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Dream Dress......Not yet engaged!

captainmcgee

captainmcgee

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 10, 2010
Messages
329
Girls,

Ok so I am not engaged yet but we are on the stone sourcing and designing stage. I am having a bit a of a dilemma, I have found my dream dress.....It is from an 2008 collection and I am worried by the we are engaged that it won't be available anymore. Has anyone else been in this situation? What have you done? Would you say that I should collect pictures and if it is not available at the time, get it made?

Thanks!!!
Mif
 
How fickle are your tastes, in general? For example - think about what you were wearing 2 years ago. Do you still like your style back then, or does it seem old/tired/passe/embarrassing?

Is the dress very complex in design and execution? If it is relatively simple in design and just requires intricate fabrics, then having it made down the track is a good idea. If it has a lot of elaborate design details and handwork, then maybe it would be more difficult to have replicated later.

Other thing to think about: if you do buy it, then don't like it by the time your wedding rolls around, will you be able to sell it, and how much will you recoup?

I am style-obsessed, and I do find my tastes change (although only very subtly - I'm sure my friends wouldn't notice the difference between what I wear now and what I wore 18 months ago). I also find that if things hang in my wardrobe new and unworn, they lose their "newness" for me, psychologically. But a wedding dress is probably totally different! I actually bought my wedding dress 10 days before my wedding, so the situation was a bit different :tongue:
 
I have very particular taste. In terms of gowns for black tie events, all of them are exactly the same cut and style just different colours, fabrics, lengths etc. My style hasn't changed in two years really.

This is the dress: http://www.amsale.com/bridal/bluelabel/080211/080211590.shtml

I have always imagined myself in a dress exactly like this.
 
I think pancake's post is pretty spot on. If you know a really good seamstress, she could probably recreate the dress if it isn't too complicated.
 
You know that dress is my fav out of the ones you like. It doesn't seem to have very complex beading so I would think it could be replicated by someone skilled.
 
What I am most worried is that I won't be able to get the same quality of fabric and lace.
 
You will be able to get something very similar, and of great quality, provided you are willing to pay. Sourcing fabric from overseas is always an option.
 
Do you already have the venue and time of year picked out for the wedding?

Before we got engaged I fell in love with a dress at a Running of the Brides event. Fast forward to when we actually got engaged, then chose to have a wedding on the beach--the dress I originally loved wouldn't have worked at all. Granted, this dress is versatile and would work at a number of venues, but I'm afraid if you buy the dress before knowing when and where you're getting married, you may end up a being a two-dress bride.
 
Can you put a down payment on it, ie: a couple of hundred? It seems (from my experience as a brides maid anyhow) a lot of places in Australia they will allow you to pay the dress off until you actually need it (so months and months). I don't think there is any harm in placing a down payment, esp since its pretty definite and you guys are designing the ring.

Its up to you whether you mention it to SO if you are worried about him thinking its presumptive?
 
Yep I have 3 venues shortlisted- all ballrooms. The style of wedding isn't going to as it is my style generally. We would most likely be two years from now for the wedding date.

Yeh I am worried he'd think it was presumptuous. He's very traditional in that he doesn't want me to think we are engaged until I have the ring etc. My mum did say she thought I should go try it on etc so I'm not sure what I should do.
 
I know the venue already, but so does he, because I told him once that although I would have been happy for her, I was glad that my best friend had gone a completely different route than I would have, so I could still have my wedding at the best venue in Brisbane (there are others which are nice, but all the photog's say it is the BEST for photo ops and its just beautiful). Its going to be a short guest list, and so we can afford to splash out on the venue. He was pretty keen on it when I was talking to him about it after looking into it (I was curious because I thought L must have thought it was too expensive, but when I looked into it it was a pretty good price - comparatively). Its right on the river with panoramic views of the bridge! *sigh* I love it, and have thought about it since I went there for high tea when I was younger, I saw a stunning bride getting out of her wedding car, she looked gorgeous and so happy, and it was such a lovely venue, I knew right then that if I could ever manage it, that would be my venue.

Sorry to bore you all with my crazy venue dream lol.

ETA: They probably seal the deal on a bunch of future weddings by having the brides get out right next to the gorgeous high tea room!
 
