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Engagement Ring vs. Wedding Ring? Two Separate Rings?

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Absolute^Zero

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Jun 4, 2004
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While laying in bed one afternoon, my girlfriend and I were discussing rings. I know my mother had an engagement ring, and a separate wedding band that fit together. My gf said that she is more into the idea of wearing an engagement ring for the duration of the engagement (something simple), then removing that and wearing a different ring upon marriage.

1) Is this common practice? I''m limited to experience and only know of my mother''s set and how that works. Even though my father has been married 4 times now (jeez, i know) I have never really questioned any other form of purchasing rings.

2) Would one be expected to spend considerably less on a ring that is only being worn for the engagement period as opposed to one that is contained in a set? I know I will be spending major $''s on the ring she would be wearing forever, but I guess I just need some sort of re-affirming that I''m not being a cheapass by only planning on spending $500-$900 on the temporary ring (worn for ~2 years)... finishing up my last year of college (out of pocket) on an income of ~$18,000/year

I plan on purchasing something in white gold, heart shaped diamond, and set in a solitaire band.

I know Money & Size is not equal to Love, but I want feedback on whether this seems to be a reasonable amount of money to spend on the ring... Is it a reasonable range for what I want to purchase?
 

pearcrazy

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In my opinion, I think what she's describing is more in line with a "promise" ring rather than an engagement ring. I wear my engagement ring along with my wedding band as a 2 ring set. I've never heard of wearing an engagement ring only for the duration of the engagement. That's a really expensive item of jewelry to be put in a drawer after the ceremony. With a budget of only 500-900 dollars it sounds like the promise ring is more in line with what you can comfortably afford. Since your wedding is 2 years off in the future, perhaps that is an option to consider. At the time of your marriage, maybe you can invest in a larger diamond set in a wide band. My sister has only one ring. A 10 mm wide band with a 1.5 carat round stone with .75 carats of side stones all in one. Very chunky looking and no wedding band needed (or desired). She was also "engaged" for a year with no ring since her fiancee and she decided they liked the wide all in one ring, and were making payments on the one they'd picked out.
 

pearcrazy

Brilliant_Rock
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By the way, I did a search of pricescope vendors and found two stones, the larger one being .46 carats for $690 that could keep you in your budget. With the mounting, you could still come out under $900. Dirt cheap diamonds also features two heart shaped diamond promise rings already mounted but both are over your budget by $150 or so. If she's willing to consider a round stone, there are some really beautiful bezel set diamond promise rings in your budget. Perhaps the diamond could be re-set into a pendant when you get married. (A lovely gift for the bride on her wedding day!)
 

chialea

Brilliant_Rock
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Apr 20, 2004
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My mother has one ring for a wedding/engagement ring. At least, it's one ring NOW, it started out as a thin ring that fit (partially over) a thick ring. The thin ring was an engagement ring, with three diamonds set in it, the thick ring was the wedding ring.

Now that I'm shopping for my own engagement ring, she pointed out several things to me:
1. there are times when you don't want to wear diamonds, but still would prefer to wear an "I'm taken" ring (we may do this for an anniversary or something, have a very hiking-compatible ring). when volunteering at homeless shelters, dealing with babies, and doing manual labour, a ring that doesn't catch on anything and doesn't look overly flashy is useful. my friend who just had a baby is actually not wearing her engagement ring much, because when you catch the baby who is trying to stand up, you don't have time to make sure the engagement ring isn't in a position to scratch her!

2. there does in fact exist such a thing as a "starter" diamond, and she thinks it's a good idea.

3. cut is really, really important. (she's all excited about her Hearts of Fire tennis bracelet)

so you can get two rings and turn it into one, or two rings and wear them seperately. if you go the soldering route, you probably have to buy them together, which isn't really a practical option for you right now. perhaps a good option would be to buy something that works well for #1 -- that is, she can wear it later for times she works with her hands or doesn't want to be scratchy? I'm not sure what her taste is in rings; my SO has vetoed a whole class of rings I really like because they "look too much like wedding rings", which is certainly the "risk" you're running. but since you're planning on getting married anyway, it's probably not a huge deal if someone gets confused and thinks you're married now
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hoorray

Ideal_Rock
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May 16, 2003
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maybe you should take her "browsing" for rings to get a better idea of what she is thinking of for both rings. It doesn't sound typical to me (unless she is thinking more of the promise ring type of thing). Does she only want one ring once married (some women wear one more substantial ring instead of a set). or does she want a set then? Trying some on and looking at the options is probablythe safest way to make sure you understand what she is saying. Plus it will give you both a feel what styles that you and she like and what looks good on her hand.
 

esalyi

Rough_Rock
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Oct 20, 2003
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I think she is just looking to wear a wedding band after the wedding and not wear her engagement ring anymore...Spend what you can afford on the engagement ring and just because you dont have a huge budget doesnt mean its a "promise ring."A small diamond given with a marriage proposal is an ENGAGEMENT RING! Most women I know just wear a band after they are married, plain no less with no diamonds (these are the older women I know) but most people get an engagement ring for the engagement and then buy a complimentary wedding ring either a band that will look nice worn with the ring or a ring with diamonds that would do the same.

