Ever feel like a Jewelry Consultant?!? UGH!

[MsP]

We all know that being on PS makes you more aware of jewelry styles, prices, vendors, diamond quality, cut, etc, etc.... and how many of our friends come to realize this and ask for help/advice.

This happened to me a while ago... and I was fine with it. I enjoyed looking for settings that matched my friends specs, talking about different options, going to the jewelers, etc but this has gotten OUT OF HAND for me!!

Over the summer and into the fall I have spent way too much time "helping out friends" with their jewelry projects and the business just keeps rolling in! And by helping out, I mean finding styles, getting quotes, communicating with vendors, etc. Over the summer I tore down an old engagement ring for a friend and had them made into earrings and a custom ring, had an old engagement ring transformed into a halo''d ring, found pearls for someone, a diamond pendant made, and this morning got TWO calls from DIFFERENT people asking me for my advice on upgrading an engagement ring and a christmas jewelry gift. I nearly blew my top!...

Do they not understand how much time and effort it takes to locate a good stone? And then they have these unrealistic price expecatations because they know of the deals I get(I watch ebay and consignment places) and want the same. I started just giving them vendor recs... ie check out whiteflash or pearlmans or winfields or whatever but then they have no knowledge of diamonds or jewelry and when I(who has spent years browsing pricescope and lots of time on my own finding my jewelry pieces) have so much more knowledge it seems unfair of me to let them make poor decisions knowingly. So I help them out... send them links, "hey look at this", "this seems like a good deal" and then I get back "can you contact them I just don''t know what to say or how to describe what I want and I''ll mess things up"... or just, "pleaaaase you''re so good at it!"

I don''t know how to say no. I mean, with each of these helping occasions I get taken out to a nice dinner, or a bouquet of flowers, or a gift cert, and sometimes even cash. But like last year my sisters now husband told me to talk with my sister, figure out what she wants, he gave me like 10K for a budget, and more or less asked me to pick out her engagement ring!! I was flattered at first and then a little PO''d. I just feel like I''m being used. I told the two today(my mother, and a close relative) that I was simply too busy to look into it. What did they both say, "oh don''t worry about it. when you get some free time."... I was thinking, no... there won''t ever be free time for this anymore. I''m just so bothered.

Am I the only one????

How do you kindly help people but not get roped in and completely used??

 

[kenny]

Nobody's holding a gun to your head.

Direct them to PS's Advanced Tutorial and tell them to read Rocky Talk for a long time.

That's what I do when I get the sense people want me to do their work for them.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 10/28/2009 2:55:19 PM
Author: kenny
Nobody''s holding a gun to your head.

Direct them to PS''s Advanced Tutorial and tell them to read Rocky Talk for a long time.

That''s what I do when I get the sense people want me to do their work for them.

Ditto this!
Helping a little is fine, but people are taking advantage of you. Just say no girl!

 

[purrfectpear]

You're the one who can't say a simple N-O, and you're complaining to us about it? WTH woman, you said they've given you gifts and cash

 

[Haven]

Saying you''re too busy was a good start. When they pushed back you should have just said "I think you''d be better off finding someone else to help you, or checking out www.pricescope.com for yourselves."

As for helping people out without getting used, all you have to do is refer them to this site, and tell them that they will find all the help they need here. I''ve helped more than a few friends with engagement rings, but never to the point of feeling used. They''ve never gotten out of hand, but if they had I would have just told them to do the leg work themselves, simple as that.

 

[VRBeauty]

Yup -- you need to learn to say no -- no explanation needed.

or

I''m flattered, but...

or

direct them to PS, or your favorite local jeweler.

Look at it this way, learning how to say "no" in a way that''s right for you is a skill that you need and will use in all aspects of your life, not just in your jewelry consultant persona!

 

[february2003bride]

Date: 10/28/2009 4:58:13 PM
Author: purrfectpear
You''re the one who can''t say a simple N-O, and you''re complaining to us about it? WTH woman, you said they''ve given you gifts and cash

Ditto!

 

[Bliss]

I completely understand. Your heart WANTS to help, but your time is precious. I would up the bar for who to help at this point, especially if you're getting overwhelmed with requests. If they're just being lazy and trying to take advantage of you, then just point them to the vendors you trust and Pricescope. If they genuinely need your help, can't learn on their own AND you truly care about them - then help them, but not to the point where you're overwhelmed. Raise the threshold.