PrincessNatalie, did you post in the wrong thread by chance?

mif, that is a gorgeous dress and I wouldn't want to try to have it copied. I would try to find out if there is a date for it to be discontinued and make the decision based on the answer. Hopefully you can locate a diamond soon so the engagement can happen sooner rather than later!
 
mif_ said:
Yep I have 3 venues shortlisted- all ballrooms. The style of wedding isn't going to as it is my style generally. We would most likely be two years from now for the wedding date.

Yeh I am worried he'd think it was presumptuous. He's very traditional in that he doesn't want me to think we are engaged until I have the ring etc. My mum did say she thought I should go try it on etc so I'm not sure what I should do.
Click to expand...

Um.. how is it not presumptuous to buy a wedding dress before the engagement? ;))

If you try it on and you love it, buy it - and tell him about it. Frankly once the wedding planning really starts you'll both have better things to worry about than the timelines of clothing acquisitions..
 
Haha yes very true!

I suppose so but he says once we get the ring he wants to hold on to it for 12-18months. I don't know if this is so he can throw me off the scent or he really means it so that's where I get a little iffy about whether I should even try it on. I just wondering though if I don't if I will always think about THAT dress!

I might contact Amsale and see when they plan to discontinue it- Thanks for that suggestion!
 
Gorgeous dress.

This is going to be unpopular advice, but--I'd go ahead and get it. I know what I like, and if what I like is going to be discontinued, then I'd want to get it. Sure, its presumptuous, but I don't see it as being more than presumptuous than your SO buying you an e-ring and assuming you'll say yes. ;)) However, I would be totally frank with the SO about it; ask him and see what he thinks.

That being said, the wedding is two years away. Can a dress be easily preserved for 2 years?
 
mif_ said:
Haha yes very true!

I suppose so but he says once we get the ring he wants to hold on to it for 12-18months. I don't know if this is so he can throw me off the scent or he really means it so that's where I get a little iffy about whether I should even try it on. I just wondering though if I don't if I will always think about THAT dress!

I might contact Amsale and see when they plan to discontinue it- Thanks for that suggestion!
Click to expand...

I agree with IndyLady and would buy the dress, except... it is a long time to wait to wear a dress and a lot could happen in that time style-wise & you never know you could be rocking a baby bump down the aisle - I'm just saying it is a long time to wait. BTW- why does Future FI want to hold on to the ring for that long?
 
Haha there will be no baby bump I am quite young and won't be having children for at least 10 years so there is no danger in that.

I know for a fact that two years ago I would have picked exactly the same dress, my style doesn't change. I guess I will have to make an appointment and go and see the dress. I just feel like SO wouldn't be all that happy because he is super traditional but it wouldn't hurt to work out what I like especially if we have a short engagement!

SO wants to hold onto it because he wants to make sure I am surprised. I doubt it will be that long but our wedding will definitely be oct 2012 at the earliest because in his job he only gets time off one month and that is october and we already have 4 weddings in october next year so no time for us!
 
I think my dream dress was maybe an 06 Amsale. I had been eyeing it since 07 or 08 and when I got engaged in 09 I was able to find it, I was aware of 2 samples for sale and one used dress. Keep stalking it, my tastes didn't change. Once I tried it on I knew I didn't need to look anymore. I got it from bridepower.com (at their retail store Vows) and also found it on preownedweddingdresses.com and there was another on ebay which sold. All great places to find an out of make dress. Check out what's available and if it's for sale a couple places, don't rush out to buy it. Bridepower has a gown search service that can get you the dress as well. They have 31 amsale dresses right now but I don't see yours.

ETA- here it is
http://www.oncewed.com/30921/used-wedding-dresses/size-12/ella-2/
 
As someone who bought her dress before she was engaged :halo: I'd say, go for it! If you KNOW it's the one, then it's the one. However, Amsale does tend to keep their more popular dresses around for a while. The "Reese" dress was featured in the movie 27 Dresses back in 2008 (which means it was around at least since 2007 when the movie was being filmed) and they're still making it today, so it may definitely still be around when you get engaged. I see many dresses on the Amsale site that I know have been around for at least 3 years. For me, buying my dress was under "exigent circumstances" because I spotted my dream dress at a sample sale and so I felt I had to get it RIGHT then - it was from several seasons back and definitely was no longer in production. It's probably best if you hold off on buying just now and contact Amsale periodically on its status - if/when they tell you that it will be discontinued, then you can make the decision to buy. If it happens to be that it will get discontinued before you are officially engaged, just explain the situation to your FF and I'm sure he'll understand!
 
