Does your SO get cranky...

[ladyciel]

...when he doesn''t get any?

I threw my back out a few days ago and haven''t been able to do much. The first 2.5 days he was sweet as can be, offering back massages and forbidding me to get up when I needed something if he could get it for me. Today? He''s bitter and pissy and wants to know what I want to do to spend time with him. I have a list of wedding/shopping chores to get done, like going to get our invitations printed and filling our completely empty fridge and cupboards, but of course that doesn''t qualify as spending time with him, even if he comes along. The only thing that ACTUALLY qualifies (in his mind right now) seems to be something I absolutely cannot handle right now unless somebody gives me morphine first. I realize he doesn''t have much, if any, control over his, um, urges, but I''m ready to pull my hair out.

Please tell me I''m not the only woman on the planet with this problem.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 6/14/2008 11:03:37 AM
Author:ladyciel
...when he doesn''t get any?


I threw my back out a few days ago and haven''t been able to do much. The first 2.5 days he was sweet as can be, offering back massages and forbidding me to get up when I needed something if he could get it for me. Today? He''s bitter and pissy and wants to know what I want to do to spend time with him. I have a list of wedding/shopping chores to get done, like going to get our invitations printed and filling our completely empty fridge and cupboards, but of course that doesn''t qualify as spending time with him, even if he comes along. The only thing that ACTUALLY qualifies (in his mind right now) seems to be something I absolutely cannot handle right now unless somebody gives me morphine first. I realize he doesn''t have much, if any, control over his, um, urges, but I''m ready to pull my hair out.


Please tell me I''m not the only woman on the planet with this problem.

HAHA, sorry can''t relate. I am usually the one getting cranky

! But, in my defense, we only see each other for 72hrs, every 3-4 weeks

...

 

[ladypirate]

SO does, but he also knows he does so he makes a real effort to...ummm..."remedy the situation" on his own when I am indisposed. Have you suggested that to your guy?

 

[pinkstars]

Oh my gosh does he! And he gets cranky quickly too, it can be like a day and he's complaining for more. I do have to make an effort to make it easier for him. Sometimes I just don't think about "it" as often as he does.

 

[Circe]

And, to keep things as delicate as possible ... while you can''t participate physically right now (given that you are in PAIN) and might very well not be in the mood to participate, period (given the PAIN), there are plenty of things you can do that don''t require your full involvement. I''d be less oblique, but this has always struck me as an, er, genteel board.

Moving off of the physical issues, this sounds like something you should talk about with him: getting in a bad mood over something, anything, you can''t control sounds less than helpful. I know my husband and I have very different styles for being sick, and, commensurately, for how we deal with sick people: when I''m unwell, I like (hell, expect) to be babied. DH, on the other hand, looks at illness as a temporary inconvenience to be ignored and discarded ASAP. So, for a while there, I felt snubbed when I felt illish, and he felt aggravated beyond belief with my hovering when he was sick, until we talked about it and realized we basically needed to treat one another exactly opposite to how we preferred to be treated ....

 

[MonkeyPie]

LOL Circe, my husband and I are the exact opposite - I try to pretent I''m not sick, and he wants tons of coddling when he is. It''s so funny for such a big guy to be such a baby when he''s ill.

And ladyciel, it''s usually the opposite for me (I am the cranky one..today, actually), but when I messed up my back last year, I wiggled until I found the exact position I could stay in for five minute without hurting, he did his thing, and I went back to sleep. Lol cause I was the one pissed off that I couldn''t get any cause I was hurting.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 6/14/2008 3:48:34 PM
Author: MonkeyPie
LOL Circe, my husband and I are the exact opposite - I try to pretent I''m not sick, and he wants tons of coddling when he is. It''s so funny for such a big guy to be such a baby when he''s ill.

LOL, MonkeyPie--we''re the same way! SO is awfully cute when he wants me to take care of him when he''s sick.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/14/2008 11:03:37 AM
Author:ladyciel
...when he doesn''t get any?