And just keep saying to yourself, "I am helping no one if I'm not taking care of my own needs." If you're not taking good care of yourself with rest, private time and family time - then you won't be a good friend, wife, mother and etc. In the short term, yes you will be fixing their immediate problems. But long term, you'll be hurting the relationship by letting people take advantage of you. Ya know?

Most of the time, it's easy to say no. Just be totally honest. Say, "I'm really overwhelmed right now. But I'd be happy to point you in the right direction." A real friend or caring relative will not push you if you tell them you are overwhelmed. If they do, they're probably taking advantage of you and it should be really easy at that point to say, "Sorry, I can't. Let me know if you want the contact numbers for the vendors."

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Well, first, take a deep breath. It''s a HUGE compliment that so many of your friends trust in you and your expertise enough to ask for help (especially with expensive or sentimental items like their jewelry). But I totally get that you''re becoming swamped. So here are two options:

1) Tell them that from now on, you''ll be charging a consulting fee

; OR
2) Tell them that you''re unfortunately too swamped to do it for them, but point them to PS, or a bunch of vendors for them to direct their questions to. You can even make up a short cheat sheet for gemstone/diamond/setting shopping (i.e. vendors, styles, and helpful links) to give to each person who asks.

 

[setell]

I think you need to just say no. If they are family then I wouldn''t really care to tippy toe around this at all. Well I wouldn''t anyway. I''ll flat out tell my mom, sister, BIL etc. I got no time. It''s funny how I am very good at finding deals for everything I buy so all my siblings usually tell me what they want and I hunt down a deal for them within a certain time frame and budget. I don''t mind doing it as I monitor a deals site daily and know how to get the deals too where they don''t. I can spend 30mins while it may take them 3hrs. I only do this for family though or super close friends. I don''t offer my services to anybody else as if they wanted to save money then they can do the leg work of figuring out how themselves. My advice, just give them limitations as it seems they appreciate what you do by giving you gifts and taking you out to dinner etc.

 

[Gleam]

Date: 10/28/2009 4:58:13 PM
Author: purrfectpear
You're the one who can't say a simple N-O, and you're complaining to us about it? WTH woman, you said they've given you gifts and cash

My thoughts exactly. How exactly are you being "used?" Your friends sound thoughtful and grateful by buying you dinner, sending you flowers, gift certificates, etc... I wouldn't even expect any of that for doing a favor for a friend.

I love diamonds and I'm only sorry I don't have the chance to shop for them more frequently. I would LOVE to help out friends.

Seriously, how many friends are pestering you? My friends are a relatively affluent, jewelry-loving group, but it's not like they're calling me once every two weeks for my advice.

Just seems weird to me that this is such a problem for you. Aren't you on PS because you love learning and sharing advice about diamonds? I figure it's all give-and-take in life.

OH -- and another way to get people to stop asking you to help you find diamonds? Stop telling them how much you paid for your diamonds or what "bargains" you get. NONE of my friends know how much my e-ring costs or what any other piece of jewelry I have costs -- why would they?

 

[setell]

Date: 10/29/2009 8:49:08 AM
Author: Gleam

Date: 10/28/2009 4:58:13 PM
Author: purrfectpear
You''re the one who can''t say a simple N-O, and you''re complaining to us about it? WTH woman, you said they''ve given you gifts and cash

My thoughts exactly. How exactly are you being ''used?'' Your friends sound thoughtful and grateful by buying you dinner, sending you flowers, gift certificates, etc... I wouldn''t even expect any of that for doing a favor for a friend.

I love diamonds and I''m only sorry I don''t have the chance to shop for them more frequently. I would LOVE to help out friends.

Seriously, how many friends are pestering you? My friends are a relatively affluent, jewelry-loving group, but it''s not like they''re calling me once every two weeks for my advice.

Just seems weird to me that this is such a problem for you. Aren''t you on PS because you love learning and sharing advice about diamonds? I figure it''s all give-and-take in life.

OH -- and another way to get people to stop asking you to help you find diamonds? Stop telling them how much you paid for your diamonds or what ''bargains'' you get. NONE of my friends know how much my e-ring costs or what any other piece of jewelry I have costs -- why would they?

+1

That is how I feel when I find deals! I am so proud of my purchase or rather their purchase that they got the best deal possible at that time (usually the deal is so hot it''s a great deal for a LONG time).