Thanks so much girls! Will contact them and use those websites.

Yes I think I will explain to FF if it does come to that otherwise I sit and stalk the dress till then haha might only be next oct!
 
mif:
I hope you've had a chance to find out if your dress has been discontinued or not. I wanted to chime in, although my situation is similar/different than yours.

I have already bought my dress and my veil and I am not engaged yet. However I should give some background info so it helps. I am in an international relationship and the engagement ring has already been bought (7 months ago) and so I'm just waiting for the question to be asked. Finding the dress was an accident, I was researching having a vintage dress reproduced, so I was searching for lace that could be harvested from vintage gowns when I stumbled upon my dress which I ended up getting for 75.00 and my veil for 85.00. My bf is VERY traditional. He hasn't allowed me to book any venues, photographers, etc until the ring is on my finger. However, he has also informed me he wants to wait longer to get engaged, but have a very short engagement. I know for a fact an engagement will be here no later than March (I have to leave the country again in March) and so, I have no doubts we will be planning a June wedding (perhaps Aug, but that'll come after an engagement).

My bf didn't freak out when I told him I'd like to buy this dress and see if it will work out. He still hasn't allowed me to set a date, but he is open to discussing things. So, I guess what I'm saying is, explain to your bf what's going on and why your worried. If you haven't tried the dress on yet, and they are going to discontinue it, go ahead and try it on. You might find out you love the photos but you don't love it on you. If you love it, and find out it's going to be discontinued, I'd talk to you bf about it and see if it's going to fit your future plans/venue ideas that your both comfortable with.

My bf is very traditional, but our situation isn't traditional. He's was totally okay with me buying a dress and a veil so that way I can "be prepared" for the the big day comes AS LONG AS I'M NOT PLANNING A SET DATE FOR THE BIG DAY. Does that make sense?

Anyways, the dress hasn't arrived yet, and idk if it will even work. So we'll see how he feels if the dress is actually MY dress instead of a vintage gown that I love and can't wear. I'll let you know how it pans out :)

Good luck!
 
Redrose, thanks for advice and experience. I'd love to hear how yours turns out. Keep us posted :-)

No Amsale haven't contacted me how unusual it has been a fair few days now. I am not in the states so it is difficult for me to call so email is my only option :-( Our only stockist here hasn't contacted me either hmm i'll keep you posted!

I am not sure how FF would react, I guess i'll have to wait and see!
 
Actually spoke to FF today about it and he is like as long as I am not paying for it, you will definitely be wearing it sometime so why not. He also alluded to Oct 2011 engagement so 11 months to go haha!
 
Before I get preachy I have to say that dress is truly beautiful.

You may have trouble getting Amsale to return your call. Typically, designers won't allow customers to talk to them straight away- much less about something like discontinuing dresses. A retailer will probably not get a straight answer on that either from Amsale either. We never know when dresses are being discontinued until they send us a postcard letting us know that as of X date they will no longer accept reorders.

Honestly? I'd wait. I've sold 6 dresses to brides 2 years or more out from their wedding. They were all confident that was THE dress and they wouldn't possibly change their minds. I've sold 5 of those girls a second dress because they changed their mind, it was just too early. There are too many what ifs.

What if you gain or lose weight for any reason? Medication... Broken leg... etc.
What if you hate it later?
What if you come across something even MORE amazing 6 months from now? While there is a vague idea of how bridal fashion is trending, something could be released a year from now that is even more uniquely you. Ya know?

Sorry... I hate to be debbie downer, but I'd hate it even more if you got stuck with a dress you didn't love.
 
OUpeargirl said:
Before I get preachy I have to say that dress is truly beautiful.

You may have trouble getting Amsale to return your call. Typically, designers won't allow customers to talk to them straight away- much less about something like discontinuing dresses. A retailer will probably not get a straight answer on that either from Amsale either. We never know when dresses are being discontinued until they send us a postcard letting us know that as of X date they will no longer accept reorders.

