Dress Shopping for the Eloping Bride?

[teacup]

Those who eloped/are eloping: Did you ask your mom or other family members to go wedding dress shopping with you? Both my family and my fiance's family know we are eloping, so I'm not sure how to approach this. I probably won't have a "traditional" shopping experience anyway; I want a simple, inexpensive dress, so my first step would be to search department stores rather than actual bridal salons. Personally, I would not be upset if I went shopping alone, but I also wouldn't mind having my mom and best friend with me if they wanted to come. I'm worried that my mom--who is disappointed we are eloping--will feel further excluded if I leave her out of this. On the flip side, I don't know if it would be hard for her to help me choose a dress for a wedding she won't be attending. I know everyone's case is different, but it can be hard to get my mom to be upfront about her feelings, so I would love some insight if anyone had a similar dilemma.

 

[pandabee]

The first shopping trip I went on was with a good friend to David's bridal (spontaneous trip). The other 3 shops I took just my mom. My parents and brother are the only ones who are going with is to our private ceremony/planned elopement but my friend wasn't offended or disappointed. She was probably more excited than I was (I was still in shock as it was shortly after I got engaged).

 

[recordaras]

I went dress shopping with my mom, alone, and then alone but with mom on videochat, and I can say that these were all very different experiences. Having mom with me was so much fun! However, she loved just about every dress I tried on and was in "we'll take it, and wrap up those three veils as well" mode and I kept having to stop her. Alone was not as fun, but it really let me concentrate on what I wanted. Skype was fun as well, but ultimately I chose my dress on my own.
Your situation is different in that you will be eloping, but I think if your mom wants to come you should definitely bring her alone at least once. It's a great moment that many moms have waited for for years, and it would be sad to leave her out completely, no matter what your wedding day will be like.

 

[audball]

I ended up not shopping with anyone I had planned to. I wanted my DH (then FI) to go with me regardless of who else was invited. I'd been dreading shopping because I was having anxiety over what would fit/look good, etc. My first dress shopping experience was with just my FI on a whim on a Sunday. We went to David's Bridal and I tried on around 4 dresses and then we wen to Alfred Angelo and tried on 4 more. I found a few styles I liked okay but realized they were all big and cumbersome (and some uncomfortable) for such a simple elopement. I hated pretty much any of the short options they had and they were still stupid expensive for a short white dress.

I then ordered 3 possible dresses online from ModCloth that came directly to our house for me to try on. FI helped me with those as well and one was a possible contender, the other two went back. I ordered another from Nordstrom to try on but it wasn't a winner and was returned. A few weeks later (over the 4th of July holiday weekend), I tried on 5 dress options at Macy's. One of them was THE ONE and I couldn't have been happier. I bought it in 2 sizes so I'd have options without alterations since Macy's has a 6 month return policy. My dress was originally $179, was 75% off and then an extra 10% off for the 4th of July sale. With tax it was $43.10. I spent maybe $20 on alterations so I was thrilled. My DH was with me the every time and it was perfect for me.

I'd had every intention of inviting my mother, sisters, mother in law, sisters in law, and closest friends, but after my first experience at a real bridal salon with my then FI, I knew that experience and type of dress wasn't for me and our wedding day and department store shopping with people doesn't carry the same experience so for me it was good to forgo it altogether.

My family still insisted on a bridal shower (everyone also knew we were eloping just the two of us) so I brought all of my stuff for everyone to see since they weren't a part of it. I had my dress, shoes, hair comb, DH's suit/tie, cake topper, hanky, rings, jewelry, etc. They loved being able to see it all.

Do what feels right to you!

 

[lambskin]

I went to David's Bridal as I was having a immediate family wedding/elopement but I wanted the experience. I was a perfect sample size so i only looked at sample dresses with my Mom. We were so unimpressed with the high pressure tactcs that we left empty handed. I then went shopping at the various big department stores -fancy dress departments- and came home with a few candidates. i finally found my dress-on the reduced rack at Lord & Taylor for $70. mom changed out the orange underslip to white satin and added a satin bow to the back. Keep your mom in the picture-if she does not want to go then you will understand-at least you made the effort to include her in this part of the plan. I never have regretted my decision to go short and cheap for this type of wedding. Plus storing the thing is a no brainer as it fits in a small box. We spent the $$ on the ring and the honeymoon -best decision yet.

 

[teacup]

Thanks, everyone! I checked a bunch of department stores the other day but I didn't find anything noteworthy. I went alone though, which did help me to figure out what I liked without anyone else influencing me.

audball: I'm having the same issue with short dresses! I'm really short already and sometimes I think they make me look even shorter. I like that you involved your FI. I've been showing my FI all of the ones I've liked so far. I'm so out of my element with this kind of shopping, and he knows me best so he's able to help me pin down my style. BTW, your elopement photos are gorgeous! It looks like a beautiful day.

pandabee: I'm glad to hear that your friend still had a good experience. I think I'm worrying too much, but man, wedding politics are tricky!

recordaras: Thanks for sharing your experience! I agree that it would be best to let my mom choose how involved she wants to be instead of thinking she'll automatically have negative feelings about going.

lambskin: I too am not excited about a David's Bridal kind of environment mostly because I DO NOT do well in high pressure sales situations. I might just have to dig a little more to find something in department stores

 

[Bex]

I ordered a TON of white dresses online. None were technically wedding dresses, since we were doing a courthouse wedding. I think most of them were from Nordstrom, Bloomingdales and Amazon, since they all had pretty friendly return policies. Then my sister would come over once or twice a week and I'd try on whatever had shown up that week while we drank a little champagne or cava.

The winner actually came from White House Black Market, but there were a few close contenders from Nordstrom. I was also shopping in the fall which made it SO much harder, since no one was really getting new white dresses in stock. I'd imagine this time of year would be a little easier. Good luck!

 

[audball]

audball: I'm having the same issue with short dresses! I'm really short already and sometimes I think they make me look even shorter. I like that you involved your FI. I've been showing my FI all of the ones I've liked so far. I'm so out of my element with this kind of shopping, and he knows me best so he's able to help me pin down my style. BTW, your elopement photos are gorgeous! It looks like a beautiful day.

Short dresses were tough but if it's what you want, don't give up! You'll find it! I loved loved loved having my now DH there with me. Since we were eloping, I wanted to make sure it was something he felt he could help me get into/close/zip/etc and that we both liked everything since we were going through the trouble of making the day just about the two of us. If you're looking for white, you're coming into the right season for it! I'd think May/June/July/August you'll see a lot more white and lighter colored dress options out in the department stores! Keep an eye out and check regularly! Good luck