 

[Luckyeshe]

Date: 10/28/2009 9:30:24 PM
Author: Brown.Eyed.Girl
Well, first, take a deep breath. It''s a HUGE compliment that so many of your friends trust in you and your expertise enough to ask for help (especially with expensive or sentimental items like their jewelry). But I totally get that you''re becoming swamped. So here are two options:

1) Tell them that from now on, you''ll be charging a consulting fee

; OR
2) Tell them that you''re unfortunately too swamped to do it for them, but point them to PS, or a bunch of vendors for them to direct their questions to. You can even make up a short cheat sheet for gemstone/diamond/setting shopping (i.e. vendors, styles, and helpful links) to give to each person who asks.

I agree with B.E.G. I have some friends and family who ask me to help them with their sentimental pieces and jewelry purchases and I always tell them up front that they''re better of doing it on their own and point them to pricescope. If they really really want me to do it, I charge a consulting fee. I tell them that if it takes me 3 hours to help, they owe me dinner at my choice of restaurant. If they''re picky and it takes me forever to get them exactly what they want, my rates go up and could be cash depending on the individual situation. I just go and use the funds on my own projects instead so it''s a win-win situation for us. Or the other option is to learn to say "no" but why not capitalize on your expertise?

 

[MsP]

Date: 10/28/2009 2:55:19 PM
Author: kenny
Nobody''s holding a gun to your head.

Direct them to PS''s Advanced Tutorial and tell them to read Rocky Talk for a long time.

That''s what I do when I get the sense people want me to do their work for them.

I do send them to the tutorials... but most of them come back to me with, "my gosh, I had no idea there was so much to learn"...and then continue to talk to me about it.

 

[MsP]

Date: 10/28/2009 6:48:16 PM
Author: Bliss
I completely understand. Your heart WANTS to help, but your time is precious.

Precisely!

 

[MsP]

Date: 10/29/2009 8:44:14 AM
Author: setell
I think you need to just say no. If they are family then I wouldn''t really care to tippy toe around this at all. Well I wouldn''t anyway. I''ll flat out tell my mom, sister, BIL etc. I got no time. It''s funny how I am very good at finding deals for everything I buy so all my siblings usually tell me what they want and I hunt down a deal for them within a certain time frame and budget. I don''t mind doing it as I monitor a deals site daily and know how to get the deals too where they don''t. I can spend 30mins while it may take them 3hrs. I only do this for family though or super close friends. I don''t offer my services to anybody else as if they wanted to save money then they can do the leg work of figuring out how themselves. My advice, just give them limitations as it seems they appreciate what you do by giving you gifts and taking you out to dinner etc.

I think your comment about, "I can do in 30 mins what would take them 3hrs" is why I get lured into helping.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Do all of your friends/family you''re helping know you''re also helping others? Each person may not realize you''re contributing time to multiple people.

Since with every "consultation," you''re receiving gifts, I do not think anyone is using you, but just grateful for your advice and showing their appreciation. This doesn''t mean you HAVE TO keep helping them. Rather than complaining and continuing what''s going on, send a link to PS.

 

[MsP]

Date: 10/29/2009 8:49:08 AM
Author: Gleam
How exactly are you being ''used?'' Your friends sound thoughtful and grateful by buying you dinner, sending you flowers, gift certificates, etc... I wouldn''t even expect any of that for doing a favor for a friend.

I love diamonds and I''m only sorry I don''t have the chance to shop for them more frequently. I would LOVE to help out friends.

Seriously, how many friends are pestering you? My friends are a relatively affluent, jewelry-loving group, but it''s not like they''re calling me once every two weeks for my advice.

Just seems weird to me that this is such a problem for you. Aren''t you on PS because you love learning and sharing advice about diamonds? I figure it''s all give-and-take in life.

OH -- and another way to get people to stop asking you to help you find diamonds? Stop telling them how much you paid for your diamonds or what ''bargains'' you get. NONE of my friends know how much my e-ring costs or what any other piece of jewelry I have costs -- why would they?

As I''m sure you know, it''s not like you can just hop on to one site, do a little search, and find the perfect stone at a great price. It takes TIME. LOTS of time. And knowledge on how to wade through the options.

And how many... in a 5 month period I worked on 4 pieces. And that''s in addition to getting my own 2ct halo made.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 10/29/2009 2:41:42 PM
Author: MissPrudential

As I''m sure you know, it''s not like you can just hop on to one site, do a little search, and find the perfect stone at a great price. It takes TIME. LOTS of time. And knowledge on how to wade through the options.

And how many... in a 5 month period I worked on 4 pieces. And that''s in addition to getting my own 2ct halo made.

