Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Expensive Wedding or Elope?

Razz

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 10, 2016
Messages
47
Given a choice, and if finances were a major factor, would you rather spend all that money on a fancy wedding or would you rather elope and do something else with the money - like put down a deposit on your new home?
 

MarlonN

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 14, 2016
Messages
47
I'm not sure what the ladies here would say, but personally, I would opt for a small, intimate ceremony with just a handful of the people I love around me, and then use the money for getting ourselves set up in our new life.
 

lmcriss

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 29, 2016
Messages
159
Razz|1479813775|4101388 said:
Given a choice, and if finances were a major factor, would you rather spend all that money on a fancy wedding or would you rather elope and do something else with the money - like put down a deposit on your new home?
Ugh, We're right there with you! We've gone back and forth about it almost every day. What we've decided (as of today) is that we're going to have something really small and casual with very close friends and family for our ceremony and then a casual picnic style party with friends later on in the summer. Just make sure to do what makes you and your soon to be spouse happy. As long as you do what's right for you, there won't be any regrets.
 

Ariadne_Theia

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 15, 2014
Messages
276
Is there no middle ground? I love weddings but if the only two options are incredibly fancy full on wedding and elopement...
I mean I would do a small wedding, just family and best friends and do it well, maybe at a restaurant or something but do the dress and the vows and the dancing and all that and then take the rest of the money and use it for house payments and stuff like that.

But I understand that for some people, it has to be invite everyone or invite no one.
 

dk168

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 7, 2013
Messages
5,173
My family lived in another continent, and I did not get on with my then outlaws.

When my ex-hubby and I decided to get married, no one was invited.

The photographer was one of the witnesses, the taxi driver who took me to the registry office was the other.

Afterwards ceremony, the two of us went to a 3-star restaurant and spent a small fortune for a meal on our own.

Saved us a great deal of aggravations as well as money!

I would do the same if I were to go down the marriage route again.

DK :))
 

Razz

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 10, 2016
Messages
47
I know what you mean, DK168. I have a friend who is so stressed out by the amount of debt they got into for their wedding that it's actually creating problems for the newly-weds in their marriage.
 

elizabethess

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 18, 2016
Messages
397
Razz|1479905145|4101808 said:
I have a friend who is so stressed out by the amount of debt they got into for their wedding that it's actually creating problems for the newly-weds in their marriage.
Ugh, that's a tough way to start a marriage. I have very strong feelings that one should never, ever go into debt for a wedding. Nor a ring, for that matter! Both should be what you can comfortably afford from whatever resources (self, family, NOT credit) you have. It's basic financial responsibility.
 

partgypsy

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 7, 2004
Messages
6,305
I eloped, which upset my parents. If I had to do it over, I would have a SMALL wedding with both sides of immediate family. Then a casual party (think bbq) with friends to celebrate the marriage.
 

Razz

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 10, 2016
Messages
47
One thing I've learned from this forum is that everyone's situation is always different and only the parties involved can decide what would work best for them. Some people elope and it turns out great, but it's not really for everyone.
 

mary poppins

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 10, 2010
Messages
2,407
If finances were a major factor, I wouldn't have an expensive wedding. I'd put the money towards the new house which is more permanent and lasting and will make a bigger difference in your life. In our situation, eloping was out of the question because DH wanted to share the occasion with his parents. We opted to have a wedding instead and reduced costs by limiting the guest list.

There are a variety of ways to have an inexpensive or less expensive wedding, so if you want a wedding you can have your cake and eat it too (literally!). It really depends on your circumstances and what is important to you. The most important thing, though, is you and your FI are getting married and you can do that in whatever manner best suits you.

I agree with PP about not going into debt for rings or wedding. It's just not a good way for a couple to start their new life together.
 

Strawberry129

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jul 28, 2016
Messages
91
mary poppins|1480362153|4103157 said:
If finances were a major factor, I wouldn't have an expensive wedding. I'd put the money towards the new house which is more permanent and lasting and will make a bigger difference in your life. In our situation, eloping was out of the question because DH wanted to share the occasion with his parents. We opted to have a wedding instead and reduced costs by limiting the guest list.

There are a variety of ways to have an inexpensive or less expensive wedding, so if you want a wedding you can have your cake and eat it too (literally!). It really depends on your circumstances and what is important to you. The most important thing, though, is you and your FI are getting married and you can do that in whatever manner best suits you.

