shape
carat
color
clarity

Ever have this pet peeve?

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Joined
Feb 15, 2008
Messages
146
You know I think I know why I joined this board: lately I haven''t been as able to talk about the whole engagement/marriage thing with my SO.

Now I KNOW that''s just going to set off a lot of red flags so here''s what I mean:

Ever since we started dating, I would say only a few months in, my SO would bring up getting married, all by himself. How much he wanted to marry me, how he was so sure I was the one etc. And I mostly just told him, oh it''s too early, aren''t you cute? Etc. When we reached like the 2 year mark though, I was like... well you keep bringing it up... and now I''m more comfortable with it happening. So can we either get this done with or stop talking about it?

Aren''t I awful? Anyway, he was very patient with me and so we set a date that made sense for us giving I''m in grad school and he''s a resident. But he''d still mention, oh won''t it be so great when we get married on (set date). I''m so excited... cute stuff. Fine, great! But now, that the engagement is coming up in less than 7 months: he doesn''t want to talk about it.

So of COURSE, I asked: well... do you want to postpone/cancel? I''m comfortable with that... even as it stands, I won''t be graduated when we get married and I''m fine waiting till I at least graduate. And his answer is always: No, I like our date, I want to get married then.

Is it normal that the guy stops talking about rings/engagement/wedding ish stuff before he proposes? I guess I should give him credit, that he''ll still daydream with me once in a while about where we''ll work after we''re married, lifestyle, kids, finances. ...

Anyway, feel free to post your own personal pet peeve!
 

Mediterranean

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
578
Not so much a "pet peeve" from me, but....What''s funny is: my brother did this with my sister-in-law.

A little bit into the relationship, he was all like"oh, we''ll have such cute kids when we get married!" and little comments like that. And she basically had the same reaction you had....She''d say "Aw, that''s sweet, but we''ve only been together half a year..."

So, finally,after they had been dating for almost 3 years, they had a "real" talk about it, and she let it be known that she was ready for engagement, and she''d welcome the proposal when it came....

My brother got excited and asked her for her opinions about rings, and stones.....

.....and then...nothing....crickets......not a word about proposing.....


Turns out, my brother was being like a shark: you know how when the shark is circling, you can see its fin? But when the shark really gets ready to pounce, he goes underwater totally and you see nothing, not even the fin?


Yeah. My brother "went underwater" so to speak, and did the real work of putting a proposal together. Pricing stuff, planning stuff, trying to hide FedEx packages....all that.

He wanted my sister in law to be surprised, so he thought if he backed off the topic for a while, she''d be off her guard...

So, maybe your guy''s doing that??
 
Joined
Feb 15, 2008
Messages
146
Lol, that''s actually really cute, Med.

I wonder how she was feeling when he went shark on her.

Haha, at this point, I''m almost thinking "that better be what this is!" Stamps foot.
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,169
I had the opposite experience as you. D and I were going out over 8 years when we got engaged and we never used to talk about it (we met when we were 17/18). Once it was getting close to the time he spoke about it a lot-I think that he was too excited to hold it in. From reading your post and the fact that you know what date you want to get married on, maybe he''s not talking about it so much so that he can surprise you?
 
Joined
Feb 15, 2008
Messages
146
Thanks for replying Bee.

that''s so cute that he was so excited he couldn''t hold it in. Sometimes I do wish that he was more willing to share on this one issue, but you know through the course of our relationship, he''s gotten better and better at surprising me and also a lot more observant of what I like and don''t like. I should just relax.

We should just make a general list of pet peeves for fun.

1. I dislike, with a passion, people who ask me: Why are you not engaged yet? (only happens after others get engaged... but still irritating as frick!)
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,169
oh gosh yes-I hate that one! You can only imagine how many times I got that in eight years
14.gif



Was he chatty about it when you asked him about it the other day? When D and I first chatted about things he asked me to give him two years (the main reason for this is that we live in Ireland and wanted to get our ring in NY and our next trip was 18 months away). I was a bit pissed about this as we had been together for six years at this stage (although looking back now I was only 23 and was no where ready to get engaged). He got cold feet a couple of times throughout the next year as he didn''t feel he was ready yet, but we talked everything through numerous times, so I think by the time we bought the ring, he had sorted everything out in his own mind. Not saying that your bf is going through the same thing, but I can really recommend sitting down in a casual way, even on a date-night or something, and just discussing it.
 
Joined
Feb 15, 2008
Messages
146
Oof! That whole question always irritates me, but I sometimes feel like it''s more irritating from some than others.

My friend recently got engaged and I shared it with our mutual friend from HS (a LONG time ago now) and got that: well, why aren''t you engaged yet?

