Engaged only a week and BRIDESMAID issues already (sorta long)

[blueyes157]

Well, my BF proposed last Friday and the wedding planning is in full swing. I am not sure what to do about bridesmaids. I have always been one of those girls that got along better with the boys and am horrible in staying in touch with people. I have always had girlfriends, but never anyone that I felt close enough to ask them to be in my wedding. I had 3 close girlfriends in highschool (that was 6 years ago) and we didn''t really talk shortly after starting college. My older brother''s girlfriend and I are fairly close, but she lives about 2 hours away, so we don''t see eachother that often. I have a girlfriend at work (still in college, graduating in May) that we are good friends... but it is really only like a work relationship. We don''t really hang out together outside of work.

My FF has 4 or 5 good guy friends. We have really discussed the wedding party yet, but I am sure he would want them to be his groomsmen. I am not sure what to do! I feel this pressure to have bridesmaids, because that is what you do. I could ask these 2 girls to be in the wedding, but since we aren''t sisters seperated at birth, I feel a bit guilty. Being a bridesmaid is a huge commitment, time wise and financially. And I do not want to just ask people because I feel like I should. And then there is the whole issue of the lopp sided bridal party.

Ugh. Any advice is welcome!

 

[musey]

Date: 10/1/2007 3:22:04 PM
Author:blueyes157

I feel this pressure to have bridesmaids, because that is what you do.

First of all, congratulations on your engagement! You are allowed to take a few weeks to just ENJOY it, you know

Secondly, don't do anything with or at your wedding just because you feel pressure to do so. There is no rule that says you must have bridesmaids. Think about what the "role" means, and whether you really DO (or don't) have people that you want filling that role.

Also, just because your FI has close guy friends doesn't necessarily mean he'll mind not having groomsmen. They'll still want to throw him a party, and hang out with him before the wedding day-of, and all that good stuff. He doesn't have to have them stand with him just to have them fulfill those other "duties"--heck, a lot of guys would be relieved not to have to go through the whole day-of duty shebang!


I would say speak w/ your FI before worrying any more about it. He may not even want groomsmen, and if he does, he may not even expect you to fill out "your side" of the altar. It will work out, don't worry. Just remember there are no rules, and you really should only be including people in your wedding party because you WANT them there, not because you feel obligated to have someone.

 

[decodelighted]

Whatever you do ... don''t jam a bridal party full of "semi-friends" out of desperation to be "even" with your groom.

Or risk this:

 

[robbie3982]

ha! Deco, those cats are hysterical! blueeyes, what about having your guy friends stand up with you? I was a groomsmaid in a friend''s wedding. Most of my friends are guys as well, but for our wedding we were keeping it pretty traditional so I asked my guys to be huppah holders.

 

[oobiecoo]

Maybe your fiancee could just have his friends be ushers if its really important for them to be "part" of the wedding!

 

[musey]

Date: 10/1/2007 3:42:49 PM
Author: robbie3982
ha! Deco, those cats are hysterical! blueeyes, what about having your guy friends stand up with you? I was a groomsmaid in a friend's wedding.

That's a great idea!!

 

[blueyes157]

Robbie, that is an intersting idea I have never thought of. I will consider that

 

[TravelingGal]

I agree...PLEASE don''t ask women to be your bridesmaids because you need floor filler! First of all, even the closest of friends will often struggle with this duty, and secondly, the women you ask will wonder why you are asking when you are not that close...and will feel like the floor filler they are!

ASK a guy friend if you have one that is close. I was my brother''s groomswomen and he was my man of honor (I had no bridesmaids). BEST decision I ever made.

I think it would look awesome...your FI''s groomsmen next to him in tuxes (or whatever) and matching men on your side. What a STUDETTE you''d be! My brother was a great sport...even holding my bouquet for me!

 

[October2008bride]

Date: 10/1/2007 3:55:54 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I agree...PLEASE don''t ask women to be your bridesmaids because you need floor filler! First of all, even the closest of friends will often struggle with this duty, and secondly, the women you ask will wonder why you are asking when you are not that close...and will feel like the floor filler they are!

ASK a guy friend if you have one that is close. I was my brother''s groomswomen and he was my man of honor (I had no bridesmaids). BEST decision I ever made.

I think it would look awesome...your FI''s groomsmen next to him in tuxes (or whatever) and matching men on your side. What a STUDETTE you''d be! My brother was a great sport...even holding my bouquet for me!

I totally agree with everyone above that you should not feel pressured to pick these women just because your FI has a group of guy friends.