I agree with PP about not going into debt for rings or wedding. It's just not a good way for a couple to start their new life together.
Yup. Boyfriend and I agree that we would like to elope. My family is HUGE and no matter what I do or who I don't invite, it will still be a big wedding. If I invite only my immediate family, my parents won't be happy anyway since it's not a wedding if "the family" is not invited. I can't please them no matter what I do when it comes to a wedding.

Even if finances weren't an issue, I think I'll be one upset bride due to the stress and emotional turmoil.
 

lambskin

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 22, 2012
Messages
2,207
I had a 'immediate family only' wedding. We got married in church on a Friday and the reception was at home. Reduced rack dress; Hubby already owned a tux. No limos, flowers (silk bouquet) and we found a photographer who took pictures and gave me the film to develop for a couple of hundred bucks. We spent the $ on a one month honeymoon and the ER. No debt. Married almost 30 years-have had no regrets.
 

cmd2014

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 6, 2014
Messages
2,460
I did a very small wedding (20 people including us). We invited our parents, my husband's grandmother and godparents, our siblings and their spouses, one aunt and uncle on my side, and a few friends. It was beautiful and affordable (our budget was $5K all in, including dress, rings, venue, food, wine, flowers, tuxes, and hotel), and we got to actually spend time with people. But in hindsight I wish we had gone just a little bigger, as I have since come to know and love many of the aunts and uncles on my husband's side and I'm sad we didn't include them. And now that I am a proud auntie, I feel that I should have invited my other aunts/uncles too. It would have only added another 10 - 15 people (still well within the limit of our venue), and would have spared some hurt feelings.

Is presentation customary in your family? It wasn't in mine (although it is in my husband's), and I have seen that go a long way towards covering the cost of a wedding and then some. I wish I had known that when I was planning, as I was afraid we'd be $$$ in debt and up to our eyeballs in china and towels we didn't need if we had invited more people.

I'm not sure I'd suggest eloping. The people who love you want to be a part of your day. My sister eloped and I saw how much it hurt my parents. It made me sad too. Plus, her "wedding picture" is of her in a cocktail dress and him in a suit (they were on a cruise, so it's one of the formal night shots). It's just not the same IMO.
 

Kbell

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 22, 2017
Messages
264
A wedding doesn't have to be expensive or "fancy" to be beautiful, enjoyable, and memorable for all.

I wouldn't personally elope because I know there are loved ones who would want to bear witness whether it
be in a backyard or fancy venue. I would still have a wedding within whatever budget dictates. I would not blow the
budget on the wedding if it meant losing a down payment for a home etc.

One of my friends spent an obscene amount on the wedding... one could buy a house outright with it in some parts.
They could afford it but she said afterwards it wasn't really worth all that & as an attendee who has also attended countless other weddings in all budgets, I agree with her.
 

Austina

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 24, 2017
Messages
3,731
We had a very small and inexpensive wedding, and I don't regret it at all. We started married life with a house and everything we needed, which to us, was more important than spending a lot of money to entertain people for a few hours.

We've recently celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary!
 

interestedinshiny

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 28, 2016
Messages
4
My partner and I have agreed to follow the following steps post-engagement:

1. Plan, but not yet pay for an extravagant wedding.
2. Argue over the cost of our extravagant wedding, the guest list, and our families lack of willingness to pay for the wedding.
3. Argue so much that we near and hate each other, because we can't agree on the wedding colors, and my mother-in-law's snarky comments about my hypothetical dress.
4. Call the wedding off, and make the decision to elope.
5. Resent one another because the wedding was important to us, and we actually wanted to have one.
6. Put the wedding back on.
7. Make the reasonable decision that the wedding is a party that wasn't worth the fighting, and get married in our church where the church ladies will make us a free potluck.
8. Spend the money on a house.
9. Live happily ever after :dance:
 

Kbell

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 22, 2017
Messages
264
Austina|1489159919|4138853 said:
We had a very small and inexpensive wedding, and I don't regret it at all. We started married life with a house and everything we needed, which to us, was more important than spending a lot of money to entertain people for a few hours.

We've recently celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary!
Congrats on your 38 years & many more to you :)
 

boerumbiddy

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2013
Messages
528
It is true that every couple has a different set of circumstances, but there was a recent study in the news that found that the chances of staying married went down as the cost of the wedding went up. Just something to think about. My brother had a tiny wedding with about 10 people at the church, a tiny reception in his apartment's community room catered by a work friend's wife who showed up with a cardboard box of candles and fake flowers, and a tiny honeymoon while the in-laws babysat the toddler from the wife's first marriage. They are still together after 40 years.
 