Four pieces in five months doesn''t sound like very many. . .still, just say you''re busy so you aren''t finding yourself helping with a fifth. You can''t complain and then do nothing to resolve the issue.

 

[miraclesrule]

It''s hard not to want to share the knowledge one gains through PS, but seriously, I would go insane. I go insane just trying to locate my own stones, settings, specs and getting them posted for PS''er''s to comment on.

Hey, do you want help me?

 

[Lynn B]

I had a VERY GOOD friend ask me for help in buying her upcoming engagement ring. I spent HOURS educating her and giving her pointers and advice and suggestions. In the end, her eyes glazed over and a few days later she bought a pretty (but not extremely well-crafted) 3-stone ring with fairly mediocre diamonds from a local mall store. Turns out she apparently didn't really care too much about the quality of the diamonds, just wanted a particular setting, and she's been wearing it happily for over a year now.

I kinda learned a lesson there!!!

 

[jewelerman]

Date: 10/28/2009 2:34:43 PM
Author:MissPrudential
We all know that being on PS makes you more aware of jewelry styles, prices, vendors, diamond quality, cut, etc, etc.... and how many of our friends come to realize this and ask for help/advice.

This happened to me a while ago... and I was fine with it. I enjoyed looking for settings that matched my friends specs, talking about different options, going to the jewelers, etc but this has gotten OUT OF HAND for me!!

Over the summer and into the fall I have spent way too much time ''helping out friends'' with their jewelry projects and the business just keeps rolling in! And by helping out, I mean finding styles, getting quotes, communicating with vendors, etc. Over the summer I tore down an old engagement ring for a friend and had them made into earrings and a custom ring, had an old engagement ring transformed into a halo''d ring, found pearls for someone, a diamond pendant made, and this morning got TWO calls from DIFFERENT people asking me for my advice on upgrading an engagement ring and a christmas jewelry gift. I nearly blew my top!...

Do they not understand how much time and effort it takes to locate a good stone? And then they have these unrealistic price expecatations because they know of the deals I get(I watch ebay and consignment places) and want the same. I started just giving them vendor recs... ie check out whiteflash or pearlmans or winfields or whatever but then they have no knowledge of diamonds or jewelry and when I(who has spent years browsing pricescope and lots of time on my own finding my jewelry pieces) have so much more knowledge it seems unfair of me to let them make poor decisions knowingly. So I help them out... send them links, ''hey look at this'', ''this seems like a good deal'' and then I get back ''can you contact them I just don''t know what to say or how to describe what I want and I''ll mess things up''... or just, ''pleaaaase you''re so good at it!''

I don''t know how to say no. I mean, with each of these helping occasions I get taken out to a nice dinner, or a bouquet of flowers, or a gift cert, and sometimes even cash. But like last year my sisters now husband told me to talk with my sister, figure out what she wants, he gave me like 10K for a budget, and more or less asked me to pick out her engagement ring!! I was flattered at first and then a little PO''d. I just feel like I''m being used. I told the two today(my mother, and a close relative) that I was simply too busy to look into it. What did they both say, ''oh don''t worry about it. when you get some free time.''... I was thinking, no... there won''t ever be free time for this anymore. I''m just so bothered.

Am I the only one????

How do you kindly help people but not get roped in and completely used??

Do i feel like a jewelry consultant?Yes I do...oh thats because I am one!Welcome to my part of the world!I really enjoy what I do but it can be tiring when people expect you to help them on your own time and for free(they dont even bother to ask if you actually charge for the info that will save them time,heartache and alot of money!)Ive had calls from people that Ive never been introduced too who think that because we have mutual aquaintances that I have hours of time to educate them or better yet "make the deal for them"without compensation of any type(If you want me to save you $1,000 to $50,000 on a diamond and make sure its great quality or a genuine antique,you should not expect it to be a freebie because you know my friends!)venting over...sorry,but you are right in that it is frustrating.

Almost ever party or gathering I attent their is someone who wants free (and accurate or extensive)info on their or a relatives jewelry(sometimes they dont even have the piece with them and want a valuation of quality or replacement value).If I give it free or unsolicited then its my choice,but I agree that with you that you feel abit used after awhile when it happened more then occassionally.

 

[crown1]

forward this thread to those who ask. if they know how you really feel they will probably stop asking.

 

[jewelerman]

I actually give recommend this sight as an eduactional tool to learn about diamonds before someone buys jewelry.