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Engaged Ladies: How Did You ''Know''

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Fashionvictim

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2006
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223
Hello all!

A while back I was engaged to be engaged, he gave me an amethyst, he turned out to have ALOT of issues, and I always knew he wasn''t the one.
After a few more frogs, I know that I''ve met ''him''. We''ve been together a few months, known eachother longer. We are in law school together, and I knew he was the one on our first date. I was always told I''d know the one when I met him, and I''ve never had this feeling before in my life. I''m in no hurry to become engaged, though I''d like to be by the time I graduate in 2 years.

My question to the married/engaged ladies here-when did you know he was the one and how?
 

stereogirl

Rough_Rock
Joined
May 12, 2008
Messages
28
i dated B for about 6 months before i "knew" that he was the man i would marry. he tells me know that he knew at this time too, but also knew we needed more time together before becomming engaged. when i first started dating him i told him i would never marry anyone i had not dated for an entire year and he agreed that that was a good time frame. we started openly discussing getting engaged/married about 7 months into our relationship. I can''t say that there was one defining moment when i had an epiphany that i should marry B, it was more like a growing love and the understanding that no matter what life holds for me he is the person that i want to stand beside me through it. There is simply no one else i have ever had this kind of chemistry with. We got engaged last month...very shortly after our one year mark and we''re getting married next May!
 

Lauren8211

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
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11,073
I didn''t have some crazy relationship epiphany, either.

When I first met him, I definitely thought we had a chance to go long term.

By the time we were together a year, I was confident that we would eventually make it permanent.

After about 2 years, I kind of thought, "Wow, all relationships should be like this!" I''ve never had such a trusting relationship. I trust him more than I''ve ever trusted anyone -- and we both LOVE that about our relationship. We rarely fight because we have that trust there. No jealousy. Honestly, our relationship is easy. Thats what made me realize that I wanted to marry him. Obviously you have to put work into relationships, but we''re never struggling. We love being together, and the "work" we put into it is just basically communicating regularly, and making sure one another''s needs are being met.

As we get closer and closer to getting engaged, I am so excited to make this formal commitment. It''s so exciting to be with someone who you love so much, and get along with so well. He''s my best friend, and I can''t wait to marry him!
 

lliang_chi

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 13, 2008
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3,740
3 months into my relationship I knew I loved him. At about the 1 yr mark I knew I wanted to marry him. Then I was just waiting. It took him about the same time frame too. But about 10 months to get the proposal etc together between school & work.
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
Here's a thread that you might find interesting.

I'm gonna quote what I said in there:

Date: 5/12/2008 8:35:26 PM
Author: musey
I 'hoped' after two months. This is when I knew I loved him (he knew that at 1 month).

I 'thought' after six months. This is when I began realizing how compatible we truly were and would continue to be (when the 'please like me' behavior--honeymoon period--began to wear off).

I 'knew' after two years. This is when I stopped having doubts that we could build a happy and fulfilling life together--and stopped wondering whether there was 'something better' out there.

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I think there are bigger issues than personality compatibility that I watch for, that would never be evident at two, three, even six months. Things like emotional issues, spending habits, ideas about how they want their life to unfold (which they may not even be aware of, but become evident through their actions, in a long-term relationship). You know, dealbreakers. I guess I've just seen too many people who 'knew' early on, got married to someone they have a great personality compatibility with, and then discover they have... you know... a gambling addiction. Or a repressed temper. Or something.