So the other day I asked casually about so... we''re sorta thinking soon eh? And then it dawned on me, that he hasn''t asked my Dad yet. So I brought it up as, well ... do you think you might want to? It could be a good idea...

And he was like: there''s so much I have to get ready (finances, your dad, the ring) ... your Dad (cause my dad is notoriously difficult)
Well ok just let me take care of it. And then he changed the subject.

So I think he''s a little more stressed now because I mentioned that to him, he''s been a little clammed up ever since the last time we went ring shopping. He talks about when we get married stuff, just no ring stuff now.

I''m hoping it''s just for the surprise factor.
 

Smurfysmiles

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2007
Messages
3,938
my pet peeve is movies that make marriage look like no work and just a walk in the park lol
everyone knows that''s not true :)
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Messages
19,456
Ok this is kind of random and will probably sound judgmental but oh well...

When people who break up and get back together numerous times start talking about marriage right after breaking up, or right before. Who knows if the marriage talk is serious or not, but they are still talking about it.

I''ll just mention that that^ is because of an old friend that I kind of keep in touch with that has been engaged before to another guy who cheated on her, has a boyfriend that she''s been with for about 9 months, and they broke up recently for only about a week and are now back together, but they''ve been talking about marriage the whole time even though their relationship is rocky-at best. The thing is that since I''ve known her she''s been obsessed with getting married, and I really think she just wants to get married and doesn''t really care who its to.
7.gif


Makes me sad, but it also makes me want to shake her.
 
Joined
Feb 15, 2008
Messages
146
Hi freke,

Well I can see how that would be not so much a pet peeve but a serious concern for your friend.

But from random strangers... yea also sort of annoying. I guess though some people really thrive off that type of relationship: massive blowouts followed by passionate makeups. That whole, but I just CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU feeling. I always wonder if those work out or not.

oooh other pet peeve: people who make getting engaged sound like a competition!!

I will admit that I think it is the nature of women to compare themselves to each other, otherwise no man would ever have been asked that obnoxious question: "Do you think she''s pretty? PRETTIER THAN ME?!!" But it''s just way too extreme to compete for getting engaged/married.

I remember when my other friend, K, was talking to me last year about how she was expecting to get engaged soon and she said something about how it was just "her turn." didn''t really make any sense to me, since we''re the same age/dating our SOs for about the same time and none of our mutual friends are engaged. But I guess I understood a little better when she said something to me about how she hoped that the next time she saw me, ONE of us would have a ring on her finger and something to talk about. Strange eh?

but really, she''s a sweet girl, I think she was just excited? I hope so anyway.
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Messages
19,456
I hear you MPS. The competition thing bugs me too. Whats funny is that I don't really have to worry about that with my close friends because they're all a bit younger than me-I'm almost 26(
14.gif
) and my BFF is 24, and the other two are 23, 24. The second 24 year old is already married with a baby, but there wasn't any competition there, because she never really got a proposal-more of a "You're pregnant and I think your dad wants me dead, so lets get married!" kind of thing. The other two are in serious-ish relationships but one doesn't believe in marriage (23yo) and the other (BFF) is trying to get into the Department of Radiology at our local University and her BF is trying to do the same. Basically, they're too young and no where near financially (or emotionally ready!) for such a commitment.

It's just the stupid people I went to high school with that are competitive about it.
20.gif
Or they're married with kids. Or divorced with kids (how sad is that?).

Hmmm...come to think of it, I'm not going to go to my 10 year reunion. I don't want to deal with those people.

ETA: I don't think theirs will work out. I hope not at least, because I think it'll end in divorce. I don't think that they usually do. Maybe someone else will answer?
 

Mediterranean

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
578
Date: 2/24/2008 3:03:21 PM
Author: moderatelypoorstudent



I wonder how she was feeling when he went shark on her.


Oh, she kinda wigged....as you can imagine, after being met with *dead silence* after having a serious discussion, and looking at rings/stones, she kept calling me to ask if she was "too pushy" or if she did anything out of line....


The worst part was that my brother had the ring sent to me because:

1. My mom has the biggest mouth east of the Mississippi (love ya Mom, but it''s true)

2. I''m always home to intercept the delivery guy
11.gif




So, here I am on the phone with this poor girl who thinks she scared my brother into not proposing.....meanwhile, HER ring is in MY desk drawer.

It took some serious self control to not put her out of her misery, but I think she appreciated being surprised
41.gif
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Messages
19,456
Date: 2/24/2008 5:09:58 PM
Author: Mediterranean
Date: 2/24/2008 3:03:21 PM

Author: moderatelypoorstudent
I wonder how she was feeling when he went shark on her.

