Do You Want People to think you have more Money than you have or Less Money than you have/

[chemgirl]

I don’t know if people in my life really speculate about how wealthy we are.

As far as strangers i’ve found it pays for people to think we have less than more.

I’m from a small town in a popular cottage destination and DH is from Toronto. When covid hit we pivoted to working from home. Toronto real estate went even more crazy and we decided to cash out and buy a lake house in my home town.

Whenever DH requests a quote or shows up somewhere in his luxury car prices are $$$. I live in yoga pants and drive an older vw. I usually pay half of what he does. Nobody cares about price gouging the rich city people.

 

[Lookinagain]

Once an friend's wife looked at me (I forget what conversation we were having) and she said "but you live beneath your means". Growing up, my father did very well, but we lived fairly modestly. And I was raised to NOT discuss salaries or net worth with others. It was not politically correct. I stick to that rule. And if folks are speculating about my finances, I'd rather they underestimate.

 

[Petalouda]

I prefer less. Under the radar.

 

[GoldenTouch]

I don’t care what people assume…
People who know me know I was left with hardly a thing after a nasty divorce, & also know my job is not good income (I also don’t get paid for 3 months a year).
People who don’t know me assume I have more than I do.
But more often than not I’m dressed in designer clothes I get at the OP shop.

 

[Trekkie]

I feel like it depends.

This.

I wish I’d had enough money then to have nicer clothes (I was just starting my career) so I could’ve flown under the radar more.

And this. When I was younger I wanted the designer bag and the designer accessories so I could look like I belonged. I was in a relationship with someone much older and looking like a student around his friends made me feel so gauche. I don't know if dressing differently made me feel better or not, but his friends certainly treated me better when I dressed more like them.

It’s embarrassing to be treated like a snob, to feel judged for investing in nice clothes, furniture or jewelry, and some relatives are poor and my husband and I send money to them. It’s expected of us and I resent it. We work really hard and were given no favors whatsoever. So yeah, I wish they understood that we weren’t just sitting on piles of cash. We care about them of course but it’s complicated…it’s the expectation that I resent.

And yup, this.

I hate being made to feel bad because I spend on nice things when relatives and friends aren't doing as well, so I often hide or minimise what's really going on in my life. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to help out but I resent the expectation that because I have more I should give and just keep giving.

You know that Chris Rock skit about people spending money like it's going to rot? That's my mother's family. Always spending, always broke, always needing a "loan". Not all of them, but way too many. So I pretend to them that we're broke too, and deal with the shitty comments about us living beyond our means when we send our kids to private schools and go on trips and buy anything new. Because I can't say shit when they buy new phones or cars or quad bikes but G-d forbid I spend some money on myself or my kids' education and suddenly their grasping hands are right there.

 

[Cerulean]

This.

And this. When I was younger I wanted the designer bag and the designer accessories so I could look like I belonged. I was in a relationship with someone much older and looking like a student around his friends made me feel so gauche. I don't know if dressing differently made me feel better or not, but his friends certainly treated me better when I dressed more like them.

And yup, this.

I hate being made to feel bad because I spend on nice things when relatives and friends aren't doing as well, so I often hide or minimise what's really going on in my life. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to help out but I resent the expectation that because I have more I should give and just keep giving.

You know that Chris Rock skit about people spending money like it's going to rot? That's my mother's family. Always spending, always broke, always needing a "loan". Not all of them, but way too many. So I pretend to them that we're broke too, and deal with the shitty comments about us living beyond our means when we send our kids to private schools and go on trips and buy anything new. Because I can't say shit when they buy new phones or cars or quad bikes but G-d forbid I spend some money on myself or my kids' education and suddenly their grasping hands are right there.

I relate to all of this so much. I went to “expensive” schools when I was young and always felt so insecure about not being wealthy like my peers.

Some family have asked us for huge loans - one of them (on social security) asked us for a for down payment on a LUXURY vehicle two weeks before our wedding. I wish I was joking. Meanwhile we drive a Subaru, which we felt was expensive. This car was almost 3x the cost of ours. God knows who would’ve even given them a loan as they have a lot of debt.

every time we do something “expensive” we get flack from this individual. It’s infuriating and I have told my husband to no longer reveal any details about our lives that have to do with finances anymore.

 

[Missy]

ome family have asked us for huge loans - one of them (on social security) asked us for a for down payment on a LUXURY vehicle two weeks before our wedding. I wish I was joking.

every time we do something “expensive” we get flack from this individual. It’s infuriating and I have told my husband to no longer reveal any details about our lives that have to do with finances anymore.

I am happy to help out but I resent the expectation that because I have more I should give and just keep giving.

Because I can't say shit when they buy new phones or cars or quad bikes but G-d forbid I spend some money on myself or my kids' education and suddenly their grasping hands are right there.

I am shocked reading some of your experiences with relatives asking for/demanding money.

Whatever happened to boundaries?
I am sorry you have dealt with/are dealing with this.
I would politely say no, I am sorry, I cannot help you out and please never ask me for money again. Unless of course it is appropriate. Which in the circumstances described above is not the case. IMO.

I mean if a close relative or friend needed money for an operation for their well being or money for food or rent that is an entirely different story. But to ask for money from you for luxury items? Just because you have some nice things and can afford it so you "owe" it to them? Ludicrious. From where do they get such entitlement/nerve?

 

[Cerulean]

I am shocked reading some of your experiences with relatives asking for/demanding money.

Whatever happened to boundaries?
I am sorry you have dealt with/are dealing with this.
I would politely say no, I am sorry, I cannot help you out and please never ask me for money again. Unless of course it is appropriate. Which in the circumstances described above is not the case. IMO.

I mean if a close relative or friend needed money for an operation for their well being or money for food or rent that is an entirely different story. But to ask for money from you for luxury items? Just because you have some nice things and can afford it so you "owe" it to them? Ludicrious. From where do they get such entitlement/nerve?

It’s strange. This person in particular has been extremely irresponsible with money when they actually had it, and we send them money to cover essentials monthly. I think they thought that would extend to covering things that they could do for themselves before being on social security. Either way I absolutely said NO to the vehicle and frankly it permanently damaged my trust in them!

 

[Elizabeth35]

It’s strange. This person in particular has been extremely irresponsible with money when they actually had it, and we send them money to cover essentials monthly. I think they thought that would extend to covering things that they could do for themselves before being on social security. Either way I absolutely said NO to the vehicle and frankly it permanently damaged my trust in them!

We had a similar experience in our family.
We tried to help when they asked for a loan for bills. Next time we were at their house they had a new patio umbrella and new cushions. And there was always top shelf tequila and vodka-lol. And no--the loan was never paid back.

And it goes from gratitude to expectation/entitlement in the time it takes the ink to dry on the check.

 

[Cerulean]

We had a similar experience in our family.
We tried to help when they asked for a loan for bills. Next time we were at their house they had a new patio umbrella and new cushions. And there was always top shelf tequila and vodka-lol. And no--the loan was never paid back.

And it goes from gratitude to expectation/entitlement in the time it takes the ink to dry on the check.

Ugh yes!!! This sounds so similar. Frustrating. And sad.