They will then choose to wear the two rings together and for certain times just wear the wedding ring as that is what signifies that you are married...some women wear them all the time together and never switch it up..but to wear just the wedding band or ring is fine after the engagement.

There are "sets" but I dont really like these..some should be soldered together and they are a engagement ring and wedding band made to fit togther in some way ie with a curve or cut out on the wedding ring to fit flush with the engagment ring...this means you cant wear the wedding ring alone and its not always practical to wear an engagement diamond...This just takes away the versatility in my opinion.

This is what I am doing, I have an engagement ring and a diamond wedding band that I will wear together lots of the time but I also have a plain band that looks good with my engagement ring as well that I can wear on its own when I dont want to wear diamonds and that I can wear with the engagement ring when I dont want too much sparkle but it will signify that I am married as an engagement ring on its own does not.

So my advice is buy the diamond ring you want to get her for an engagement ring at a price you can comfortably afford ie a solitare or 3 stone ring etc and then when its closer to the wedding you two pick out a complimentary wedding band or wedding diamond ring to go with the engagement ring. If she really only wants one ring (the wedding ring) it should be a wedding type ring an eternity band, or a plain metal band not a solitaire ring as this will look like engagement and then you two can splurge and get a nice diamond wedding ring for her to wear all the time.

Dont buy a set. Pick out the wedding ring later...also maybe you want to rethink the heart shaped diamond, that is very promise ring like and seems a little "little girl" like for an engagement ring...get a classic round solitaire that will look timeless and chic for her to wear for life..or ask her to look at other ring shapes and pick one that will be appropriate throughout her life..
 

valeria101

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Aug 29, 2003
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15,809
Hart shapes are quite... and I can definitely understand the choice to wear an "engagement ring" before the wedding only. Price Scope is about e-rings, but otherwise, te practice is not unheard of, and her choice is more impoarant than anything, of course.

Given the status and purpose of the ring, a hart shape sounds very nice. Rounsa maybe "classic and tymeless" but there are very common too. The one hart shape ring in town will definitely attract attention and the required compliments. Besides, these are less expensive, and often larger stones for the weight compared to rounds. From my part, congratulations for the thoughtful choice
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I would expect finding a hart shape diamond of about 0.4 cts (that should give size about 5mm - since these are usually rather spready) to be easy, and fit into the perfect keepsake ring.
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dbgaap

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 12, 2004
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943
I think the heart shape is just incredibly romantic and I can totally understand the desire for a sentimental ring to wear during the engagement, to be replaced by the Real Wedding Band later.
We have a huge chunk of our society that likes to follow a 'tradition' of a flashy diamond ring (often a solitaire) during the engagement followed up with some sort of a matching wedding band upon marriage.

But, I keep meeting people who have either consciously broken tradition ('we wanted to be different') or weren't sufficiently clued in to what is supposedly the right thing to do.

I really wanted to wear one ring only for my wedding band but my fiance felt traditional about it and preferred the 2 ring look.
I wanted my One Real Ring now and, I didn't mind that people might confuse it for a wedding band.
It's not what we did, but I love my solitaire and I'll enjoy wearing 2 rings, too.
It's fun to get all wrapped up in the details & options, then just blow it all off & move on & enjoy all the little compromises along the way.
Most of my pals have looked at me a little funny when I said I love the heart shaped diamond (most wouldn't pick that as their first favorite) but I am a sucker for the sentimentality of it and I would love to have one.
Best of luck and congratulations!
 

pearcrazy

Brilliant_Rock
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May 16, 2004
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1,438
Esalyi

To me his description of a ring that is worn during the engagement and then "removed" and replaced by something else worn for marriage doesn't sound like an engagement ring. That's why I said it sounds like a "promise" ring. The diamond size and budget had nothing to do with why I called it that. By definition promise rings are given as a promise of marriage as well. Usually without a date set but sometime in the future. Engagement rings are worn before and after marriage even if not all the time in conjunction with a wedding band be it plain or with diamonds. My original engagement ring was a relatively small diamond but it was given by my fiancee and accepted by me and worn for the duration of our 9 month engagement and for the next 12 years of our marriage. I didn't "replace" it with anything at the time of our ceremony. We added a wedding ring. I usually wore them together but not always. Only after we'd been married for several years did the thought even occur to either of us to upgrade. He's not really clear if he's saying she wants a bigger diamond engagement ring at the time of their marriage or if she wants only a wedding band. What he is saying is that she is only planning on wearing what he's giving her for a short time.
 
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