Oh, she kinda wigged....as you can imagine, after being met with *dead silence* after having a serious discussion, and looking at rings/stones, she kept calling me to ask if she was ''too pushy'' or if she did anything out of line....

The worst part was that my brother had the ring sent to me because:

1. My mom has the biggest mouth east of the Mississippi (love ya Mom, but it''s true)

2. I''m always home to intercept the delivery guy
11.gif


So, here I am on the phone with this poor girl who thinks she scared my brother into not proposing.....meanwhile, HER ring is in MY desk drawer.

It took some serious self control to not put her out of her misery, but I think she appreciated being surprised
41.gif

Poor thing! I would feel so bad!
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
moderatelypoorstudent, I am getting the WEIRDEST sense of déjà vu with this post, no idea why.

Anyway, it of course could be a number of things, most likely being that he's trying to play it cool so that you'll be surprised. But you know that
2.gif
you just want it reaffirmed.


My pet peeve? When a friend or relative asks about the "state" of my relationship, and anything I say is met with "well, my SO and I are __________." Don't ask if you're not actually interested. I have no burning desire to share personal information about my life with you, but you asked, so don't try to just one-up me when I answer your question.
20.gif


Sorry. Can you tell that this has happened to me quite a bit lately?
 

sandia_rose

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 20, 2007
Messages
314
Date: 2/24/2008 2:43:23 PM
Author:moderatelypoorstudent

Is it normal that the guy stops talking about rings/engagement/wedding ish stuff before he proposes? I guess I should give him credit, that he''ll still daydream with me once in a while about where we''ll work after we''re married, lifestyle, kids, finances. ...

Anyway, feel free to post your own personal pet peeve!
I don''t know if it''s normal or not...but I''m right there with you! In fact, my BF started talking about "the future" and moving in together when we''d only dated for 5-6 months. I thought that was waaaaaay too soon and told him so. I did not think that it was appropriate to have that conversation until we''d been dating a year or so. It frankly scared me to hear that, that soon. Fast-forward to now. It''s been 2 years and neither of us had brought up --- until I got antsy and brought up the future. The reaction to that was insinuating that I was "pressuring" him....and then all of the other fall-out that has happened since and that I posted about. Hmmm.....it was OK for him to bring it up but not OK for me? What''s up with that?!

On Friday, I picked up the new issue of Oprah''s magazine, which I just love, by the way. The articles are smart and the photography is scrumptious. I used to be a designer and still do a lot of photography and appreciate magazines and books that are laid out in a visually appealing way. This month''s issue has an interesting article about Desire. The premise of the article is that we desire most what we cannot have, or that which is harder to obtain. If something is too easy to get, we lose appreication for it and take it for granted. Men, in particular, seem to have a biological need for "the conquest" and "the chase." It''s occurred to me that maybe that is part of my personal problem with my BF. So I''ve started pulling back. And funny enough now, he''s now started "re-pursuing" me.

Friday night''s weather here was horrible - snow, ice, sleet. I had wanted to go see a concert at a local club (Grace Potter - check her out...HIGHLY recommended) and had been wondering if the show would be cancelled or not. Turns out, it was not. My BF and I went. Not only did he complement me on the sexy top that I wore, but he was overly affectionate with me while watching the show (putting arm around me, constantly asking me if he could get me drinks, etc.). It was almost too much on his part. And I couldn''t help but think that it was because I was being more standoffish than usual.

Fast-forward to Saturday night. I had my son Saturday and Sunday and was focused on him. I had gone home to my own house after the show and did not see my BF Saturday at all. Saturday night, after my son was in bed, my BF called me to chit-chat. One of his favorite bands just had a line-up change (member had died) and he mentioned wanting to go see them on Sunday night. I said, "I would be curious to see that show." And he said, "Well, do you want to go?" And I said, "I''d like to...but I don''t want to feel as if I invited myself, so no. Let me know how it was." Sunday, I brought my son back to his father, ran a few errands, then dropped something off at a friend''s before returning home. A message from my BF was on my machine. He was on his way to the show (which was 2-1/2 hours away) and wanted to check in with me. We chatted, then I watched the Obama-Hillary debate and went to bed. Didn''t think about my BF much at all.

So...I''m back here in work, doing the usual stuff....and he called me not once but TWICE. First time to tell me about the show. Second time to talk about our upcoming trip to New Orleans. He hasn''t been this attentive and chatty in a while. I would suspect him of cheating and trying to make good if I didn''t know exactly where he''s been all week.

