Don''t like the ring husband gave me.....

[Sazzy]

I don''t know if this is in the right place to post it, but i couldn''t fin anywhere else it would fit, so i posted here. Ok, my husband and i got married in ''04. He never officially proposed to me and we didn''t have much money to have an actual wedding so we just eloped and had dinner afterwards. We figured we can always have our wedding and things later on when we were financially more settled. But, the ring he gave me i didn''t like it at all. It was gold in a heart shape and you couldn''t really see the diamonds at all, it hardly had sparkle to it. Kinda reminded me of more like a promise ring than a wedding ring, and when my parents saw it themselves...lol i know what they were thinking, they didn''t say anything. So in a way i felt a bit embarrased. I''m not trying to come across as superficial, and i''m not that way at all, but i have pretty long hands bigger than most women do, and the ring was not very flattering to my hands at all. The ring pretty much disappered on my big hands! lol,,i''m laughing a bit because i think it''s kinda funny to me. But, also it was in gold, and i cannot stand gold jewelry, i don''t own any at all, and it made me feel like he had no clue about that. But i think he should''ve taken notice cuz, i do wear silver earrings, necklaces etc....but i don''t buy much jewelry for myself so there was no jewelry inventory for him to see my style of jewelry i like. So, i didn''t really say anything to him about it. Some months later i lost it in the house, i tore the house up trying to find it, even though i didn''t like it very much, i started to become attached to it.

So, now.... i thought the other one would have been replaced, but it hasn''t yet. I would really like another ring, for one to keep the single guys from hitting on me so much, lol, and also i''m very much a ring person and feel like naked without one. It dosen''t even have to be super expensive because i know he can''t afford it, and i''d rather for us to be able to travel and buy a home soon, but i''d just like something. He also bought me a bracelet for my birthday once and i don''t like that one either, it has some gold w/white gold/diamond and i don''t like mixed gold at all. So my question is, how do i show my husband my preferences in jewelry and for him to take notice, instead of him picking something that he "thinks" i like when it''s something i feel he likes, and how do i bring it up to him about a replacement ring where he dosen''t get defensive about it? And should i tell him about the bracelet i don''t like either? The funny things is, i just thought about it, is the bracelet he bought sorta resembled the wedding ring he bought when we got married. lmao!

 

[MoonWater]

Simple: Show him pictures of things that you like. Seriously, just be direct, after all, you are already married. Whenever I''m shopping with my bf and I see things I like, I point them out and ask his opinion. He usually says yay or nay, and sometimes he''ll say "that would look so good on you" or something to that effect. He actually managed to buy me a diamond tennis bracelet one xmas and it was so.....not my style. At least not what you would think from looking at the rest of my stuff. Yet I absolutely love it and it goes with everything and was perfect. I was sorta shocked that he pulled that off (although he was very worried and said a million times I could return it if I didn''t really like it). So again, just tell him. The poor guy probably has no clue that he''s in the dark.

 

[Pandora II]

I don''t think you are superficial at all.

YOU are the one who is wearing the ring and YOU need to love it.

This is why I really don''t get why so many people want a surprise.

I chose every detail of my ring - after the proposal, and had a great time designing it and having it made.

Why can''t you choose your ring this time round? Here on PS, we are very experienced at helping people get the best deal for their $.

Or, if you really don''t want to spend a lot right now, why not look for something pretty and antique? The vintage jewellery section on ebay often has beautiful pieces. FI and I bought a sapphire and diamond eternity band for me to wear while my e-ring was being made. IIRC it cost around $60, and was appraised for $900, so there are gorgeous bargains out there to be found.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Here''s what I told my hubby...I will choose two or three things I really like, give him the links or the details, and he can choose from those. I want to choose my own jewelry, just as he would want to choose his own tools or electronics or cars. He knows NEVER to buy me jewelry or clothes unless I have picked them out. That way he is sure to give me a gift I want, and I get what I love. Works out better for everyone! The sooner you get that straight, the better off you''ll be!

 

[Sazzy]

Thanks so much for your replies guys! I have thought about showing some pics and things like that will help. Omg, i almost forgot about this post!

 

[surfgirl]

Oh yeah, definitely SHOW HIM what you like! Men often dont really have a clue about jewelry and really, why should they? It''s not typically their domain. You have to take responsibility for teaching him what you like! Make it fun and dont be too pushy and you should be fine. In fact, why not start the convo something like this,"Honey, you know I''ve lost my original ring and I''d really like to replace it with something because I really miss having a ring on my finger - it reminds me of you everytime I look at it...(hey, you gotta do some massaging of the ego, right?!?). The thing is, my tastes have changed a bit and I''d love to show you what I like and maybe you can choose something from that..is that okay?"

 

[decodelighted]

Maybe you can tell him that you''ve realized that you''re very particular about jewelry & would like to pick things out for yourself. If he''d like you to have jewelry for a certain occaision etc -- maybe he could set a budget & you''d do the shopping??

As for the e-ring ... same deal. "Honey I''d like to replace my lost e-ring/wedding band. Can we decide on a budget & I''ll start shopping"

I know the other gals are saying to coach him on your "style" -- but, HA, I don''t give most guys that much credit (when it comes to jewelry eye-for-detail I mean). My very sweet Dad has a 43 year dubious history with presents for my Mom. Though, I have to say ... he got her e-ring right! An elegant Emerald cut.

 

[surfgirl]

Okay, okay, I agree with deco ultimately...Just get him to a place where you can select. That way you get something you really love.

 

[Fly Girl]

Definitely go preshopping by yourself, and find what you would like to wear. Even better if you find a couple of choices. Then take him shopping with you to show him what you found. Make your final decision together.

This has worked for me numerous times. Then I get what I like, and he is involved, but it makes life so much easier for us both.

You should have a wedding band. It need not be expensive. As you have discovered, it can be very useful for a lady to have.

 

[Patchee]

How does he feel about you not wearing a ring? Does he? I would think upon losing the one you had he should have immediately replaced it. That is with you picking it out of coursr

I say, just say hey where''s my new ring? Or when are we relacing my lost ring... let''s start today. I don''t think it is fair to wear something you don''t like. it is forever afterall.