I threw my back out a few days ago and haven''t been able to do much. The first 2.5 days he was sweet as can be, offering back massages and forbidding me to get up when I needed something if he could get it for me. Today? He''s bitter and pissy and wants to know what I want to do to spend time with him. I have a list of wedding/shopping chores to get done, like going to get our invitations printed and filling our completely empty fridge and cupboards, but of course that doesn''t qualify as spending time with him, even if he comes along. The only thing that ACTUALLY qualifies (in his mind right now) seems to be something I absolutely cannot handle right now unless somebody gives me morphine first. I realize he doesn''t have much, if any, control over his, um, urges, but I''m ready to pull my hair out.

Please tell me I''m not the only woman on the planet with this problem.

any what?

 

[purrfectpear]

Bacon and eggs. You know how men are. A good breakfast is all they ever think about day and night

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/14/2008 11:03:37 AM
Author:ladyciel
...when he doesn't get any?

I threw my back out a few days ago and haven't been able to do much. The first 2.5 days he was sweet as can be, offering back massages and forbidding me to get up when I needed something if he could get it for me. Today? He's bitter and pissy and wants to know what I want to do to spend time with him. I have a list of wedding/shopping chores to get done, like going to get our invitations printed and filling our completely empty fridge and cupboards, but of course that doesn't qualify as spending time with him, even if he comes along. The only thing that ACTUALLY qualifies (in his mind right now) seems to be something I absolutely cannot handle right now unless somebody gives me morphine first. I realize he doesn't have much, if any, control over his, um, urges, but I'm ready to pull my hair out.

Please tell me I'm not the only woman on the planet with this problem.

well...look at it this way......at least he can still " CRANK IT UP" unlike some other men.

 

[Miranda]

Hahahaha! Yes. And that''s all I will say.

I will add that I think it is a kind of cranky he cannot control. Much like you cannot control your back pain. He cannot control the horns he is growing!

 

[galeteia]

I asked my guy, as we were very recently in an extreme LDR, and he scoffed and said "there are always alternatives" and seemed incredulous when I read out the OP.

I will also keep things ''genteel'' but there have been days where I have been so wracked with cramps that I was definitely out of the mood for days. My guy always feels guilty even when it''s alternative on the table, as if I''m not in the mood, he feels like he''s pressuring me.

I find it pretty outrageous your guy is getting pissy over not getting any when you''re still in pain.

 

[Sha]

Date: 6/15/2008 9:13:00 PM
Author: Galateia
I asked my guy, as we were very recently in an extreme LDR, and he scoffed and said ''there are always alternatives'' and seemed incredulous when I read out the OP.

I will also keep things ''genteel'' but there have been days where I have been so wracked with cramps that I was definitely out of the mood for days. My guy always feels guilty even when it''s alternative on the table, as if I''m not in the mood, he feels like he''s pressuring me.

I find it pretty outrageous your guy is getting pissy over not getting any when you''re still in pain.

Ditto. I think he''s being pretty selfish. It''s not like you''re deliberately withholding sex, after all . This is the time for him to be sensitive to your situation, not get bitchy because he isn''t getting some....especially when there are always altneratives, and the actual deed causes you pain. He should be willing to hold off for a bit...it''s not like he''ll explode.

 

[bee*]

No, D only gets cranky when he''s hungry

 

[Delster]

Date: 6/15/2008 10:42:12 PM
Author: Sha

Date: 6/15/2008 9:13:00 PM
Author: Galateia
I asked my guy, as we were very recently in an extreme LDR, and he scoffed and said ''there are always alternatives'' and seemed incredulous when I read out the OP.

I will also keep things ''genteel'' but there have been days where I have been so wracked with cramps that I was definitely out of the mood for days. My guy always feels guilty even when it''s alternative on the table, as if I''m not in the mood, he feels like he''s pressuring me.

I find it pretty outrageous your guy is getting pissy over not getting any when you''re still in pain.

Ditto. I think he''s being pretty selfish. It''s not like you''re deliberately withholding sex, after all . This is the time for him to be sensitive to your situation, not get bitchy because he isn''t getting some....especially when there are always altneratives, and the actual deed causes you pain. He should be willing to hold off for a bit...it''s not like he''ll explode.