These ae my two pet peeves, since you asked:

1) Why are certain subjects taboo unless men bring them up themselves?

2) Why do men get more attentive when we pull away?

I am not giving this a whole lot of thought right now. I am starving and am going to run out and get a Subway. It''s a good day for a roast beef sandwich....

Bridget in Connecticut.
 

sandia_rose

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 20, 2007
Messages
314
Date: 2/24/2008 3:52:17 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles

my pet peeve is movies that make marriage look like no work and just a walk in the park
RIGHT! Or, the movies that make people feel that, if a relationship is not perfect, that it should be ended in favor of the search for perfection. I think a lot of people are in search of an ideal that is just not there. Or as my BF said one time, "Disposable People." We live in a society where, if our car has problems, we trash it and get another one. If our clothes get a rip in them, we don't sew the rip - we throw the thing out and get another one. If our dog or cat develops health problems, we're more likely to put it to sleep than we are to take it to the vet and potentially spend a lot of money to make it right. And if a relationship runs into problems --- you should dump the person immediately rather than try to work things out...because, Hey! There are enough fishes in the sea to where no one should have to work through anything!

When my grandparents got married, their marriage was not perfect. They ended up coming to CT from farm country PA because the only steel mill in town closed and my grandfather didn't want to work in the coal mine...they were dirt poor with nothing to their name. My grandmother had health problems that prevented her from having as many children as she wanted (she had something like 8 miscarriages, plus a baby that died before she was 1). She was a closet alcoholic who also had a kidney fail when she was in her 40s. My grandfather got hurt in an industrial accident where he was unemployed for close to a year. His company forced him to retire when he turned 65 - which he did not want to do.....and then he learned a year later that he had Parkenson's disease. My grandparents had A LOT of challenges in their marriage...but they never thought of divorcing each other. They kept on keeping on and loved each other until my grandfather passed away. 63 years worth of trying.

What's really funny to me is that I saw something on A&E about Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. They've been married over 30 years and in Hollywood, that is an ancient marriage. And few people think about about Charles Bronson and Jill Ireland - how she had cancer and he stuck by her, regardless (ditto with Gilda Radner and her husband). Or how Chuck Norris has been married to his high school sweetheart since they were kids and before he was famous (he had her name tattooed on his arm at a carnival before he was 20 and he is still with her). We seem to see nothing wrong with JLo's 3 marriages or Billy Bob Thornton's 4 marriages or Liz Taylor's 8 marriages.....it seems that the people with the revolving door relationships get more kudos than the people who have stuck it out against all odds.

Bridget in Connecticut.
 

Italiahaircolor

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
5,184
My number pet peeve are girls who confuse a diamond engagement ring or a wedding with a marriage!

Sure, its nice to have a perfect wedding, and sure, a lovely diamond is a great thing...but a marriage IS NOT those things...it is hard work, love, support, kindness and a bunch of other things, too!

I've seen it a few times on this site, where girls are going on and on and on about their ering and complaining about "how cheap" their boyfriend is being during the process...like his love is messured in carats! I want to shake those women...not in a mean way, but in a way that might make them see clearer how their FF love is a gift, and the step they are taking is wayyyy more important than anything that comes in a little box....

P.S: This is absolutely NOT about you MPS, promise...and BTW, I think he is sharking you BIG TIME
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Messages
19,456
I can't wait to have my big ol' fat 2-3 carat rock on his grad school budget. I had the hardest time choosing between white gold and platinum, but went with Platinum because it's more expensive. And more expensive is always better.

And I can't wait to start planning the wedding. Oh it's going to be so amazing! I'm going to wear a huge floofy white dress with a cathedral length train and we're going to fly everyone to Greece for the ceremony. And for our honeymoon we're going to fly around the world in 100 days! Without either of us working. My cake is going to be 8 feet tall and have a Barbie on top to represent me! Oh and a Ken too...And I'm going to have another dress to wear to dance in, and we're going to have a ballet going on during the dinner! And my wedding ring is going to be a pair of 5 carat eternity bands. And we're going to live happily ever after, but who cares?! I get to plan a huge blowout party for 600 people before I have to deal with that! And I'm going to have 15 bridesmaids and 4 flowergirls and 5 ring bearers (one for each carat!) and I'm going to come riding in on a white horse. And then theres this fireworks show for when we're leaving for the honeymoon...

Oh, who am I marrying again?


BTW-the only true part of this post was the big ol' fat 2-3 carat rock: sapphire, and of an unusual color(equals less expensive) and probably slightly included. And also probably closer to 2 carats, if not below.
 