So, even though I 'knew' he was a great match for me, personality-wise, very early on--I suspended judgment until I could communicate and observe enough for my inherent concerns and paranoias to be put to rest. Know what I mean? I like to depend on extended life experience with a person, rather than a 'feeling.' But I'm kinda more scientific in that way
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ETA: To be fair, I was saying 'he's the one!' after only a few months (less than six). Looking back, though, I was just caught up in the fun of my first truly good relationship. What I felt (and 'knew') then is nothing compared to the settled and content confidence in our relationship that I have now.
I don't think there was ever a be-all-end-all epiphany moment for me. There were a bunch of little ones, for sure, but there was no "he's the one!" moment that quelled all doubts I had from that moment on. It comes in waves, especially now that the wedding is approaching I'll have little freak-outs over REALLY stupid things (he can't tell that I really want Thai food even though I said Japanese was 'okay'?? Maybe he's NOT 'the one'!!!"
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... and dreams, dreams really affect me, too) and it always takes a little mini-epiphany moment to make me calm down again.
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
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5,471
My husband and I knew within about 2 months. Same is true of most of my married friends. Doesn't mean there aren't moments of being scared, second thoughts, etc., and it sure doesn't mean you should get engaged before you give it some time for any unexpected character flaws to emerge. But it is very common (though not universal) to know very quickly.

What you have to be careful about is that you aren't JUST 'in love', which can be disastrous and cloud your thinking. You need to also 'know' that you're compatible, that your goals, financial management, ideas about kids, religion, etc. are compatible. If you don't 'know' that, you don't 'know' he's the one for you. Only that he could be. Make sure you two talk about all those big issues. Are you a saver and he's a spender? If so, could you find a compromise (DH and I are like this and we've found a great compromise)? Do you want 1 kid and he wants 6? Does he believe in letting kids run carefree and you believe in strict discipline? Talk about it!

After the emotional 'just knowing' feeling, the talking about the big issues, and the waiting at least several months, probably optimally a year, juuuust in case you learn something about him you can't live with... then you're good to go!
 

trillionaire

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 18, 2008
Messages
3,881
I'm not engaged, so that may invalidate my opinion.
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Anway, for me, I'd have to say 2 years.

WHAAAAAT, you say?

I have been dating SO for nearly 5 yrs, and I always knew we were compatible (nearly identical belief and morals, though complementary personalities), but it was 2 yrs before we even had an argument. No disagreements, skirmishes, flair ups, NOTHING. And I was terrified. I felt so relieved when we were able to disagree and still function. And we still are not a fussy or argumentative couple, but it feels so much different to know that we can weather storms together. That is when I finally thought, this is real. But at that point, I had just turned 23, so I still wasn't anxious to get married. I will say, however, that we have been doing LDR for 4 yrs, so that makes a BIG difference in how you interact. We would have fought much sooner in person!
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I am actually just getting the marriage bug
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now, and will be 26 in a few months! Apparently he has been ready for a lot longer, but was waiting for me to come around!
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redfaerythinker

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 7, 2007
Messages
1,781
Yeah there was no clouds parting and great light shining upon him. All I can really say is that he is "different". He makes me want things that I have never wanted. He is the first boy that has invaded my fantasies about my future. Don''t get me wrong, there are still times that I get scared, but when it comes down to it. He''s who I want on my team for the rest of my life.
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
I knew the day we met that this was it.

At 32 I had been through a lot of frogs!

I was his first serious girlfriend (he was 29) and so I took things very slowly. I knew 100% that I was right and that we would be together permanently after 4 months.

We got engaged after 2.5 years and get married in just under 6 weeks (aaarrrrrggggghhhhh).

My parents felt exactly the same - they were engaged within 2 weeks and married in under 6 months (37 happy years in July).

I never believed that thunderbolts could strike but when FI and I met it was exactly like that bit in 4 weddings and a funeral. Very, very strange...
 

Tuckins1

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 13, 2008
Messages
8,614
I "knew" he was the one the first time we ever kissed. We had been very close friends for about 7 years before we ever dated, and one night we just locked lips and... Bam!! Fireworks, sparks, tingles, the whole cliche kind of thing. I felt like I was "complete" (to quote Jerry Maguire). We had been in love with each other for years before we ever hooked up, and once we got together, we were inseparable. I know it''s sooo sickly sweet, but it''s the truth!!! I love my angel!!!
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