Thritto.

ladyciel I''m so sorry you injured your back, I know someone who suffers terribly (has had surgery to have a disc removed and is now looking at another operation), back pain can be just unbearable. Can you go for a massage or some physio to help ease the discomfort? Take care of yourself!

 

[aprilcait]

Yeah, hubby definitely gets cranky. I don't really have the patience for it though because there is an easy solution to the problem.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 6/16/2008 9:40:11 AM
Author: bee*
No, D only gets cranky when he''s hungry

LOL, that''s exactly what I thought about J when I saw this thread.

 

[divergrrl]

LOL...you must not have kids. Wait until you have a wee one suckling on your chest all day long & you are sleep deprived & bleeding for a month or so after delivery and have to wait 6 weeks anyway, which before you have kids sounds like an eternity, but AFTER you have kids, seems about 2.5 months too short! The last thing you are going to want is your dh being cranky for....bacon and eggs...when your children are alseep and no one is hanging on you, the LAST thing you want is your dh even looking at you. The good news is, kids grow, and so does your libido. But tell him if he''s cranky now...well...maybe you shouldn''t mention it if you ever want kids!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 6/18/2008 12:31:48 AM
Author: divergrrl
LOL...you must not have kids. Wait until you have a wee one suckling on your chest all day long & you are sleep deprived & bleeding for a month or so after delivery and have to wait 6 weeks anyway, which before you have kids sounds like an eternity, but AFTER you have kids, seems about 2.5 months too short! The last thing you are going to want is your dh being cranky for....bacon and eggs...when your children are alseep and no one is hanging on you, the LAST thing you want is your dh even looking at you. The good news is, kids grow, and so does your libido. But tell him if he''s cranky now...well...maybe you shouldn''t mention it if you ever want kids!

 

[ladyciel]

Haha, I have to laugh reading all the responses! My back is feeling sooooo much better now. Whatever was out of wack seemed to pop back into place, and now it just feels like a sore muscle on the mend. I didn''t mean for it to sound like FI isn''t sensitive to my needs/health/pain, or like he expects me to do something I can''t. In fact, I think the majority of his crankiness comes from desperately fighting with himself and losing the battle miserably. Mind losing to evolution, if you will. In all honesty, it''s like his love/emotions for me are hard-wired to wanting....bacon and eggs, as some of you have put it. He says he NEVER had this problem before me, and I have no reason to disbelieve him. He hates not having control of himself, which puts him into a bad mood. When he gets into a bad mood, he usually turns to spending time with me, but in this case that just adds fuel to the fire. He wants to show me how much he loves me in the way that seems most natural/meaningful to him, and I think it''s hard for him to not take my "no" as a personal rejection (even when logic should prevail and say otherwise).

 

[Circe]

Very glad to hear you're feeling better! And, well, in the future, should the situation arise again, maybe he'll be more amenable to an ... alternate selection from the menu? Knowing that it's served with love.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/18/2008 12:58:52 AM
Author: ladyciel
Haha, I have to laugh reading all the responses! My back is feeling sooooo much better now. Whatever was out of wack seemed to pop back into place, and now it just feels like a sore muscle on the mend. I didn''t mean for it to sound like FI isn''t sensitive to my needs/health/pain, or like he expects me to do something I can''t. In fact, I think the majority of his crankiness comes from desperately fighting with himself and losing the battle miserably. Mind losing to evolution, if you will. In all honesty, it''s like his love/emotions for me are hard-wired to wanting....bacon and eggs, as some of you have put it. He says he NEVER had this problem before me, and I have no reason to disbelieve him. He hates not having control of himself, which puts him into a bad mood. When he gets into a bad mood, he usually turns to spending time with me, but in this case that just adds fuel to the fire. He wants to show me how much he loves me in the way that seems most natural/meaningful to him, and I think it''s hard for him to not take my ''no'' as a personal rejection (even when logic should prevail and say otherwise).

LOL......he''ll be happy tonight

 

[bee*]

Date: 6/17/2008 10:52:18 AM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 6/16/2008 9:40:11 AM

Author: bee*

No, D only gets cranky when he''s hungry

LOL, that''s exactly what I thought about J when I saw this thread.

lol! I''m glad that you understand! I can always tell when D is hungry as he gets so ratty!