Honestly? I'd wait. I've sold 6 dresses to brides 2 years or more out from their wedding. They were all confident that was THE dress and they wouldn't possibly change their minds. I've sold 5 of those girls a second dress because they changed their mind, it was just too early. There are too many what ifs.

What if you gain or lose weight for any reason? Medication... Broken leg... etc.
What if you hate it later?
What if you come across something even MORE amazing 6 months from now? While there is a vague idea of how bridal fashion is trending, something could be released a year from now that is even more uniquely you. Ya know?

Sorry... I hate to be debbie downer, but I'd hate it even more if you got stuck with a dress you didn't love.
Click to expand...


Thanks so much OUpeargirl for your advice and it is good to think about those things :-)

First off the bat I do plan to lose weight purposely and am currently on the way to doing that so wouldn't be purchasing the dress for another 6 months anyway. I am very stuck in my ways, I never change my mind haha I have bought gowns for balls up to a year in advance and they weren't small purchases and absolutely loved them and still do so I am not sure that is my biggest worry. When I thought of what I would wear down the aisle this dress was literally my vision and now I have actually found it.

I am thinking I will go and try it on and see how I feel whether I cry or whether I keep looking so then I will be able to say more on the topic probably :-)

It is occupying my every thought (along with the design of my ring) and it just seems to fit my ideal. I have been in touch with the retailer in my home town and to their knowledge it isn't being discontinued anytime soon and they are going to try and get in touch with Amsale to double check so that is also good news.
 
Good deal. I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to dash your hopes or anything, but I figured you wanted honest thoughts. :tongue:

I hope you do love it when you try it on!
 
So i thought i'd give you my honest opinion on this too mif...
I got engaged in July 2009 and my fiance and i immediately set a wedding date for the 28th of May 2010. I hadn't started researching anything before i got engaged, even though we had discussed the issue and i even knew that we'd get engaged during a specific summer trip to his country, so that his family could be with us (flights and hotels were already booked at the time we were having the conversation). Honestly, i thought that it was...(how can i put it without sounding silly?)...bad luck or a jinx to start organizing things, buying a wedding gown and veil and make such important arrangements without even having my ring on my finger...I guess, in a way, i am traditional too and i thought it was not the right thing to do!
So we went on the trip and indeed he proposed on a night that turned out to be one of the happiest nights of my life...
When i got back home from the vacation, obviously i started the wedding planning immediately. During the first ten days of my gown search i found the one that...bewitched me and i just couldn't get over it. I rushed back to the store and bought the dress the next day. Hmm...and then, seven months later (which was not a long time before the actual wedding) i saw another gown and i decided to try it on...Magic...pure magic...I was looking at myself and felt stunned by how perfect this gown fitted and looked on me...It was flushier than the first one but indeed amazing... We ended up spending a total of 10k for both gowns because i couldn't let go of the second one (while i still loved the first one...). What i can say is that my husband wasn't that excited about having to spend so much money because i changed my mind, but he "swallowed" the whole thing because he didn't want to upset me.
At the end everything worked out very well for us, because we decided to have a very private wedding ceremony, only with our closest family members and afterwards a huge party where everybody else was invited. So i wore the first gown during the ceremony and the flushier gown at the reception.
So, i don't want to discourage you or anything, i just want you to know that brides do change their minds about things and when it comes to wedding gowns, that change of mind can end up costing you a lot of money...Especially if you're two years away from the wedding date, i think that you won't resist to continue looking around for dresses and eventually you might end up loving something else even more...If the cost doesn't consist a problem for you and your FF maybe you should get this dress so that your mind is at ease...I'm just saying that you shouldn't buy it just because you are convinced that you won't change your mind later...Your self might surprise you...!!! Good luck with everything :wavey:
 
Thanks so much for all the advice ladies. Very helpful.

I am going to go and try it on and work out how I feel.
 
Did you get to try it on yet?

I am so hoping for a sneaky picture :Up_to_something:

BTW, Oct 11! Eeek - I wish it were closer for you, but a proposal is a proposal :appl:
 
Oh thanks Steal!

Not yet I am doing my final exam for my 5 year degree (I hope I will be finished) and then I will be going to try it on! Shall give an update when I have.
 
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