My first choice would be to go with none. Ask your FI how he feels about it. Like someone above posted, he probably won''t care! I think a lot of men do the groomsmen thing because it is expected, not because they have "thought about it all their life" haha

I have two friends who did not have bridal parties. Everyone respected that and I think it made it very personal (the wedding) and they still had showers and stags etc. All that was missing was the 4 matching satin dresses!

Either way...take your time to decide. This is alot all at once, and you don''t want to rush these types of decisions.

Good luck!

 

[tenfour]

blueeyes157...i''m having a tiny wedding (10 people total) and only one bridesmaid. his name is mark and we''ve been friends for over 20 years. rules?? what rules?? do what makes you happy.

 

[princesss]

Robbie, you get the best roles in weddings! Seriously. I want your track record. Groomsmaid, sexy flower girl, and beautiful bride. That''s a track record to envy...and I do.

Blueeyes, do what makes you happy and comfortable. You''ll get frustrated if you''re not feeling the connection with your BMs that you feel you should (at least, if you''re at all like me) and it could ruin the whole process. I love the idea of having your guy friends stand up with you. Plus...think of the pictures. Lots of handsome guys, a hubba hubba hubby, and you shining, beautiful, and HAPPY in the middle of all of them. Think of how happy you''ll be remembering your wedding.

Do what is going to make you happy and relaxed.

 

[surfgirl]

I have to ditto deco, please dont ask people to be BMs just to even out the numbers! I was in someone''s wedding many years ago and it was an awful experience. She was a good friend of my good friend and we became friends as a result but I was surprised when she said she wanted me in her wedding. In the end I found out the reason I was asked was because he groom had so many guy friends he wanted as groomsmen, that the bride felt she had to even out her side. It was an awful experience, I blew a lot of money flying to her wedding and being in it, and we''re no longer friends as a result. Please, dont ask people just to even out the wedding party sides! I like the idea of Brides Men, if you have closer male friends...

Oh and congratulations on your engagement!

 

[beebrisk]

Date: 10/1/2007 3:22:04 PM
Author:blueyes157
I feel this pressure to have bridesmaids, because that is what you do.

Bahhh! That''s what SOME people do...Maybe even MOST people...But what does that mean??

One central theme I keep noticing all over this board is the "pressure" so many brides feel when planning a wedding...Why must there be such drama and angst over all this?

Yes, we all want our dream weddings, but a wedding is not a Broadway production. People are not buying tickets and you are not there to give a performance or satisfy a crowd. Perfection is not the objective. Yes, details make a difference and can contribute to a beautiful day and a lovely party, but in the end you are there to celebrate your new marriage...not put on a show.

So dispense with the BM''s if you want, banish the groomsmen if they don''t fit in...Whatever!. Take a deep breath..enjoy your engagement, and do what you want to do. Not what "they" all do.

 

[monarch64]

Listen, I am the same way as far as having very few girlfriends and (before I was married)having guy friends rather than girl friends. So when it came time for me to choose my bridal attendants I also had a difficult time...I ended up choosing my BF from college to be my MOH, my SIL as a BM, and my college roommate for two years for another BM because we just loved each other. (She and I have since lost touch, I think I made the wrong decision there anyway because she never could find time to try on dresses or come to any of my "functions"). Anyway, DH, OTOH, had so many friends, frat bros, etc., and he had no problem choosing 6-7 guys (including my brother who he didn't even know very well) to be groomsmen. It ended up not lopsided because we had two teenage nieces who were jr. BM's, and 3 flowergirls (relatives of mine), so in pictures you can't tell that I was sort of friend-deficient at all, LOL! I don't advise just asking casual acquaintances or random friends to be BM's just to balance things out, talk to your FI and see if he'll maybe cut down on his number OR, maybe you can have one attendant each.

I actually attended a wedding a couple years ago where the bride had a Best Man (her bro), and the groom had a best man (his bro.) It was the sweetest thing I've seen as far as attendants in weddings ever. The bride was very similar to you and I as far as getting along better with men than women (I hate the way I worded that, but I'm not the most eloquent writer ever), and it worked for them very well. HTH!

ETA: please forgive my horrible manners: Congratulations on your engagement!!!

So sorry I didn't begin my post with that sentiment!

 

[D2B]

The other thing to remember is that whatever bridesmaid you do or dont have, their role is whatever you want it too be ( in discussion with them of course ). Financial committments and planning huge amounts of the wedding does not necessarily have to be their role, they can simply be there to support you on the day and stand up with you. Weddings can be traditional, modern or anything in between. I know DH and I took the bits we liked and left out the ones we didnt.