donation requests from friends

[laine]

How do you handle donation requests from friends? I've had friends do marathons and walks, typically for things like cancer, march of dimes, etc. I usually donate a small amount because to support them and the cause.

I recently had a request from a close friend for donations to a sort of marathon she'll be doing that supports a cause that I do not agree with/believe in (its a religious movement that seems a bit cult-like). While I'd like to support her, I don't want to support her cause. What would you do?

 

[fieryred33143]

Depends on how the request was made. If it was an email that was sent to a bunch of people or a FB request, I ignore it. If she reached out personally then I would just say that I'm not in a position to donate money at the time but that I'll be cheering her.

 

[meresal]

For me, re: donation requests, I do one donation per friend per year. One of my friends does the Team in Training marathon running and eventhough she runs a few races each year, I only donate once.

Does this girl do alot of donations type events? Maybe you could just let her know you can only donate once a year?

 

[davi_el_mejor]

Don't support organizations you don't agree with. You can support your friend by buying her a new sweatband, or bring her water during the marathon.

 

[Octavia]

For me, a lot depends on the connection my friend has with the cause, as well as my own feelings about supporting that particular cause. If my friend has personal experience with a disease and is doing a run/walk, or if I know they've been passionately involved with the cause for a very long time, I'll absolutely donate. However, if it's just that my friend likes running and just happens to have signed up for a charity benefit run, I only donate if it's one of my personal causes that I would donate to anyway. In either case, though, I wouldn't support an organization whose mission I disagree with.

 

[Liane]

If it's a cause that I'd give money to anyway, then I donate. If not, then not.

I definitely wouldn't give money to any cult-like group, religious or otherwise.

 

[laine]

Thanks all!

I was leaning towards not donating, but was feeling guilty, so I appreciate the reassurance. She's really super passionate about the group, and I want to support her and if I were in favor of or even neutral towards the cause, I probably would. I really am opposed to it, so I won't contribute. Honestly, I'm very uncomfortable with the whole situation of the group, but I don't really feel comfortable bringing up my concerns (we were really close growing up but have drifted over time).

Anyway, I'll probably be a chicken and ignore the request as Fiery suggested (it was a letter) and really hope she doesn't contact me personally. I'll have to work on a good excuse in case she does...

 

[JewelFreak]

Recently I got a request from a neighbor, someone I know a little, not what I'd call a good buddy by any means. Nice to talk to, we exchanged dinners one time each. She sent a sob story about a guy in her church to whom she promised $31 on his 31st birthday -- this was a request for everyone she knew also to send him $31. "Because he LOVES THE LORD" (her caps).

Sheesh, I don't know the guy, I don't attend the church. Even my sister wouldn't ask that. I wrote a nice email saying I give all the money I can spare to a couple of causes & don't have any left over. She's still pleasant so I guess it was acceptable.

I started saying no, too, to the scads of neighborhood kids selling things for their schools, unless I like or need what they offer. I don't have children in the schools, which isn't a reason not to contribute to the education of our youth. But you can go broke saying yes to everything & I got tired of magazines I throw away, ugly wrapping paper, etc. In fact I think it's too bad to send kids shilling around neighborhoods.

--- Laurie

 

[Clairitek]

I ran into a similar issue with some friends of mine who are in a "business" whose politics I vehemently oppose. They kept asking me to becoming part of their scheme and to come to meetings. I finally told them that I couldn't actively participate in a group that consistently contributes to organizations that campaign against things I believe in. I would buy a few products from them once in a while to support them more directly but they backed off a lot after I politely told them I couldn't be more involved.

I hope she doesn't contact you personally and good luck if she does.

 

[Octavia]

If she does contact you personally and you don't want to tell her that you oppose the cause, you could say that you budget a set amount for charitable giving to the causes most important to you, and that you aren't able to give to causes that aren't on your list. I would have said that the "I've already met my contribution limit for the year" excuse is good except that we're so close to the end of the year, she might ambush you on January 1...

 

[Cehrabehra]

Recently I got a request from a neighbor, someone I know a little, not what I'd call a good buddy by any means. Nice to talk to, we exchanged dinners one time each. She sent a sob story about a guy in her church to whom she promised $31 on his 31st birthday -- this was a request for everyone she knew also to send him $31. "Because he LOVES THE LORD" (her caps).

Sheesh, I don't know the guy, I don't attend the church. Even my sister wouldn't ask that. I wrote a nice email saying I give all the money I can spare to a couple of causes & don't have any left over. She's still pleasant so I guess it was acceptable.

I started saying no, too, to the scads of neighborhood kids selling things for their schools, unless I like or need what they offer. I don't have children in the schools, which isn't a reason not to contribute to the education of our youth. But you can go broke saying yes to everything & I got tired of magazines I throw away, ugly wrapping paper, etc. In fact I think it's too bad to send kids shilling around neighborhoods.

--- Laurie

I almost never buy any of the crap the schools send home to sell. Why would I want to buy an inferior chocolate bar for quadruple the price when the school only sees half?

My solution is to make a check out to the PTO/PTA/SCHOOL directly in an amount I'm comfortable with. That way a) I don't have to deal with their junk, b) my children don't have to beg for their school, and c) the school gets the entire amount that I wish to give and I can buy better chocolate on my own.

I do like move-a-thons though... the school still gets all the money and the kid contributes too.

I would never donate to a cause that I didn't believe in, in fact I admire that you can stay friends with someone so involved with something you can't stand.

 

[Arkteia]

I would usually say, no I have already donated to my cause (and I can name the cause - first, it is true, and second, it is neutral). Or, I would ask for the name and the EIN number of the organization for tax deduction. Many people who ask for donations do not know these numbers so they lay off (and in fact they should if they are collecting donations for any non-profit organization).

Call me paranoid, but I suspect there is one big super-computer which stores info about potential donors. I used to donate to certain big campaigns and ended up being swamped by all sorts of requests.

Off-tangent but we once got a request to donate $$ to X-mas presents to a local police department. I refused for the same reason, I just did not want to be known as a local donor. Later, there was a big letter from the police department in our local newspaper. They said they never asked for X-mas money and arned everyone that it was a scam.

 

[Indylady]

Hmmn..

I'm usually just honest. "I don't want to donate to XY because they do A and B or conflict with my other beliefs, which are things that I don't believe in/approve of." I just do that because if I were the one asking, I wouldn't want people to beat around the bush and in my experience people are fairly understanding.

 

[kenny]

I'd just say, "No thank you".
The people who respect diversity will not be offended.

For all they know you just wrote a huge check to their cause yesterday and are under no obligation to tell them.
Charity is a personal and private thing AFAIC.

I love that saying, What others think of me is none of my business.

This mentality that everyone should be right like I am is so problematic.