding people that I vaguely remember from HS. If I look at their name and can't figure out who they are, I have NO desire to friend them. My youngest sister (she's a junior in college) has 400 and something friends. I almost gave her a hard time about it today because it seemed a little over the top. I bet she's truly friends with 10 of them and has an acquaintence with 50 of them.

I don't limit who can access my photos mainly because I don't post a ton of really personal photos and I don't really have strangers on my friend list. (Though I did post a ton of photos of my nieces, but their moms have their pics up on their FB pages and it was okay with them that I post pics too).

 

[monarch64]

I love FB too, and have privacy settings so any joe schmoe off the street can''t see my profile, but at the same time, there have been a couple people from my past who have found me who I never wanted to speak to again. In those cases, I just either ignored their friend request, or added them and told them that FB was as far as I''d go with any contact. Otherwise, it''s been a godsend for me as far as re-uniting with old friends.

 

[beau13]

It''s great for seliing too! I''ve recently sold jewelry, handbags, exercise equipment on there. Free ads!!

 

[Deelight]

I love FB but I have my privacy setttings so that people can''t see my photo''s unless they are friends, what I say is not seen by friends of friends, people can''t see what groups I am in or when I write on them, private profile and some other stuff.

Yeah once you change the privacy settings it rocks

 

[LaurenThePartier]

While I like FB and MySpace for keeping in touch with family/friends, I feel like I should warn you guys worried about privacy settings that if someone wants to see your pictures, they will be able to if they're savvy enough.

There are loads of private picture viewers out there for both sites, so just be careful where you directly link your pictures.

 

[Burk]

I just joined Facebook last week because of the constant begging from my friends (so they could see more pics of DD) and I am really glad I did. I also moved around a lot as a kid and this has been the first time I''ve been able to catch up with some old friends I haven''t seen in ages! I have already gotten a lot of weird requests to be friends (people I''m not sure I even know!) but I just ignore them.

 

[Kaleigh]

I loved it when DD gave me her password, so I could see pics of her and her friends in college. That was great for me as a Mom. But she changed her mind shortly after that. I made a comment about something she didn't share with me.... whoops my bad. So am out of the loop. Booo.

Her setting is on private, only people she has friended can see it.

 

[Burk]

Also wanted to add that you can close your account by going into settings and selecting deactivate.

 

[mrssalvo]

I actually love it. I had lost touch with some old college friends years ago and we reconnected on FB. I just ignore the requests from people I don''t remember or really want to be friends with. You can also remove friends without it being a big deal. If someone has several hundred friends I''d doubt they would even notice you were missing. My settings are all on private too. I''ve got step-kids who are 15 and 19 and find out more about whats going on in their lives through FB than I do in real life by talking to them. I think it helps me stay connected to them and I like that a lot, plus we know if they are doing anything that could lead to trouble

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/11/2009 6:34:07 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Why does it drive you nuts? I don''t know/remember how many ''friends'' I have on FB b/c I guess it is not that important to me.

What drives me nuts is that to some people, the number of friends they have IS important, and some of those people have contacted me. They join and then become friends with every possible person who pops up from high school. I don''t get it. . .

lol Yeah, I have no life if I take the time to post about FB bugging me! Hopefully I get the job I''m waiting on hearing back from and won''t have endless hours of time to waste!

 

[Pandora II]

I must admit I do love FB - DH and I both have big families and it saves so much time and effort when we can just put things on FB and not have to email half the world!

That said, I have set my parents up their own accounts and I have had to have words with my mother about please sending messages rather than writing comments on my wall of a more personal nature than I would wish!

My father has found long-lost cousins in Canada through it and lots of friends from when we lived abroad who are now spread throughout the globe.

Used properly and with the right privacy filters it is a great tool - so good that we are actively encouraged to use it at work for networking purposes. I run a couple of my company''s networking groups through it as the RSVP thing for events is so good and people prefer to click a button and not have to send a whole email.

 

[Elmorton]

LOL, Pandora, yes, both of my parents are on FB and I''ve had some "etiquette" issues with them as well.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 1/11/2009 10:40:37 PM
Author: MC

Date: 1/11/2009 6:34:07 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

Why does it drive you nuts? I don''t know/remember how many ''friends'' I have on FB b/c I guess it is not that important to me.

What drives me nuts is that to some people, the number of friends they have IS important, and some of those people have contacted me. They join and then become friends with every possible person who pops up from high school. I don''t get it. . .


lol Yeah, I have no life if I take the time to post about FB bugging me! Hopefully I get the job I''m waiting on hearing back from and won''t have endless hours of time to waste!

So what if it is important to them? I guess I just don''t see how it negatively impacts *your* life. Just continue to "ignore" their requests and have fun with the people you DO want to be friends with. Hope you hear back soon and that it is good news for you.

 

[musey]

You know, you can just ignore these friend requests

I treat facebook the same way you do (though not as strictly). Everyone on my friends list is someone I'm actually friends with, and someone with whom I want to keep in touch. Which is crazy when I think about it, considering I have 386 "friends" (I did NOT just know that, I had to check!). Probably because I joined while I was still in college, so I was accumulating friends in school as I met/befriended them. I'm friends with people who would otherwise have just been acquaintances because of facebook. Can't be a bad thing, IMO!

There are other people who think of facebook as a networking site. A way to connect with new people that have similar interests and careers, and add complete strangers whom they think it would be good/beneficial to "connect" with. Those are the people whose friend requests I ignore.

 

[fieryred33143]

I hate facebook. I hate that if you leave Susie FuFu a comment on her picture, I have to read about it. I hate that if I leave someone a comment, then you have to read about it. And I''ve tried to get it to where I can''t read it but I can''t figure it out because the site isn''t user friendly.

I feel really old saying that but I needed to get it off my chest LOL

I sometimes get invitations from people that I know are trying to increase their friend count and I always decline.

 

[musey]

Date: 1/11/2009 5:03:06 PM
Author: Sizzle
You can go into the privacy settings in facebook and set it so only your friends or actually only CERTAIN friends you designate can access your photos everyone else sees an abridged profile.

You can also set your privacy level such that your profile won''t show up when someone searches for your name or is browsing others'' friends lists.