Italiahaircolor

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
5,184
Date: 2/25/2008 6:21:13 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I can''t wait to have my big ol'' fat 2-3 carat rock on his grad school budget. I had the hardest time choosing between white gold and platinum, but went with Platinum because it''s more expensive. And more expensive is always better.

And I can''t wait to start planning the wedding. Oh it''s going to be so amazing! I''m going to wear a huge floofy white dress with a cathedral length train and we''re going to fly everyone to Greece for the ceremony. And for our honeymoon we''re going to fly around the world in 100 days! Without either of us working. My cake is going to be 8 feet tall and have a Barbie on top to represent me! Oh and a Ken too...And I''m going to have another dress to wear to dance in, and we''re going to have a ballet going on during the dinner! And my wedding ring is going to be a pair of 5 carat eternity bands. And we''re going to live happily ever after, but who cares?! I get to plan a huge blowout party for 600 people before I have to deal with that! And I''m going to have 15 bridesmaids and 4 flowergirls and 5 ring bearers (one for each carat!) and I''m going to come riding in on a white horse. And then theres this fireworks show for when we''re leaving for the honeymoon...

Oh, who am I marrying again?


BTW-the only true part of this post was the big ol'' fat 2-3 carat rock: sapphire, and of an unusual color(equals less expensive) and probably slightly included. And also probably closer to 2 carats, if not below.
Can I be invited???? LMAO...

BTW, I want to see you fat rock!
 
Joined
Feb 15, 2008
Messages
146
Date: 2/24/2008 5:09:58 PM
Author: Mediterranean
Date: 2/24/2008 3:03:21 PM

Author: moderatelypoorstudent




I wonder how she was feeling when he went shark on her.



Oh, she kinda wigged....as you can imagine, after being met with *dead silence* after having a serious discussion, and looking at rings/stones, she kept calling me to ask if she was ''too pushy'' or if she did anything out of line....



The worst part was that my brother had the ring sent to me because:


1. My mom has the biggest mouth east of the Mississippi (love ya Mom, but it''s true)


2. I''m always home to intercept the delivery guy

11.gif





So, here I am on the phone with this poor girl who thinks she scared my brother into not proposing.....meanwhile, HER ring is in MY desk drawer.


It took some serious self control to not put her out of her misery, but I think she appreciated being surprised
41.gif

Wow, Med that takes a lot of self restraint not to say anything!!! I''m amazed. Haha, I think I would have been unable to contain myself. I''m so glad that I have not yet been entrusted with such a difficult task!


Musey, de ja vu eh? Hehe. Well, as for your pet peeve, I think yours is new to me since no one''s really done that to me. Although... I have had girls say OMG you''re getting engaged in a year? And what AM I DOING? really weird competitive mentality.

Oof!! The list goes on!!!
 
Joined
Feb 15, 2008
Messages
146
Hi SR,
I wonder about that too about men... always wanting something just out of their grasp. I really hope that when the boys settle down they''ll realize getting to share their life with a person, not a trophy, is much better than any chase!!

Lol but that reminds me of a funny story: my roommate''s good friend is getting married to an opera singer. His whole life he was such a player, always dating new and different women till he met this opera singer. He decided he wanted to marry her pretty quick and you know what? It bothers him like nothing else that she has to kiss others onstage for her shows. I think the idea that this woman had her own independent life without him and has all these interactions with other men who are obviously talented and handsome really made him buckle down and chase her!

Hi Italia,
Haha, I''ve seen a girl or two like that, always boggled the mind. today I was just telling my roommate how at this one wedding, they gave out custom order coins engraved with a bride/groom on one side and their names/anniversaries on the other side... to the 300 people at their wedding. They spent thousands on thousands of dollars on ... wedding favors. OTT anyone?

Oooh extra pet peeve: girls who marry the guy they are with because "it''s time to get married." and they''re under 25. The clock isn''t really ticking, they just see it as a social rite of passage instead of a huge journey to embark upon with someone.
 

vjmclean

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 24, 2008
Messages
1
20.gif
20.gif
My fiance was all about talking about getting married before he proposed. about 1 month before he asked me, he clammed up everytime i would bring it up. Now that the date is set (aug 2nd) he wont talk to me about it at all. Its so irritating, ive never been married before so i have no clue what i am doing and all i want is someone to talk to about flowers, dresses suits etc... but he just seems like he just doesnt want to hear it. I know he loves me to death, but i think after he asked me he feels like the balls all in my court now and everything is up to me. i really want him to have a say in things but i dont think he really cares as long as he can still marry me. Its so wierd. guys are soooo strange sometimes =-(
40.gif
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Be a part of the community Get 3 HCA Results
Top