Austina

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 24, 2017
Messages
3,731
Kbell|1489407280|4139627 said:
Austina|1489159919|4138853 said:
We had a very small and inexpensive wedding, and I don't regret it at all. We started married life with a house and everything we needed, which to us, was more important than spending a lot of money to entertain people for a few hours.

We've recently celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary!
Congrats on your 38 years & many more to you :)
Thank you :D I was very young when we got married (19), so hopefully we have lots more years together.
 

marianne17griffin

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 3, 2017
Messages
1
I'm not sure what the ladies here would say, but personally, I would opt for a small, intimate ceremony with just a handful of the people I love around me, and then use the money for getting ourselves set up in our new life.
hi
good dear.i agree with you:clap:
 

JmeeMrie

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
May 12, 2016
Messages
294
I am seriously considering an elopement that just transitions to a honeymoon and then coming back and having a more casual celebration type party. We will see when were done with school. We also don't have huge familiesthat a wedding would be super important to consider either.
 

metall

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 15, 2017
Messages
823
I did things a bit backwards and bought the house first, so for me I'd just elope if the option were on the table and spend the wedding money on something to make us both happy. However, in my culture and with his family values...this is just not an option, so...wedding here we come...
 

Loreal

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 19, 2007
Messages
290
My husband and I eloped and sunk all our savings into our first home. We both grew up poor and I never was your typical girl (I hate being in fancy dresses, didn't want to go to prom, started to decline bridesmaid requests after the third wedding I was in and never dreamed of being in a wedding dress)!
 
  • Like
Reactions: AV_

bludiva

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 23, 2017
Messages
2,084
We eloped and I highly recommend it! We still had to file in a courthouse after so we had our families join for the courthouse ceremony and while that was small and fairly informal I still found it stressful - should have quit while we were ahead. :lol-2:
 

LJsapphire

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 24, 2016
Messages
869
We're having a small intimate wedding with immediate family and a few close friends only. But his idea is to go to Las Vegas (we're in the UK), and I thought we might not have many people want to come (which was ok) but some friends have volunteered! :mrgreen2:
I went to LV for my friend's hen/bachelorette week last year and have my heart set on the Bellagio. So it will be quite expensive but not that expensive compared to some weddings.
Just need to set a date and book it now. We are thinking about the end of 2018, beginning of 2019.
 

PreRaphaelite

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 2, 2015
Messages
1,711
My plan, should I ever find the right person and propose:
1) run don’t walk to the accountant/estate attorney and get the paperwork done (not Negotiable). This will take a few weeks, usually.
2) courthouse, just us two
3) honeymoon, wherever they want
4) whatever wedding celebration they want upon our return


It’s totally backwards! But it also lets them have all the creative decisions while removing all the stress of traditional patterns. So it’s sort of eloping, sort of not?
 

kmoro

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 13, 2018
Messages
1,076
Before I say this, I am not Spanish, but I have a little house there and have had a chance to meet some people.

In Spain, people pay to go to the wedding! So they have huge weddings and no debt. I think we should get that tradition going in N.A.

But more on topic .... my ex-hubby and I had a small wedding (50 people) and did all the prep work ourselves, with the main organizing going to my mother-in-law. We wanted to elope but thought it would make my parents sad ... so we literally had a traditional wedding for the sake of our parents - not for us. Unfortunately, the video camera (with audio) was set up beside my parents, and my mother was recorded complaining the entire time.

My point is: make sure you don’t do anything for anyone else. You can never make everyone happy, and trying to live life that way is the fast-track to misery. Do only what is right for you and your fiance!
 

AV_

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 5, 2018
Messages
3,114
people pay to go to the wedding! So they have huge weddings and no debt

Yes.

Same goes for allot of Europe that I know better than Spain: the enormous weddings are fundraisers (think GoFundMe... do people use it that way? I can't bring myself to look up this one!) or political campaigns - where the cash flow runs in reverse... Inbetween - there are other means of wisdom.

I do find it crazy that anyone expects a new family to entertain at scale for nothing. Even the obligation of diamonds is kinder: you get to keep them (hoc!) & it is a jokey test of wisdom in good form (that we lot do not do)...

Thinking out loud
 
Be a part of the community It's free, join today!

Need Something Special?

Get a quote from multiple trusted and vetted jewelers.

Holloway Cut Advisor



Diamond Eye Candy

Click to view full-size image.
Top