Don''t know how to make it through today

[Sabine]

One of my students died yesterday. She was a bright and beautiful 15 year old girl. Although the official statement is that she died of a gunshot wound in her home, the rumors from the students are that she killed herself. She would be in my next period class, and I''m having such a difficult time trying to figure out what to say to the rest of the students. There are counselors on site to talk to any student who needs to, but teachers are supposed to just keep teaching to help get their minds off of it. I just don''t know how we are supposed to ignore that empty seat today. Here I am, falling apart every time I see another one of her friends crying, and I''m supposed to teach my students something. I just don''t know what to do.

 

[swingirl]

I''m so sorry to hear such news. One of my daughter''s friends committed suicide in high school and the school and teachers handled it pretty well. They had moments of silence and acknowledgements for the student. I don''t think the whole ignore-it-and-move-on is a good way to handle it. Not every child will want to talk to a counselor and often times those temporary counselors didn''t even know the deceased. No one can ignore it and grieving takes time. There should be some mention of this girl otherwise is seems so cold. and the empty seat is still there. Teens are very emotional about friends and losses. Friends usually will continue posting on a deceased friend''s MySpace for years after they are gone. It shows you how long the grieving goes on.

You sound like a sensitive teacher and I''m sure you will help your students get through it just by showing that you care about them and the girl.

 

[ellaila]

I''m so sorry, Sabine -- such sad news, regardless of how or why it happened.

I''m not sure that just because you are a teacher that you need to stay strong for the students. You''re human, and you''ve got emotions, and I think that a lot of students would probably appreciate seeing the human side of you rather than you merely as a teacher following the rules. In situations like this, I''m not sure there is any such thing as right or wrong -- everyone will handle it differently, and I think you just need to go with the flow and see what the students need from you. My guess is that it won''t be your planned lesson. I mean, honestly, does upper management there really think that that will take anyone''s mind off of such a tragedy?

Good luck with getting through this

 

[Kaleigh]

Oh my, so sorry Sabine. I'd let your students expresss how they are feeling. Some may want to, some may not. It's gotta be a tough thing for you as a teacher. But you're human and have the same emotions that your students do. You all are missing her, and grieve for her loss. I hope that you get through today and the days ahead, must be very hard.

 

[anchor31]

This is so sad and shocking.

I agree with those who said that if you want to say something special about her, have a moment of silence or have her classmates express themselves, you should do it. My sympathies...

 

[door knob solitaire]

Sabine, I was just looking through Robbies wedding shots and her photos of you. Thinking how cool it is to finally get to met you. I was just admiring your friendship and what you shared on her special day.

Then I came here and read what you are going through and I am deeply saddened and touched by the emotional turmoil you and your school must be going through. Some things don't make sense. That life snuffed out like a candle flame was senseless.

Don't worry about how you handle anything. You are first a fellow human being...your job and position are merely what you do... not who you are. And right now you are in pain. Let your heart guide you. It is OK that you too find support in others...the counselors are there for you, too. You need not be a pillar for anyone. Do what you need to do.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers...for strength to get through this sad senseless loss.

DKS

I am sure that empty space is gut wrenching for all of you. I am so sorry.

 

[Sabine]

Thanks for all your support. 2 of our school''s guidance counselors ended up coming to spend the period with the class that the student was a part of, and it did seem to help. They tried to get students to talk, and no one seemed to want to talk, so we just sat quietly for a while. We let the students talk to each other without us interfering, but most of the students wanted something to do to take their minds off of it. Finally, I just broke out the markers and paper, and students just started drawing, either silly pictures or tributes to her, and that really seemed to help. I think tomorrow we are just going to watch a movie version of the book we were reading. Again, thanks for all your support. It''s going to take a while for our school and community (and me) to get over this tragic loss.

 

[mela lu]

Well, glad to hear that it went reasonably well. I lost two friends in high school. I think the biggest thing I learned (looking back on it) is that NOBODY knew what to say....and silence reigned for the most part. It was a lot of eerie silence.

So I think that based on what I saw - your class responded in a very ''normal'' way.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your community during this tragedy.

 

[zoebartlett]

Sabine, I''m so sorry! DKS actually said exactly what I was thinking. It sounds like just being there for your kids is what they need. It''s great to watch students be there for their friends and classmates when tragedy happens. You learn a lot about them when they''re drawing, writing, and just expressing themselves in whatever way they choose. It sounds like making a tribute to their friend was what they needed to do.

My thoughts are with you, your student''s family, and those in your community.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I am so sorry to hear about your student. Sometimes life seems so unfair and hard to understand. I hope you and your students are getting all the emotional support you need!

 

[snlee]

Sabine, so sorry to hear about your loss. That is really sad. My thoughts are with you and your community during this tragedy.

 

[somethingshiny]

When I was in school, we had a classmate commit suicide. Several years later when I was in college, two classmates were killed in an auto accident. Both schools handled the situation well. We were allowed to discuss, ask questions, and acknowledge how young these lives were, what a shame it was that they were gone so soon. We were able to "come clean" if we had been in arguments that hadn''t been resolved. Our teachers suggested ways for us to act, because it seems like a teenager really hasn''t got a clue on what''s appropriate. We didn''t move their desks, or make any "big" moves for quite sometime. Handling a death, especially of a friend, so young, is going to be very hard on everyone. I think you have the right thoughts at heart, I hope you''re able to help your kids through this.

I''m sorry for the loss of your student, and I''m sorry for your students to have lost a friend. If it''s appropriate at your school, please let your class know that they are in prayers everywhere.

 

[KimberlyH]

I''m so sorry, Sabine. I wish you peace during this time of turmoil and sadness.

 

[Haven]

Oh, Sabine, I''m so sorry to hear this happened. We''ve lost several students (to various things) over the few short years I''ve been teaching high school, and it is truly something that affects everyone in the community. I agree with DKS that you just need to be a human being, and act in a manner that feels right to you. It sounds like you handled it well with the additional resources in your classroom, and I''m sure your sensitivity and heartfelt sadness will be a comfort to your students.

Again, I''m so sorry for your student and her friends and family, and for your community, and of course, for you. Especially as a person who has chosen to devote her career to working with adolescents, I''m sure this is a very difficult thing for you to deal with. My thoughts are with you and your students, Sabine.

 

[FireGoddess]

I''ve been thinking about you Sabine - I hope that you got through yesterday okay, and every day thereafter. What a tragic loss.

 

[surfgirl]

Sabine, thinking of you...

 

[Skippy123]

Sabine, I am so so sorry. It is awful; when I was in high school a girl passed away and it was difficult for all. Also, a coworker of mine passed away and we spent the day talking about what a great person he was. Big hug, Sabine.

 

[Sabine]

Thank you so much for all of your support! It really helped, and I still needed it today. What amazes me most is just how resilient most of the students are. Many of them came in today bouncing off the walls. Luckily, my students were respectful enough to be mindful of the students who were still visibly grieving, but I heard horror stories from other teachers of kids using the available counselors just to get out of class and whatnot. But for the most part, the students are really pulling together to show how much they love and miss their classmate, and it seems to help them to have something to put their energy towards. I''m finally starting to feel like myself again, too. There will be a memorial on Monday after school, and I think at that point students will be ready to start getting back to normal. I''m so thankful that I have so many supportive people in my life, including all of you in the PS community!