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etiquette advice needed

waterlilly

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2007
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my husband made a several hundred dollar donation to an organization I am involved in by bidding very high on some items they were auctioning on ebay (2 weeks ago). someone emailed me a casual thank you for the donation, but I have not heard anything from the group's directors who know us personally.

yes, you make a donation with the expectation that you don't get anything in return...but i am irked that no one else has acknowledged it at all and would like for my husband to be thanked properly so he doesn't feel like it was not appreciated.

i think the directors might not actually be aware of the donation because the person that thanked me is handling the money and I don't think she informs them of every single donation that gets made.

I am trying to think of a non-tacky -casual way to make them aware of the donation that he made so they will thank him...but not sound weird about it...should I just get over it?
 
I understand that you want your husband to be acknowledged, but in this case, I think you should not mention it to anyone. A wife and husband are one "entity" when it comes to things like contributions, regardless of how they handle finances, so if someone told me, "My husband made this contribution and should be recognized," they may as well say, "I made a contribution. Recognize me." I would question your motives.

Also, you are a member of this organization, so aren't you able to thank your husband properly for his contribution? As long as he knows YOU appreciate the gift, he is probably happy.
 
my children's co-op preschool did silent auctions that sometimes got very large, there was also a regular auction that got even larger (several thousand dollars) and I don't remember anyone being thanked other than receiving what they bought. I'm not sure the type of gratitude you are looking for is always routine. I think when you donate you should do so with the assumption that it's anonymous. Make sure you get your tax slip though. That could be a reason to bring it up I guess.
 
Guilty Pleasure said:
I understand that you want your husband to be acknowledged, but in this case, I think you should not mention it to anyone. A wife and husband are one "entity" when it comes to things like contributions, regardless of how they handle finances, so if someone told me, "My husband made this contribution and should be recognized," they may as well say, "I made a contribution. Recognize me." I would question your motives.

Also, you are a member of this organization, so aren't you able to thank your husband properly for his contribution? As long as he knows YOU appreciate the gift, he is probably happy.

Yes, I guess you are right. Thanks!
 
If the organization is a nonprofit, it's required by law that they send you a letter acknowledging your gift for tax purposes if the gift is above a certain amount (I think $250, but it's been a really long time since I worked in fundraising). Best practice is for the organization to ALWAYS send a thank-you and receipt. An email really isn't cool, although it might satisfy the requirement. There's nothing wrong with asking for a formal letter, though -- you will need it when you do your taxes, anyway. Were you looking for a listing on the website or in a program or something, though? That's more organization-specific, so I don't know that I'd ask for something like that without checking what the practice of the organization is.

ETA: I just realized you said this was a purchase. The tax-deductible part would only be what's above the fair market value of the item, so the organization should send you a letter saying what the FMV is and what the tax-deductible part is. You really couldn't know that on your own, so it's definitely something you should expect from them. Although I can say that finishing up auction stuff sometimes takes awhile...but a couple weeks is pushing it a bit.
 
I just don't think there's a way to solicit acknowledgment for your husband's donation that will come across as anything but bad form.

It was very kind of you to make the donation. In my culture we speak of different levels of charity, and the highest is the charity given and received anonymously. The lowest form, while still good, is where the giver attaches his name to the charity and receives acknowledgment for giving. Perhaps some of the members of the board are of a similar mindset, and thus are not likely to send a thank you note for an act of charity even if the giver attaches his name to the donation. It sounds like a long shot now that I typed it out, but you never know.

I once worked in an office that handled donations for charities, and we had an employee who sent out the same form letter to all of the donations that were given in name, regardless of the amount donated. Perhaps this is what this organization does as well--a quick email thank you for all donations. I've heard of some organizations switching to paperless thank yous for donations in an attempt to save money on stationery and postage so they can use even more for the cause, too.

ETA: Octavia's post actually presents the perfect way to solicit this acknowledgment.
 
Did you make the donation for the recognition or to help the organization?
 
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